One of the exciting things about being a movie fan is the potential to dig deeper into the imaginary lives of the characters we meet onscreen — even if that meeting is brief.
There is a chance that we will see a movie 10 or 20 times during our lives. And I’m convinced that the success of “chopping up time” in movies like Pulp Fiction is due to our now commonplace habit — mine anyway — to see a movie on cable in chunks. Very often I will see a new movie by catching a bit of the middle, filling in the end later, and finally seeing the beginning some other time… and still get it.
One of my favorite past times, as I watch a movie more than once, is thinking about its minor characters. Whatever happened to Serge from Beverly Hills Cop? The espresso-wielding omni-sexual Serge launched the career of Bronson Pinchot, and is one of the great character turns ever. But while we know Bronson starred in a fun TV series, Serge disappeared, even though he made a brief appearance in a later Cop installment.
Whatever happened to him?
We see this on TV too. Or don’t see it. The ellusive Marris, Niles’ ( David Hyde Pierce) wife on Frasier never was seen, although the theater of the mind filled in all kinds of pictures of her. The neighbor on Tim Allen’s Home Improvement went to great lengths to stay off camera, too.
But as I go deeper into more and more viewings of certain films, 10 or 20 times down the road, all kinds of questions come to mind: Whatever happened to Bruno Kirby and Carrie Fisher in When Harry Met Sally… Did they go the distance as a married couple? And what about the great lover Wallace Shawn portrayed in Manhattan, the one that so surprised Woody Allen when he and Diane Keaton ran into him while shopping? Did he and Diane ever get together again for one tumultuous sexual romp?
If you’ve ever wondered about the lives of these minor characters prior to the entry into our lives, or what happened to them after the movie was over, here’s your chance to let your imagination run wild.
And here’s a chance to turn your imaginations into cold, hard cash!
“Spinoff” is the name of our latest contest and here are the rules:
1. Take a well-known movie and pick a minor character — or one that is referenced yet never seen.
2. Make him or her the star of a new movie in which we answer the question: What happened to them AFTER the movie? or Where did he or she come from, and what were they doing BEFORE the movie began?
3. Pick a title that vaguely smacks of that of the original movie and…
4. Write a logline of that movie that might appear in TV Guide, or a cable channel selection.
EXAMPLE:
KEYSER PERMANENTE — Sequel to The Usual Suspects finds its disgraced police captain (Chazz Palminteri) busted down to an HMO hospital security detail, until a series of murders in the Physical Therapy unit — and another broken coffee cup — draw him back into a case that still might be solved.
The winner this time will get a $200 shopping spree at The Writers Store (www.writersstore.com/?e=1061). Second Place: a $100 spree. Third place: a $50 spree, with Runners Up being noted. Yes, wit counts! But so does creativity. So let’s dig deep into our mental movie wheelhouses and find what happened to those missing characters we’ve always wondered about!
The contest results will be announced after Labor Day, giving you two weeks to come up with a winner!
Good luck to one and all! I will be watching Comments for the fabulous entries I’m sure will folllow!
Blake Snyder
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ENEMY OF THE CAT– When ex-NSA operative Edward ‘Brill’ Lyle leaves ‘The Jar’ to help lawyers Rachel Banks and Robert Dean, Brill’s cat Babe is hounded by a band of well-trained Dobermans intent on disrupting Babe’s– and Brill’s– home-land security.
(plays-out concurrent with ENEMY OF THE STATE… well, until The Jar is imploded because Will Smith makes a phone call)
ACTUALLY IT SUCKS, THANKS – this sequel to ‘It’s a Wonderful Life’ picks up where the classic left off, with George and his family reunited, but with Freddie Othello (last seen opening the gym floor and turning the dance into a pool party) lurking in the shadows, still intent on winning Mary for himself. Othello makes a deal with the devil and a minion of hell named Carter guides him on his blood-saoked path to revenge and, hopefully, true love.
OK, I’ll give this a shot.
STOCKHOLM – Sven Gunderson once lost his “Titanic” passage to Jack Dawson in a poker game. 44 years later, he attempts to overcome his mortal fear of ocean liners by sailing back to Sweden from America. He books passage on the “Stockholm”, but disaster strikes and true love falls into his arms – literally – after his vessel broadsides and capsizes the “Andrea Doria”.
STAR WARS EPISODE 7: GONDAR OF THE VANITIES – Former denizen of Jabba’s palace, Gary the Gondar pulls off both of his own ears, mailing them to Oola’s sister as a declaration of his love and devotion to the exotic dancer who is mourning her sister’s death. Ironically unable to hear an audible reply, Gary must embark on a harrowing journey across the galaxy to learn Twi’lek sign language.
THE DAY AFTER BROKEBACK MOUNTAIN– When climatologist Jack Hall’s wife, Dr. Lucy Hall, learns of the tragic death of her son Sam’s bareback rodeo partner, Ennis, in the super-storm of the century, Lucy teams up with Alma and Mary-Kate Olson’s bodyguards and risks to return to Ennis’ NYC apartment before police and paparazzi descend. But the vengeful super-storm cell has not finished with the Hall clan, or the Olson twins, or the paparazzi vultures… oh no! it’s not over! not over by a long shot, Mister!
Hell hath no fury like a super-cell storm scorned… once more!
BACK TO THE FUTURE Part IV – when Jules and Verne sneak into the Doc’s storage barn, they take their fathers hover train out for a spin. But when a group of robbers tries to board, they accidentally send themselves to 2055. In a new ‘green’ world, the boys have trouble trying to buy coal for the train, and when biff’s great-great-great grandson finds out, the boys question, will they be able to get back home for dinner?
SNAKES CHANGING PLANES– When New York City lawyer Gavin Banek and his friend Doyle Gipson are killed by a vengeful road construction crew, Banek’s wife Cynthia enlists bad-ass detective Neville Flynn to escort her to the Supreme Court hearings on road-worker-rage, unaware that the union also covers airline mechanics, who sabotage the plane with deadly cargo from the city sewers.
Great entries so far. I’m going to sit on this for a couple days I think.
THE CLIFFS OF WALTON’S MOUNTAIN– When ‘John-Boy’ Walton is killed by a band of devilish moonshiners in the 1940s Blue Ridge Mountains, John Sr takes his young grandson in, to ready the boy for his journey into manhood… and vegeance! Young Frank Walton exacts his revenge, but never leaves the security offered by the vast US mountain ranges. And, 50 years later, Frank (who grows up to look exactly like John Sr!!) plays a pivotal role as Gabe Walker’s mountain-rescue helicopter pilot when a sinister band of bank robbers led by evil Eric Qualen raise hell high in the Rockies.
Wow. Fantastic ideas! I want to see these movies!
Cast Out – Sequel to Cast Away – After a failed marriage Dr. James Spalding gives up his life of dentistry and moves to San Diego, CA where he finds his true passion living out his childhood dreams as a deep sea fisherman, however when loneliness sets in and alcoholism takes over, he heads out to sea during an el nino to battle the storm and reel his life back in.
CONTACT 2012 – John Hurt’s character S.E. “Wanna Take a Ride?” Hadden managed to stay alive in orbit long enough to meet the fleet of aliens coming to populate the Earth just prior to the long-predicted “Event” where mankind would cease to be. The aliens shake his hand and promptly eat him first. Subtitle: TO SERVE MAN.
NO COINS FOR OLD FRIENDOS – Buddy love comedy about two coin-tossing widowers who meet in a retirement home and are certain they’ve met before: Anton Chigurh and Two-Face (Tommy Lee Jones). Their friendship is threatened when they simultaneously drop their coins, which land upright against each other, enabling them to read each others’ minds for a few moments before the coins fall. They both get the shivers, donate their coins to charity and never look the other in the eye again.
Apologies to Rod Serling.
A MUTANT TOY STORY – After being freed from the contemptuous Sid, Babyface – the one-eyed baby doll head with the spider-like body – struggles to lead his unlucky mutilated toy friends to a new home; a home that will except them for who and what they are.
MARKED BY GLIMMER OUT FROM UNDER DEADLY GROUND x 9: ABOVE DARK TERRITORY– When Playboy Playmate Jordan Tate discovers evidence that Casey Ryback was cloned 8 times, the government shadow cabal who authorized the cloning wants Jordan and the clones eliminated. So, Ryback enlists Dr. Andi Stewart (Kelly LeBrock) to track down Mason Storm and the rest of his clones– Nico Toscani, John Hatcher, Gino Fellino, Jack Cole, Jack Taggert, Austin Travis and Forrest Taft face-off against the cabal’s new project– the reanimated corpses of everyone they’ve ever killed! Steven Seagal pulls Eddie-Murphy-duty, portraying NINE bad-ass martial arts masters. Gary Busey, Michael Caine, Tommy Lee Jones, William Sadler, Erika Eleniak and Sharon Stone co-star in Seagal’s very first CGI-enhanced extravaganza.
SLOTH BAR — After receiving immunity for turning state’s witness against his family, Sloth uses his share of the jewels to create the delicious chocolate candy “Sloth Bar.” But when the secret recipe is stolen, Sloth has to learn the art of “blending in” in order to track down the thieves and retrieve the recipe.
LETTERS OF TRANSIT
Two Jewish bothers flee Nazi Germany posing as German couriers. Under the cover of mythical “Letters of Transit” which they claim cannot be questioned or even examined, the pair endure a harrowing journey through wartime Europe as they head towards Lisbon. Their traveling companion, a petty thief on his way to Morocco, believes the letters exist and kills the men for them, only to find out their true story.
WOODCOCK “The Dynamite Kid” — Disgraced, fired by the Union Pacific Railroad and blackballed by Mr. E.H. Harriman as a co-conspirator to Butch Cassidy and the Sundance Kid, Woodcock’s life is left in ruins. So Woodcock turns to crime and forms a gang of disgruntled white collar workers in his bid to become a legendary outlaw.
oh, I forgot to say that MARKED BY GLIMMER OUT FROM UNDER DEADLY GROUND x 9: ABOVE DARK TERRITORY is directed by George Lucas (of course) and co-produced by DREAMWORKS and LUCASFILMS, George Lucas and Steven Spielberg, and that Ryback’s embryonic matter and the reanimation injectors are stored in a refrigerator housed at Area 51 in Roswell, New Mexico… logline details are tricky to incorporate! :-)
GOZER’S PETS – After the now infamous apartment party, Ted and Annette Fleming sold their small carpet cleaning operation and went into the exotic pet business with Louis “KeyMaster” Tully – but after their failed attempts to breed a Terror Dog produce a demonic, Bovine-Dog hybrid they must find a way to kill said beast and restore order back to Hackensack.
The Ethan Suplee trifecta!
Art Dog
After saving the day for his friends Brodie and T.S but being made to be a complete idiot not being able to see ‘a sailboat’, Willam Black sells his original 1982 G.I Joe collection to a pawn shop, buying a one-way ticket to Europe where his mission is to do a lot of LSD, understand art and one day create his own.
Tipo grande
Sent to Mexico on a deal by George Jung, Tuna gets led astray by con artists who rob him once he arrives in the country. Hellbent on revenge, he bands together the village population to fight back against the thugs that run the
streets and as the biggest man many of them have ever seen, he promises to restore peace to their lives while getting his money back.
The ‘K
Still upset about his best friend Derek Vinyard pulling a gun on his crew, Seth Ryan is faced with a decision that will change his life forever: Does he stay with his boy or with his crew. Seth examines his relationships with Derek and his ‘family’ of skinheads while trying to look like he’s seeking out revenge for Derek disrespecting their leader.
“TRUE SPIES”
Upon leaving the Governor’s ball and tango exibition, Harry and Helen Tasker are pursued and abducted by the brother of Kaleem Malik, aka “The Sand Spider”. Harry’s assistants at Omega Sector, Faisil and Gib, search the abandoned sedan for clues and find Helen’s cell phone… the last call made was to “Simon”- “Man of Intrigue”. They enlist Simon on an adventure to find the Taskers, save the world and make them a deal on a used car.
SOFT SHOE TROOPER — Two years after the Rebel Alliance claimed victory, TK421 was just coming out of a coma after abandoning his post and receiving a severe blow to his head. The jarring blow apparently triggered a latent passion for song and dance within him. TK421 began touring the galaxy singing “My Mammy” but when rumors of an Imperial Guard uprising surface, TK421 must decide between pursuing his passion of song or returning to his call of duty.
“WHILE YOU WERE PEEPING”
Despondent over Lucy and Jack’s marriage, Joe Junior takes a job as a night janitor for a sperm bank which caters only to Chicago’s elite… doctors, composers, scientists and society’s finest. One night in a freak accident, Joe Junior manages to destroy nine hundreds vials of the mensa quality donations. Desperate to save his job, Joe Junior enlists his bar buddies and a group of men from a homeless shelter to spend a night looking at nudie magazines and replenishing the nine hundred specimens.
IT’S A WONDERFULLY LOUD LIFE — Zuzu Bailey is now a full grown, married woman with four kids that has become obsessed with ringing bells to help “angels get their wings.” After her husband is driven to the brink of insanity by Zuzu’s incessant bell-ringing, he tries to have her committed. Zuzu has to find a way to prove she’s not crazy, keep her family from falling apart and continue her calling as “an angel to the angels” by helping them to get their wings.
oops, didn’t see there was another It’s a Wonderful Life submission… Sorry.
Matching STRIPES – Francis “Psycho” Sawyer leaves the army to join the NYPD. He is assigned the city’s most flamboyantly gay officer as his partner. In order to solve a high profile crime that would launch his career, Psycho will have to learn to trust his partner to “get his back” and grow comfortable introducing him as “my partner” if he wants to gain his help and respect.
THE WILSON TRIANGLE – On an island dead centered in the Bermuda Triangle, Wilson ‘the volleyball’ is found and revered as a god by the local islanders, but his arrival causes civil war between the locals and now must find away to restore order back to the island.
Good one Shawn!
FOR OLD TIMES SAKE – Abe Vigoda, who they say is still alive, reprises his role as Tessio, who when we last left him was not alive. In this spin off of the Godfather, Tessio rises from the grave to kill anyone, albeit slowly, associated with the making of Godfather 3.
“HELLO, NEIGHBOR!” — In this hilarious prequel to the 1986 Oscar-nominated BLUE VELVET, high-school isn’t easy for quiet, awkward teen Frank Booth, until a new classmate, pale and beautiful Dorothy, moves next door. Frank learns the meaning of love and friendship when Dorothy helps him run for class president. Warm, and tender, this movie will leave you chanting, “Baby wants to win!”
THE LUNCH CLUB– Principal Richard Vernon has the afternoon-from-Hell after releasing his charges, a brain, an athlete, a basket case, a princess, and a criminal, when his car is vandalized, his lunch is stolen and his office trashed. Forced to spend the rest of the day with Carl the janitor and his crew cleaning up, Vernon reveals his hatred for the broom-pushers. Carl and crew tape Vernon’s butt-cheeks together and duct-tape him to a stall in the Ladies room.
ETTA – Etta Place returns to her hometown in Texas soon after parting from Butch & Sundance in Bolivia. But her attempts to ingratiate herself with the town’s folk proves impossible when she befriends a mysterious young woman, and the Law comes looking for them both.
THE BODYGUARD II – Jon Favreau reprises his role as bodyguard to Bob Downey’s Iron Man as he struggles to deal with the tumultuous Rudy (Giuliani) – a tough as nails / down on his luck, lounge singing, Mob connected, former New York Mayor turned L.A. swinging socialite on the path of personal destruction.
*Original Soundtrack by Celine Dion!
OLD – In this sequel to “Big”, after a vicious wedgie at school, Billy Kopecki decides that he too wants to be big. He tracks down Zoltar, declares his wish to be “old,” and wakes up to find he looks like Mickey Rooney. Josh Baskin must convince the aged Billy to give up his decadent lifestyle of plaid pants, shuffleboard and 4pm dinners.
Okay, I was going to do this, but how does one top STOCKHOLM? Brillante.
I feel as if I’m in the presence of masters. :)
I can’t stop laughing.
PULP FREE – After losing his best two hitmen (one to death and one to the ministry), mob boss Marsellus Wallace struggles in his new career as a traveling breakfast salesman when Big Kahuna Burger’s crafty marketing director steals Marsellus’ silver briefcase, which contains his secret formula for injectable orange juice.
Lost in Tradition – A shy, middle-aged Japanese hotel manager lonely on temporary assignment in Los Angeles struggles to resist the charms of a voluptuous Hollywood sexpot in spiritual crisis and hiding from her overbearing manager and photographer on the hotel’s glamorous opening night.
THIS IS A MATTER FOR THE LAW – A hillbilly and his cracker cousin struggle to make new lives for themselves practicing frontier proctology in the foothills of Aintree, Georgia.
HAIL MARY – After he learns that Mary, his longtime love, is back on the market, pro-football quarterback Brett Favre tracks her to New York City and joins a new team for one last shot at winning another Super Bowl ring, which he plans to use to propose to the one that got away. Based on a true story, this entertaining sequel to There’s Something About Mary is far from cheesy.
THE NON-BURGER KING – Health-conscious entrepreneurs Timon and Pumbaa struggle to keep their “Slimy & Satisfying” fast food chain in business while living at Pride Rock with nothing but carnivores.
let me try that one again.
THE NON-BURGER KING – Living at Pride Rock with mostly carnivores, health-conscious entrepreneurs Timon and Pumbaa struggle to keep their “Slimy & Satisfying” fast food chain in business after a popular, talkative bird opens his own restaurant selling a local favorite: charbroiled hyena.
SLOW’D – Tourist Doug Stephens (Alan Ruck) came to L.A. and survived a booby-trapped bus ride. But with his vacation over, and his flight leaving in just five hours, he faces another harrowing situation: rush hour on Interstate 405! Can he make the trek from the Valley to LAX in time?
(Spoiler: fat chance)
SLOW’D – Tourist Doug Stephens (Alan Ruck) came to L.A. and survived a booby-trapped bus ride. But with his vacation over, and his flight leaving in just five hours, he faces another harrowing situation: rush hour on Interstate 405! Can he make the trek from the Valley to LAX in time?
(Spoiler: fat chance)
dangit, the site hiccuped as I was submitting :\ Sorry everybody
The Player 2: No Country Like Brazil
After Filmmaker Terry Gilliam’s (himself) latest film is deemed
unreleaseable by studio head Griffin Mill (Tim Robbins), who vows to
recut it. A desperate Gilliam hires everyone’s favorite psychopath Anton
Chigurh (Javier Bardem, reprising his oscar winning role)to track down the master tapes and “prod” the studio into releasing it as is. Directed by the late Robert Altman. (Please note: This film has been modified to fit your T.V. screen and it’s running time has been cut down to 90 minutes for your better enjoyment. Thank you.)
THE BOURNE CONSEQUENCE – CIA Field Office Coordinator, Nicky, (Julia Stiles), is left disillusioned by her forced-involvement in the black-ops conspiracy to eliminate Jason Bourne. When backlash from the failed operation leaves her without a job, Nicky seizes the opportunity to move to Los Angeles to be the new Director of Security Operations for the gated community of Brentwood. Corruption, greed and paranoia take on whole new meanings as Nicky and her inexperienced team endeavor to protect celebrity residents from paparazzi, stalker fans, and each other.
PIXAR PRESENTS CARS 2: LATER MATER—Mater, the lovably simple tow truck, has left sleepy Radiator Springs for the bright lights and non-stop action of Chevy Vegas. But when slick import rods Boost, SnotRod and DJ trick him into towing stolen cars for an illegal chop shop, Mater runs afoul of the Escalade crime syndicate. Can our trusty, rusty hero drive himself (backwards) out of this deadly multi-car pile-up?
My previous entries were warm-ups, now I get serious:
MASHED UP – After being taken to a family dinner by Andy’s cousin, Mr. Potato Head is forgotten and thrown into the lost and found box. There he meets Leah Gloves, Sunny Glasses, Bo Tie and Harry Brush, whom at first welcome him and take him but soon reveal how homesick and lonely they are.
A TASTE OF SUGAR – While attempting to copy Jerry Maguire’s professional success through close personal relationships, unctuous über-agent Bob Sugar does the unthinkable – he falls in love with a sexy rival agent. While Bob is ring shopping on Valentine’s Day and planning to surprise his new love with a marriage proposal, the woman is on her cell phone stealing his entire roster of clients! Reeling and desperate, Sugar must convince a cynical young tennis pro to come back to the game she swore she would never return to in an effort to save his career and what portion of his soul he has left.
STAR WARS: EPISODE V½ – ATTACK OF THE CHEERS – Major Bren Derlin (John Ratzenberger) is separated from the Rebel Alliance following the Battle of Hoth and stranded on Tattooine. Armed only with a near encyclopedic knowledge of the galaxy, he makes sure everybody knows his name as he touches the lives of everyone in a small Mos Eisley cantina.
THE ROCKY HORROR REALITY SHOW – When battery wires get crossed in a mad scientist’s behavioral psychology lab, Brad’s car comes alive and begins having flats all over L.A., with alarming consequences for it’s young and attitudinal passengers, in this new horror reality series by HBO.
The Insiders – After Ponyboy loses Johnny and Dally in the same night he realizes that the greaser life isn’t for him so he heads off for college in NY and later becomes a stock broker. Finding out the hard way that life is rough on both sides of the tracks, he is investigated by the SEC for insider trading and sent to prison where violence seeps it’s way back into his life, and it’s up to Ponyboy to get out alive once again.
Forgot the rules for a sec. Lets change the main character in The Insiders from Ponyboy to Two-Bit Mathews.
THE SHERMINATOR – Chuck Sherman, now living in the Caribbean as a home-business start-up mogul, is surrounded by women and fast cars. One day on the jet sky, Chuck gets lost and is eventually taken in by scientists from the future, who need Sherminator’s help in stopping Russia from nuking Georgia.
GOOD WILL HUNTING 2: Algorithms of the Heart
After seeing his “boss” get left behind by star pupil Will Hunting, Tom is desperate to find a way to make Gerald Lambeau happy again. He organizes a trip that takes the pair to India, China, and Baltimore, hoping to pull Gerry out of his depression, and show him that there are some things that you just can’t learn from a finite mathematics textbook.
THE REVENGE OF THE BOY WONDER
After years away from Gotham City, and years of hearing about the reign of Batman without him, a bitter Robin returns and vows to make things right, and the first step: getting rid of his old master.
Star Wars Episode .5
Shmi Skywalker is having an affair with a Jedi Knight. When she ends up pregnant the father refuses to have anything to do with her. Alone, outcast and unable to find work, she becomes a slave. In a weak attempt to save what is left of her tarnished reputation, after all she is starting to show, she declares the baby has no father. Obviously no one believes her, until two new Jedi show up…
GET HIM JOHNNY!
After failing to defend his title at the All-Valley Karate Tournament in 1985, John Lawrence, aka “Johnny” takes his loser status to heart and goes into a 20 year binge of fast food, fast cars, and a very slow metabolism. Completely out of shape but spurned on by his now 16 year old son, who stumbled upon old newspaper clippings of his father as reigning champ, Johnny tracks down Daniel using a new technology called the World Wide Web and challenges him to a video karate fight with each playing the other character at a Don King sponsored Las Vegas arcade. Elisabeth Shue reprises her role as Ali, Daniel’s pretty (but now unfulfilled) wife, who is intrigued by the “new” Johnny. With a twist involving Martin Kove (Kreese) as the secretive video programmer of the game (spoiler alert!) all will eventually come down to one man’s chance at regaining his crown, his son’s respect, and ultimately his life back. Cameos by the “get him a bodybag! guy “ (PG- with subtitles for the hearing impaired)
To make up for all the broken dinner plans with his wife, the cool Lucius Best aka FROZONE takes his wife on a trip to Paris. While on a scenic tour of the Eiffel Tower, FROZONE struggles to save his wife from the villain Bomb Voyage who threatens to blow up the tower if his demands aren’t met.
TITLE FOR ABOVE: FROZONE IN PARIS
THE LITTLE MELANOMA – After years of being “up where they walk, up where they run, up where they stay all day in the sun”, Princess Ariel develops a malignant skin cancer. Prince Eric desperately searches for a miracle cure, but his only hope is King Triton, who refuses to associate with his daughter due to the ribald and public nature of her nightlife.
JACKASS 3 – After suffering from a life shattering injury, Wee Man, decides to leave the team a become a Peace Corp volunteer in Bolivia. But things go foul when the group of villagers, that have accepted him into their lives, must be rescued from Terrorists; forcing him to perform his most dangerous stunt to date.
Johnny Mnemonic 2 – Keanu Reeves saves the world again from some really, REALLY bad guys. Whoa…
DADDY WARS – Balancing a busy schedule in the Senate, leading the rebel alliance and raising a teenage daughter is no easy feat for single dad Bail Organa(Jimmy Smits). Feisty daughter Leia(Amber Tamblyn) wants to follow in Dad’s political foot steps as class president but is side-tracked by the new bad boy(Shia LeBeouf) in school. Droid butlers C-3PO and R2D2 make a special appearance, providing comic relief or a shoulder to cry on just at the right moment. PG (adult situations, excessive visual effects, clunky dialog and mild Jar Jar).
HONEY I TURNED INTO A KID!
Adam Szalinski is trying to invent a machine to reverse the aging process, but like his father, he can’t get it quite right and inadvertently turns his Dad into a baby on the day he is due to re-new his wedding vows to Diane. Baby Wayne then gets lost at Amy and Russ’ kids birthday party, which precedes the wedding, and Adam has to find his Dad and turn him back into an adult before the vow renewal ceremony begins.
THE DISILLUSIONED-IST – Inspector Uhl obtains the secret to the perpetually-growing orange tree and battles his conscience over using it to feed the world or simply touring for fame and fortune. He becomes distraught when he learns his greed has killed his banished friend Eisenheim, who dies of scurvy.
SMOOTH CHAZZ, FUNERAL CRASHER – When legendary wedding and funeral crashing guru Chazz Reinhold (Will Ferrell) crashes the wrong funeral and ends up falling for the daughter of a slain mob boss, he struggles to use his bumbling ways to broker a deal between the five mafia syndicates before his girlfriend’s family is destroyed … and his own funeral is scheduled.
The Beginning of Todd (prequel to Sweeney Todd)
Benjamin Barker’s cast off into the cruel sea where he’s marooned on an island full of savage creatures. There, he befriends the natives only to realize their locked in an ongoing combat between the English and now he must choose sides knowing that the only way he’ll get home and exact his revenge will be to betray the people that saved his life.
**SHORT ROUND TOURS** – Short Round has long left Bangkok palace and is now a grown man. His love for world travel gave him the idea to start his own exotic travel guide company, “Short Round Tours.” But when business dries up, Short Round goes against his better judgment and takes a group of Triads on their secret journey. He soon learns this isn’t a vacation but that he’s helping the Triads hunt down the “son of a great archeologist” who stole one of their priceless heirlooms.
KISS OF THE PRETTY WOMAN – Luis Molina and Barney Thompson are cell mates in a South American prison, where they pass the time by inventing romantic movies set at the Beverly Wilshire Hotel — until the warden’s beautiful, but poorly educated niece is invited to dinner party at a wealthy landowner’s estate and must be taught which fork to use — and when.
**THE MAYOR OF CADDYSHACK** — Despite all his money and pizzazz, Al Czervik (Rodney Dangerfield) is unable to win the love of the mayor’s daughter due to his “tainted” social standing. Al decides to run for mayor against her dad to prove that he really can be respectable. But after his bribes and indiscretions on the campaign trail get wrongly attributed to the seated mayor, Al wins the race. He now has to put his actions where his mouth is or destroy his beloved city and his chances with the girl of his dreams (no not that girl, or that one… the one next to her. No, the blonde one. Yeah, that’s her)
COMING TO ROME – Randy Watson and his band “Sexual Chocolate” mainly perform at church picnics and charity fundraisers. But after a high-ranking official in Vatican city confuses a Cardinal’s private request with an instruction to have “Sexual Chocolate” at his party, Randy Watson and his band are headed to Rome! In order to prevent an international incident, the Cardinal allows “Sexual Chocolate” to play at his party. If Randy Watson and his band can behave themselves until the concert, this may be the big break they’ve been waiting for.
ALIEN: THE SEARCH FOR RIPLEY
At the beginning of ALIENS, Ripley’s shuttle is discovered adrift in deep space. While recuperating from hypersleep at Gateway Station, Ripley is met by Weyland Industries sleaze-bag, Carter Burke, (Paul Reiser). Burke informs Ripley she’s been lost for 57 years, then further reports Ripley’s daughter, Amy, succumb to cancer two years earlier at the age of 62. Burke lied.
Amy, once a rising Flight Officer for the Colonial Military, has been on the run for forty-two years, ever since discovering the classified message logs of the Nostromo’s ill-fated mission to LV-452, then stealing the Virtus, a billion-dollar deep space vessel.
Amy and her synthetic co-pilot, Bishop-1, (Lance Henriksen), have been retracing Ripley’s footsteps, catching and stealing hope, staying one step ahead of the colonial military, battling new incarnations of the alien creature, all the way to, Fury 161, the prison colony.
GROSSBERGER: DOWN IN THE VALLEY – The convicted mass murderer, Grossberger, finds hope for another life out side of prison walls when a legendary song producer hears him sing, “The Birmingham Jail song”. Lobbying to the state to release Grossberger for touring the country, Grossberger struggles to find hope and forgiveness from the people he sings to.
Monsters, Inc. II
On a cruise ship in the midst of the Atlantic Ocean, Boo discovers little Mikey Wazowski Jr. has stowed away in her luggage. Boo must find away to get him back to Monsters Inc. before her family and others discovers the little one-eyed offspring.
VOTE FOR PEDRO
After Pedro’s cousins are arrested for blowing up the high school chemistry lab, Pedro is an underdog in next year’s election against the nortorious Summer Wheatly. But when a mysterious hooded figure is spotted in a yearbook photo by Deb taken on the evening of the crime, Napolean, Pedro and Deb band together in order to bring the real culpret to justice. But who is the mysterious hooded figure? Will Napolean and company solve the mystery in time to prevent Pedro from shaving his head? And will Uncle Rick get Pedro’s cousins back before Van Restorations, Inc. goes under?
WHAT HAPPENS IN KANSAS, STAYS IN KANSAS: After his incredible adventures in Oz, Toto (Terry the Terrier) has difficulty adjusting to normal life back on the farm. None of the horses, cows or sheep believe his tale of talking scarecrows, cowardly lions and flying monkeys. They write him off as delusional and Toto soon finds himself isolated and ignored. What’s more, his girlfriend, Buttons, has fallen madly in love with Amadeus, the purebred German Shepard who has moved in next door. Toto uncovers Amadeus’s evil conspiracy to organize the animals into a fascist regime by exploiting their fears about the economy and prejudices against foreigners like Canadian Geese. (It is 1939 after all.) Can Toto convince his peers of Amadeus’s threat before it’s too late? Or will they write Toto off as a crazy dog who lost his mind somewhere over the rainbow?
COME FIND ME (prequel to Stand By Me)
A mysterious note leads Ray Brower to the woods, but now he’s lost and just wants to get home…
FINDING DORY
Dory tells herself, “just keep swimming, just keep swimming” the only problem is she’s forgotten where it is she’s swimming to, now Nemo and crew must find her before she reaches deadly Sandshark Bay.
HOOKED – After returning to Neverland, a bewildered Tootles must track down the sneaky pirate Smee and steal back his bag of marbles in his final test to rejoin the Lost Boys. But he struggles with his loyalties when his addiction to fairy dust triggers hallucinations, making him believe he might be the long lost son of the deceased Captain Hook.
“THE MIRACLE OF MAX” – A prequel to ‘The Princess Bride’. When the royal physician Max bumps into Valerie, the King’s new mistress, he knows he’s found his true love. When he learns that not only must he compete with the king, but also with the school boy crush of the young prince and the strange yearnings of the Queen, Max knows he’ll need to pull off the biggest miracle of his life to win Valerie’s affections. Things only get worse when the new pool boy, Vizzini, moves in.
MEDICAL REPORT – When reading in the countryside becomes too boring, empathetic precog Agatha goes searching for a city job, where she can hide out and not be exploited for her predictive powers. She finds a gig as a hospital clerk, but when the former police chief that once rescued her is brought into the ER in critical condition, she has less than an hour to decide whether she will remain inconspicuous or risk exposure and use her abilities to help the physicians save his life.
MOUSE IN THE MATRIX – To help Neo find the Matrix generator, Mouse clones 10 of his “Woman in the Red Dress” and hits the streets in a pimped-out 1981 Buick Riviera to distract Agent Smith and his minions. But will Mouse get caught in his own trap when he can’t resist sampling the product just as Neo shuts down the generator?
DUSTBUSTERS – Busted down to bellhop after letting the Ghostbusters destroy the Sedgewick Hotel, its former manager (Michael Ensign) uncovers a horrifying new threat – man-eating dust bunnies! Backed by a crack squad of ex-Delta Force chambermaids, he becomes New York City’s resident Hoover-for-hire – because when the dust won’t settle, who you gonna call?
Saturday – After a crazy night in hood, Smokey made his decision to go to rehab. But after he arrives in rehab he meets up with Hector after he gets arrested for dealing. Smokey then sees he’s made a terrible mistake and he devises a plan with Hector to break out before it’s to late!
Large Marge’s Big Adventure – After another 10 years of haunting the same stretch of road, picking up countless hitchhikers and retelling her death story, Large Marge grew bored to… well, just bored. She gets a tip from a Fortune Teller that if she can find true love, her curse will be broken. Large Marge enlists the help of the diner locals, led by head waitress Simone, and begins her hunt for true love and freedom.
OH SEXY GIRLFRIEND – After his debaucheries in America, foreign ex-change student LONG DUK DONG returns home to find out that his parents opened their home to an American ex-change student who happens to be the “Oh sexy girlfriend” jock he met in America. Long Duk Dong endeavors to keep the “Lumberjack” from destroying his family’s traditions while grappling with his love for her.
EVEN SUPER-VILLAINS GET THE BLUES – A Mystery Woman (Carrie Fisher) and the villainous Trickster (Mark Hamill) team up to eliminate their arch enemies – Joliet Jake Blues and The Flash, but their budding romance is endangered when they discover that they might share the same father (James Earl Jones).
WEATHERMAN: THE LEGEND OF BRICK TAMLAND – After the American Meteorological Society enlists channel four weatherman, BRICK TAMLAND to speak at the annual Environmental Impact of Global Warming Seminar, Brick is swept up in media frenzy after he claimed, ‘all human thinking or smart people’ causes global warming. To save his credibility he attempts to prove his theory by conducting an experiment by interviewing people with an IQ of 48 or less.
THE SIXTH STEP
After finally making out while side one of Led Zeppelin IV is playing, Mike
Damone leaves Ridgemont to take his Five Step Plan on the international
self-help circuit. Despite being elevated to guru status, he only ever feels
like wherever he is, it’s the place to be when he is with his ravishing publisher, Lena Hand. After all five steps fail to win Lena over, Mike will have to decide if he should stick to his plan to maintain his career at the sacrifice of his own happiness, or if he should reveal that the steps might be fraudulent and show Lena that you can’t put a plan around matters of the heart. Aloha, Miss Hand.
The Kitty’s New Groove
After years of humiliation of being a cat, Esma, with the help of Cronk, set out on an adventure through the jungle to find the last of the change-into-human-potion. But she accidently throws off the medicine man’s groove and using her small cat frame saves Cuzco’s empire from his wrath and realizes that being a cat rocks. Boom-Baby!
DRIVEN – After assisting in the capture of a terrorist in the garage of a LA office building, a lemo driver is persuaded by the DEA to work undercover as the driver for a notorious drug lord. {Character: Argyle from Die Hard}
WEDDING BUSTERS—In this Sequel to Wedding Crashers the arrogant and scorned fiancée (Bradley Cooper) has a blast “busting” sure-to-last weddings out of spite until he decides to bust one of his cocky buddy’s wedding because it was sure-NOT-to-last more than a year, if that, and he doesn’t want to hurt his buddy’s fiancée, who he develops romantic feelings for.
OUT OF HIS ELEMENT – Years before he hooked up with The Dude and Walter, Theodore Donald “Donny” Kerabatsos (Steve Buscemi) was a small-town guy with big-time dreams of being a professional bowler. Donny rolls his way up through the ranks, battling heart ailments and a case of unrequited love as his journey takes him all the way to Los Angeles for a bowling tournament… and the start of a new adventure.
LETHALEST WEAPON – Reality show cameras follow private investigator Leo Getz as he humorously bumbles through one adventure after another (think “Cheaters” where the real train wreck is the investigator). Audiences mostly tune in to “Okay, Okay” to hear this week’s rants about how everybody is out to screw you.
BRYANT’S GAFF — In this follow-up to Blade Runner, The Tyrell Corporation carried on without Tyrell and created a new NEXUS-7 replicant. Inspector Bryant learns that there is an information leak in his Blade Runner unit, and the Nexus-7s are getting information about their planned terminations. Bryant assigns Detective Gaff to the case who finds the leak: Unbeknownst to Bryant, he is married to a NEXUS-7!
TO DRIVE AND PROTECT – After assisting in the capture of a terrorist in the garage of a LA office building, a limo driver is given an award by the Mayor and hired to chauffeur his daughter to her prom – the very night she has planned for her own kidnapping to occur. {Character: Argyle from Die Hard}
LOGLINE: A bumbling limo driver must protect the Mayor’s rambunctious daughter from kidnappers on the night of her Prom.
HAROLD AND KUMAR GO TO WINKY DINKY DOG — In this follow-up to The Hollywood Shuffle, Bobby Taylor’s commercial has made Winky Dinky Dog a successful franchise. Harold and Kumar desperately try to meet Donald and Tiny (a la Roger and Me) who are livin’ large.
THE PASSION OF A TRAITOR – After betraying Jesus to his death, Judas Iscariot is hunted by Christ’s followers and overwhelmed with self-loathing guilt. He struggles to put his life back in order only to be rebuffed when the Roman’s take him into custody trusting that he knows the whereabouts of the disciples’ underground safe houses.
The Romans want to kill the disciples in order to silence their resurrection rumors. Knowing that he won’t be able to withhold the secrets of his lost-friends whereabouts when they torture him, Judas breaks out of prison and does the only thing he can to redeem himself; takes the secrets with him to his early grave.
NEEDLENOSE NED: Just before leaving Punxsutawney, PA, the overbearing-insurance-sales-man, Ned Ryerson, gets permission to re-date Phil Connors’ sister Mary Pat. But when Ned finds out she’s the insurance salesperson of the year, Ned realizes it’s going to take more then a whistling belly-button trick to win her hart this time.
HIT ME UP (COMEDY)
An overly aggressive paperboy terrorizes a quiet neighborhood suburb after he is promoted to oversee the collections department of a struggling newspaper.
{Character: Paperboy in BETTER OFF DEAD}
BETTER OFF PAID: An overly aggressive paperboy terrorizes a quiet neighborhood suburb after he is promoted to oversee the collections department of a struggling newspaper. {Character: Paperboy in BETTER OFF DEAD}
50 Last Dates:
After Henry’s departure, Ula, Nick and Doug team up to become the islands resident womanizers. After some initial success, Ula’s wife Moo Moo, catches him in the act and kicks him and his over active libeto to the curb. With his home life in shambles and his sex drive all petered out, Ula must find away to win back what matters to him most, his wife and kids.
“Pirates of The Caribbean – The Gates of Atlantis”
After stealing “The Map to the Farthest Gates”, Captain Elisabeth Swann sets out to find the fabled “City of Atlantis” in an attempt to free Will from his duties as captain of the Flying Dutchman with all the Pirate Lords in hot pursuit.
NOTE: It should be clear to all that follow the exploits of Captain Jack Sparrow and Company that their next target will be to find the fountain of youth. With this in mind, My proposed story would be the 5th of the POTC line.
Star War: Episode 3.1 – Vaders Spaced Balls
In an effort to erase the bitter taste of the pathetic scene of Vader’s “birth” in episode 3, George Lucas sends him on a quest to track down his once Jedi master by using “the force”. Vader terrorizes every exotic planet in the galaxy, everyone except the planet that Obi-Wan is actually on of course. In the end, the only thing that Vader manages to find is his missing balls which were seared off in the pathetic scene mentioned before.
Star War: Episode 3.1 – Vader’s “Nooooooo”
On second thought, maybe this would be a better title. What was Lucas thinking? That has to be the wussist line coming from one of films greatest villians.
Poole’s Gold – With most of the national treasures in the bag Riley Poole is slogging away at a day job when he uncovers a mysterious pyramid scheme. Following the encrypted organization chart Riley must navigate a series of perilous trials from a ritualistic Amway meeting to a frightening meeting with the deposed prince of Nigeria too uncover one of the greatest mysteries of all time… pyramid scheme zero.
Maris Antoinette
Feeling challenged amongst her snobby charitable set by the mention of Angelina Jolie’s work with orphans, Maris reluctantly boards a plane to Ethiopia to “get her hands dirty” (using designer protective gloves, of course). Afraid of what she might need to do without, she arrives loaded down with the finest wines and several $400 packages of her favorite gold flaked, almond chocolate cake. When a band of rebels attacks an envoy and steals the crucial shipment of Plumpy’nut, Maris is stunned that her magnanimous offer to feed the starving children with the cake is rejected. Hearing that Jolie and her delegation are coming to negotiate with the rebels for the Plumpy’nut, Maris calls upon the Brothers Crane to fly to Ethiopia, ambush the rebels and grab the shipment before Jolie can swoop in and snatch the limelight from Maris’ noble work!!!
Sorry, a long log-line, I know, but I started getting more and more of the story in my head and it had to come out!!!
THE SOUND OF CANNONS — Gretl Von Trapp, as the youngest of the Von Trapp children, spent the most time with her father, Austrian Navy Captain Von Trapp and her mother Maria. As such, she grew up with a profound love of song and sea. Gretl enlists in the Navy only to be whisked away to fight in World War II. She finds both her passions converge when she’s able to lift the sailor’s morale with her gift of song. But after her father pulls his political strings, Gretl is given the choice to return to safety or use her two great loves to help her country.
The Dark Night and Robin – Batman’s sidekick wants screen time but there’s just one problem; an outdated wardrobe has cost Robin his career. With a minor in fashion design at NYU, Robin earns the knickname “Runway Robin” as he slowly conquers the fashion world. But will his new slick costume and celeberty status be enough to renew his sidekick contract with Batman?
“Argyle, a hip laundry boy, is caught trying to hide the lipstick on a cheating bosses collar from his nymphomaniac wife – – Dye Hard!”
OPEN SPACE – In this uproarious sequel to Office Space, lumbering Milton struggles to find peace on an island paradise when his anal former boss comes to vacation there and eyes Milton’s beachfront property as the perfect site for his company’s new off-shore branch.
You Robots – In his first assignment as a police detective, robot Sonny works to bring down a group of so-called terrorist robots that have been self-exploding in public places. But when the investigation leads him to a madcap doctor, who has been giving controversial heart implants to robots that want to be more human, Sonny struggles to save the robots and himself before those “bum tickers” take out half the city.
UNFORGOTTEN — The sequel to Unforgiven. The half-Native American/half-African American sixteen year old gunslinger son of Sally Two Trees and Ned Logan sets out on a vengeance quest to hunt down and kill elderly William Munny for “What he done to Ned.”
THE DEVIL WEARS NADA – When Miranda Priestly’s divorce is finalized she finds that her ex-husband has made off with everything. It is the eve of the biggest magazine event of the year, but Miranda literally has nothing to wear. After a day spent terrorizing fashion designers around the world, an accidental stop at the Ira Mizrahi nudist colony convinces her not to judge a book by it’s cover. In the end she arrives at the ball in her very best birthday suite!
Okay, I’m biting. ;)
SOUTH BY PAN AM — Spy and purchaser of “secret information” Phillip Vandamm returns to the United States, bent on finding the mysterious George Kaplan again to take revenge on him. Roger Thornhill refuses to get involved, so the Professor has to find a new “innocent” to play the part of Kaplan in a series of misadventures that runs from New York City south to Mexico City, with stops along the way.
DEADLINE — Self-serving newsman Richard Thornburg (of DIE HARD 1 & 2), busted down to local television news in Seattle, gets a lead on a terrorist cell located in the city. He figures this is his opportunity to make it back to the national network news, so he doesn’t tell Homeland Security. His grandstanding leads to a couple of ships being blown up in Puget Sound. But his inept interference also leads to the terroist cell being exposed. Unfortunately for Thornburg, he is also arrested for obstruction.
PROFESSOR TRELAWNEY AND THE SIBYL OF SEKHMET
An eccentric inept witch–haunted by her inability to control her seer gift–and her three bumbling student wizards succumb to bilking muggles by staging dire prophecies and pretending to quell them in order to support her debt-ridden divination school. But, when her prophecy sham about three god-like ancient Egyptian vampiric sorceresses who are more deadly than Lord Voldemort and hellbent on destroying the world in six days proves eerily true, the charlatan crew must vanquish the deadly trio… for real.
STOP! OR MY MOM WILL SHOOT THE CAT-
After deciding not to jump, the “boy on the building” goes home to reconcile with his mother, only to find that she has written him off and disposed of all his belongings, including his cat. The boy is so depressed he can’t muster the energy to save his cat and, in fact, no one buys this script!
TROPIC THUNDER II: CURSE OF THE NUTLESS MONKEY – When studio executive Rob Slolom disappears while on location in Central America, no one cares. But then strange things begin happening on the set, and it’s up to the Key Grip and his team to discover who’s been leaving half-eaten sandwiches on the craft services table and pilfering the stars’ gift bags. Will they be able to untangle the mystery and duct tape it back together in time for a Summer Protest Season release?
PROFESSOR TRELAWNEY AND THE ORACLE OF SEKHMET*
An eccentric inept witch and her three bumbling student wizards succumb to bilking muggles by staging dire prophecies and pretending to quell them in order to support her debt-ridden divination school. But, when her prophecy hoax about three omnipotent ancient Egyptian vampiric sorceresses who are hellbent on destroying the world in six days proves eerily true, the wizardly charlatans must vanquish the deadly trio… for real.
*same entry as before, just changed few things for clarity.
Ah, getting into this now.
BIRDIE’S BILLET-DOUX
Now that Kathleen Kelly has become a published author (and wife of millionaire bookseller Joe Fox), Birdie changes her mind, and decides to write a book about her Great Romance — with General Franco. Spanish historians are appalled by the prospect of this book coming out, and so zealous Franco-philes try to steal the manuscript from Birdie. She may look old-fashioned, but Birdie is one truly techno-savvy grande dame. She manages to stay one step ahead of the inept theives.
HAMPTONS VACATION
Inspired by good old family man Clark Griswold, “Cousin” Eddie Johnson and his wife Catherine, decide they’re ready to take their kids on a real summer vacation, but are the Hamptons ready for them?
“Home Condemnation”. A curiously investigative Wilson discovers that cool but slick Pete Bilker is really a smooth talking real estate developer who illegally rezoned the neighborhood for what will later be announced will become a waste burning site that will destroy the city’s air quality. Wilson must prove his findings to a mostly clueless Heidi Kepper to ignore the large sums of money offered for their homes and to do what is best for the community at large. To do this, he might fight attempts from Pete Bilker, the popular but bribed Mayor, and the town’s explosive and vengeful newspaper publisher to cast Wilson as an eccentric psycopath who no one should listen to.
NEVER HOME ALONE – Determined never to leave one of their children home alone on Christmas again, Peter and Kate McCallister invite both of their large families to spend the holidays at their house. After Fuller, Kevin’s little brother, finds a gift-wrapped diamond ring in the street, he sells it and buys everyone an extravagant present for Christmas. But when the ring turns out to be an engagement ring Buzz was planning on giving his girlfriend on Christmas Day, Fuller has to find time away from the family to retrieve the gifts, get the refunds, and buy back the engagement ring before Buzz finds out and Christmas is ruined.
THERE WILL BE BLUSH
Ten years after we ever-so-briefly met Paul Sunday in this film’s predecessor, he returns to California to pursue that other liquid his home state is most famous for – wine. Playing like the feel-good inverse of ‘There Will Be Blood,’ Paul must overcome his alcoholism and megalomaniacal personality if he is to prove his genius and create the greatest rosé known to man.
MATILDA – Sequel to ‘Leon/The Professional’ finds Matilda living a happy stable life in her first year of college, until she receives a letter from Tony on her 18th birthday, drawing her back into the criminal underworld.
THE WOOKILAR – The half-man half-pig, Wookilar, is loose in Scotland and is being hunted down by London’s best, but after befriending a blind little girl, the Wookilar struggles to pursue his quest for home over staying with the little girl that loves him.
THE WOOKILAR – The half-man half-pig, Wookilar, is loose in Scotland and is being hunted down by London’s best, but after befriending a blind little girl, the Wookilar struggles to pursue his quest for home over staying with the little girl that loves him.
GRANDPA JOE AND THE CHOCOLATE FACTORY – After his grandson goes goose hunting for the weekend, Grandpa Joe – a stubborn, sweet-toothed man in soiled pajamas – has the Chocolate Factory all to himself and stuffs his face with everything in sight. But when one Oompa-Loompa tells him the excess candy has rotted his teeth and he can’t eat anymore sweets, Joe panics and drowns him in the Chocolate River and then struggles to survive in the factory when the “little men” seek sweet revenge.
ROMANCING THE BELL — Columbian drug lords enlist the help of Juan “the bell maker” to find a downed-plane that was transporting millions of their gold. With Juan’s intimate knowledge of the land, he leads the drug lords astray while his buddies retrieve the treasure. But when the drug lords sense something’s amiss, they come back to Juan’s village looking for their gold. There’s only one-way for Juan to hide a Buick-sized stack of gold in a village that small; And with the ringing of the church bells for Sunday mass, he knows just how.
TRADING RACES — Randolph and Mortimer Duke were left penniless after selling all of their assets and properties to pay for their stock market blunder. In an attempt to swindle their father’s fortune away from his long-lost mistress, Randolph and Mortimer head down South to finally meet their stepmother. But when their father’s mistress turns out to be a strong-willed, African American plantation owner that takes pleasure in putting “her boys” to work, their mission gets a whole lot harder.
VICKY – Tired of being an Alcatraz guide, John “Vicky” Johnson, decides to pursue a new career, but with the job market weak, Vicky has no choice but to take the job as a tour guide for a children’s museum. Struggling to keep his tour G rated, Vicky, quickly learns that some things are better left unsaid.
Well, I haven’t read all of these, but I read more than 50, and my favorite is WHILE YOU WERE PEEPING. I almost laughed up a lung. I’m not even going to try.
Thanks for that, Kara! Now’s the time to lobby for your favorites, contest ends Labor Day!
JEANIE BUELLAR’S DAY OFF – After graduating college, Jeanie Buellar finally lands her dream job as a truancy officer. But after months of fighting with her boss and failing to catch a single truant teen, Jeanie decides to skip a day of work and have some fun. But when her boss gets suspicious and tries to track her down, the only way she can avoid getting caught and losing her job is to turn to the very truant teens she’s been hunting.
PLUMP WOLF — Jealous of all the attention Scott Howard is getting as a teen wolf, Chubbs decides to take matters into his own hands. He moves out to California and with the help of an unlicensed hair-transplant technician, Chubbs begins his own transformation into a “werewolf.” But when his funds run out, Chubbs is left looking like a Persian Robin Williams and must learn to find confidence from within or be doomed to sell “hot shoes” on Melrose for the rest of his life.
KICK HIS ASS SEA-BASS – After a blow to the head, the blue-collar bully, SEA-BASS, awakens to find himself on the floor of a public restroom, intent on finding the dummy that did this to him, Sea-Bass, recruits his local buddies on a trip to Aspen…California?
THE DAY AFTER THE EARTH STOOD STILL
Because the citizens of earth didn’t heed Klaatu’s warning, his exasperated planet, deciding to give us one last warning before obliteration, has affected Earth’s weather with their superior technology and it is up to brave little Bobby Benson (with help from Professor Jacob Barnhardt) to create a Gort clone that can battle the elements.
DIE SIMPLY
John McClane’s son, John Junior, tired of being neglected by his father, overshadowed by his mother, and outdone by his sister, plans a bank heist that even his dad won’t be able to stop.
3 YEARS OR 36,000 MILES – In this sequel to Nine Months Dr. Kosevich (Robin Wiliams) reinvents himself as an import car salesman. But while trying to woo a beautiful high-powered attorney (Paris Hilton), an innocent mispronunciation of the word ‘Volvo’ has him facing a sexual harassment suit. He only has until the closing arguments to win her heart before he loses his shirt.
THE GHOST AND MR. CHICKEN LITTLE – When “uncredited man in audience” (Everett Greenbaum) shouts “atta boy, Luther” from the courtroom crowd, people laugh. But when Everett mistakenly thinks an escaped C.O.C. commemorative balloon is an UFO and shouts, “aliens are invading”, he starts a town panic. Everett will have to do more than just talk if he wants to bring peace and sanity back to their small town.
VOTE FOR PEDRO:
When Pedro Sanchez and his best friend Napoleon Dynamite decide to enroll into the local community college, He decides to take on student government by running for student body President. Threats are made on Pedro’s life, and it is up to Napoleon (his bodygaurd) to find the would be assassin and take him out, using his illegal ninja moves.
THE SEVENTH SENSE:
Cole inlists the help of a new psychiatrist when he realizes that not only can he see dead people, but can see their deaths moments before they die.
A FARKUS CHRISTMAS STORY – After the embarrassing brawl with Ralphie, neighborhood bully Scott Farkus, returns home bloodied and bashed to find out that he’s going to be home alone for Christmas…again. But with a visit from Santa in a daydream, Scotty awakens anew, and he’s intent on having a real Christmas for the first time; only he needs Ralphie and the rest of the neighborhood kids to show him how.
It’s was tough to choose, but I nominate “Old” “The Player 2: No Country Like Brazil” and “Jackass 3.” Best title: “Snakes Changing Planes.”
A lot of fun ideas here, but following proper TV Guide-like logline structure I’ll choose (presuming one can’t vote for oneself (ETTA, THE BODYGUARD II)…
The Wilson Triangle – although it’s hard to imagine how a volleyball could be capable of restoring order through its own volition…
PIXAR PRESENTS CARS 2: LATER MATER by Smitty… This one has perfect structure! We can see all 3 Acts in a clear and concise logline.
Congrats Smitty…
And the final two that would make me put their titles in my Netflix cue if they truly existed…
HAMPTONS VACATION, and MATILDA.
BEING KAREEM ABDUL-JABBAR – After recovering from a bad case of food poisoning, airline pilot RODGER MURDOCK, awakens in the home of KAREEM ABDUL-JABBAR, realizing he’s been mistaken for the real Kareem…again, Rodger attempts to live the rest of his life as the real basketball super-star.
**Scraping the barrel here folks…work with me on this one.
Ah! Something new.
HALF TIME — Joe Kingman’s friend and teammate Cooper (from THE GAME PLAN) sees how well this fatherhood-gig is doing for Joe and decides that he needs to “join the club” to get ahead for success. The not-too-bright and klutzy Cooper tries all sorts of schemes to connect with single moms with cute kids, and they are all hilarious failures. Meanwhile, his sister’s best friend, who’s had a crush on him since elementry school is right there waiting (he’s using her advice as his “romance coach”).
SHALLOW GAL
Embracing the concept of “inner beauty”,
Mauricio (Jason Alexander) decides to pursue
the girl of his dreams. Unfortunately, the
veterinarian bride-to-be has no puppy-love
for his vestigial tail.
DR. STRANGELOVE, OR HOW I LEARNED TO LOVE LIFE AFTER THE WORLD ENDED
Kindly and moralistic President Merkin Muffley, juggling governing the remaining part of the United States, whose highest remaining public officials are mostly inept but caring Assistant Deputy Sheriffs and Justices of the Peace, along with struggling with a comically new lifestyle in a bomb shelter, must thwart off a coup attempt from those demanding the leadership turn into a cruel dictatorship, a faction led by the strict fascist Dr. Strangelove. Meanwhile, President Muffley is trying to win the affection of the sensuous but intelligent Miss Scott and save her from the maniacal General Turgidson, whose madness has driven him to secretly sell out the remaining military’s loyalty from the President to the Strangelove’s planned coup.
GROUNDHOG DAY 2 – When an elitist Republican Presidential Candidate (Steve Martin) visits the grassroots town of Punxsutawney, PA, he discovers that he’s doomed to repeat the same day until he can prove to himself (and others) that he is indeed, a man of the people – for the people!
STRANGE BRUISE, eh? — Elsinore Brewery is selected as a finalist in the legendary Brewers Association World Cup. But when several finalists turn up dead, each with a mysterious bruise on their face, Pam Elsinore arranges for her fiancé Jean “Rosey” LaRose to go undercover as a judge. It will take everything Rosey’s got to stay focused on the case while he “samples” the world’s best beers on this non-stop judging binge.
JOEY — Joey Tribianni leaves New York and all his FRIENDS for Hollywood to pursue his acting career full time. His slutty sister Gina buys him a nice apartment, and he finds a new roommate in his 20-year old nephew Michael, who is literally a rocket… SCRATCH THAT, even as I write this I know it’s a terrible, stupid idea that will never work. What was I thinking? My bad! :)
Ha Ha Ha! That’s very funny Andy.
28 gays – After winning his battle against addiction, Gerhardt (Alan Tudyk), has managed to keep both a fern and a gerbil alive for 11 months running. He decides he’s finally ready for romance and with his sponsor’s blessing, he heads of to the Carnival in Rio de Janeiro, looking for Mr. Right.
SE“X” Files – Brian Thompson returns as the Alien Bounty Hunter after learning that his former costar David Dochovny has an addiction for humping and dumping illegal aliens near Area 51.
TROPIC BLUNDER:NUTLESS MONKEYS
Flying to a remote film location to sack the director, control freak studio head Les Grossman’s plane goes down over a jungle where he’s taken hostage by a rare, but hostile troop of vicious eunuch baboons.
SLABACANCA
Sam no longer works at Rick’s Bar due to his severe dyslexia. The newspaper headline “A fleet of trucks for Casablanca’ caused severe embarrassment in front of a party of French dignitaries. In order to make ends meet, he joins the resistance. His first mission is to smuggle the sheet music to “As Time Goes By” out of Morocco, as the lyrics contain a secret code. Will his dyslexia cause problems as he crosses the border?
THE GODMOTHER
A rich, exotic picture of lasagne baking and plenty of olive oil as Mrs Corleone spends the entire running time of the movie in the kitchen, never once asking what those gunshot noises were.
BRADE RUNNER
The noodle store owner finds himself on the run after discovering his name on the death list of the ‘Anti Racial Stereotyping League’. He teams up with Chewie, the eye doctor, to fight back – armed only with disposable chopsticks and an air-conditioned coat.
TANGIER – After their transit papers to Lisbon are stolen by the murderous Ugarte, Mr. and Mrs. van Zutphen are forced to flee Casablanca for Spanish controlled Tangier when the Nazis discover they are in possession of the infamous Dutch Diamond.
My 2 cents: “While you were Peeping” is the funniest title, but my favorite entry is SE”X” FIles!! Good work everyone!
Oh, and “Snakes Changing Planes” is hilarious!!!
Thanks for the words, matt racicot. Nice to know I can at least write a logline!
And way to reach way back for the Etta spin-off. Nice!
Great job, everybody!
Suffragette City
Reprising his role as “Insane Bowie Fan” from “Almost Famous”, straight-edge Nick Swardson must accomplish his most important goal of his young life: get David Bowie the best LSD there is on the West Coast. When a chance meeting and complete misunderstanding lead to expectations he’ll follow through, “Insane Bowie Fan” has less than an hour to hook up his idol and get a backstage pass.
Sunk Luck
After losing his passenger ticket aboard the Titanic’s fateful maiden voyage in a card game, Sven Gunderson returns home to Sweden convinced his life was spared for a reason and sets out in search of his destiny. While scanning the horizon for his greatness, Sven misses the opportunities right in front of him, rejecting the advances of an unknown Swedish starlet named Greta Garbo, and the offer from a motor-head friend, Olaf Volvo, to join him in launching a new line of Swedish automobiles.
While in a state of deep depression, Sven finds his rhythm and pens the words to a song he titles, “My Life Will Go On,” and his musical skills are the early building blocks for the rock group, ABBA.
SUNK LUCK
After losing his passenger ticket aboard the Titanic’s fateful maiden voyage in a card game, Sven Gunderson returns home to Sweden convinced his life was spared for a reason and sets out in search of his destiny. While searching the horizon for his greatness, Sven misses the opportunities right in front of him, rejecting the advances of an unknown Swedish starlet named Greta Garbo, and the offer from a motor-head friend, Olaf Volvo, to join him in launching a new line of Swedish automobiles.
While in a state of deep depression, Sven finds his rhythm and pens the words to a song he titles, “My Life Will Go On,” and his musical skills are the early building blocks for the rock group, ABBA.
Spaceballs – Attack Of The Prequels
Tired of being bullied and the fat kid everyone picks on, a young German lad named Helmut finds his way with an ancient art called The Schwartz. Using the Schwartz he finds that his foes are no match for him and it’s not until his heart is broken courtesy of his nemises Lone Starr, that he takes his life into his own hands and is reconstructed as the powerful Schwartz Master that is… Dark Helmet.
Saving Corporal Upham – Misidentified as a brave war hero, the awkward Upham must survive his next assignment led by an damning and blood-thirsty captain with orders to prepare an undercover special operation to infiltrate Berlin and discover locations of alleged human killing camps.
Global Varming Review – Join host Boris Badenough and his pals for a lively debate about the effects of Wishington policies on the pending ice age. The show is televised live from Mooselvania’s South coast, but may be moved to higher ground if the fickle oceans don’t agree with the host’s banter and rhetoric. This week’s guest: right-wing blogger and host of his own TV show “Big Horny Guys Vote” Bullwinkle J. Moose.
If it’s not too late, I thought I’d throw a couple more against the wall.
In the tradition of troubled lady-artist biopics starring Nicole Kidman “The Hours” and “Fur: An Imaginary Portrait of Diane Arbus” comes THE BELL JAR-JAR: A SCI-FI RE-IMAGINING OF THE LIFE AND DEATH OF SYLVIA PLATH.
Poet Sylvia Plath, trapped in a loveless marriage and taunted by artistic failure, contemplates suicide in her London flat. Until she meets a mysterious, floppy-eared stranger from “far, far away.” His tales of woe and near-universal revulsion, told with a charming speech impediment and racially insensitive accent, remind Plath that things could be much, much worse. Can a troubled artist and a misunderstood rasta-frog find love, or will they both end up with their heads in the oven? Meesa SO watchin’!
From John Hughes, acclaimed director of every movie between 1984 and 1991, comes CHET MATE.
Thuggish alpha-male Chet Donnelly has hit a dead end. Rejected by the Marines AND his long-suffering girlfriend, he looks for love in all the wrong places. With nowhere else to turn, he reaches out to his estranged brother Wyatt for some more of his sexpot-fabricating “weird science.” But their curvy creation goes haywire and wreaks havoc on their upscale Chicago suburb. Now they must destroy Chet’s homemade mistress while rebuilding their relationship as brothers.
Thanks Blake. THis is WAY more fun than my actual job.
Everyone did such an awesome job! We should all pat ourselves on the back, as the real prize in all of this the brainstorming that comes from it:)
I agree Jeff.
These little contests are a lot of fun. It gets the brain moving and allows me to post my “work” for all to see which, at least for me, helps with my “oh crap I have to show what I’ve written” issues.
Thank you Mr. Snyder!
-Jim
I enjoyed checking out your blog today and I will be back to check it more in the future so please keep up your good quality work. I love the colors that you chose, you are quite talented!