It’s that time again!
Time for all fans of Save the Cat! — and movies — to test their creativity and logline-writing skills in our first competition of 2009! We have so many new visitors to our site, thanks to our fantastic international outreach — and Facebook, MySpace, LinkedIn and Twitter — so to those new to us, welcome! And welcome to one of four contests we will be sponsoring this year, as we did last year, to test your screenwriting mettle.
THE CHALLENGE:
Change one letter in the title of a famous movie, and write the logline that might appear in TV Guide that takes this alphabetical substitution into account.
EXAMPLES:
GONE WITH THE WINE — Scarlett “Merlot” O’Hara is a southern belle and lightweight drinker, whose fierce ambition to save her ante-bellum home changes to a mumbled “fiddle-dee-dee” whenever she has more than one glass of “Tara-ble” table wine.
BRAN TORINO — A curmudgeonly, and irregular, former cop constipates the activities of a local gang and solves his other problem at the same time, when he creates a popular — and powerful — health muffin.
DEADLINE AND RULES: Entries will be accepted no later than midnight PST Wedenesday, February 18, 2009 as posted below in the Comments section of this blog. Enter as often as you wish but only one movie title per entry please. Winners will be announced Monday, February 23, 2009. All entries are judged not only on creativity, but in the ability to pen a pithy, well-written, STC!-esque logline!
PRIZES: First Prize: A script read and one-hour consultation with Blake Snyder either in person or by phone. Second Prize: A guest spot at the Beats Weekend Workshop here in Los Angeles any time in 2009. Third Prize: A complete set of Save the Cat! products including both Cat! books, software and the new Save the Cat! Cuts It Short: The Guide to Writing Better YouTube and Short Films e-book (coming soon)! Honorable Mention: The thrill of being noticed!
Good luck to all!
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Blake, BRAN TORINO, kills! Wait, you can’t win your own contest. Can you? This is gonna be a blast!
I agree with Bradford – BRAN TORINO – Kills! I’d totally see that movie.
Okay, I’ll take a stab…
RONNIE AND CLYDE
They’re armed, they’re dangerous… They’re fabulous!
A couple of fashionistas-turned-bank robbers ransack San Francisco’s biggest gay neighborhood by disarming the local cops with their fabulous taste in clothing.
“Stop or I’ll shoo — Oh my God, Stop! Where did you get those lime green cords?”
YOU DON’T MESS WITH THE ROHAN – Eomer Jenkins longs for the peaceful life away from endless horse grooming and epic field warfare. After faking his own valiant demise, he relocates to Gondor and tries his hand at hair-braiding. This idyll is soon shattered by a gang of hired orcs sent to cause racial tension between Ents, Men and Wargs — but who didn’t bargain on Eomer — and being Riddermarked for death.
Wow, this is too much fun… Here’s my first go:
SCHINDLER’S FIST – A sheepish, Shaolin-trained Hasid, living in NYC’s Lower East Side, takes the murky world of underground boxing by storm when his name mysteriously turns up in the fight ledger of the city’s preeminent — and most ruthless — league.
Follow a world renowned chef whose violent ways cause him to lose the job of his life, as he becomes intertwined with Americas most dangerous organized food critic ring.
FOODFELLAS – Follow a world renowned chef whose violent ways cause him to lose the job of his life, as he becomes intertwined with Americas most dangerous organized food critic ring.
High Soon: Chinese rice farmers square off against the electric company’s dam builders at the tick of midnight.
Wow. First day and already the entries are brilliant! How can I compete? Hilarious guys!
The Codfather – An elderly Codfather struggles to transfers control of his underwater empire to his laggard son, Rocky Cod.
BIG DIDDY– A rapper notorious for identity crises, changes his name (again!) and adopts a precocious pre-schooler from a Third World country to win the heart of Angelina Jolie.
BATEMAN– A teen TV star untouched by scandal grows up and ‘goes dark’ by keeping it light, prowling the mean streets of Hollywood, protecting his crazy family and crazy-rich father escaped from prison and adopting a troubled-teen’s baby to please Jennifer Garner.
THE CURE– When flights and cruises are grounded due to another terrorist attack, a dedicated and devoted group of scientists use a top secret subterranean laser-drill to literally go through Hell and back to see Robert Smith and his band-mates rock the Eur-Asian tour circuit.
CRASS– a heartlessly realistic portrayal of what really happens when there is a fender-bender in LA as Angelinos protect what is theirs… and what is not their fault! WAH!
A FEW GOLD MEN– Rob Reiner, Ron Howard, Robert Zemeckis, and Steven Speilberg come together with screenwriter crAZRick to create the Academy’s most-winningest motion picture experience ever captured on digital media. Though larger irrelevant, the story involves a slow-but-special boy who becomes a fireman/lawyer then take on the tobacco companies for giving several of his most-special friends– including his mom, his fire chief lieutenant, and his girlfriend– cancer.
THE FLU– an ambitious scientist creates a teleportation device, but– after improperly cleaning the pod– he fuses himself to a rampant and viral influenza germ and struggles to fix the problem before he coughs and sneezes his stuffy head off.
THE GREEN MILK– when a hard-nosed warden forces his charges to ingest spoiled and rotten commissary offerings, the biggest and baddest of the bunch inexplicably develops the power to inflict his indigestion upon others, with gut-wrenching yet heart-warming results. Based on a short by Stephen King.
THE GRUNGE– a disturbed teen and his pals unleash much angst, chaos and anarchy in a small dark garage in Seattle, upsetting any rules and authorities who intervene while cursing generations of music-lovers with their vile filth.
NUMB AND DUMBER– the tragic tale of Olympic champion swimmer Michael Phelps’ fall from grace after allowing himself to be photographed toking on a monster bong.
IT COULD HAPPEN TO YOU 2– Michael Phelps’ timely response to the backlash stirred up by a world-press of critics.
THE SULK– LUCKY YOU star Eric Bana’s swan-song, follows the down-and-out actor as he stalks thru Hollywood after a double-feature matinee of ROUNDERS and THE INCREDIBLE HULK, looking to kick Edward Norton’s ass for twice showing up Bana’s (lack of) talent.
SARS Attacks! – A group of shoddy folks must band together to stop the destruction of earth from the pandemic disease SARS.
E.R. – The Extra Terrestrial
An alien corpse is mysteriously delivered to County General. After strange events occur at the hospital, doctors perform an autopsy and are horrified when they learn a disturbing secret: the cadaver is alive and the incision ignited Armageddon.
KILL WILL – Angry from being left to rot away in the slums of South Boston by former best bud Will Hunting, grudge holding friend Chuckie Sullivan establishes a team of Southie assassin’s to do one thing and one thing only, kill Will.
ALL ABOUT EWE
A narcissistic sheep falls for a suicidal wolf.
PAUL GIAMATTI; MALL COP
Having been sued into oblivion by the Merlot Growers of America former A-list actor Paul finds himself patrolling the halls of the local mall to make ends meet. Caught in the middle of a mall walking gang war and wooing a kiosk girl things quickly escalate when he angers a national fashion empire by exclaiming, “I’m not wearing any f@#king Crocs!”
KISS THE GILLS– watered-down sequel to LITTLE MERMAID finds Ariel in CSI mode tracking the killer of her puffer-fish pals.
ALONG CAME A SLIDER– one-time-fatty child star turned sci-fi geek god (Jerry O’Connell) enters an alternate univers where he steals a super-hot super-model (Rebecca Romijn) away from hunky stud (John Stamos)…
nah! that could never happen in ANY reality! ;)
GET RICE OR DIE TRYING – After the worlds first flood tolerant rice grain is stolen, an ex hip-hop star turned CIA agent goes undercover into the dangerous world of the black market rice trade to stop world hunger by saving the grain from the hands of a rival rap artist who is hellbent on eliminating all of mankind.
TOP GUM In a world of blood where one slip can mean dentures, Maverick’s co-dental assistant dies in a freak flossing accident. Maverick takes his place at Top Gum, the U.S. Navy Dental School where after a deadly outbreak of Russian engineered gingivitis threatens the life of every person on the planet, Maverick, a lowly hygienist, struggles against top Navy dentists to prove HE has the cure to save the world…and become TOP GUM. TOP GUM…the brush is on!
ABOUT A BOT – Carefree bachelor Will Freeman has sudden regretful epiphany — all his London friends have new Roombas and are leaving him in the dust. Without an autonomous vacuum cleaner to call his own, he invents an imaginary 400 Series and trawls iRobot user forums looking for women. That is until he meets a brand new bot called Looj, and together they clean the gutters of Will’s filthy mind.
THE LONGEST TARD– in 2008, a group of men went to Dreamworks with an idea for a spoof of Vietnam war movies. Of these men, 4 of them were kinda famous; of those 4, 3 were not Tom Cruise; of those 3, 2 were not Jack Black; of those 2, one of them was a white man in black-face…
this is the 3-hour tour de force extended-cut of out-takes and all the ad-libs that went into making the most-offensive 2 minutes of TROPIC THUNDER.
BENNY & GOON – An overly protective brother, Benny, must find the right guardian to ‘babysit’ his goon brother, NICKY, who’s on the run from the Mob, but when eccentric FBI agent, SAMMY, comes to town Benny might have the perfect sitter.
LIE HARD – When terrorists seize the building and take everyone hostage, a out-of-town cop evades capture and must save his ex-wife with his fast talking skills, which ironically led to the divorce in the first place.
THE SIXTH SENSEI – A boy who sees dead people learns martial arts to fight them. THE KARATE KID meets GHOST.
Ghostbasters – Three scientists discover that the afterlife is a delicious thing when they create a device that not only solves the cities paranormal problems, but also gives them the ability to make ghosts the new delicacy.
Okay, three out of four of mine today relate to food which means I really need to go an eat something.
STAND BY M.O. – Four young friends undertake a voyage of discovery and companionship as they travel the rails that criss-cross the great state of Missouri in search of the “rich stuff” that will allow them to save the state from defaulting on it’s annual budget. Also, leeches.
Stop or my ROM will shoot – When computer nerd, LINUS, discovers one of his super computers, ROM, has taken control of Homeland Security, FBI, and the Pentagon’s computers, he struggles against time to clear ROM’s memory before ‘it’ lunches a nuclear war-head at Canada.
This is so much fun and what great prizes.
LEGENDS OF THE FULL A wealthy sharped-tongue cattle ranch baron and his three wimpy, dysfunctional sons live off the fat of the land and become so obese they cannot function in old west society or in the wilds of nature. Their care and destiny are left to the Indian family they support and the skeletonly thin deranged woman who loves them all.
WHEN HARRY BET SALLY –
Can a woman ever be anything more to a man than a physical possession? After a hard night of poker, Harry wakes up to realise where the love of his life has gone – to his best friend! Now the chips are down and Harry must play the cards he has been dealt to win the ultimate prize!
TAXI DIVER –
Sickened with the politics of modern America, a war veteran takes on big business by diving under New York taxicabs and suing their asses! It’s the American way! But when a (now unemployed) female cabbie nurses him back to health, he is forced to fight against his guilty conscience in order to keep her affection.
BALDLANDS –
A young couple get whisked away on a shaving spree across the Southern states, leaving a trail of bald-headed victims in their wake. But as Molly starts to notice Vik’s own receding hairline, she grows more and more disenfranchised with his scissor-happy attacks.
ETERNAL SUNSHINE OF THE SPOTLESS MINE –
After battling her rich ex-husband for half of everything he owns, a fashion-obsessed young girl becomes the proud owner of a coal mine, vowing to make it a clean, healthy work-environment for the miners who detest her inadequacies as a forewoman.
WALL-O –
In the distant future, a lonely robot wanders around, allowing himself to stagnate in his own misery for all eternity – but when he is given the chance to return humanity to its former glory, will he stop wall-o-wing in his self-pity and remember why life must be lived?
BIB –
When a depressed young writer wishes to be young again on a magical machine, he finds himself turned overnight into – a baby! Now unable to even speak, he must find a way to make his voice heard and become the child prodigy that he has always wanted to be.
HELL WIFE
When one of their own elopes under suspicious circumstances the Bureau of Paranormal Matrimony and Divorce sends a newlywed Agent to investigate. What he discovers shatters his freshly minted vows and he must stop the consummation before the balance of power in the household is shifted forever.
WHEN HARRY BET SALLY – When he wages his friend on the SUPER BOWL, a guy has to get her back in time for their friends’ wedding. In doing so, they fall in love.
YOU’VE GOT JAIL – Two people fall in love through an anonymous prison pen-pal program, but when the one in jail finds out that the imprisoned lover is the same person who sent him to prison, he must get her to forgive him before revealing his identity.
*one in jail finds out that the one outside…
WHEN HARRY MET SULLY – Two fiercely competitive New York cab drivers must not let their growing friendship destroy the rivalry which has made them living legends.
The rivalry begins years earlier when idealistic college graduates, Harry and Sully, strike-up a conversation on the train to New York and discover they’re vying for the same job. Their competitiveness prevents either one of them from getting the job and they wind up working for opposing cab companies. Over the years their rivalry grows to legendary proportions. When Harry’s son reveals his impending nuptials to Sully’s daughter, these two adversaries have no choice but to attempt to become friends. Nothing works. Not male bonding, anger management or couples therapy. Nothing. Until finally Harry and Sully reveal their mutual respect for one another. But, as friends, they quickly discover it’s their rivalry which makes them great cabbies, so, they agree to let the rivalry continue.
THE CODFATHER – Aging undersea patriarch, “Cod” Vito Corleone reluctantly enlists the help of his hero son, “Mackerel,” to stop a gang of hard-shelled crabs from taking over the Corleone controlled barrier reef.
GOOD WILL HAUNTING
An underachieving, genius Ghost, WILL, refuses to do the one thing he was made to do; haunt. His mentor ghost has to show him the benefits of fear to convey the importance of their job. But with death no longer a threat, the mentor must figure out a way to make Will experience fear, when there’s nothing left to be afraid of.
STAR CARS: A motley crew of Hollywood car-customizers joins forces with a young street racer to take on the chain of Maaco shops that is terrorizing the locally-owned businesses.
TRAINING GAY
A bad-ass, veteran police officer, FRANK, must enter a high risk undercover job in a flamboyant karaoke bar to complete his last case before retirement. Frank must train in the ways of the flamboyant in order to be believable as the “Indian” in a Village People cover band. Frank’s dedication to the job will be put to the test when his ideas of masculinity are flipped upside down.
CARZAN – When an adventure vacation gone wrong strands car mechanic, John Clayton, at an abandoned military air field in Tasmania he astounds the aborigine residents by doing what he does best, assembling a working vehicle from junked parts. Instead of using the vehicle to make his way home, Clayton, stays to help the aborigines defeat a group of poachers.
HUNNY FARM – Retired children’s cartoon star Winne-The-Pooh moves to the country to write a novel about his friends back at Pooh Corner, and detox from his long fight with a honey addiction. Things soon go from great to pooh, er, poor when this lovable bear discovers he has moved to the honey capital of the world! With a special appearance by Barry B. Benson (Jerry Seinfeld) this is sure to be one sticky situation.
OCTOBER STY – A chronic sty infected, MIKEY, goes against his fathers wishes when he chooses to pursues a career in modeling after watching an episode of America’s Next Top Model.
SITH SENSE
A Sith Lord, HARVEY, has reined terror on humans for years with his ability to shoot unspeakable power from his fingertips. But when a local planet realizes they can solve all of their energy-shortage needs by sticking a plug up Harvey’s ass, the tables are turned, and the hunter becomes the hunted.
MR. SEEDS – When small town pizza guy, LONGFELLOW SEEDS, inherits his long lost uncle’s sperm-bank, his life is flipped upside down when he learns that his crazy uncle has been the sole “contributor” to the bank. Now it’s up to SEEDS to keep the family business going.
PIG – when a boy makes a wish to “sow up”, he’s startled to find himself awake the next morning as a pig! Now he must work in the pig world while trying to figure out how to go back to being a boy.
Oh, Crap. Shawn M.L. thought of Codfather first. My bad.
THE SWEAT SMELL OF SUCCESS
The thrilling rags-to-riches story of a shy writer that moves to Los Angeles and discovers what it takes to make it in Hollywood– ten percent inspiration, ninety percent perspiration.
KUNG FU WANDA – After getting fired from her job as a chinese delivery girl, Wanda Fu goes job-hunting in Chinatown and discovers her destiny as the “chosen one”. With the help of her master, General Tso, she vanquishes her venerable foe, Baron von Egg Drop, by unleashing her secret weapon, the Furious Five Snow Peas of Death.
3:10 to Uma – In order to win a billion dollars, a man has only three hours and ten minutes to meet, woo, and marry Uma Thurman.
ALL ABOUT EWE – A narcissistic sheep falls for a suicidal wolf.
THE GERMINATOR – A robot is sent in Winter by the seed controlling global corporations that produce most food resources in their industrialized country-sized farms to hunt down the resistance leader of the animals that must survive in enough numbers to launch the Spring pollination offensive that is their last hope of turning back the shut-down of Nature and save the lives of so many species.
Gary wins.
THE COURT of MONTE CRISTO – When amateur tennis player, EDMOND, is betrayed by his best friend and wrongly accused of cheating at Wimbledon, he transforms himself into a Tennis Pro, and put his killer back-hand in action to wreak vengeance on — The Court of Monte Cristo.
BEAUTY AND THE YEAST — When a gorgeous young peasant races against time to create a perfect loaf of bread in a castle kitchen, she finds herself with growing problems.
LEAVEN CAN WAIT
After rising to the top, a crusty old loaf is pulled out of the oven before it’s time, but is allowed to come back in the body of a cupcake and take first prize at a county fair.
MANILLA SKY
After a disfiguring accident, a wealthy playboy must fight for the woman he loves with a brown paper bag over his head, avoiding papercuts at all costs!
OPEN WAITER
When a customer complains that something is floating in his soup, a fearless young waiter must fight to save himself from an attack of very small sharks.
MARY POOPINS
On the verge of two lovable children being sent for invasive procedures, an English nanny tries to explain that a spoonful of bran helps the medicine come out!
TAY – When the deaf brother of legendary singer Ray Charles, TAY, finds himself struggling to keep his brothers songs alive by singing them himself, he sees how hard it truly is to sing when you can’t hear, so he calls on his brothers “spirit” for guidance to learn how to truly sing from the heart.
THE GREEN MILK
Tom Hanks channels Charlton Heston to warn a condemned prisoner that the corrections-issued milk is “made of people”.
FROZEN LIVER
After a close-call rescuing a baby from the ice, two unlikely friends stop their smuggling business and drink themselves into oblivion.
CLOSE ENCOUNTERS OF THE THIRD KING
A man gets a message in his mashed potatoes that he must stop Jeb Bush from running for office in 2012.
THERE WILL BE FLOOD
An oil baron buys many acres of land sold by a religious man named Noah for a suspiciously cheap price.
“Your straw will do you no good”
Nightmare on Elf Street – A killer is targeting the happy helpers of the North Pole threatening to kill Christmas. Ho, ho horror.
Lentil – A legume, going against the grain of her family, disguises herself as a chickpea in order to study the Talmud.
The Fridges of Madison County – When called to fix an ice maker a Maytag repairman falls in love with a married woman.
SEX DEGREES OF SEPARATION
Desperate and left with the hard choice of having to hot-dock with the mother ship, a young astronaut must persuade his girlfriend and captain to open her airlock, risking both their lives — and very likely her reputation.
Star Bars – A desperate farmboy leaves his home planet to seek fame in Galactic Idol the Empire’s biggest talent show. Struggling through to the finals he faces the competition’s front runner- The Dark Lord of the Sing!
RAGING WULL
Al Paca, an emotionally self-destructive sheep farmer with a violent temper, looks back on his
life and his closet full of sweaters.
LAWRENCE OF AWABIA
A sweeping epic about the real life adventures of British Major E.J. Fudd and his journey through the desert of Awabia to fight the Turks and unite the Awab empire.
THE BAND THAT ROCKS THE CRADLE – A newly formed band, PEYTON’S FLAME, chooses a seemingly cool guy as their new lead singer, only to find out his true intentions – replace the bands hard core sound with children’s lullabies.
Schindler’s Lisp – Imagine having a lisp. Imagine having it in German. Imagine trying to put forth your idea to save your Jewish employees. Sagen, was?
THE PERFECT STORE – Veteran storeowner, BILLY, has had a streak of bad luck in the sales department and is ready to file for bankruptcy. But refusing to throw-in-the-towel he sets out to find a good business goal, one that generates increased exposure and income for the rest of his life.
FUNDING NEMO – Years after their joyful reunion, Marlin the clownfish reluctantly prepares to send his rebellious son Nemo off to college, but during the recession the Sea Bank has gone under, so he’s forced to seek out student-loan sharks to come up with the tuition money.
SLASHDANCE – A welder by day and erotic dancing serial killer by night. This dancing killer threatens nightclub attendees as she performs her killer dance moves on stage.
*We’re allowed one stupid one…right?
THE PURSUIT OF HAPPINESS – A lonely, miserable, cat-loving proofreader sets out to show the world that the Will Smith box-office smash had a misspelled title, only to discover that she completely missed the point of the movie.
IN THE LINT OF FIRE
A grieving owner of a chain of DC laundromats where a dryer explosion took the life of a federal official must delay his retirement when an emergency load of laundry comes in….bearing the Presidential seal. He must then conquer both his fears and BBQ stains on a quest to retrieve his reptuation, and all those missing socks.
CLOCK – On one of his scavenges bumbling trash-collector, EDDY, finds a remote control in his neighbors trash; needing parts for a broken clock he takes the remote home to salvage for parts. But after he repairs his clock he discovers he can speed up, reverse, and pause TIME, only the clock takes on a mind of its own speeding up Eddy’s life to show him how his life will be if he continues down the path of a trash collector.
IT’S A WONDERFUL LIFT
Having run his family business into the ground with careless accounting, hiring drunken relatives and doling out subprime mortgages, George Bailey decides to end it all by faking his suicide, undergoing major plastic surgery and passing himself off as a Calvin Klein underwear model.
BROKEBANK MOUNTAIN – A transexual cleaner at the Whitehouse sparks a manhunt when he writes the solution to the economic crisis on the lunchroom message board.
THE DAYS OF WHINE AND ROSES
To inherit her grandfather’s $100 Million dollar fortune a down on her luck princess bitch must get married before 7.00pm on her 30th birthday, two days after the reading of the will! Struggling against her shrewish nature and fortune hunters she must find and marry Mr. Right in time or face bankruptcy and social humiliation.
Twitlight
When a shy and awkward teen who turns anyone he touches into an idiot moves to a new town and high school, he steers clear of the one girl who takes to him and whom he has a romantic connection with.
Bars
When Miller the 2-4 and his friends at the local tavern begin to be brushed aside for the trendy energy/liqour drink, they come up with a plan to fight the new guy head-on and win back the admiration and cravings of the bar flies.
I LOVE “Close Encounter of the Third King.” Brilliant.
BLADE RUINER
In a post-apocalyptic, flooded & then completely frozen-over world, our hero must find and stop the villain who is disabling commerce & communications by hack-sawing the city’s skate blades.
CARGO
A pregnant cop tries to find a criminal who is transporting shredded-up bodies of his victims by trans-continental railway.
DA CINCI CODE
Italian rapper finds evidence of a centuries old cult in Ohio.
SAY, AFTER TOMORROW?
Although the world is destroyed, can I borrow the car tomorrow?
FRIGHT CLUB
Mild mannered man meets a “bad boy” and together they start a secret club for men, where they meet in secret and tell ghost stories.
THREE ZEN AND A BABY
Three inept but well-intentioned Buddhist monks find their “inner peace” challenged after adopting a would-be successor to the ailing Dalai Lama.
Bach to the future – Rap producer Shorty Macfly is suffering from writer’s block when he gets a time traveling visitor named J.S. Bach.
the Watrix (the Waitress Dominatrix) – Cleo, an overworked diner waitress, tries to repel her rude and demanding customers by belittling and embarrassing them, only to find that they tip better and keep coming back for more.
Moonfaker- A British special agent investigates the theft of a Nasa space shuttle by eccentric film director Stanley Kubrick, who plans to shoot an american moon-landing hoax on the actual moon.
Star Wart – Luke Crywalker is an adventurous pedi-Knight who must deliver the formula R2-D2 to the Fungal Alliance, so they can destroy the Death Plantar before Emperor Papilloma and Lukes estranged father Dr. Scholl can use it against them.
STAR WART
Princess Leia wants to have kids with Han Solo, but after a big night in the cantina, Han doesn’t want Leia going anywhere near his privates.
FEAR WINDOW – A Manhattan artist, confined to her warehouse studio/gallery by a broken leg, completes her new show, Windows To The Soul, featuring windows she’s extracted from several condemned historic brownstone apartment buildings. On opening night she and her influential guests discover these windows resonate with decades of intense emotional energy. When one very old window shows her how each of her friends is going to be murdered, it’s up to her to try and save them.
BATMUN – A laid-back, Rastafarian, crime-fighter by night. A peace, love and understanding Reggae superstar by day.
NEOWORK
A young man is released from The Matrix, only to become a crazed television personality. I’m virtual as hell and I’m not going to fake it any more.
SEVEN YEATS IN TIBET
An arrogant German mountain climber is caught in the middle of global upheaval and meets a British poet caught in the same upheaval. Together, they start a Poetry Slam.
SILKFOOD
A young employee of the mulberry farm exposes corporate corruption and toxic silk worm feeding practices.
P.T.
The famed circus owner PT Barnum is lost in a California town. Surviving on only Reeces Pieces and beer, he yearns to make a phone call home. Are there phones in the Big Top?
Top Bun
Maverick has always done things his own way, never following a recipe. Can this pastry chef stand the heat and become the best of the best?
MULLITT – (Bullitt) – He gets the bad guys ’cause he’s got the guts. He get’s the ladies ’cause he’s got the hair. Before there was Paul Blart, and just a little after there was Steve McQueen, there was a one-of-a-kind cop action hero of the ’80’s, Frank Mullitt.
Cocky
A third rate boxer tries to pick a girl from the pet store by insisting he’s going to fight the world heavy weight champ. After losing his locker, he trains with her brother who then loses his job because the meat was contaminated. She’s thrown out of the house on Thanksgiving only to be hit on by Apollo Creed.
THE C-TEAM – When terrorists holding hottie Megan Fox for ransom assassinate The A-Team sent in to rescue her, then blow away The B-Team who went in to rescue The A-Team, it’s time to send in the best of what’s left, THE C-TEAM, to get the job done. (okay, okay, a teensy-weensy nod goes to Pat Proft for his, HOT SHOTS: PART DEUX storyline)
THE MILD BUNCH
After losing their pensions and 401K balances to recession, a group of retirees plot to rob the local Indian Casino. When betrayal causes their plan to go south, so do they – to Mexico to make a last stand for living a life of leisure, warm weather and cheap prescription drugs.
THREE DAYS OF THE CANDOR
After his amoral actions on behalf of the U.S. government, Robert Redford spends seventy-two hours detailing at length everything he’s ever done. Shown in real time.
WAISTCUTTERS: A LOVE STORY
A young man who has been losing weight lately searches desperately for his ex-girlfriend, who may be too thin to recognize.
ANNIE HILL
A neurotic New Yorker has an ill-fated romance with the daughter of a British comedian. Is their verbose coitus anything more than Yakkity Sex?
HIS GIRL FRIDA
Artist Diego Rivera is jealous that ex-wife Frida Kahlo is marrying milquetoast revolutionary Leon Trotsky. To win her back, Rivera must convince her to join him painting one last mural – and if all else fails, stage a nasty accident with an ice axe.
THE ITCHES OF EASTWICK
After three desperate and lonely women in a charming New England village use the dark arts to summon a mysterious and beautiful creature that grants their hearts desire, they must struggle to save their community when the being also gives the townspeople everything they have ever wanted.
typo in 109, my bad!
THE BITCHES OF EASTWICK
After the mysterious disappearance of the people in a charming village, the female dogs must band together and struggle to locate their owners before the pet population turns feral.
HARRY POTTER AND THE CHAMBER OF SUCRETS – Lord Voldemort decides that the best way to stop a know it all wizard in training is to shut him up by giving him the worst sore throat of his life, and now its up to Harry Potter and the gang to travel to the Chamber Of Sucrets where they must work together to find the lozenge of life that will bring back Harry’s ability to wave his wand, and speak the language of wizardry once again.
Dark M.Night
M. Night Shyamalan turns the tables on his worst film critic, the Riddler, by asking, “Why so serious? They’re just movies.”
APOCALYPSE COW
A burnt-out diary farmer is sent on a mission to assassinate a renegade milkman trying to bring unpasteurized milk to the marketplace from a herd of mad bovines.
JURASSIC PORK
Prehistoric pigs rampage D.C. devouring Republicans who oppose the bloated stimulus package.
GUMBO – Ridiculed because of his Cajun heritage, a young circus elephant is assisted by a rat to achieve a perfect spicy rice dish.
CREASE – Iron-maiden Sandy and anal-retentive creaser Danny fell in love over the summer at a vocational school. But when they unexpectedly discover they’re now in the same dry cleaner, will they be able to stand the heat and keep their pants on the straight and narrow?
LADY AND THE CRAMP – Lady, a melodramatic whiner with PMS, falls in love with Clay Tecks from the other side of the river, who helps her control a devastating and unpredictable flow. Has she found her true love…or will she just toss him aside when she’s done with him?
LOST IN SPICE – In search of the ultimate steak seasoning, the McCormick family travels through space to find the perfect mix of pepper, salt, garlic, and chili powder. When a gigantic shaker hits their ship, they find that they’re stuck in Thyme with no Sage haven.
FETAL ATTRACTION
A personified ovarian egg’s plans of becoming a fetus with her sperm-cell husband are threatened by an insane sperm-cell with whom she had a one-night stand.
WEDDING TRASHERS
They came, they charmed, then destroyed the reception like rock stars in a hotel room.
THE CURIOUS CASE OF BENJAMIN MUTTON
Born an adult and aging backwards, Benjamin, a shy, retiring sheep searches to find his one true love before ending up lamb chops.
BATHS OF GLORY
Barely surviving in the trenches of World War 1, a heroic young officer fights to save the lives of three of his men who retreated from battle to freshen themselves up.
SOME LIKE IT NOT
When a desperate producer puts all his money behind the story of men who cross-dress after witnessing a gangland massacre, he realises that shooting in the Bible belt may have been a bad idea and must win over the local community of Hicksville, USA. (‘But I’m a man!’ ‘Well, nobody’s perfect. In which case you will burn in the eternal flames of damnation.’)
TO KILL A ROCKINGBIRD
Driven to insanity from the amount of MTV they have watched for the past three years, two college students vow to finally put Courtney Love out of her self-obsessed misery, sacrificing their own freedom for the greater good of the world.
SLASHDANCE – A welder by day and erotic dancing serial killer by night. This dancing killer threatens nightclub attendees as she performs her killer dance moves.
RACK TO THE FUTURE
A broke cinematographer/gambling addict builds a movie camera that allows him to rack focus and see what happens in the future.
THE PERFECT STORE – Veteran storeowner, BILLY, has had a streak of bad luck in the sales department and is ready to file bankruptcy. Refusing to throw-in-the-towel he sets up a business goal — make the perfect store that generates increased exposure and income for the rest of his life.
CLOCK – On one of his scavenges bumbling trash-collector, EDDY, finds a remote control in his neighbors trash; needing parts for a broken clock he takes the remote home to salvage for parts. But after he repairs his clock he discovers he can speed up, reverse, and pause TIME, only the clock takes on a mind of its own showing Eddy how his life will be if he continues down the path of a trash collector.
STAR BARS
A headstrong farm-boy must learn to drink in order to join an inter-galactic pub crawl.
The WILD BRUNCH
A ragtag and aging group of a supper club diners go for one last meal before being forced into retiring to the senior’s home.
Awesome, another contest! So many great entries already too!
PULLETS OVER BROADWAY
A young chicken becomes entangled with the mob in order to get across the Great White Way.
Teabiscuit: The true story of an English Cracker who captivates a mouth at tea time when he becomes the first saltine to vie for the Triple Drown.
Girth: Nicole Kidman becomes convinced that a ten year old po-boy is reincarnating inside her belly in the form of her once-dead appetite.
Paranoid Bark: The moralistic tale about a dog who cries wolf.
Maria Full of Grape: To support her family during the Prohibition, a Columbian teenager smuggles alcohol by stuffing herself full of grapes and then rolling on them with her pregnant belly to make wine.
The Great Rebaters:
A drama based on the true story of Mrs. Marla Tolson, a coupon obsessed homemaker who inspires her book club to greatness after becoming the first (and only) person in history to actually receive a rebate in the mail.
This is Spinal Rap: A documentary capturing the first tour of the super rap group made of PDiddy, MCHammer, JayZ and the corpse of Tupac on drum machine. Song highlights include “Smell the Bling”, “Big Booty” and “Lick My Love Pimp”.
CHARLEY WILSON’S WART
Mild-mannered Charlie Wilson is launched into the spotlight when he awakens one morning to find a large wart on his cheek that looks identical to the Mother Mary. His quiet life is uprooted costing him his chances to court the town’s introverted librarian. Charlie Wilson must choose between burning off the wart and losing his new found fame or burning his chances for love forever.
(Instructions, folks! Read the instructions!)
TO WILL A MOCKINGBIRD
Small town lawyer Atticus Flitch is willed a talking Mockingbird, that repeats the secrets of all his clients at the most inopportune moments – and the secrets of the single father’s two children Jem and Scout.
HATCH
New Yorker Will Smith devotes his time trying to hatch hawks and falcons on the roof of his Manhattan apartment building, while courting anti-animal activist Eva Mendes. A lot of eggs get laid.
SPICE COWBOYS
Retired cowboys are pulled together by their former head drover in order to complete a special mission to the planet Arrakis to find and corral the last Sand Worm.
HEAP
Cop Robert DeNiro hunts outrageous bank robber Al Pacino. Informer Val Kilmer is out to escape both the cop and his former robbery partner. The conflicting drives have the trio end up in one mangled heap during a shoot-out.
FAILURE TO LUNCH
A workaholic never takes a break for lunch, and so almost misses meeting the girl of his dreams in the company lunch-room (she works in a different department).
TEX 1138
Set in the 25th century, where a rigidly controlled society dictates that people have to act and dress in total uniformity. A man, TEX, unearths a comic book of “Gunsmoke” and begins to fashion his existence on its tales. As Tex rebels against the government, his ideas begin to spread into the start of the new cowboy rebellion.
MINORITY RESORT– an ethical pre-crime cop (and devout Scientologist) races against pre-time to pre-vent the Pre-sident from unjustly pre-judging and holding all olive-skinned American citizens in a ‘tropical paradise retreat’ called Guantanamo.
TOP GUT
Retired pilots proudly compare chunky physiques while wearing towels. Overheard: “I feel the need… the need for cheese!”
New In Brown – a frustrated businesswoman’s stalled career picks up after she changes her appearance to look Latino so she can benefit from her new company’s equal opportunity program, but things go spectacularly wrong when her romantically-minded Mexican boss takes her home to meet his extended family.
Dolt – the world’s most spectacularly unsuccessful advertising executive is hired by Madison Avenue’s top firm only to find out it’s because they’ve learned that way to success is to do the exact opposite of what he recommends.
TIME TO BILL– an idealistic but greedy lawyer races against time to process taxable receipts and expense reports before a black man who murdered a white supremacist in a court house full of Ku Klux Clan cadre goes to trial in the whitest county in the deepest part of the Deep South.
The Terrence Malick Trilogy
Gays of Heaven-An overly pious Mormon must learn to change his ways before entering the Pearly Gates because upon his arrival he is surprised to learn that homosexuality is not only accepted but expected in Heaven.
The Thin Red Wine-On their honeymoon to Sonoma County excessively passionate newlyweds (Mr. and Mrs. Witt) struggle to escape from a wine cellar after they discover that wine country has been taken over by vampires trying to resurrect an army of the undead by luring in unsuspecting couples into drinking their from tainted red wine.
The Ewe World- John Smith Captain of the starship Discovery crash lands on an uncharted planet ruled by highly intelligent ewes. Problems arise when John and his crew run out of food and there is nothing to…except the ewes.
First, Thank You all for making me laff so freekin’ hard.
In a nod to Blake:
BLANK CHICK
When a teenage super-genius accidentally “reboots” the stuck-up head cheerleader who’s been snubbing him, he finds that she’s now a clean canvas, upon which he can create his masterpiece – the perfect girl – but soon learns too much perfection is not always a good thing.
The Ewe World- John Smith Captain of the starship Discovery crash lands on an uncharted planet ruled by highly intelligent ewes. Problems arise when John and his crew run out of food and there is nothing to eat (sorry I left the word “eat” out)…except the ewes.
12 DONKEYS– in a futuristic world decimated by viral plague, from the safety of an underground bunker, a confined and conflicted cabal plot to send psych patient prisoners back in time to erase the last twelve Democrat presidents in hopes of averting their fate… but the ballsy Bush clan STILL manages to destroy the world!!!
XOX– when an extreme sports enthusiast is sidelined with a killer groin pull, he finds himself catapulted into espionage and intrigue amidst the world of Championship Tic-Tac-Toe…
THE STINK
Con men seek revenge against a criminal banker by creating large amounts of flatulence. When Robert Redford signals his crew by casually rubbing his nose, you know the stink is on!
STAR FARTS – A young boy, Luke Blat-Walker, must airbrush his boxers with a Fart Blaster in order to defeat the Anal Forces of Fart Vader.
THE BEADER: Blinded by regret and far-sightedness, a former WWII shackle welder mass-produces hippie love bracelets, taking in unsuspecting love-children to pilfer their unusual charms.
*Hobo Cop:
A critically injured abusive Hobo is cybernetically implanted as the brain of a police squad car, and reluctantly helps a secretly def cop save his rave party girlfriend.
*Ratman Begins:
A filthy sewer cleaner uses his new rat power of ugly stench to save Gotham city from having their sewage contaminated by the Scare Crow’s fear invoking sewer fumes.
*Fatman Begins:
A vengeful slob uses his new fat power to save Gotham city from having their ice-cream supply turned into fear-cream by the Scare Crow.
*Mystic Diver:
When the daughter of an Ex-con marine diver is eaten by a crocodile, he vows to dive to find her killer before the cops do but his detective friend suspects their other friend who was kidnapped and sexually assaulted as a child.
*Lord of the Wings:
A humble ghost is burdened with the responsibility to destroy the wings of a fallen angel which when worn, control all the fallen angels in hell.
*Lord of the Kings:
A humble peasant is burdened with the responsibility to destroy a king who will enforce any advice given to him, onto all the kings in the world.
*Reservoir Hogs:
After a simple vegetable heist goes terribly wrong, the surviving pigs begin to suspect that one of them is a pig informant.
*Superfan:
An alien orphan raised on earth as the biggest comic book fan, must uses his extensive comic knowledge of hero tricks to stop a mad rich man from using nuclear missiles to create an earthquake that will wipe out the California coastline.
*School of Cock:
When an opportunistic prostitute impersonates her substitute teacher flatmate, she prepares an all girl class for a prom night which the guys will never forget.
*Taxi Drover:
A mentally unstable drover who rounds up cattle used as Taxis, gets fed up with society and decides to take violent action to save a prostitute.
*Dope:
Two stoners murder a guy with a marijuana overdose and stuff him in a trunk before they then proceed to have their mates over to smoke pot around the corpse as a means to challenge the “perfection” of their crime.
*Wife of Brian:
When a baby is born next door to the stable of Jesus, he spends his life being mistaken for a messiah, but all he wants to do is to find a decent wife.
*Paws:
When a gigantic kitten begins to menace the small Australian community, a police chief, a feline scientist and Pound Animal Welfare Scheme officer set out to stop it.
*King Bong:
A group of stoned filmmakers set out to film a mysterious island but end up bringing back a gigantic ape which goes on a rampage due to being deprived of it’s marijuana diet.
CAWS
As Calamity Island’s annual Scarecrow Festival approaches, a frustrated police chief must save the town from a gigantic crow intent on seeking revenge for its ancestors being driven out, and driven mad. “The Future Looks Beak”
THE HEN COMMANDMENTS
A meek Idaho chicken, on the verge of being slaughtered along with the rest of the animals in her barn, must evade an evil rancher and lead her flock to the promised land – an animal sanctuary in California.
LADY AND THE TRUMP
When a high-spirited homeless girl is told by her dying mother that she may be the illegitimate daughter of Donald Trump, she searches for answers in a world of opulent self-indulgence, and in the process teaches everyone what it really means to be rich.
ICE APE – Explorer, LOUIS CHANCE, sets off to the top of the world to find the lost City of Ice, but instead he returns with a living ape made completely of ice. The Ice Ape wreaks havoc on the town and turns Louis’ life ice cold.
SEAL GENIUS – Highly intelligent seals are recruited by the US NAVY for underwater ops, only the Navy didn’t expect lovable troublemaker, SQUEAKER, to splash in on there training.
PILATES OF THE CARIBBEAN – A Roman prefect and his Jamaican brother must master their core muscles in order to wash their hands of the Curse of the Black Vet.
THE LAST STARLIGHTER – After an amazing performance at a high school dance, Marvin Berry and his band are selected by alien rebels as the Milky Way’s last hope in an intergalactic battle of the bands.
EDDIE MURPHY: SAW – The Academy-Award nominated actor locks a group of strangers in his bathroom and forces them to choose between watching “The Adventures of Pluto Nash” and suicide. (Running time 8 mins)
APOLLO 93 – After the last Apollo launch, obsessive-compulsive rocket scientist, BEN “BOOSTER” METZ, refuses to accept NASA’s latest-and-greatest “Space Shuttle”, so he secretly builds Apollo rockets in hopes that one day they’ll soar again.
Bell Boy
By taking a hotel client to floor 666 in his elevator, newly hired bell boy Gern Doplemeyer, inadvertently opened a portal to hell, now he must battle the devil’s fiends and protect the elevator entrance in order to save the world from certain destruction.
Coming soon…
Bell Boy II
The Olden Army
“Were gonna kick your whippersnapper ass! “
History of the World: Part 2
Come on Mel…it’s never too late to make this movie!
THE BEER HUNTER – Beer enthusiast, ANDY BROWN, sets off on a journey to find the world’s greatest beer, from Saigon to Germany, India to Compton, Ca. Along the way he makes friends, changes lives and finds true love… his home brew.
THE DORK KNIGHT
An overweight geek with a heart of gold squeezes into a spandex Batman costume and his dad’s janitor utility belt after deciding that only he can save the students of Gotham High School from a relentless group of bullies led by the football captain (known as “The Jocker”).
PLUSH
Dakota Flannel, a carnie with special powers, travels to Hong Kong to find out why the stuffed animals for the county fairs are being manufactured without any limbs.
WOODFELLAS – A marionette from the old country travels to America and becomes the head of an organized crime ring with it’s eye aimed at whacking anyone who thinks they can pull strings on Broadway without paying up.
“I’m funny how, I mean funny like I’m a Muppet, I amuse you?”
RAD SANTA
Rich boy Lance Allen has money but no luck with the ladies. In an attempt to look cool he pays down and out pro surfer Jason Hill to dress up like Santa and call himself Lance in the next big contest. Problems arise when both Jason and Lance begin to enjoy the stardom of being Rad Santa.
Coach Farter – A flagellant basketball coach leads a team of underachievers to victory both academically, and on the court by gassing them up with knowledge and the will to win.
PRETTY IN OINK – When the DNA experiments of a geeky chemist go awry and changes her into a PIG, LISA RANK, must find a cure or she’ll have to attend her high school prom with Porky Pig.
SWIMMING WITH SNARKS
A hapless assistant to an abusive studio executive finds his career in jeopardy when his boss discovers nasty reviews of the studio’s movies on the assistant’s secret weblog.
SPEND
A police officer must keep the Dow Jones from dropping below 500 points or a disgruntled CEO will blow up the New York Stock Exchange.
THUNDERBAWL
James Bond goes into a crying depression when a sinister plot by a vengeful Pussy Galore causes every woman on Earth to refuse to sleep with him.
THAT THONG YOU DO
When a gorgeous model loses her lucky undies in a laundromat mixup, she finds herself un-dateable until she can find the woman who took her magic thong.
LORD OF THE FLINGS – A young Hobbit named Mojo has been entrusted with an ancient penis ring which transforms prim and proper bachelorettes into sex-crazed floozies. When the ring’s power proves to be too much for one man, Mojo sets out on an epic quest to destroy it, once and for all.
THE RING OF COMEDY
A struggling comedian has only seven days to prevent his death after watching a videotape of a Carrot Top concert.
Binary Instinct
A self-aware cybernetic nympho. A lonely Geek living in the basement. A High speed internet connection… This is going to get messy.
LAST HIGHWAY
A quirky film director finds himself on the Career Road to Nowhere as his films become more and more confusing and unwatchable.
SEX AND THE PITY
Four unsuccessful women in New York City trade stories of mercy dates and forgettable one-night stands while looking for Mr. Right Now.
NEWT IN TOWN
Renee Salamander is sent to a small town in Minnesota to replace the Geiko Gecko who is running the local manufacturing plant. After a frosty reception, the gecko warms to the new lizard in town (and vice versa) and they both decide to get jobs at the Mall of America and winter in Arizona.
BLING BLADE
A dimwitted rapper saves a young friend from an abusive stepfather using the only weapon he has: a gold-plated lawnmower blade he wears around his neck.
DEMENTO
A wacky radio host/doctor makes a movie that ignores the BS2 structure resulting in box-office failure… But that doesn’t stop “demented” cult fans from hounding the brilliant creator of BS2 and demanding that he call the failed movie a “masterpiece”.
LA BOMBA
Set in the 1950’s, a South American revolutionary makes his living as a rock star while plotting the violent overthrow of his country’s government.
NO COUNTRY FOR OLD BEN
Ben, a 73 yr. old illegal immigrant, is convicted of pedophilia, castrated and deported. Unable to return to his homeland, he finds himself adrift on a houseboat with nothing but his charm, wits and the new Moby CD.
Lost in open waters he comes face to face with Dick, a sassy, sexy sperm whale. Minus his manhood, Ben discovers new meaning in life with the help of Moby, Dick and a group of dancing misfit sea men.
THE LITTLE PASCALS
Famed mathematician and physicist Blaise Pascal successfully creates clones of himself, but soon his evil doppelgangers start terrorizing the French countryside.
12 ANGRY YEN
After a man with nothing to lose but 12 Yen tries his luck at a shady Tokyo Casino, and ends up winning a fortune, he is accused of cheating and must convince some angry Yakuza that he’s innocent or he will be killed.
STRANGER THAN DICTION
An IRS agent’s dull life is turned upside-down when he starts hearing voices; unfortunately he can’t understand a word that’s being said.
HORTON HIRES A HO
When good elephants go bad.
THE LITTLE PASCALS
Famed mathematician and physicist Blaise Pascal successfully clones himself, but soon his evil doppelgangers start terrorizing the French countryside.
JURASSIC BARK – In an attempt to develop cuddly dino’ pets, eccentric billionaire John Hammond teams-up with a genetics expert, Wayne Szalinski, to cross dino’-DNA with puppy-DNA. The first result is a 500 pound dino’-pup who just wants to have fun.
BILK – An openly gay politician, who’s secretly crooked, embezzles millions in cash from his constituents then tries to stay one step ahead of the FEDS long enough the reach the Cayman Islands.
FIDDLER ON THE ROOFY
An average JOE, bored in his life, accidentally drinks a cocktail drugged with a roofy. When he wakes up the next day he’s informed that his musical skills on the fiddle are unparalleled, though he remembers nothing. Unable to play a single note sober, Joe dives into the world of roofy’s to gain the acceptance of his peers. But when his alter-drugged-ego starts causing trouble, Joe has to pay the consequences, whether he remembers doing it or not.
STRANGER THAN DICTION
An IRS agent’s dull life is turned upside down when he starts to hear voices; unfortunately, he can’t understand a word that’s being said.
PRANKENSTEIN – In an attempt to reestablish his family’s honor, Doctor Frankenstein IV, recreates his Great, Great, Great, Great Grandfather’s life-restoring experiment. But the genius brain he’s planning to install in his creation is switched with the brain of a murdered comedian, a mob witness, who escapes Frankenstein’s lab to avenge his own murder.
The Deer Punter: Rudy, an undersized white tail, with the heart of a champion, struggles to overcome his wild past by walking on to the Notre Dame football team, and eventually inspiring millions with his uncanny kicking abilities.
IT’S A WONDERFUL WIFE
After an argument with his wife, George wonders if his life would be better had he married someone else. But when an angel shows him how his life would turn out with other women, he realizes that despite increases in money, popularity and respect all his possible mates are missing what truly matters – the ability to love and be loved in return.
DIRTY LANCING – a dance-obsessed but hygienically-challenged dermatologist must win an erotic dance contest in order to pay off the settlement from a malpractice suit won by a former patient who suffered an infected boil.
13 ANGRY MEN – A coven of middle-aged warlocks utilizes sorcery to pick up women.
THE CLUE LAGOON — Shipwrecked and marooned, JASON & MARY, discover a magical lagoon on the deserted island which holds the key to their rescue, only they must put their lives on the line to solve lagoon’s hidden clues.
SIGHT CLUB
This documentary exposes the brutal underground world of staring competitions.
GULP FICTION
After a hit goes wrong, two hitman find themselves having to drink their way out of a situation beyond coincidence while dealing with enemies, aliases and gold watches.
BIGHT CLUB
After breaking the first two rules of Fight Club, Henry Bight forms his own club with only one rule: biting only. Soon he finds the company of other club rejects but in order to keep the peace he might have to break the only rule he set out to keep.
CITIZEN ZANE
Determined to make the A-list, a documentary crew follows actor Billy Zane through his challenge to Hollywood in which he bets fellow actors out of their roles into order to become the superstar he’s supposed to already be.
THE ELEPHANT FAN
A man obsessed with oddities does whatever it takes to gain a glimpse of a new arrival at a Victorian Asylum but he soon gets more than he bargains for as the oddity turns out to be his doppelganger making him question his own exterior beauty.
MOTEL RWANDA
When the Rwanda Genocide hits it’s heights, a Tutsi opens up a small motel to harbor survivors but finds no one’s interested in his accommodations compared to a neighboring hotel with more amenities.
ANNIE TALL
A neurotic man meets the woman of his dreams but his own insecurities make him question if he could really love or be loved by a woman twice his size.
INTO THE MILD
After graduating from college, Christopher takes little or no chances at all and finds happiness in his middle of the road lifestyle despite everyone else’s advice on how to live.
MINDING NEMO
After returning home from their long adventure, Nemo’s dad, MARLIN, grounds NEMO never wanting to go through a similar ordeal again. But before he knows it, Nemo gets loose and this time it will take more than Marlin to find where Nemo’s gone.
THE WILD MUNCH
As time ticks away, a group of aging professional eaters enter the National Hot Dog eating championship looking to leave their mark on the world. But when anxiousness gives way to indigestion, the groups goal seems far off in the realm of impossibility.
Revolutionary Toad.
The story of one little Toad, that decides to leave his pond and find the Princess of his dreams.
SHAVING RYAN’S PRIVATES
A grizzled ex-pornstar goes hunting throughout Europe, for the former Nazi that killed his Grandparents.
BLAME RUNNER
In a perfect but sterile future society a daring and reckless outcast provides the ultimate forbidden thrill: experiencing reponsibility. When four of his cohorts are “retired” by the Serenity Police he struggles to avoid their fate and unleash the taboo emotion to galvanize a dispirited populace into revolution.
ONE FLEW OVER THE CUCKOO’S VEST
A violent haberdasher is transferred to a mental institution where he meets a controlling nurse intent on keeping the other inmates dressed in beige. In a brief and bitter struggle of wits and woolly hats, he opens the eyes of the other patients to the wonder of denim.
DUNCES WITH WOLVES: Underachieving misfits, expelled from school for their wild behavior, stage a hair-raising comeback at the senior prom when the wolf pack they trained in their off-time performs the gut-wrenching ballet “La Boheme.”
DUNCES WITH WOLVES: Underachieving misfits, expelled from school for their wild behavior, stage a hair-raising comeback at the senior prom when the wolf pack they trained in their off-time performs the gut-wrenching ballet “La Boheme.”
LATCH-22
A U.S. Army Air Force airman waiting out the war on an Italian island struggles to understand the point of having so many latches on the door of his B-52 bomber.
CHANGING LAKES– when a smug lawyer makes waves (on a jet-ski) at a troubled business man’s favorite fishing hole, the conflict escalates until both men go overboard and one goes off the deep end…
CHANGING LINES– a straight line of conflict bi-sex when a smug lawyer rubs a troubled business man ‘the wrong way’ while both wait in line at the restroom of a swingers club…
GERMINATOR
A germophobic computer geek with past due gambling debts battles his fear and sibling’s dirty tricks in order to work for six months as a NYC garbage collector and inherit his grandfather’s lucrative sanitation business.
CANTACT– Matthew McConaghey tries once again to not be all red-neck smarm and beatnik charm this time with Jodie Foster, James Woods, David Morse and John Hurt as scientists, critics, aliens and a cancerous crazy man cover for him.
BLAKE– when life-sucking screenwriters vamp up their sub-par works in order to try to pass them off as mythic masterpieces, only one man stands in their way: god-amongst men, screenwriting guru Blake Snyder.
BLAKE II– the feared Screenplay-Talker returns with a new book of tricks to stop living-dead screenplays and heartless screenwriters from sucking the life out of his passion.
BLAKE: TRINITY– Screenplay-Talker Blake Snyder strikes back, with a third installment of his uber-successful series on how not to suck as a screenwriter.
beat that, suckers! :D
CLOVERFIEND
Five heroin-starved New Yorkers with the shakes film an “alien invasion.”
CLOVERFIEND
Five heroin-starved New Yorkers with the shakes film an “alien invasion.”
YOU DON’T MESS WITH THE LOHAN– a repressed, publicity-starved starlet comes out of her shell (and out of her panties) hits all the happening scenes in Hollywood and Las Vegas with Britney and Paris and Samantha (call her Sam, dammit!)… oh my!
THE GREEN SMILE – After a tooth-whitening procedure goes terribly wrong, an insecure, international supermodel whisks her agoraphobic twin sister off to Europe to save her career.
THE ITALIAN HOB
A hotchpotch of bank robbers get misdirected through a Turin traffic jam and have to make do stealing designer kitchen utensils.
THE TERMITE-HATER
A human looking, apparently unstoppable plyboard is sent to the future to kill Sarah Connor, a young termite whose life will have great significance in years to come. Kyle “Buzz Saw” Reese is sent from the future to protect her.
BROTHER BEER – A depressed young man, ANDY PORTER, is transformed into a pint of Brown Ale after a drunk driving accident. Seeing the world through a beer’s eyes, the young man learns valuable lessons about drinking and driving.
A BHORUS LINE – Inmates of a Siberian high-security prison fight for a chance at escape by competing for the principal roles in the traveling production of, A CHORUS LINE.
MOLES – When their home is destroyed by a bunch of hole-digging-delinquent-kids, DIGGER MOLE, leads his family in a revolt against the punks that threaten their underground world.
crAZRick – Your BLAKE Trilogy is terrific!
YOUNG BUNS
A group of whorehouse dancers in the old west hang up their garters for guns to try and bring law to their crime-ridden streets. Using their sexuality and six-shooters they show the bandits some tough love they won’t soon forget.
IT’S A BAD, BAD, BAD, BAD WORLD – A group of desperate auto makers, panicked by slumping sales, race across the country in a mad dash for $14 billion in bailout money from President Obama buried under a great big letter “O”
UN MARSHALS
UN Marshal, SAM LUMP, and his team of UN Marshals are assigned to investigate a global terrorist organization hell-bent on destroying the world. But due to the UN’s policies, they must wait to vote on whether they should have an emergency meeting so they can decide if they should attach an addendum vote to their next summit in six months, assuming it won’t offend any of their current board members. Sam and his team of veteran marshals must fight their toughest battle yet… red tape.
THE ADVENTURES OF ROBYN HOOD – Olivia deHavilland stars as the famed bandit queen of Sherman Oaks Forest who romances Mad Martin (Errol Flynn) and leads her Merry Men in a battle against the corrupt Princess Johnna.
Or how about:
COST IN LA MANCHA – A mockumentary style budget travel show highlighting destination well-known in popular fiction. Hosted by Terry Gilliam.
Or, if al else fails:
SILENT MOXIE – A perpetual bachelor has what every woman wants but lacks the confidence to exploit it.
The Curious Vase of Benjamin Button
A florist discovers some magic flowers.
Jew In Town
Manny Silverman journeys to Great Falls, Montana to open the state’s first Delicatessen.
HOUSE OF FLYING TAGGERS — An acrophobic cop works undercover in South Central L.A. to infiltrate a ruthless gang of gangsta trapeze artists before they can finish their plan to blanket the city with garish cryptic graffiti from top to bottom.
MONSTERS INK
Set in the gritty streets of Monster World, Monsters are flocking to a popular, new tattoo shop to get some scary ink done by MANGY. But when Mangy runs out of ink he accidentally substitutes his supply with disappearing ink. When the monsters begin to see their expensive body-art disappearing before their eyes they come back to hunt one of their own.
I’m confused. Don’t the rules say you can pitch as many times as you want but each pitch is a separate entry?
PIMENTO
A processing-plant worker with short-term memory loss tries to piece together the clues of how all these olives got stuffed.
THE SEVENTH STEAL
A gang of angst-ridden Swedes plot a complicated heist at a chess tournament but are thwarted by a cassock-wearing mob boss known as the Black Plague.
THE 400 BLOWN
A streetwise Parisian kid comes of age as he discovers his mother’s infidelity with an entire French military cohort.
ANGLE HEART
A low-rent private eye hunts for a missing mathematician who sold his soul to the devil in exchange for solving an impossible theorem.
And to follow up on Joe Whyte’s BLANK CHICK…
STOP! OR MY MOM WILL SHOOP
An urban girl’s dreams of popularity at her new school are thwarted by her ex-rapper mom’s new job as the cafeteria lunch lady.
LARD AND THE REAL GIRL
Obese, world-renowned pastry chef, DOOLEY DONNER, has no deep relationships due to his fear of intimacy caused by his weight. Dooley decides to make himself a life-sized girlfriend out of various pastry ingredients. But after an earthquake traps him inside his home, Dooley must decide between eating his one true love to save himself or die of starvation in the arms of his sugary-beloved.
BIG TROUBLE IN LITTLE CHICA – When the shortest girl in the first grade, CHICA LOPEZ, finds a hidden city of little creatures in her grandpas barn, she embarks on a journey to save them from giant supernatural creatures.
BATTLEFIELD GIRTH
When a Hungry Alien Race arrives to harvest the plump earthlings the Owner of a Health Food Store is thrust into action. Together with a Vegan princess and a Bulimic Football Star they must save portly humanity from the Alien smorgasbord.
COCKY
A small time boxer fights the champ and prematurely yells “Adrienne, I’m about to knock out this guy” then BAM! gets punched out himself. Roll credits.
LILO & SNITCH – A drug dealing Hawaiian girl befriends a mysterious creature after he rescues her from a drug deal gone bad only to discover that he’s an undercover narc from another planet. After Snitch gets kidnapped by an intergalactic mobster, Lilo must decide between her freedom and saving the best friend she ever had.
RAGING DULL – The least interesting office worker in history is sent to a special ‘be more interesting’ weekend resort by his work collegues in an effort to cure him of boring them to murder!
SCHLINDLER’S LOST – When a bureaucratic accountant catches the wrong train on his way to a ‘make or break’ meeting at his dream job he must race across the country with the documents that will save the company and his career before the deal is closed.
THE FRENCH CONFECTION – Two bullish Chicago policemen decide to hang up their badges and pursue their dreams of opening a patisserie in Paris.
THE SOLAR EXPRESS – Hyper environmentalist, AL, is determined to produce free solar power for the entire world, but when he finds himself traveling into the far reaches of outer space on rocket-train, he finds reason to believe not only in other alternative sources of power but also the power to be reasonable himself.
BLUES BROTHELS
Believing they’re on a mission from God, a group of Prostitutes repent of their ways and turn their whorehouse into a blues café. But when a rogue Catholic bishop tries to frame them for selling booty with their biscotti, the girls put on a battle of the bands to clear their names and save their business.
The Farm – a hotshot agricultural school graduate accepts a dream job offer with a small but very productive pig farm, only to learn his new employer is makin’ bacon for the mob.
The Gizard of Oz – Dorothy, a Black Sabbath groupie, sets out on a journey to find a kidney donor for her idol, Ozzie Osbourne.
Farley & Me – Richard Shaeffer is a portly and unpopular high school senior whose world is turned upside down when the spirit of comedian Chris Farley visits his body and transforms Richard from the butt of all his classmates jokes, to the hippest kid in school.
Glumdog Millionaire – A pampered and beloved beagle named Molly is the sole heir to her owner’s bequeathed fortunes and the cute canine fights to overcome her sadness and doggedly embarks on the task of financing a sanctuary for lost and disadvantaged animals.
Footsie – A talented but high-maintenance student drops out of podiatry school and masquerades as a bunion specialist in Las Vegas for showgirls and receives wide acclaim for his toe-tal dedication, which sets afoot unwanted scrutiny.
FORREST HUMP
FORREST HUMP
When a slow-witted porn star falls for a nun he gives up the porn star life and sets about to win over the nun with his good deeds and chaste lifestyle.
THE GERMINATOR
THE GERMINATOR
When a cyborg is sent back from the future to save mankind, he must first overcome his fear of germs while working undercover as a Latina housekeeper.
HEIGHT CLUB
A young businessman learns to cope with his growing pains, by forming an underground movement where men gather to see if they can measure up. Soon, he gets a little too big for his britches, and that’s when the high flying antics begin.
CAR WARS An evil force led by the dreaded Darth Vapor threatens to destroy the universe with their evil world oil dominating scheme. But they didn’t bet on a young farm boy and his gift . Can Luke Windwalker save the planet and save the princess?
The Farm – a hotshot agricultural school graduate accepts a dream job offer with a small but very productive pig farm, only to learn his new employer is makin’ bacon for the mob.
GLADE – Half-Candle, half-human, SHEA BUTTER, seeks revenge on the evil FLAME, who murdered his mother by melting her away. But before he can blowout the Flame, he must turn on the heat within himself.
THE PERFECT STORK
All babies are brought to their parents by storks. And every parent’s dream is that they’ll be blessed by a prized baby from the perfect stork, WILBUR. But when Wilbur delivers one of his “Perfect” babies to a wrong, evil family, he has to fight to get the baby back before it’s too late.
RUDE – A scraggy high schooler dreams of playing football at Notre Dame, but his rude behavior lands him on a flag football team at Jr. College. But again his rudeness gets him kicked off the team and on the streets; to reach his dream he must dig deep inside himself to learn how to be nice.
MAN WITHOUT A RACE
Orphan, TOMMY HEART, was born with tweed skin pigment. Baffled Doctors agree he is the first of his race. Tommy grows up as a freak, never being accepted by any ethnic group. Crushed when his t-shirt biz “Always bet on Tweed” sends him into bankruptcy, Tommy must first learn to accept himself before others can follow suit.
The Gizard of Oz – Dorothy, a Black Sabbath groupie, sets out on a journey to find a kidney donor for her idol, Ozzie Osbourne.
Farley & Me – Richard Shaeffer is a portly and unpopular high school senior whose world is turned upside down when the spirit of comedian Chris Farley visits his body and transforms Richard from the butt of all his classmates jokes, to the hippest kid in school.
Glumdog Millionaire – A pampered and beloved beagle named Molly is the sole heir to her owner’s bequeathed fortunes and the cute canine fights to overcome her sadness and doggedly embarks on the task of financing a sanctuary for lost and disadvantaged animals.
Footsie – A talented but high-maintenance student drops out of podiatry school and masquerades as a bunion specialist in Las Vegas for showgirls and receives wide acclaim for his toe-tal dedication, which sets afoot unwanted scrutiny.
Sex, Pies, and Videotape
A young girl’s adolescent journey blossoms in this sweet coming of age tale set in an Italian Bakery in Brooklyn. When a shy but cute health inspector installs mandatory cameras to monitor the filthy bakery, Tia’s father will come home to find more than just a bun in the oven! In English with New York dialects.
THE ART BULLY – When school bully, left-brained, number-crunching, not-a-drop-of-art-talent-in-his-bones, DUNCAN DOODLE, focuses his abuse on a pretentious art class, but when his father learns of his bullying he forces him to take art as an elective. Surrounded by those he’s been abusing he learns to accept those that are good at art even though he is not.
ENEMA OF THE STATE
Colin Powell races against time to save American soldiers from a new torture technique, mysteriously referred to as “reverse waterboarding.”
LAST AND FURIOUS
NASCAR racer and good ol’ boy Earl Winston has set a new record for the most consecutive last place finishes in racing history, after being fired from his team” Pabst-Blue Ribbon” the red neck racer gets one last opportunity to prove himself worthy. He must participate in the dangerous and alluring underground race “Agamemnon’s Loop”, where first place gets you a million dollars and last place gets you death.
AKEELAH AND THE BEES
Akeelah returns but this time she is armed with a Doctoral Degree in entomology as the leading expert in the field of bees. When she is sent to Africa to study a mutated hive of bees living in the jungle she discovers that this hive is not only deadly but spreading like wild fire. To Akeelah this spells T-R-O-U-B-L-E.
GRIZZLY TAN
Depleted ozone has enriched Grizzly National Park with conditions suitable for world-class sunbathing. Once famous for Timothy Treadwell’s fatal bear-mauling, the area has since become a hot-spot destination for the Spring Break Set (beer bongs in tow), who flock in for binge drinking, one-night stands, and wet t-shirt contests. As “girls gone wild” in these lively salmon-spawning grounds, enormous blood-thirsty bears awaken from winter’s long hibernation.
THE HOUND OF MUSIC – A motherly Dalmation with an incredible gift of singing takes top honors at American Idol, must find a way to slip out of town before she and her adorable pups are captured by fiendish music producers and turned into soulless hacks.
COOL HAND CUKE: A saucy young tomato, overripe for his age, gets tossed around the salad bar until he meets a cool old cucumber who teaches him the true meaning of spicy dressing.
COLDFINGER – Britain’s top secret agent faces his biggest challenge when he penetrates a ring of Siberian proctologists to thwart their plans of world domination by transmitting a mass anal/cranial inversion on the entire human race. (some observers have staunchly claimed this has already taken place!)
FOUR WEEDINGS AND A FUNERAL
Gerald, a troubled cemetery worker and hopeless romantic is forced to go ‘underground’ to stop a ‘plot’ by the local townspeople to dig up the bodies of former lovers that had wronged them.
BEAUTY AND THE YEAST – REDUX – A hopelessly cheerful French provincial milkmaid must find the magic spell that will transform her boorish boyfriend into a concerned, caring gynecologist who will give her the cure for her…um, rather unpleasant…persistent…female problem.
Y-MEN
The JV Team battles the crowds at Wal-Mart on Black Friday and their crippling nemesis Door-Buster.
Z-MEN
When rival urinal cake manufacturers catch wind of Squirt, a mutant who glows when he pees, the race is on to see who can catch him first and how long Squirt can hold it.
Horton Hears a Whoa!
After an elephant named Horton hears a scheme to resurrect the career of former childstar Joey Lawrence, he’s determined to find Blossom to stop Joey from screening his film “Tequila Body Shots” in the tiny town of Whoville.
Mamma M.I.A. – Donna Sheridan’s children read the four-page note she left taped to the big screen TV, and for the first time, understand the depth of how unloved and unappreciated she feels. The children hope it is not too late to undo the damage they’ve caused as they go in search of their Missing In Action Mamma.
Tim,
Momma M.I.A, good call!
MAD HOG AND GLORY
Nebbishy motorcycle biker loans his blonde girlfriend to a desk-bound cop, and then gets really upset when the girlfriend and cop fall for each other. He gets his biker friends (big scarry dudes) to start threatening the cop.
LAKE FLACID
A straight laced couple win a trip to a Hedonistic Resort only to have it turn deadly when something in the water causes the members to malfunction.
Analyze Chat
Mobster Paul Vitti is at it again when he steals Dr. Sobol’s chat room handle and treats the unstable patients with his new Crime Wave Therapy.
TRASH
This Mockumentary follows David Cronenberg and Paul Haggis in a quest to keep their movies straight.
ALLEN vs. PREDATOR – When bad-ass NBA superstar, ALLEN IVERSON, goes on vacation with his family to a remote island, his peaceful vacation turns short when he’s forced to battle an almost invisible creature deep in the forest.
GONE WITH THE KIND – A philanthropist wakes up to find the world has been overtaken by a-holes.
See, that’s what happens when I come late to the party… how can I top these? You’re all killin’ me here! Big grins to Gary!
I have no idea how Blake is going to pick a winner. Good luck!
NEVER BEEN PISSED – Happy-go lucky family man Tom Flanagan has never been angry a day of his life, but when his ex-jock brother in law, Stew “The Wrecking Ball” Rivers moves in, Tom’s family starts falling apart. The only way for Tom to restore order to the house is to get pissed!
HOW TO JOSE A GUY IN 10 DAYS – While on a business trip in Mexico, ladies man, BEN GOOD, meets and falls in love with his clients daughter, but when get can’t see her because he’s not Mexican, he enlists the help of local machismo, Jose Bravo, to change him into a Mexican in 10 days.
Charlie Wilson’s Warm – Ruth Harper had come to accept the leading cause of death for her love life was the demands of her job as the coroner for Camden County. Romance that was always dead on arrival, until the day Ruth prepared to cut into the chest of a handsome man toe-tagged as Charlie Wilson and he suddenly opened his eyes and it was love at first sight.
STAR WART – an evil lord who misses him mum attempts to frighten the galaxy into submission with a monstrous growth on his face.
My Best Friend’s Girly – Leslie Frazier, an all-state quarterback at Anita Bryant High School, is admired and respected by his gridiron teammates for his generous spirit and his athletic prowess. However, Leslie’s decision to Bedazzle his uniform and blast Barry Manilow ballads during pre-game warm-ups, does confound this band of brothers.
JURASSIC NARK
Coming upon the fallout, dead dinosaurs, shotgun blasted pick-up trucks, a missing satchel of cash, and a truckbed stacked to the brim with Mexican black tar heroin, Dinosaur Park Entrepreneur John Hammond knows something’s amiss. Enter the likes of Golden Globe nominee, Ray Liotta, a disgraced plainclothes cop whose one shot at redemption calls for donning a Velociraptor disguise, jumping on the scene to punch some faces, ask a few questions, and get to the bottom of this debacle before the place falls into complete bedlam, going all ghetto like Land Before Time 3-D.
FACK
A documentary on the past participle’s origin, why it offends grammar-use enthusiasts so deeply, and what can be gained from its use.
Oof, sorry, late, reaching, out of control.
ROMANCING THE SCONE – Joan Wilder and Jack Colton find themselves in Cartagena -again- in a wild race to reach the only Starbucks in Colombia before closing time.
GLADE RUNNER
The replicants have passed their sell-by dates and are stinkin up the joint. Will private dick, Rick Deckard be able to hunt them down and freshen them up before they reek their maker?
Pilates of the Carribean.
A pair of fitness-obsessed Jamaican fitness gyms battle it out over who can develop their strength but their fitness is hindered when they start taking steroids to win.
Thelma & Louse
Thelma, a fussy, single parent lawyer finds out her children have lice, when trying to remove the lice she realizes the parallels between her messy divorce and her removal of the lice, prompting her to try and remove head-lice medicine from local schools.
Cocky
An overdog story of a cocky boxer forced to fight an eager journeyman by his opportunity-seeking manager. As he neglects his training and gets divorced from a pet shop worker he is forced to lose his title and undefeated streak in the 12th round so that a possible rematch in Las Vegas can garner major publicity and, more importantly, money.
FUEL
A man on a business trip stops at his brother’s gas station to call his unfaithful wife to say he is leaving her, but witnesses her having sex with the brother in the station. Full of anguish, he runs away in his car, but without gas he stops after a mile. The brother chases after him with his fuel truck and gives him a drop of fuel for the next mile, where the man has to stop again. A story of two men, who mile after mile resolve their differences over one woman and becoming best buddies again before the welcome sign of the city the businessman was supposed to reach for his meeting.
THE DEEP HUNTER
A callous headhunter can’t solve a case of one female head, which doesn’t feel like being game, but when he is captured by the Iraqi army in the Gulf War and his head is covered for three months in a prison, he has time to rethink his hunting stategy and returns home capturing his female head on just one date.
THE DEEP HUNTER
A vain headhunter can’t solve a case of one female head, which doesn’t feel like being game, but when he is captured by the Iraqi army in the Gulf War and his head is covered for three months in a prison, he has time to rethink his hunting stategy and returns home capturing his female head on just one date.
BARFEY
A barfly goes “projectile” on all his friends when he takes in too much fuel. “Some people never barf. What truly horrible lives they must lead… it’s the only thing that lasts.”
CHILDREN OF JEN
Not to be outdone by the woman who destroyed her marriage, a hot actress performs an irreversible vasectomy on her ex-husband then adopts every orphaned child on the planet.
HOME CLONE
A young boy is left behind when his clone takes his place on a family trip. Home alone, he battles his insecurities, wondering who his parents like better.
THE CURIOUS CASE OF BENJAMIN’S BUTTON
In the sequel to CHILDREN OF JEN a Hollywood hunk brings to life the curious story of a man painfully mutilated by his ex-wife’s surgical revenge.
J/K
Warren Commission comedy: “I suggest there were multiple shooters in the JFK assassination – just kidding!!”
SOY STORY
When a new soy product replaces him on the refrigerator shelf, a carton of milk must learn the meaning of friendship and lactose intolerance before he reaches his expiration date.
THE INEDIBLES
A young family must keep their true identity secret, as they work tirelessly to invent fast food that will save their family’s dying name, McDonald’s.
THE LORD OF THE DINGS
A shady auto body repairman who dents parked vehicles when business is slow must fight for his life when a pack of pre-menstrual soccer moms drive up in damaged mini vans ready to settle the score.
The Hose Whisper – Carl Pine’s Hardware Store and the sleepy town of Lawnside, NJ are suddenly ground zero for world leaders, U.N. officials and top executives in the lawn and garden industry. Carl’s ability to communicate with sprinkler systems and his “Can’t We All Get A Lawn” program has created a harmonic convergence between man and earth that may just save the world.
BEDDING CRASHERS
Two women afraid of washing machines become fast friends after meeting in therapy and launch a cross country, after hours, linen department crime spree to satisfy their high thread count Egyptian cotton habit.
FORREST DUMP — Four college students take a fraternity pledge of being blindfolded and led into the georgia mountains when one relieves himself on a dormant genome of a carnivorous alien species, bringing it back into existence.
GROUNDHOG GAY
Much to his father’s dismay, groundhog weather forecaster Punxsutawney Phil is coming out of his burrow this year with a different announcement that’s going to ease groundhog overpopulation.
LORENZO’S OWL – After falling deathly ill caused from toxic-pollution, a young boy’s parents turn to the United States Forest Service and enlist the help of Woodsy Owl (“Give a hoot – don’t pollute!”), but when they find out Woodsy is retired, they must trek though an uncharted land of the Black Forest to find him.
PIE HARD — It’s flour power to the max and a recipe for disaster when a baker attending a pastry convention locks horns with a gang of renegade chefs intent on creaming anyone whose crust doesn’t meet their obsessively high whole wheat standards.
THE MILLS HAVE EYES
Revenge is sweet as the Windmills of La Mancha turn the blades on Don Quixote and his sadistic sidekick Sancho.
HAVING PRIVATE RYAN
When the lone son returns home he’s in for a treat as he comforts all four grieving girlfriends.
TO BILL A MOCKINGBIRD — There’s no free lunch when it comes to a waiter determined to make a mockingbird pay for the dinner roll it flew off with during an outdoor catered wedding reception.
LEAD POETS SOCIETY
50 Cent rocks the screen in this tour de force as a Rapper by day and Gunfighter by night keeping the streets free of pedestrians.
DOE HARD – After armed hunters take over the forest, a wounded deer, a female deer, begins a desperate guerilla campaign to stop them before they execute her estranged son, Bambi.
2013 – A group of doomsday believers are left disappointed on New Years Day 2013, and must get second jobs to pay for maxed out credit cards, spent on surplus gear, and bomb shelters.
VLADIATOR — A Roman soldier confronts an undead nightmare when a voracious vampire begins attacking prominent citizens loyal to Julius Caesar.
RICKY
When an agoraphobic bongo drummer accidentally insults a world-famous salsa bandleader in group therapy, it leads to an unlikely friendship and a once-in-a-lifetime shot at music immortality. But to become a star, he must first conquer his primal fear of crowds with the help of a ditzy redhead who views him as her last chance entree into show business.
REQUIEM FOR A DREAD
After he reluctantly enters – and wins – a local “craziest hair” contest, a lovelorn, wannabe Reggae star dreams of taking his award-winning dreadlocks to Hollywood. But his dreams may crash and burn when he falls for a mystical young runaway who believes his dreads speak to her and must be destroyed before they work their black magic on her.
LITTLE SHIP OF HORRORS — Five hundred passengers. One working toilet. A thousand miles from land. It’s going to get messy.
LOVE FREE OR DIE HARD – In a game of cat and mouse an ugly, poor, man kidnapped by terrorists is forced to overdose on Viagra, and is given 4 hours to find the antidote, which is the one prostitute who is willing to sleep with him for free.
THE BEER HUNTER
When three, down-on-their-luck childhood friends enlist together for a dry “Up With People” tour, they think they’re finally free of their drunken, townie pasts. But when one of them descends into the Schenectady sober underground, the others must call upon their shared beer drinking past and brotherly bonds to find him and rehydrate him before they lose him forever.
PAWS
When a mutant, killer kitten terrorizes a small, Cape Cod resort, the town is forced to hire an eccentric, tattooed dog catcher who claims he can hunt it down and kill it. But before long, he finds himself in a fight for his life, as the killer kitten draws him deeper and deeper into the woods and the cause of its mutation is revealed.
SMOKIN’ APES – A portrayal of evolution gone wrong in this documentary showing the endangered, and lovable Silverback Gorillas struggling with an addiction to cigarettes.
HOMEY ALONE
When an overly aggressive rapper gets rejected yet again by the opposite sex, he must overcome his aggressive tendencies with the help of his overly sensitive gay homey or be sentenced to a life of solitude and celibacy.
MEAT THE PARENTS — A young woman discovers too late that her fiancé is really a cannibal determined to have her overweight Mom and Dad for dinner.
THE SHAQSHANK REDEMPTION – After a false accusation of being over the hill, The Diesel must prove he still “got game” while attempting to force a trade to a championship contender.
FULL METAL RACKET – When a young crime boss and his two brothers are drafted to fight in the Vietnam war, they quickly turn to old street ways, demanding money from locals in exchange for protection, threaten other soldiers if they ‘rat out’; but all this changes when one brother murdered in the line of duty.
TRON MAN – After five million hits on You Tube, 47-year-old Tron enthusiast, JAY MAYNARD, becomes a pop culture phenomenon for his home made Tron costume, but when his suit accidentally gets plugged into a super computer Jay gets digitized into the pixel world he always knew existed.
NOTHING HILL – When cocky, hot shot, Skeet Dupree, loses everything in a poker game, he’s forced to live on the streets of Vegas’s “Nothing Hill.” But when Skeet manages to alienate himself from the other residents and Kate Ross, a free-spirited volunteer at the local shelter, he soon learns that the value of a dollar has nothing on the value of a friend.
THE UMPIRE STRIKES BACK
After arguing with the umpire over a strike call and threatening to write a tell-all book, Manager Joe Torre is surprised when the umpire removes his helmet and says, “But Joe, I AM your father!”
THE MOUSE BUNNY – After being separated from his creator, fate -and intellectual property law- propel former Walt Disney character Oswald the Lucky Rabbit on a journey through semi-obscurity until a quirky encounter with sportscaster Al Michaels puts the harried hare on the path back to the House of Mouse.
Monster-On-Law
It took more than nine years, and over 3,300 alkaline batteries, but Frankenstein is officially a Rutgers University Law School graduate. The pain of Frank’s personal experience with medical malpractice – and his Duracell “D’s” – will provide enough spark to make insurance company executives run for their lives!
Miami Voice
Crockett and Tubbs hang up their badges and host a radio show for residents of MIAMI to VOICE their opinions. When listeners continue to complain about a local gang the pair administer some vigilante justice!
GLADE RUNNER
The replicants have passed their sell-by dates and are stinkin up the joint. Will private dick, Rick Deckard be able to hunt them down and scent them up before they reek their maker?
40 YEAR OLD VIRGINS
A 40 year old virgin starts a support group for 40 year old virgins but when a porn boss threatens his group’s survival, the virgin’s only hope of appeasing the boss is to succumb to his 400 pound daughter’s sexual advances.
P.P.S I Love You
Gerard Butler is still dead and Hilary Swank is getting annoyed with the letters she keeps finding around the house. “Let me live my bloody life!” she cries into her cereal.
If there were only a three letter option, I could have done Hispanic Room. So how about Panic Groom!
A nervous and bankrupt groom panics at the altar and runs away from the wedding he paid for and now he has to pawn off the gifts and fly with his honeymoon tickets before the bride catches him.
Petty Woman
Julia Roberts dumps Richard Gere because he said she looked fat in a dress. Sure, he made a mistake, but that dress was totally wrong for her.
OBAMBI
A babe-in-the-woods from Chicago’s South Side aspires to become the new King of Forest when Gipper Man slays his Mother Russia. With help from the Flower Underground and his trusty side-kick, Rev. Podium-Thumper, our hero must prance unscathed through the Economic Inferno and not get caught in the headlights.
THE BLOKE STALLION
An unemployed London factory worker enters the highest echelons of British society as an male escort and must beat a murder charge when a wager to bed a blueblood goes terribly wrong.
Lord of The Pings
A world champion ping-pong player accused of doping must replay all 193 opponents in 10 days to reclaim his title or risk losing everything.
WHERE THE BUYS ARE — Over spring break, four coeds in Fort Lauderdale race to find sun, fun, and houses that will not further devaluate.
ASSABLANCA
A sin-ical American ex-pat in mocha-booty Morocco chooses to stick his ____ out for his old lily-white Swedish flame.
THE PERFECT SORE
A teenager with a huge pimple on his nose surprisingly gets an offer to become the national spokesman for a huge pimple cream company and becomes hugely popular as a result but when the pimple subsides, he must devise ways to stay popular without the pimple.
AMERICAN PIG
Four young hogs make a pact to sew their wild oats before they become breakfast sausages.
(Enema of the State! LOL!)
Groundhog Gay: Bill Murray is forced to re-live the same day until he realizes his lust for his female co-worker is actually a deep passion for Larry the cameraman.
Cocky: An egotistical over the hill actor/writer keeps rehashing his old characters destroying any semblance of cool they once had.
NO COUNTRY FOR OLD YEN
A hunter is pursued by Yakuza after he stumbles across a pile of heroin and Japanese cash.
BALE – After being on the receiving end of a movie star’s tirade, a young Director of Photography’s life spirals out of control.
UNCLE TUCK – Following a dreadful day at the track, Buck Russell (John Candy) disguises himself as a woman to foil pursuing loan sharks.
Vanilla Ska: No Doubt band members cryogenically freeze themselves in the hopes of being awoken when Gwen is ready to give them careers again.
FAST AWAY – With her husband missing for nearly a full day, Kelly Noland (Helen Hunt) can no longer subdue the ‘tick tock’ of her biological clock and decides it’s time to find a new man.
Planes, Brains and Automobiles: Del Griffith (John Candy) is forced to devour the brain of Neal Page (Steve Martin) when he refuses to take his hand out from between his “pillows”.
Caddysnack: When the worlds of adult entertainment and golf collide please remember this: When stimulating the clitoris be sure to make the sound nanananananananananana.
T. – Oliver Stone pulls back the layers of gold chains to reveal the life of Laurence Tureaud (better known as Mr. T) – his struggles, triumphs and the origin of his best-known catch phrase.
Vegan Vacation: A family’s vacation goes off track when a wrong turn and blown engine forces them to take jobs in a rural slaughter house. Tensions rise when the oldest son embraces his job and wins 14 lbs of ground beef as employee of the month.
A.A. STORY
Straight-laced HARRIS SHAW joins an AA group to get close to the girl of his dreams. But when his fake alcoholic story doesn’t work, Harris has to convincingly “fall off the wagon” to win her attention. His new love for the bottle rivals his love for his girl causing his plan to backfire. Harris must quickly sober up before his relationship takes 13 steps off a 12 step bridge.
A.A. STORY
Straight-laced HARRIS SHAW joins an AA group to get close the girl of his dreams. But when his fake alcoholic story doesn’t work, Harris has to convincingly “fall off the wagon” to win her attention. His new love for the bottle rivals his love for his girl causing his plan to backfire. Harris must quickly sober up before his relationship takes 13 steps off a 12 step bridge.
SMOKIN’ APES – When word of the head zookeepers location spreads from cage to cage, several teams of primates form with a single purpose: eliminate the zookeeper, collect his keys.
A LEAGUE OF THEIR PWN – A worldwide network of hackers form a ‘fantasy league’ where they compete for control of the world’s computers and, ultimately, control of the CIA mainframe.
Crack: A Washington mayor is forced to sleep with hookers and smoke crack to keep his heart rate from falling after being poisoned with the belief that no one will find out. Based on a true story.
Mystic Liver: During a summer in 1975, Dave Boyle and two friends, Jimmy and Sean, are playing on a sidewalk in Boston when Dave is abducted by two men and subjected to alcohol abuse over a period of several days. Eventually escaping, but haunted into adulthood by his trauma, Dave becomes a primary suspect when Jimmy’s daughter, Katie, is found drinking, underage.
Mr. Weeds: When a toy factory owner from Rhode Island inherits 40 billion dollars he begins a worldwide crusade to plate every statues male genitalia in gold. Ultimately he meets a sculpture named Edwardo who he falls madly in love with putting his fortune at risk.
Sliver Twist
Twist is an orphan and data-jacker in London, 2075. Taken in by hacker-king, Fagan, he moves into luxury apartment, Sliver Heights, and becomes entangled in a bizarre relationship with the building’s voyeuristic landlord AI, Brownlow. When Fagan tries to hack Brownlow, Twist puts his body on the line.
Dude, Where’s My War?
Troy and Swoff, two bumbling marines, wake up one morning in the middle of the desert with no memory of how they came to be there. Attempting to find their way back to their station, they encounter everyone from angry Iraqi’s who say they blew up their school last night, furious aid workers, a transsexual journalist, and a cult of fundamentalists who want their doomsday device back. Sardonic hilarity ensues.
Smokin’ Apes
In the war between humans and talking apes, the apes have taken the upper hand. General Sparazza puts out a $1 million contract on the heads of five top apes and an array of the best assassins mankind has to offer are unleashed in a comic race of monkey murdering mayhem
(damn, just noticed someone else did smokin apes too!)
Cinderella Pan
Hollywood, 1949. When Peter Pan falls for Cinderella at one of Donald Duck’s hedonistic parties the face of children’s fantasy takes a beating! Cinderella’s enraged fiance, Prince Charming, chases them to Neverland and tricks Pan into a boxing duel to satisfy his honour. Betrayed by a heartbroken Wendy, it takes some fancy footwork in crystal slippers by Cinders to save the day.
Hassel
After winning the Nobel prize for chemistry in 1969, quirky Norwegian chemist, Odd Hassel, takes a break from his lab to travel across Eastern Europe. A celibate academic, Hassel is drawn by tales of promiscuous women to a hostel in Bratislava. Captured by sadistic communists, it takes all of Hassel’s brainpower to foil their murderous scheme.
ROLL-E
A robot is the sole inhabitant of planet earth when he comes across a roll of Ecstasy. Upon taking the roll, he is visited by another female robot from outerspace. When she discovers he’s rolling, she takes him back to her spaceship where they rockout. When he wakes up back on his own planet, he figures it was just a dream, but why is he now missing his robot kidney?
The Omega Fan: The Detroit Lions are still in the NFL, and one man refuses to give up on them.
Sighs: An evil, super villain dead-person leads an army of alien mermaids who can cause humans to commit suicide just by breathing on them.
THE LARD OF THE RINGS
A fellowship of morbidly obese hobbits embark on a quest to destroy a mythical ring of power — the Krispy Kreme doughnut that could tear them apart and rule them all.
Uncle Duck: In this little known sequel, Howard the Duck continues his quest to return home, only to find his long lost human family and nephews Huey, Duey and Louie.
The Wedding Finger: After living in the shadows of his violent and outspoken neighbor, and being dismissed at every rock show as unnecessary when the devil horns go up, the Wedding Finger finally meets his destiny. Naked no longer, he stands boldly in the spotlight…but not at bars, and certainly not during business trips.
Muran: Kim Jong Il’s take on the timeress tare of a ronery gir and her rove of her fawder as she saves her countryrand.
Casablanco
The white house gets a spicy makeover. When the United States faces a labor shortage an illegal alien is offered amnesty and in the middle of a political turmoil is elected president. A former house painter and construction worker by trade he decides to run when his coworkers tell him the white house needs repainting and structuring. After being elected he moves his whole extended in to the white house and they set to the task of rebuilding Washington.
FURIOUS GEORGE – Tired of being made to look like a monkey by the media, a former president beats the Bush in search of a simian look-alike willing to take the heat from now on.
Unforgiving
Can the nicest guy in the world change his luck with one word?
A guy challenges himself to say “no” to everything for an entire year. Dave, A guy whose romance and job life is going nowhere is considered by others to be the nicest guy in the world and a doormat by others until he signs up for a self-help program on assertiveness based on one simple covenant: say no because it’s because it empowers you. Unleashing the power of “No” begins to transfer Carl’s life in amazing and unexpected ways, his girlfriend and boss doesn’t walk all over him anymore, he gets promoted and he begins a new romance. But Dave’s new life style makes him enemies and isolated those who like the old nice guy Dave and Dave soon learns that a little assertiveness can be too much of a good thing.
STAR BARS – A futuristic lothario leads his alien wingman on a bar hop through the stars to look for love and find a way to pay the price on both of his own heads.
A Talk to Remember
While giving a speech on peace, a fundamentals speaker is assassinated and as the police try to solve his murder, audience members in attendance and those watching on TV ponder what his words meant to them. Ten years later when the accused assassin is released on a technicality, the assassin is murdered and those who remember the speaker’s speech ponder how his message of peace could be lost on his assassin’s murderer.
JACK TO THE FUTURE – When the absentminded McDonald stuffs fast food icon, JACK, in his future-box and sends him back to 1951, he puts the entire time-space continuum in jeopardy, now it’s time for Jack to get Jack to the future.
I Now Pronounce You Chunk & Larry: After overcoming a childhood of obesity jokes and false friends, Chunk finally finds love and security with Larry, a man who has fought to overcome his own hurdles. Together they discover the full richness of life and bear witness as the Truffle Shuffle evolves from cruel exploitation into sexual empowerment.
MILF – A hottie ex-Alaskan Mayor arouses national fantasies as she goes rogue to champion gay rights.
Reservoir Docs: After a country club party turns violent and a party-goers ear is removed and reattached by the same surgeon it becomes painfully clear. A dentist has infiltrated the group. Armed only with floss, Mr. Mint will stop at nothing until they give him the respect he desperately craves.
CYSTIC RIVER
Three childhood friends, having followed separate paths in life, are reunited when they must shrink to microscopic size and pilot a tiny submarine up a urethra to find one’s missing daughter.
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BARLEY AND ME – A man trades his family dog for a case of beer.
Fatwoman: When Patience inadvertently happens upon a dark secret her employer is hiding, she finds herself in the middle of a fast food corporate conspiracy. What happens next changes Patience forever. In a mystical twist of fate, she is transformed into an even larger woman with diabetes, high blood pressure, and the life expectancy of a cat. Let the wheezing begin.
Fatgirl: A superhero in two area codes at once.
FLAGS OF OUR BATHERS
Talk about D-Day! On dad’s one day off of the year, an unlucky odd-ball family hits the beach for a fun-day picnic, jollies in the sun, bologna sandwiches, and boogie boarding galore. Little do they know, this just so happens to mark the historic date of the bloodiest assault in the History of Warfare.
Bullets wiz by as if blown by hurricane winds, and body parts rain onto the sands, as US Forces storm the beaches of Normandy. On a day when heroes are made, our unsuspecting family will stop at nothing to get back to the mini-van while parking meter expiration lies in the balance.
Match Joint: Working together, Match and Joint, bring peace and creativity to the world. From parent’s basement to parent’s basement they seek to expand minds and appetites, grateful to be alive and not dead.
A Love Song for Bobby Bong: Returning the most decorated Olympian the pool has ever seen, Mr. Phelps finds that his competitive fire can be used to light up other things. It is this realization that leads him to attempt to write his first musical number.
Jeremy chased me up to point out that my entry, Hassel, was actually two letters changed. My bad. Thanks Jeremy. As such, here’s a quick replacement entry.
Roy
Biography of musician Roy Orbison. The real story behind the ballads of lost love for which Roy will always be remembered, from growing up as a child prodigy in early fifties Texas, the death of his wife in a motorcycle accident, the loss of two children to a house fire, his resurgent career in the eighties and his own much mourned demise.
L.V. Confidential
Three Detectives, from the 1950’s Las Vegas Police Force. Must uncover the truth of multiple murders that were made in a Casino ran by the Mob. As the Detectives get closer to the truth, the Mob gets closer to there holsters. What happens in Vegas, stays confidential.
CHI – A guerrilla designer revolutionizes South American interiors by unblocking their energy flows.
Stir Wars: Set in a technically advanced future, this film pits celebrity chef Julia Child against a malevolent alien bent on reducing the entire universe to a bowl of lumpy gravy.
Annie Hell: A young woman lures a series of unsuspecting boyfriends to her Manhattan penthouse only to douse them gasoline, set them afire, and push them out the window.
Easy Riser: A misfit motorcyclist is raped and bludgeoned to death by fellow gang members who finally tire of his incessant early morning singing.
Valley of the Dills: A talented up-and-coming cucumber becomes distraught when she finds out that she will be excluded from the pickling vat. Sinking into alcohol and pills, she is thrown out of the canning factory.
The Pimp son’s movie
A confident and smooth 5th grader who comes from a long line of pimps in his family decides to take on the family business in his middle school. With a stable of classmates, he trades their lunch-hours to nerds for new toys, candy and video games, leaving the cool crowd jealous and eager to be popular again.
The Empire of the Bun
When Bradley Johnson’s parents die after eating stale hamburger buns, he sets out on a journey across the world to create a bun that always stays fresh. Along the way, he’s taken in by two former McDonald’s employees who have big plans of their own; to open a fast-food chain that doesn’t cause sickness after eating.
THE DICKER MAN
A stranded used car salesman talks his way out being sacrificed to the weird townie’s god. Almost.
Sheepless In Seattle
An unemployed messiah travels to the Pacific Northwest in search of a new flock, but finds his arch nemesis has beaten him to it. Now he must battle for their lives.
McBath
Two entrepreneurial young women find success when their drive-in car wash commercial ditty gains them notoriety.
“Two girls named Patty, special sauce, let us please your pickle with our open-sesame buns”.
As You Hike It
Two NFL cheerleaders banished by their former team find love on Arden Field.
“All the world’s a stadium,
And all the men and, well just the men, merely players;
They have their field exits and their entrances;
And one man in his time plays many positions.”
ONCE UPON A MIME IN AMERICA – A former Prohibition-era mime falls off the wagon and returns to the streets where he must confront the box that he has yet to escape from.
Moose Change
Startling new evidence shows that Rocky and Bullwinkle crashed into the Twin Towers and Pentagon on 9/11.
MEAT THE PARENTS
After spending a disastrous, faux pas-laden weekend with his girlfriend’s parents, a cannibal decides he must eat them so they won’t thwart his desire to marry their daughter.
GOOD NIGHT, and GOOD LUCY – When a fledgling stand-up comedian, BRIAN NIGHT, is blacklisted for stealing jokes, he sinks into a depression, drinking himself nearly to death, when one night he’s visited by the ghost of Lucille Ball. Could Lucy be Brian’s last hope for change?
Don’t know why this was removed days ago…. but again…
A PUG’S LIFE – The long awaited and god-awful sequel to CHAWAWA… Is the tale of a dog that can’t breath without hyperventilating who is sent to the doggie salon and, when inadvertently set loose, becomes tangled in a mess with a pack of stray dogs who force him to replace their hoard of food they believe the pug accidently destroyed.
COOL BAND, LUKE – A man with bigger fists than brains, Luke grows tired of the modern, kitschy, no talent music and brings back a sensual, soulful sound of southern rock that causes mothers everywhere to ban his sound as their daughters throw themselves into the music – and at Luke himself!
THE MUSK – Jim Carey stars in this outrageous comedy about a down and out looser who discovers an antique bottle containing perfume of the gods that, when opened, causes women everywhere to fall crazy, head-over-heels for the wearer!
The Devil hears Prada: After strategically releasing a new corduroy bag to the female elite around the globe a sound more powerful than any pant legs could generate is evoked. You’ve asked who the hell would pay so much for a bag. Well, hell’s rising up to answer you.
INSPECTOR GIDGET – The spunky beach girl, GIDGET, is back in California — knee-deep in a homicide. To solve the mystery she quickly waxes up her surfboard which leads her to an underwater labyrinth, there she faces her worst fear:
The CLAW-DOGGIE.
LAWRENCE OF ARABICA – Tired and weary from crossing the desert, a British barista perks up when he a inspires a mom & pop coffe house to battle the oppression of the evil Starbucks Empire.
JOINT BREAK – Rookie FBI agent, JOHNNY DENVER, goes undercover to investigating the flow of a powerful hybrid form of marijuana. Only when he gets addicted to the drug himself, he finds himself on the wrong side of the law.
Joint Break: During the filming of a documentary focusing on the human drama behind the scenes of the stock market. An unscripted event was caught on tape… to the untrained eye it appeared to be thousands of traders all smoking marijuana during their lunch. We were informed that this phenomenon is also referred to as Tuesday.
TITNESS
On the run from an evil corporation after discovering carcinogens in silicon, a stripper hides out on an Amish farm and is taught to value herself by a flat-chested milk girl.
Whoops, sorry Shawn. Back to back, my bad.
It’s all good — Game on!
OFFICE SPICE – Nebbish Milton Waddams (Stephen Root) gets a new collating job on Arrakis, but his own name becomes a killing word as he burns down the planet after the Harkonnens steal his beloved red Swingline stapler.
The Deported
Martin Sheen tossed off a building? Jack Nicholson gut-shot and left in a bucket? Leonardo DiCaprio and Matt Damon waxed? See the movie the Bush Administration calls “The best film of 2006”.
The Bitches of Eastwick: Three bored Long Beach women left to live without their husbands conjure up a mystery potion forever to be known as Gin & Juice. A big dog moves into town. Cordozar Calvin Broadus Jr. (aka Snoop Dogg) is filthy rich and wild eyed, and within days the three women have all discovered almighty power within his beats. Will whore triumph over pimp, or will Snoop continue to have his “make money money” way with his bitches?
Watch me if you can: An independent feature film about an ex-Chippendale dancer forced to con his way to the top of a Las Vegas show. Marketed as Leonardo DiCaprio’s most revealing performance, controversy has arisen. Many women and a few men claim a bait and switch occurred when Robin Williams starred.
I think half of you are entering the “Name the next Leisure Suit Larry Game” contest. :p
The Curious Case Of Benjamin Mutton
When Dolly, the world’s first cloned sheep, gives birth to a peculiar little ram, she is ostracized by the flock and now must travel to London to find a cure for his condition before the circus comes to town.
I’M NOT WHERE – Hallucinations on the life of Bob Dylan, as six different drug addictions embody a different aspect of the musician’s life and work. Spoiler alert; Marijuana Bob and LCD Bob don’t get along too well.
Since I jumped the gun and lumped these into a single entry before, please forgive the repetition as I single them out…
PIMENTO
A processing-plant worker with short-term memory loss tries to piece together the clues of how all these olives got stuffed.
THE SEVENTH STEAL
A gang of angst-ridden Swedes plot a complicated heist at a chess tournament but are thwarted by a cassock-wearing mob boss known as the Black Plague.
THE 400 BLOWN
A streetwise Parisian kid comes of age as he discovers his mother’s infidelity with an entire French military cohort.
ANGLE HEART
A low-rent private eye hunts for a missing mathematician who sold his soul to the devil in exchange for solving an impossible theorem.
STOP! OR MY MOM WILL SHOOP
An urban girl’s dreams of popularity at her new school are thwarted by her ex-rapper mom’s new job as the cafeteria lunch lady.
KNOCKED OP
A top spy’s mission to infiltrate a terrorist cell is compromised when she finds herself pregnant after a drunken encounter with a curly-haired sadsack.
WARFAMES
A teenaged hacker inadvertently reboots a top-secret computer simulation that causes mass hysteria as untold numbers of sweatband-and-leg-warmer-wearing students do interpretive dance routines in the streets.
FULL DURHAM – A competitive eater gorges his way through the Carolina minor leagues in hopes of being called up to the show, the Coney Island Hotdog Eating Contest.
PEGGY SUE GOT MARCIED: After years of therapy and countless plastic surgeries, an identity-challenged double agent finally realizes that happily-ever-after is possible only if she changes her name from Peggy Sue to Marci.
301 – Johnny-come-lately Spartan, Shepicus, arises from a leisurely nap, only to realize that he’s late for the big “picnic” with the Persians. By the time he gets to Thermopylae, everyone’s dead, and poor Shep has to return and explain the whole thing to Queen Gorgo, who plants a foot in his chest knocking him into a well.
The Codfather
There’s mystery on the high seas as fishes are being pulled right out of the ocean. The only clue one strange rubber shrimp that fell to the ocean floor as a cod was snatch right in front of his family. One outcast clown fish who was laughed out of sea patrol,takes it upon himself to solve the mystery when he discovers strange trash marked “Codfather,” a local fast food restaurant on land.
GORE IN SIXTY SECONDS – A former U.S. Vice-President must steal 100 SUVs by midnight to prevent a global warming catastrophe.
Denace II Society
Denise thinks he is offering a service to his country by operating a conspiracy website and sharing his conspiracy thoughts to everyone he meets. Yet others feel that Denise is actual nothing more than a menace and joke that his website is a Deance II Society. However, when Denise stumbles into a actual conspiracy, he struggles to find anyone who will believe him as the people behind the conspiracy come after him.
NATIONAL LAMPOON’S VOCATION – Budget cutbacks eliminate Clark Griswold’s vacation pay, forcing him to spend the holidays fuming at the office.
Ferminator.
When some people are wiling to go to extremes to look and feel hot, they call in the Ferminator. In Hollywood’s Underground, people trying to make it big will do anything to look like movie stars. Movie stars will do anything to keep their Hollywood looks as others try to enter Hollywood.
A FIGHT AT THE ROXBURY – A night of club-hopping brings brothers Steve and Doug Butabi to the Roxbury nightclub where they practice their particular brand of sexually-aggressive courtship one too many times. Is this movie worth your time? No……YES!!
LOL. Soy Story…I should have thought of that. I’m still thinking!
Vocal Color: The story of a couple who met and fell in love online when they realized they both live with Synesthesia. What colors do you hear?
CITI SLICKERS – After reluctantly taking jobs as security guards for a local Citibank, half-brothers (and half-wits) Joel and Jason hatch a comically ill-fated scheme to rob the bank and begin life anew in the country.
Turn after Reading: A story about the written word and the man who struggled so mightily to unlock the complexities of the page. Lick your thumb it makes it easier.
SEMI-BRO – A crassly titled, yet deeply moving look at the life of Barack Obama – from humble beginnings to Presidential victory, the basketball court has always paved the way.
THICAGO – The heartrending, deeply inspirational tale of one man’s tireless fight to overcome his lisp and land a lead role in the Broadway hit, Chicago.
That’s eating Gilbert Grape? After an x-ray revealed an anomaly in his lower intestine, doctors take turns guessing what parasite has taken up residence in Gilbert Grape.
THE SCHOOL OF ROOK – Out of work and in need of cash, chess-obsessed Dewey Fine poses as a substitute teacher at an elite prep school. What began as a simple cash-con soon changes when he realizes what gifted minds he has to work with.
APOCALYPSE DOW – As the NYSE plunges, burnt-out Treasury Secretary Tim Geithner travels up the Potomac by boat on a dangerous mission to into the heart of darkness (The US Senate) and risks the abyss of insanity to deal with rogue Senators waging their own private war on the economic stimulus package.
“I love the smell of bailouts in the morning. It smells like recovery.”
WALT-E – After humanity has abandoned the planet Earth, the cryogenically frozen body of Walt Disney is left to clean up the mess.
MOUSTERS VS ALIENS Earth’s last defense against alien invasion is its own worst nightmare–a band of former Mousketeers. (Starring Justin Timberlake and Britney Spears!)
COLD FOUNTAIN – A civil war deserter begins a long trek home to his beloved, not realizing that his journey will bridge time, space, and three parallel storylines.
PRETTY ROMAN – A French film director hires a 13-year-old to be his girlfriend for the weekend.
The Last Piss: A short film that focuses on a skydiver’s last dive and the realization that his ex-wife had packed his chute.
DON’T TELL MOM THE BABYSITTER’S DEAF
Three TEENS plan a party for the night their deaf babysitter comes to watch them. The kids tempt the babysitter into entering a Blake Snyder blog contest to keep her occupied while they go downstairs to party. But when the Babysitter realizes she’s been spending all day trying to win instead of spending time with family or doing actual screenwriting, she shuts off the computer and that’s when this quiet night gets crazy.
PARENTHOOK
The Buckwald parents are so tired of being taken advantage of by their three bratty kids that they hire a local, one-handed homeless man to scare their kids straight. But after the kids realize they were on the hook, they use the one-handed man to teach their parents a lesson, one that they won’t soon forget the point.
TOP PUN – While students in an elite School of Advertising compete for the right to be named ‘Top Pun’, one student finds himself playing the part of teacher’s pet.
From the Missed-it-by-that-much Dept.:
LOCK STOCK AND TWO SMOKING FERRELLS – Will Ferrell and Will Ferrell star in a raucous action-comedy about four Cockneys (the other two are both played by John C. Reilly) who owe half-a-million to the local gang boss.
HE’S JUST NOT THAT THIN TO YOU – A series of interconnecting stories dealing with the challenges of relationships, communication, and body image.
THE 40-YEAR-OLD VEGAN – 40-year-old Andy is happy with his life-affirming, high-fiber dietary habits until his friends find out and convince him to eat meat for the first time.
Shred: The powerful and heartbreaking tale of a great metal guitarist who was taken from us far too soon. He had perfected the art of …
Any Piven Sunday: When his love for raw red snapper comes back to bite him, a talented actor is forced to leave his Broadway show, battle the effects of mercury poisoning and deal with the nickname “thermometer”.
HACK TO THE FUTURE:
An adventurous hacker avoids being caught in a terrorists server, when he hacks a program that sends him back into the past. Knowing the first internet virus will strike in a few days, he must find his hacking mentor and hack his way back to the future.
JURASSIC MARK
A scatterbrained janitor working at a science lab accidentally travels back in time, only to befriend a downtrodden group of cavemen. He gives them the courage and self-confidence to become the Alpha Males of their tribe by hunting the dreaded T-REX.
DEMENTO
A desperate screenwriter and his brother director attempt to make major blockbuster hit, which places all of its scenes from ending to beginning. They learn the importance of basic screen structure when their film makes very little money, and end up adapting a successful comic franchise into a movie, which generates hundreds of millions for them.
FITNESS
After a health-nut detective finds out that a greedy McDonald’s executive has opened up a fast food joint in an Amish community, he goes undercover to start a fitness gym, in order to prevent the rising heart attack rates effecting the elders. He must overcome temptation, when the executives offer him a lifetime eat-free membership to Subway, in exchange for leaving the community.
11 – Bo Derek and Nigel Tufnel star in one man’s quest for the perfect woman – one who’s just “one prettier”.
JEWS – The beaches of Amity will never be the same when the great white Rabinowitz takes to the water. “We’re gonna need a bigger menorah”.
IRON CAN – After signing a lucrative, iron-industry endorsement deal, uber-celebrity Robert “Iron Man” Downy, Jr. takes on his toughest foe yet: the League of Brewery Bureaucracies, in a daunting quest to promote his latest invention – an innovative beverage container.
CRACULA – A vampire settles in sunny San Diego and deals drugs in exchange for bloody favors.
ROCK-E
In the distant future, a washed-up prizefighter-bot “goes the distance” to rescue 83N – a mousy explorer-bot sent to Earth looking for signs of turtle food.
Moose Change: Second Edition
Watch Bullwinkle pull a conspiracy theory out of his hat – Again! – when Mister Peabody takes the Wayback machine to the morning of September 11th.
Schindler’s Lisp – True thtory of a buthnith man who thaveth Jewth by mithdirecting the Natthis to “Authwith”.
Folks, pay close attention to THE RULES. You can only CHANGE one letter in the title, not add letters, or change entire words, etc. Your entries, no matter how good, might get disqualified.
:)
jw
HARD TO KILT– after bad-ass LAPD detective Mason Storm becomes coma-cop only to awaken after 7 years with amnesia, he is reminded of his Scottish heritage then goes about brutally killing everyone who tries to get him into proper Scottish ‘dress’ code.
MEAT– after escaping her doomed marriage heist-loving husband Chris, Charlene Shiherlis becomes a vegetarian and flies to Alaska to stop hunters from shooting at wolves and bears from helicopters, drawing fire from the governor, the NRA and caribou-lovers across the state and around the world.
oops! should read ‘caribou haters’…
MEAT– after escaping her doomed marriage to heist-loving husband Chris, Charlene Shiherlis becomes a vegetarian and flies to Alaska to stop hunters from shooting at wolves and bears from helicopters, drawing fire from the governor, the NRA and caribou-haters across the state and around the world.
The Park Knight – A capped crusader deals with litter bugs and teenage Jokers.
The Modfather – The aging owner of a bell-bottom factory transfers control to his leisure suit loving son played by John Travolta.
Gulp Fiction- The lives of two soft drink salesman and a pair of parched 7/11 customers intertwine in a tale of violence when the largest cups are stolen from their boss.
I hope the hyphen in ROCK-E doesn’t disqualify it :(
The PARK KNIGHT – A homeless man wanders the city park in search of life’s meaning and true love, while defending the less capable from evil forces. He meets the woman of his dreams, until her true identity is revealed as his arch nemesis — the Fiddler.
SCHINDLER’S LISP (resubmitted)
A German businessman ends up rescuing over 1000 Polish Jews when he mistakenly has them sent to “Authwitth”.
WILL-E
In the distant future, robot President Bill “WILL-E” Clinton falls for intern-bot LWNSK-E.
KING DONG – A porn star hopeful rockets to stardom when a genie grants him the endowment of a lifetime. And he must now meet her parents.
BEDMIME STORIES
A mute American foreign exchange student haunted by the ghost of a famous dead French mime is committed to a psych ward and becomes a literary sensation after penning the story to prove his sanity.
Tough to beat Bran Torino. Here’s a fun one:
FOODFELLAS – Epicurean drama of a half-Irish, half-Sicilian Brooklyn baker’s boy initiated into a culinary cult in his youth by his high school Home Economic teacher, and the struggles he encounters through the next 25 years seeking refined palettes to convert to the cause of superior taste in a blue-collar ‘hood over-run by lowbrow diners. When an invasion of fast food emporiums threatens his plans, he must take platters into his own hands.
Tough to beat Bran Torino. Here’s a fun one:
FOODFELLAS – Epicurean drama of a half-Irish, half-Sicilian Brooklyn baker’s boy initiated into a culinary cult in his youth by his high school Home Economic teacher, and the struggles he encounters through the next 25 years seeking refined palettes to convert to the cause of superior taste in a blue-collar ‘hood over-run by lowbrow diners. When an invasion of fast food emporiums threatens his plans, he must take platters into his own hands.
THE DRAPES OF WRATH
A disgruntled seamstress axed from a reality show for interior designers violates parole to seek revenge on her competition and America’s domestic diva after being humiliated on prime time television.
PRETTY IN MINK
An rabid animal rights activist, pondering her convictions after falling for the handsome heir to Canada’s top furrier, discovers that their romance may not have happened by chance.
A MASSAGE TO INDIA
An unlikely romance develops on a flight to Madras between a hedonistic masseuse on a culinary vacation and an Americanized Indian on a spiritual pilgrimage contemplating life as a Hindu monk.
A RUG’S LIFE
A lowly carpet sample recruits a roll of astroturf to save his fellow samples from the evil Red Carpet, only to discover that it’s just cheap canvas from a circus tent.
SCARFFACE
Days after 9/11, a small town minister’s wife dons a burka risking her life and marriage to take on a racist community after a Muslim woman left badly scarred by the Taliban is forced to remove her veil while applying for a driver’s license.
AMBéLIE, or Le Fabuleux Destin d’Ambélie Poulin: A young naive woman with bulging eyes ambles the streets of Paris, decides to change the lives of those around her and ends up sleeping with the famous director of Babylon A.D.
THERE WILL BE FUDD
A turn-of-the-century cartoon hunter buys the wildlife rights to a family’s ranch, and then hits a major pocket of carrots,leading to a life or death showdown with a wascally rabbit.
Gee, guess I didn’t read the rules close enough with my last one. How about:
THERE WILL BE FLOOD
A turn-of-the century beaver buys the dam rights to a family’s river, and then hits a major pocket of termites.
A Few Food Men — When a marine cook is found dead in the Guantanamo Bay galley with unusual amounts of heavy cream flowing from his nose and mouth, three health-conscious naval lawyers step in to investigate, suspicious that his demise was the direct result of a secretive Marine Corp punishment technique known as “Code Fed.” Starring Tom Crouton, Pepper-Jack Nicholson, and, Kevin Bacon.
28 GAYS LATER
A Kansas farm boy tries to get hired at Disney.
APOCALYPSE COW
An HR employee must navigate the horrifying backwaters of ABC to nix Rosie O’Donnell from The View.
DAS BOOTY
JLo heads an all-girl nuclear submarine crew.
Boyz N the Mood
A cynical, single father struggles to create a romantic atmosphere in a home polluted by his drug addicted, violent son.
STEPFORD WIRES: In a terrifying high-tech town, everyday housewives struggle for normalcy when trapped with BlackBerry-using husbands.
HEX AND THE CITY — Four beautiful witches, cursed with the inability to marry one of their own magical kind, descend on New York disguised as mortals in order to find the perfect husband — and a nice pair of shoes.
TRANSFARMERS – A city boy, new to the farm, holds the only secret to stopping a barrage of alien rednecks who have the ability to turn themselves into farm equipment.
ALVIN AND THE CRIPMUNKS – A struggling rapper named Snoop Seville finds success when he comes across a trio of singing gangland chipmunks.
THERE WILL BE BLOND – After taking a nasty fall from a double back flip, college cheerleader Trixie Plainview develops a sixth sense for finding oil and strikes out with her sorority to make it rich.
HEN OF HONOR – A chicken raised by a family of ducks, rises above the prejudice of his new-found peers to become the best swimmer in the pond.
THE BAKEHOUSE – A lonely Pastry Chef discovers that his oven is a portal to the future and he finds himself falling in love with a frustrated cooking student who keeps sending him bad Tiramisu through the magical oven.
THE BAKE HOUSE – A lonely Pastry Chef discovers that his oven is a portal to the future and he finds himself falling in love with a frustrated cooking student who keeps sending him bad Tiramisu through the magical oven.
ONE FLEA OVER THE CUCKOO’S NEST
Randle McMurphy really “bugs” the head nurse of a mental institution. When she “Ratched”s up the tension, McMurphy plans a daring RAID to break his fellow patients out, only to get zapped at the end.
BUSH HOUR – The Fastest Thinker in the North relentlessly pursues the Biggest Mouth from the South. There is hope.
Dirty Fork: After a successful entrepreneurial venture in which his t-shirt “spooning leads to forking” made him a millionaire Salid Fork Jr. has tarnished his clean record. A Chinese waiter realizing his error when placing a dirty utensil before Salid’s girlfriend attempts to apologize stating “I give your girlfriend Dirty fu#k”. That pronunciation led to the stabbing and an attempted murder charge. Will the charge stick or can Salid’s lawyer Mr. Cascade turn up the heat and give his client a fresh start?
THE HOUND OF MUSIC
How do you solve a problem with Malteses? It’s as easy as Do-ber-man when Maria Von Trapp refuses to let a German Pinscher. Taking inspiration from Sister Mahratta, Maria and the Captain plot a daring escape from Austria during a bravo performance of “The Von Trapp Family Springers”.
Nick and Norah’s Infinite Laylist
Two teenagers looking for the attention of the other hook up with other people in hopes to make the other jealous. But when the teens take it personal and try to one up each other, they end up sleeping with everyone in their high school before they finally end up with no left to seduce but themselves.
Chris, The Hound of Music was doggone funny
The Devil Tears Prada — Follow Meryl Streep on this powerful yet poignant two-hour, Prada-tearing temper tantrum after she loses yet another Best Actress Oscar to Hilary Swank.
Lord of the Rinks – Sad that their mystical quest has come to an end, friends Frodo, Samwise, Merry, and Pippin join forces with Gandalf and set out on a new epic journey: to find ice skates that fit their freakishly large feet and a promoter crazy enough to bankroll their dream show, Hobbits on Ice.
Top Bun – After premier sticky bun chef Bill “Sugar” Cortell suffers a nervous breakdown on the heels of a shaky grease fire incident, Pete “Pecan Maverick” Mitchell and his sidekick “Lemon Juice” are sent to Top Bun School where they’ll learn with the “Best of the Best” and duke it out with nemesis Tom “Icing Man” Kazansky for the ultimate prize – Top Bun.
YOUNG NUNS — A group of nuns-in-training led by Sister “Jesse” James takes revenge on the wild west town that burned down their church.
Beach Blanket Dingo – Trouble arises for a young couple when a beach party is invaded by a motorcycle gang and a pack of wild dogs.
Germs of Endearment – Two lovable germs search for meaning in their short lives and are brought together when they infect the same host.
WALK-E – When WALK-E, a dated walkie-talkie living in the future, overhears a plan to overthrow the government, he suddenly holds the world in the palm of his, well, in his earpiece…too bad he can’t actually talk.
The Puns of Navarone – A British team competes on a Greek television gameshow where the object is to outwit the opposing team.
The Toys from Brazil – A down-on-his luck toymaker creates a worldwide fad with toys made in the likeness of dictators from history.
Pineapple Excess – “Dole” Denton and Saul Silver, a 30-something clerk and a grocer, find themselves on the run from a drug cartel when they steal a crate of pineapple to impress Dole’s girlfriend, only to find out that those pineapple were used to smuggle in drugs from Brazil.
Wasablanca – A woman searches for the one pack of crackers that will ensure her safe passage out of the country and discovers that it is in the possession of her former lover.
Righteous Bill – Third installment in the Kill Bill series is a prequel where we find Bill bringing together a band of assassins in order to kill the most hated criminals in America…until the power goes to his head and he becomes of one the men that he hates so much.
HOUNDDOG
Dakota Fanning is raped after dancing naked for Elvis Presley tickets.
Wait…that’s a real movie???
IT’S A WONDERFUL WIFE
A desperate George Baily pushes his spouse off a bridge. She falls on, and for, an apprentice angel.
Toyz N the Hood
Etch E Sketch tries to erase his habit, but his crooked lines need a fix. After Etch’s directions send Mr. Potato Head and the gang into a rough section of town, Woody and Buzz must work together to save their friends in a world where toy guns are simply child’s play.
2001: A SPADE ODYSSEY
A washed-up SNL comic goes to Jupiter in search of his ratings.
Y TU LAMA TAMBIEN – When lonely, LUISA LAMA, meets two rambunctious monkeys, she finds herself on an adventure of a life time, only she learns she’s been seduced and sold to a factory to become lama fleece.
THE BREAKFAST CLUE – A group of high schoolers find themselves having to band together when the school principal takes detention to the next level, locked in the school basement forced to solve his demented puzzles that leaves clues to their escape.
THE BUDDY JOLLY STORY – Legendary Christmas songwriter, BUD JOLLY, finds himself with a bit of writers-block due to his dying faith in Christmas, a trip across country with his unsympathetic daughter maybe the thing he needs to bring back his faith and crush his doubts forever.
ALL QUILT ON THE WESTERN FRONT – Three very different brothers: A special ed teacher, a film editor, and a sous-chef come home for the first time in long time to attend their late mothers funeral, only can they keep the peace when they’re snowed in and forced to finish a quilt their mother had started.
SAVING PRIMATE RYAN
When the government’s time-travelling chimp — code name “RYAN” (Recon Yielding Ape Ninja) — gets captured by some carnies in the Dust Bowl of 1935, it’s up to an elite band of damn dirty apes to save him and stop an environmental catastrophe.
SATURDAY NIGHT SEVER – Super slick disco dancer, TONY LIGHT, severs his left foot after a freak dancing accident, with only one foot Tony struggles to reclaim his title: King of the Dance Floor.
OH, SHE’S ELEVEN
Criminal mastermind Danny finds himself in an Ocean of trouble when Terry Benedict has his saucy E-mails to Tess re-routed to the room of a family with a preteen daughter. Chris Hanson guest stars.
How to Lose a Guy in 10 Ways
After a dating service glitch sets her up with a horror date a stewardess goes to extremes to get rid of him when he stalks her from coast to coast.
Spice Cowboys
Three old codgers try dirty trick in the book to outdo each other in the extreme in a county bake off without getting their aprons in a bunch.
BITANIC
Leonardo DiCaprio’s love life hits the rocks when he finds himself strangely attracted to the fiance of the woman he loves. Long repressed feelings rush in as the inner conflict rips open a hole in his formerly carefree shell. Will he stay afloat in this sea of love, or will his desire for both split him in two?
THE PUNK PANTHER – Inspector Clouseau seeks a cat with a bad attitude and bad taste in clothing and music, then stumbles on the clue to solve the case.
THE PUNK PANTHER – Inspector Clouseau seeks a cat with a bad attitude and bad taste in clothing and music, then stumbles on the clue to solve the case.
THE DUMMY
All hell breaks loose when the mummified body of an ancient and “completely clueless” Court Jester is mistakenly raised to lead the remains of Agamemnon’s Army. Once again Rick O’Connell is called upon to stop the menace and hilarity ensues as Rick struggles to stop an undead army that has no clue as to what it is doing; the army is being led by a complete Dummy.
YOU’VE GOT BAIL
A bored and lonely night security guard for an international investment firm meets the FBI’s most wanted Mob Boss in a prison online chat room.
DONE IN 60 SECONDS – Newlyweds, JACOB and NOELLE, embark on the crazy journey that is marriage, only the honeymoon is a flub when Jacob suffers from premature ejaculation, tired of worrying about satisfying Noelle he tries an old Japanese remedy that works like a charm, but the side effects are too much for Jacob to handle… and Noelle is really tired.
YOU’VE GOT BAIL – That’s great!
LICENSE TO BED – An uptight and old-fashioned couple must attend a Kama Sutra boot camp before their pastor, who believes sexual compatibility is the key to a good marriage, will marry them.
DITCH – A die-hard Romeo, “Ditch”, skilled in the art of romantic reduction, has a successful practice helping guys get their girlfriends to dump them until his worst nightmare comes true and he meets the love of his life.
HANNAH AND HER SITTERS – Hannah, a loquacious overly-sensitive Manhattan tween, must atone for her snide one-liners by spending Thanksgiving weekend with her Hasidic nannies, who believe the holiday is actually Yom Kippur.
SAVE THE FAT! – In this adaptation of the international best-seller, a dashingly handsome WGA agent embarks on a desperate mission to rescue a beautiful writer’s woefully underplotted screenplay, bravely overcoming a lack of obstacles, an absence of dramatic conflict, and a lowering of the stakes.
ALUMDOG MILLIONAIRE
A once wealthy business exec becomes a contestant on the corporate version of “Who Wants To Be A Millionaire?” He is arrested under suspicion of cheating on his college finals and while being interrogated, events from his frat life history are shown which explain why he knows the answers.
CRASS – In this multi-character, multi-story LA drama, racial strife and class hatreds are subsumed by pushy salad bar behavior.
GOAD! – A Mexican American soccer player, played by Kuno Becker, has a shot at playing in the professional Newcastle team, but first he must qualify by poking an electrically charged rod in first team players’ buttocks.
THE DEFARTED – When his true identity is on the verge of being discovered, a violently flatulent undercover cop must use his irritable bowels to blast his way out of a deadly underworld crime syndicate.
SRAVEHEART
A ronery North Korean dicatator finds ruv on Jdate but if he thought dearing with Tokyo was a pain, wait untir he meets this JAP.
GASTIGHT — A naïve newlywed struggles to maintain her sanity when her husband insists she’s imagining that he traded the Prius for a Hummer.
Jew in Town – An ambitious Manhattan banking executive finds life challenging when she goes to Saudi Arabia to takeover a local bank and falls in love with a Bedouin nomad.
YES MA’M
An arrogant soccer star is taught a lesson when loses a bet and must spend a year working at a woman’s college run by a feminist tyrant.
THE WAY THE EARTH STOOD STILL –
A lonely alien crashes on Earth and is mistaken for a hostile invader. He falls madly in love with with a US scientist and together they fight the government to have him released so they can marry.
HO’S JUST NOT THAT INTO YOU
A lonely John is shattered to learn the prostitute he’s fallen for is just in it for the cash.
Peter Pun — A fun-loving boy refusing to grow up struggles offhandedly with Captain Hook.
The Days of Wine and Moses – Trapped on the banks of the Red Sea by marauding Egyptians, the Israelites scream when the sea turns blood-red. From the hilltop, Moses with his wand and outstretched arms performs a miracle, causing the General to issue a command, “we make love, not war” as he falls off his horse into the sea of wine for the third time.
War of the Poses – No boob job or liposuction is private when two competing washed up supermodels go to war in a scandalous media battle to reign diva supreme.
Pimp Up The Volume: In a small Christian community an enterprising pimp takes his salacious advertising to the airwaves on a pirated radio station, and causes an uproar.
Sex, Ties and Videotapes – 48 hours before the president-elect’s inaugural speech a documentary falls into a reporter’s hands that links the president-elect to the snuff film industry. His prudish campaign manager has 48 hours to uncover the truth before the reporter goes public.
Bunny Games: After their fall from grace, two over the hill Playboy bunnies hold their replacements hostage and terrorize Hugh Hefner.
hmmm that Bars movie is my kinda thing, that thar’s a drinkin’ movie! and we all know how well drinking movies do! theeeeyyyre GREAT! :P
WAGING BULL
True story of Mike Tyson – the baddest man ever with a speech impediment.
THE DUMBER 23 – Jim Carrey stars as a simple-minded dog catcher/limo driver trying to return a mysterious novel about numerology to a beautiful woman in Aspen, California. Together with best pal Jeff Daniels and 21 other soft-headed would-be heroes, he sets off on the short-bus roadtrip of a lifetime.
THE GIRTH OF A NATION
Horrified by the growing waistlines of those who consume his delicious fried chicken, Ben “The Little Colonel Sanders” Cameron begins covering the obese diners in white sheets, inspiring the rise of the Clu “Clucks” Clan.
IRONY MAN – Robert Downey Jr stars as a once unemployable recovering addict forced to take a part in a lesser-known comic book franchise, who transforms himself into tne new bullet-proof superhero of the box office.
BILK – The heartwarming story of Bernie Madoff’s quest to be America’s first openly corrupt investment advisor.
ROOTSIE
Over-employed slave Tootsie Kinte puts on a red sequined dress to get a part on a sloop opera.
Thanks Adam for the support!
001: A Space Oddessy
A group of loyal brothers are deeply affected by Jesus dying and after holding a year long vigil for him decide to make a space machine to rescue him from the stars. One problem; it’s 01 A.D and technology isn’t exactly booming.
JUDO
Whip-smart teenage girl Judo MacGuff wrestles over an unplanned pregnancy with her classmate Paulie Bleeker. Together the hip couple shoulder the responsibility, grappling with the moral issues and the striking realities of adulthood. After much sparring, Judo chooses the gentle path toward enlightenment which leads her to a front stoop where she and Paulie sit with guitars and sing a song.
G-Men
A young J Edgar Hoover assembles a secret team of agents with supernatural abilities to uncover and stop a paranormal communist plot that threatens the nation.
Good one RJ :)
WHAT ABOUT BOOB?
A virgin Seminary student, SHAWN WILSON, falls for a girl who plays second base on their city softball team. Torn between his commitment to remain abstinent until marriage and his girlfriend’s strapping sexual drive, Shawn has to uncover the line of how far he can “go” before it’s a sin.
NOW IN TOWN
Wild-eyed ringmaster JORAT Frost brings his circus to town featuring PAWS, the IRON MAW lion act and the fearless DAN ON WIRE. A FIGHT AT THE MUSEUM breaks out as museum ticket sales plummet. Jorat’s estranged brother DIXON, who runs the museum, breaks into the circus and makes off with THE LION, THE HITCH AND THE WARDROBE. Furious, Jorat challenges Dixon to a duel. Who will prevail in FROST VS DIXON?
DIE HERD
Two easygoing cowpokes face hard questions when they are unexpectedly set upon in the open range by murderous forerunners of the Russian mob.
THE DAD AFTER
Poignant drama about the adjustments a Kansas farm family must make after their father doesn’t quite make it to the bomb shelter in time.
SPLENDOR IN THE GLASS
Gorgeous costumes and hard bodies are on display as mannequins in a department store window must cope with unfamiliar emotions after an earthquake throws them together, and rescue workers rip them asunder.
THE TAWENTED MR. RIPLEY
Only a lisp stands between an exceptional young man of questionable character and untold wealth.
TAP GUN
Alas the bullets aren’t real as gunfighters in training seek to maneuver each other into tapping their opponent’s weapon, thus conceding the match.
SOYVENT GREEN
Visionary industrialist who developed an environmentally friendly, edible, air handling system searches for the cause of high worker turnover.
Born on the 5TH OF JULY – The day after Captain Hiller, President Whitmore and David Levinson save the planet from an imminent alien invasion, their celebrations are cut short when they encounter Ron Kovic protesting against their nuclear attack of the mothership. Directed by Oliver Stoned.
CLUBBER
To impress a girl, shy chemistry grad student Sam Franks accidentally invents a powerful club drug, catapulting him into a new status as a kingpin on the party scene. When strange side effects begin to develop, and rival gangs start closing in, Sam must go back to the lab again to find an antidote to his life of crime.
9 FT 5
A nine foot five, sixteen year old sets out to find her birth mother, a geneticist who became pregnant while conducting growth hormone research in order to duplicate the science that would give rise to the perfect boyfriend before senior prom.
MUST LOVE HOGS
A widowed overweight biker chick straddles her Harley and sets out on a cross country quest to find the perfect man to grow old with and meets up with her best friend’s grandson and his buddies who’ve dropped out of college to ride the highways.
NO COUNTRY FOR FOLD MEN
Three visiting North Korean origami artists attempt to defect during an LA arts festival and must face the possibility of retribution in their homeland after flying to several countries unable to find asylum.
THE BARK KNIGHT – A forest dwelling vigilante hero’s skills and integrity are tested to their breaking point when he takes on his sworn arch nemesis threatening to burn the whole forest down- The Smoker.
MILLION HOLLAR BABY
A struggling single mother with a terminal diagnosis fights to leave a legacy for her cholicy baby with a spot in the Guinness Book of World Records for the most number of wails in a twenty four hour period.
RAGING GULL
A savage seabird rallies his flock to launch an aerial assault on a rowdy band of spring breakers after his gull friend is maliciously feed Alka Seltzer from a condo balcony.
I, LIZABETH
Standing at the altar, a free spirited debutante in the middle of her dream wedding considers in flash-forwards the ramifications of each word of the marriage vows she is repeating and must decide if she will say I do.
SEVEN BRIDES FOR SEVEN BROTHELS
Seven very different lovelorn American women held captive in Russia fight to escape from a sadisctic pimp after falling for a mail order bride scheme that lands them in the world’s oldest profession.
NIGHTMARE ON ELMO STREET
An award winning TV journalist, tortured as a kid by a puppet wielding baby sitter, risks his career to write and produce an unflattering documentary about his childhood nemesis, a now popular children’s author.
EASY WIDER
In high school she was a skinny prude. Twenty years later and a hundred pounds heavier she’s a big and beautiful model coming to the class reunion ready to put a few more notches on her lipstick case.
MADE A GAS CAR
A bean loving teenager builds a flatulent powered engine for the school science fair. Now he’s on the run from a band of ninja’s sent by a Japanese automaker and Union muscle from Detroit out to steal his invetion.
NASAblanca
It’s the beginning of a beautiful Friendship 7 for nightclub owner, and Gemini, Rick Blaine when old flame Ilsa Lund splashes down. The Mercury heats up when Ilsa’s husband, Lunar Prospector Victor Lazlo, is detained, forcing Rick to either take his shot, or abort. After several awkward Apollo-gies, he shuttles the two Voyagers off to the International Space Station with the immortal words, “Here’s looking at you, Mir”.
BOOK WHO’S TALKING
Check this out: she’s got a bun, she’s bought a gun, and that guy who chatters in her library is going to the slammer!
BEAUTY AND THE FEAST
An aspiring exotic dancer crash diets and fakes an eating disorder to earn a spot on a reality TV show for anorexics featuring forced eating and a million dollar prize in order to finance a boob job and get her own pole in Vegas.
SINGING IN THE BRAIN
When a morning radio show stunt goes amiss, a disc jockey past his prime is left in a coma on life support where he spins the hits in his mind recounting the failures and successes of his lifetime.
MUSH
The President of the Westminster Kennel Club sends two spoiled show dog veternarians, “Dogtoe” Pierce and “Hounddog” Forrest, to Alaska to work as “volunteer” vets for the Iditarod Sled Race. If they finish the race, they keep their jobs. Only one problem – they both hate the cold, and each other!
REBEL WITHOUT A CLAUSE
An illiterate Civil War re-enactor channeling the spirit of a Confederate general pens a best selling novel and must take on a New York Times critic to prove his work is not plagiarized or risk loosing his $100,000 book deal.
[I spelled “veterinarian” wrong in the above logline, sorry.]
TREE MEN & A BABY
Three, bachelor men live in a tree to protect it from being cut down by contractors. But when their food rations are carted up in a bucket there’s a surprise… a baby, left to them by an old girlfriend. Their strongly rooted convictions are splintering when the challenges of raising a baby in a tree force them to branch out their worldview. They’ll have to choose between their tree home and their family tree before they lose them both.
YOU’VE GOT MEAL
Retired, kind-hearted, JOE FOX, delivers food for “Meals-on-wheels” to “stuck at home” people. Joe comes across a scrumptious older woman who has lost her taste for life and stays in her house 24-7. The more Joe learns about her, the more his love pallet craves her. But when Joe finds out she’s his long lost sister he has to decide whether to skip this meal or indulge on a dessert of forbidden fruit.
FERRIS BUELLER’S LAY OFF
A recently downsized executive and his former coworkers take advantage of their new freedom giving hope to the unemployed masses as they prove that a dire economy is no match for a fun-loving spirit.
AFRICAN QUEER
Subsisting mainly on fruits in a sweltering jungle, an odd pair of freedom fighters, unencumbered by sexual liaison, devote their undivided energies to sink a German ship.
BRIAN’S BONG
A talented young football player learns the meaning of friendship when a compromising photograph dashes his Superbowl dreams and a former rival comes to his aid.
STAR WARTS
A Beverly Hills dermatologist with a dream sets tinsel town a buzz after opening a museum exhibiting a curious collection of growths surgically removed from Hollywood‘s A-List. Now he must take on a corrupt zoning board and a pack of publicists to keep the Star Warts Museum opened.
IT’S A WONDERFUL WIFE
A depressed banker contemplates suicide during the Christmas Holidays. His frazzled wife, blaming herself for all the problems, abruptly leaves town. The Angel is speechless, but nods approvingly.
BEAST OF EDEN
An atheist archeologist out to disprove a colleague’s purported discovery of The Garden of Eden must confront his own disbelief in order to defeat an unspeakable evil threatening to devour the souls of mankind.
A RICAN QUEEN
A washed up Amer-Rican singer from the Bronx makes a royal comeback after faking genealogical proof that she was descended from an Indian Queen and Christopher Columbus. But when she becomes the pawn of an anti-American group in San Juan, she must risk her career and renewed fame to prove her patriotism.
A MIME TO KILL
A NYCPD detective with a reputation for practical jokes uncovers a terrorist plot to kill street performers, replacing them with enemy combatants. Unable to convince the brass, he must go rogue to stop a convention of murdering mimes from turning the city into a blood bath.
STAR WARD – An intergalactic princess develops a substance abuse problem and is assigned to a cell on the BettyFord Star, where she bottoms out in a trash compactor.
THE FURIOUS CASE OF BENJAMIN BUTTON
Benjamin Button is on the run from a group elderly hitmen after he sues the A.A.R.P for revoking his membership for no longer meeting the age requirements.
Oops, left out a word.
THE FURIOUS CASE OF BENJAMIN BUTTON
Benjamin Button is on the run from a group of eldery hitmen after he sues the A.A.R.P for revoking his membership for no longer meeting the age requirements
TEX IN THE CITY
A transplanted Texan living in NYC, out to spice up Manhattan’s fashion sensibilities with some cowboy chic is framed for the murder of a men’s underwear model. Now he must go undercover at a fashion magazine to prove his innocence and his manhood.
A LIEN
Galactic tax collectors struggle with interplanetary green card holders get their dues.
KING BONG
A film crew finds a giant gorilla selling crops of marijuana to fund his trip to the Empire State Building.
KING BONG
A film crew finds a giant gorilla selling crops of marijuana on a tropical island to fund his trip to the Empire State Building.
MATCH ME IF YOU CAN
The successful, but shallow founder of an internet matchmaking service is richly rewarded when he accepts a million dollar offer from a morbidly obese heiress badly burned in a fire seeking a loving husband willing to sign an ironclad prenuptual agreement.
THE WHINING
An unstable family heads to an isolated hotel for the winter and finds themselves snowed in with their whiny, screaming brat and his imaginery friends.
Gunga Dun – A young servant boy to three English soldiers in 19th century India aspires the military life, but winds up with a shovel and bucket following his elephant-riding masters
The 39 Stops – An innocent man, falsely accused of killing an espionage agent, is on the run from authorities- on the Long Island Local
The Sodfather – Weary of the effects gang warfare is having on his family, Don Corleone cedes control of the rackets and prostitution for 100 acres of farmland in upstate New York
I.T. – A group of Earth children find a cute alien and put him to work fixing their laptops
Ben Her – Sent into slavery, a Jewish prince returns with revenge and more than change in attitude
A Tan for All Seasons – Sir Thomas More stands up to King Henry the VIII when the monarch refuses to allow the first English tanning salon
Mullitt – A San Francisco cop tries to solve crimes and look hip in 1960s San Francisco in spite of a bad hairdo.
DUNCES WITH WOLVES
Inspired after reading the book, “Frontier Justice for Dummies,” Lt. John J. Duncebar heads West and there he befriends a confused tribe of barefoot Indians who waste a snowy winter tracking a wolf called “Two Socks” only to discover he wears no socks at all. Duncebar uses his shaky legal skills to help these frostbitten “dunces with wolves” to sue the U.S. government to win back their ancestral lands, or at least a dry pair of wool socks, and in the bargain he falls in love with a highly litigious squaw named Sioux Happy With Neck Brace.
S.W.A.P.
Simply Wimp-out and Pacify, the nickname of a disgraced Los Angeles specialized police unit, can’t help it if every time they roll out they end up giving the bad guys anything they want just to avoid trouble. But when one of their own is the victim, it’s time for the wimps to show what they’re really made of!
Superdad
Hey, can’t a kid have one last night with his high school buddies to raise hell before going off to college without having his helicopter dad hovering over him? Well, this is one night that will teach this odd couple about the meaning of love and letting go.
LAST MANGO IN PARIS – Jeanne arrives at the market only seconds too late to get her hands on the most elusive piece of produce in Paris. Now she’s got to do whatever Paul says, if she hopes to save her coveted fruit, before he turns on the blender and starts making smoothies.
16 HANDLES – The latest crop of contestants on a popular weight-loss reality show are the biggest and fattest bunch yet – and they have the most to lose – seeing as how the show counts the “folds” over their rib cages as its measure of success.
WALTZING WITH BASHIR
An Israeli boy, Ron, is forced to move to Lebanon after his girlfriend takes on her dreams of dancing, but will he be able to win her back with the impressive Dror heating up the competition.
THE GREATEST SHOE ON EARTH – Daringly set amongst the backdrop of the ’60s sexual revolution, three wandering soles are united in their seemingly futile search for true love and ultimate meaning. And one of them dies at the end.
ROMERO AND JULIET – When flesh craving zombies resurrect the corpses of two star crossed lovers, the tragic couple unite with the undead hoard to wreak havoc on their rustic Italian cities, and teach their warring families the true meaning of all devouring love.
TWIN LEAKS — FBI Agent Dale “D.B.” Cooper is a housewife’s dream, but his own dreams become nightmares when he’s dispatched to a remote timber town to investigate the sabotage of two massive water pipes used to cool a nuclear reactor — only to find a malevolent force awakened in the woods and waiting for him.
DOVE, ACTUALLY – A London-based bird takes a trip to the countryside, where all the bumpkins mistake him for a pigeon.
GLUE VELVET — The heart-rending story of a girl, an aging horse and its future in retirement.
A STAR IS WORN — Norma Desmond, the beloved star of silent films, began her decline into obscurity long before the terrible night when she shot Joe Gillis, the lover 30 years her junior. This is the story of her battle with sound and a failure to adapt.
WHAT ABOUT BUB
Bub, a charming sex-crazed ex-President, close to being cured by psychiatrist, Dr. Les Morvin, author of best selling sex therapy book, “Baby, Oh, Baby Steps”, panics and follows the doctor and his family to their vacation home. While the doctor frantically tries get rid of Bub, his 18 yr. old nymphomaniac identical twin daughters AND his frigid wife test all that
Ol’Bubba, always accompanied by the Secret Service, has learned.
WHITE MEN CAN’T PUMP
His bank account running on empty, a white, downsized Wall Street executive takes a job at an all black gas station and earns the respect of his coworkers by proving that white men can pump in this film about second chances and racial equality.
BLAKES ON A PLANE
When a screen-writing guru en route to a Pitch Fest is mistaken for a 1970’s TV actor en route to a murder trial, hilarity at 30,000 feet ensues.
STAT WARS
TO SAVE AND HAVE NOT
After losing his house and 401k when the bottom falls out of the U.S. economy, a distraught stockbroker moves back in with his parents and discovers for the first time what family is really all about — staying liquid.
High Soon – With four outlaws gunning for him, a newly-wed marshall breaks out weed not found with the Old West sagebrush to settle his nerves.
The Read Poet’s Society – Young, impressionable schoolboys are enthralled by their mentor – a poet who was actually published.
Hotel for Hogs – orphaned youngsters create a refuge for orphaned piglets and create a distributorship deal with Jimmy Dean.
Slowgirls – A gripping, behind the scenes look at good-looking, wannabe Vegas dancers who just can’t keep time.
BEVERLY HILLS COD – A piscine police detective from the Grand Banks finds himself over his head in Beverly Hills while tracking down the plastic sturgeon who hooked his friend in this fish-out-of-water tale
Sister Roberts – With the new first officer of this World War II supply ship on board, the captain doesn’t have a prayer.
Forrest Dump – Still in mourning for his mother, a simple-minded, good-hearted man agrees to let the city use the 10 acres of woods behind his home for trash hauling.
PRIDE WARS! 20 years later these two best friends compete once again by having the most successful children ever – bragging rights forever! While carrying out each of their mother’s wishes they inadvertently and secretly fall in love with each other and must carry on the competition while they plot to overcome their parents battle.
HARRY POTTER AND THE CHAMBER OF SUCRETS – Lord Voldemort seeks vengeance against a sore-throated Harry by filling his bedroom with cherry-flavored lozenges.
CHARLIE AND THE CHOCOLAT FACTORY – With Charlie running the factory, Willy Wonka (Johnny Depp) travels to the French countryside where he teams up with a confectionist (Juliette Binoche), who has equally radical chocolate making techniques, and finds Willy oddly familiar. Together they open a shop for the conservative townspeople.
NAIRSPRAY – A rotund high school girl’s plans to racially integrate a Baltimore television show in the 1960s become complicated when a labeling mishap causes her to lose all her hair.
FAXY DRIVER – A lonely New Yorker is constantly harassed when a sleazy pimp, a prostitute and The U.S. President discover he has a fax in his cab. “Are you stalking to me?”
OLD FELLER – A poor family in Texas takes in a stray old man who was wandering near their farm and decides to make the old man their new grandpa, and give him the name of Old Feller. A fearless old man, he’s a protector of the family, and follows them everywhere they go until one night he falls and breaks his hip, which forces the oldest son to kill the old man.
Close Encounters of the Third Kine
In a world void of bovine influences, a disgraced sheep rancher is plagued by nightmares of carnivorous extra-terrestrial cows. Can he convince his former colleagues that the zombie cows are returning from the stars, and they’re hungry?
THE MONEY ZIT
Eighteen-year-old, pimple face, nerd, and bully magnet, DARBY TRIP, is on the verge of suicide because of his pimply face, but when he get the crazy idea to sale his zits on e-bay he becomes an over night sensation and the money starts poppin’ in.
THE TIN COMMANDMENTS
The true story of todays corporate and political leaders, their value system and their struggle to survive a world full of fed-up servants.
ATTACK OF THE TILLER TOMATOES
Peaceful farming tomatoes stage an attack on their neighboring vegans.
JUDGE DREAD – An aspiring screenwriter loses sleep -and sanity- worrying if the judges in a blog contest find his entries properly formatted and pithy enough.
HANNAH AND HER MISTERS
An upscale wife maintains her ritzy Manhattan lifestyle by forming her own escort agency; all goes well until three clients simultaneously fall in love with her.
A SOLDIER’S MALE
Amid the horror of Abu Ghraib, a young staff sergeant finds his destiny in the arms of an Iraqi dissident. Our star-crossed lovers must survive the torture of both body… and heart.
ONE MINE DAY
Two single parents make an unexpected connection when they’re trapped in a cave-in. Unless help comes soon, both their breaths will literally be taken away.
SCENES FROM A MAUL
Three brides-to-be find their friendship put to the test during Filene’s annual wedding dress sale, where only one of them will win the outfit they all covet.
THE FABULOUS LAKER BOYS
Five retired basketball players must put aside their petty bickering when they realize nobody over the age of 18 remembers who they are. Can they forget the past long enough to reclaim the present?
DEFENDING YOUR LITE
An executive of a brewing company suddenly finds himself in the afterlife, where he must explain to the angry Beer Gods why his company’s products are practically tap water.
I AM HAM
An egotistical actor, convinced that his current movie role is the one that will finally win him an Oscar, finds himself upstaged at every turn by his precocious child co-star.
The really scary thing is there’s a good chance some of these will actually get produced! Who says Americans have lost their creativity? I haven’t laughed like this in a long time.
THE HUMMER OF MY GERMAN SOLDIER
A young woman’s infatuation with a vacationing German soon fades when she realizes his car rental is meant to make up for certain… shortcomings.
BILLETS OVER BROADWAY
A gruff, burly middle-aged construction worker leaves his wife and kids to pursue his longtime dream of being a gruff, burly middle-aged ballet dancer.
SIXTEEN HANDLES
Distraught that no one remembered her birthday, a suburban teen girl develops sixteen separate personalities. No one remembers their birthdays, either.
WE PWN THE NIGHT
A Nintendo-playing slacker must get off the couch long enough to save his n00b family from the Russian mob; too bad he hadn’t counted on the Head Mobster’s l33t skillz.
THE WORSE WHISPERER
An aging horse trainer’s attempts at repairing a mare’s leg – and the heart of her owner, a ten-year old girl – fail miserably when it’s revealed he’s just a con man looking for an easy score.
MULHOLLAND FAILS – A grizzled architect fights LA County for years to build the elusive Great White Dam, only to watch it fail and drag his career to the bottom of the Pacific with it.
THREE DAYS OF THE CONDOM – A CIA analyst uncovers Trojan Inc.’s ultra-sensitive plot to corner the rubber market, but must foil their plans without protection from the hit men who assassinated his coworkers.
RAGING BILL – Recently released from a state mental ward in California, an ex-Rodeo star calls home to learn that his father has less than 72 hours to live. Without a dime in his pocket, and while still wearing hospital issued clothing, Bill must convince people he meets along the way that he is not crazy and that he stands to inherit his father’s $50 million dollar estate, but only if he can get home to Boston within the 72 hours his father has said he has before he dies and the money goes to the cat rescue.
Sun City- The highly anticipated sequel to another one of Frank Miller’s stories based in a pleasant yet morally bankrupt resort town on the shores of South Florida. Cranky and flatulent retired men and women take to the streets to over throw an evil local restaurant owner who has raised the prices on all dinner buffets of restaurants he owns city-wide.
JEWS- When a group of visiting Rabbi are infected by some tainted Borscht and begin to menace the small island community of Amity, a police chief, a Torah scholar and grizzled fisherman set out to stop them before they destroy the town.
Unforgaven – The lost Bush years. An inside look behind the closed doors of the Oval Office during the George W. Bush presidency. A candid look at America through the eyes of the 43rd president who on his last days in office said “America has yet to understand me. I am still unforgaven for my decisions. This movie will change their identity of me.”
Kill Pill, Vol. 1 – A pharmacist wakes up after a short nap and discovers he has switched the prescriptions of three customers. Each one is headed in a different direction (one by bus, one by boat and the other by plane). Each one will die if they take one of the pills he has mistakenly given them. However, he can’t alert any of them either or he will lose his license and his job. He must track each of the patients down, switch the medications back and make it to his daughter’s ballet recital by 6.
Arsenic and Old Lice- A team of forensic scientists encounter their greatest challenge ever as they attempt to reconstruct the final hours 35 school kids’ lives who appear to have died from a mysterious event sometime after lunch in the field behind the cafeteria.
The Darn Knight – The follow-up to the smash action hit “Bitman Begins,” “The Darn Knight” reunites Christian director David Smith and religious hero Peter Gordon, who reprises the role of Bitman/Bryce Layne. In the new film, Bitman raises his hands to God and prays for redemption. With the help of Lieutenant Tim Gordan and District Attorney Hartey Vent, Bitman sets out to raise money to buy new socks for the orphans. The partnership proves to be effective, but they soon find themselves prey to a reign of chaos unleashed by a rising criminal mastermind and sock-less wonder known to the terrified citizens of Godham as The Toker.
C*A*S*H — Arriving in private choppers, a team of incisive CEO’s operates in secret to bleed the maximum bonuses possible from ultra-patient shareholders.
Saging Bull – Slowed by age, a boxer tries to outwit his ring opponents by quoting Aristotle, Lincoln and Whitman
The Beer Hunter – Plagued by the memories of horrible hops in Vietnam, returning army buddies search for the perfect American domestic draft.
The Way We Wore – The war was hot and the fashions were cool, but even that can’t help cover up a bad perm.
A Sale of Two Cities – The French Revolution seemed like a good idea at the time, but now the peasants need cash. Paris and Marseilles are offered up to the British in return for some much needed pounds.
Paul Blart: Hall Cop – Demoted from the mall, now he’s wandering the hallways of a grade school, trying to prevent plotting fourth graders from pulling false fire alarms.
Strangers on a Trail – While taking his daily constitutional, an ordinary man meets up with a troubled stranger who offers him a tantalizing, but deadly deal. Should he do it, take the high road or just switch to bike riding?
The Ode Couple – One’s a neat freak, the other a slob, but when they argue, it’s pure poetry.
The Ode Couple – One’s a neat freak, the other a slob, but when they argue, it’s pure poetry.
Nitwork – Just how dumbed down can television get? With these executives there is no lowest common denominator.
To Bill A Mockingbird – After successfully defending his feathered client, Atticus Finch must decide whether or not to accept seed as payment.
Last Change Harvey – Embittered and estranged, an older man finally finds someone to love him and help him with his Depends.
FIVE EASY NIECES
After the death of his sister in calliope explosion, a man inherits a second-rate band camp and gains custody of five teenage nieces who like to blow more than reveille.
CHINATOON
In this animated classic, police dog Jake Russell happily sticks his nose in other dogs’ business and rolls around on dead animals until one day he sniffs out a grand swindle that threatens to drain dry thousands of water bowls across LA — forget it Jake, it’s roadkill!
BREAK FIST AT TIFFANY’S
Demanding service at Tiffany’s, an impatient society lady accidently smashes her fist through a display case starting her off on a string of smash-and-grab jewel heists.
American Beatty
Lester Burnham’s life is falling apart. While he tries to Shampoo the carpet with his daughter’s best friend Angela, real estate broker McCabe and Mrs. Miller carry on an affair behind his back. Meanwhile, neighbor Frank Fitts, who hates Reds, plays Dick Tracy one night and catches Lester exchanging money with his son for some Splendor in the Grass. Moments after deciding that Heaven Can Wait with Angela, someone enters the house and goes all Bonnie and Clyde on him. You’re so vain if you miss this classic.
Forgo – An eviction notice in the middle of the Minnesota winter forces a family to discover what they really need to survive.
The Nones – Davis wakes one morning to find he no longer exists. His family, friends and work have never heard of him, and when he meets a young woman in the same position, he discovers his problems have just begun.
A DISH CALLED WANDA – Four crooks plot to rob a diamond collection, but once the heist is pulled things begin to fall apart. They turn on each other, and crosses and double crosses turn deadly as GEORGE calls in a cannibalistic British barrister to take WANDA out. A feast of comedy from appetizer to dessert!
ROMANCING THE STONED
Set in 300 A.D., a shy, grave-digger’s son, JACK T. COLDBODY, tries to convince his friends that he is not a loser and has a girlfriend to prove it. When Jack finds out his friends plan to spy on him, Jack robs the grave of a woman who was stoned to death so he can “innocently” use her as a prop in his bed. But when his father’s competitor sees Jack “romancing the stoned”, Jack has to scramble to save both he and his father’s reputations.
WAITING FOR DUFFMAN – The Simpsons return to the big screen as Matt Groening attempts to inject a note of serious introspection into his comedic yellow family. HOMER and BARNEY spend their days at MOE’S bar, where they wait for the arrival of their favorite beer’s delivery man. While they wait, they begin to consume any liquid they can find; anything “to hold the terrible sobering up at bay”.
THE LAN THAT WASN’T THERE
A failed internet connection leads to a disastrous chain of events for a henpecked I.T. manager, his cheating wife and her technology-phobic lover.
DADDY MAY CARE
A struggling deadbeat dad decides to open a daycare center in order to earn some money, but finds he’s twice as unreliable with other people’s kids as he is with his own.
REVEL WITHOUT A CAUSE
Two rebellious 1950’s teens can’t help but break out into song at the most bizarre times. Together with their musical friends, they find out about love, growing up and well-choreographed dance numbers.
A FISH CALLED PANDA
When three bumbling zoo employees accidentally kill a prized panda, they hatch a crazy scheme to replace it with a hammerhead shark.
SUPERSAD – Two high school seniors embark on a journey to get beer, the only thing that will gain them entrance to the “cool” social circle they idolize. As they watch their friend’s run-in with the police, become trapped at a house party, and stumble over what should be a simple task, they realize how shallow and empty their pursuit truly is. Their quest for alcohol leaves them with a sobering realization: Their lives are super sad.
CRASH OF THE TITANS
Fifty members of a professional football team die when their chartered jet crashes into the Great Smoky Mountains. A heartbroken community struggles to replace them with a group of spunky community college dropouts.
THE THOMAS CROWE AFFAIR
A bored millionaire makes a stir when he falsely claims to be the long-lost cousin of a famous Australian actor. It’s up to a sexy-but-unrelenting female investigator to discover the truth.
ARIVE – The incredible, true story of Uruguay’s rugby team arriving at the 1984 World Cup. Forced to do anything they could to exit the plane in time to make their connecting flight, this team’s will to pull through shows the power of the human spirit and its ability to overcome seemingly insurmountable odds. Noted for its cinematography and swelling orchestral arrangement, the scene at the baggage claim has been cited as “possibly the most moving sequence ever filmed” (Ebert&Roper, 1994)
THE ROD BALLOON
A lonely pin-striped balloon floats over a baseball stadium. As the summer progresses, the balloon gets more and more inflated, but by October it comes crashing to earth. In a twist ending, the balloon admits it was filled with an illegal form of helium.
A LIEN – The crew of the spaceship Nostromo is forced out of stasis when news comes in that their ship is to be repossessed by the bank. Their refusal to turn over the vessel leads to a terrifying, other-worldly collection call that will leave them wishing they’d never borrowed that money. (Sigourney Weaver stars as the cash-strapped Lieutenant Ellen L. Ripley)
DANGEROUS MINTS
A ditzy blonde teacher foolishly advises a group of inner-city students to give up their dreams of college, and instead settle for working for minimum wage in a local candy factory.
PLAY MUSTY FOR ME
A deranged female fan stalks a terrified radio disc jockey, demanding he play the same schmaltzy 60’s love song over… and over… and over…
GOY STORY
A lonely dreidel wishes to be part of a group of talking toys, but finds herself excluded from the family Christmas Tree. Will she accept who she is, and that chocolate gelt is delicious?
Saturday Fight Fever
A young man from Brooklyn gets caught up in the underground disco fighting world. He decides his only chance to make it big is to beat the disco fighting champion.
THE DEVIL WEANS PRADA
An up-and-coming fashion designer raised in the bowels of Hell learns the secrets of creating and magnifying human insecurities, and is sent to New York City to wreak couture havoc.
TWELVE HONKEYS
James Mole, a convict imprisoned in a post-apocalyptic underground city, travels to the past to stop the “Army of Twelve Honkeys”, a group of whiteys armed with a virus created from their own inbred DNA that has the power to destroy anyone with an open mind.
R*A*S*H
A WW2 medical tent comedy where faithful field surgeons Pinkeye, Stinger, “Raw Lips”, Rug burns, Colonel Spots-ter, Red-ear and Father Mosquito Bite are itchin to grin and bear the festering burns of the war.
Men At Wok
Two chinese illegals working at a DC noodle house witness the kidnapping of the daughter of the rabidly conservative president of the United States by members of a well-known tong from their homeland. Unable to go to the Secret Service with what they know, they set out to rescue the girl themselves armed with martial arts skills, and a killer secret recipe for kung pao noodles.
Fangs of New York
To avenge his father’s murder, a young Irish man rallies a gang of immigrants to lay waste to the clan of vampires who control the city. His vengeance is tested when he falls in love with the daughter of his father’s killer.
THE MAO OF STEVE
A womanizing slacker compiles a set of rules he thinks are guaranteed to bed any woman; unfortunately, he finds The Little Red Book makes a lousy Little Black Book.
FROM DESK TIL DAWN
Despite being bitten by a vampire, a tax auditor finds his dull life doesn’t change at all as he spends his nights doing finances for the Creatures of the Underworld.
MY BEST FRIEND’S BEDDING
A jealous businesswoman decides to wreck her best friend’s upcoming nuptials by sleeping with her fiancee. Through a series of mishaps, she winds up sleeping with everyone in the wedding party BUT him.
NATURAL BORN FILLERS
Two wannabe actors try to schmooze their way into Hollywood royalty by acting as seat fillers during the Academy Award commercial breaks.
TOE GUN
This rip-roaring sequel to the acclaimed “MY LEFT FOOT”, pits ace fighter pilot Christy Brown against a rouge faction of Iraqi Air Force pilots in a battle for ultimate sky supremacy.
Office Spice
To pay back their record company after their singing career comes to a screeching halt, former pop stars, the Spice Girls, are forced to work together in a single office cubical.
Witless – A young Amish boy is eyewitness to a murder in Philadelphia and then seals his own fate by telling the corrupt cop who pulled the trigger.
The Taste of Honey – An aging pool player teaches his young protégé how to hustle unsuspecting beekeepers of their treasures.
Broadcast Dews – When ratings tank, a frazzled producer fires his entire staff, retaining only the weatherman for a 24-hour broadcast.
A Dish Called Wanda – Torn between his unnatural love for a fish, a man finally learns she’s better buttered and filleted than stuck swimming circles in a bowl.
GOOD DILL HUNTING
Driving a pickle shaped RV, the son of the gherkin king, out for a good time, launches a nationwide search for the consummate cuke recipe and risks loosing the family business when he is distracted by a woman with an aversion to all things sour giving the competition a chance to swoop in for the dill.
OLD TELLER
A retired payroll clerk and a crusty Italian house painter go to work for the same bank and romance blossoms when each discovers the other’s illegal plan to recoup their stolen retirement funds from the account of a slick financial planner.
“Funding Nemo” is brilliant!
FRAMER vs. FRAMER
Two larcenous art conservators headed for divorce scheme to outwit each other while attempting to divide and sell their priceless collection of illegally acquired Rembrandt prints without tipping off the art detective hot on their trail.
PAUL BLART: MALL FOP
A local dandy goes on a marathon shopping spree until he’s finally kicked out of Banana Republic for bringing too many items into the dressing room.
City Clickers –Three Montana cowboys come to Manhattan for their dream vacation – to work as real live cabbies.
Lentl – When he learns that only girls are allowed to cook in Israel, a boy disguises himself as a female so he can make his favorite soup.
Dead Man Talking – A death-row inmate is executed but doesn’t realize it and keeps pleading he’s innocent.
FINDING NERO
Two Italian buds from Brooklyn out for adventure and a numismatist’s million dollar bounty, head for the old country where they must fight for their life while searching for a rare Roman coin depicting the image of the Emperor Nero.
E.D.
The last of her kind, a gorgeous extraterrestrial comes to earth seeking the one compatible man to keep her race from extinction. To his delight Ed is the chosen one, but discovers he has to overcome a serious dysfunction in order to fulfill his destiny.
FINDING NERO
Two Italian buds from Brooklyn out for adventure and a numismatist’s million dollar bounty, head for the old country where they must fight for their lives while searching for a rare Roman coin depicting the image of the Emperor Nero.
Fuck Soup
Chicolini and Pinky, the wacky new head chefs for President of Freedonia Rufus T. Firefly nearly start a war at a state dinner with a hot bowl of comfort food the Sylvanian ambassador will never forget, taking the concept of the perfect soup bone to whole new level.
Stagecouch – Traveling cross country in the Old West is hard, especially when you don’t have a remote.
You only give twice
When the gold market crashes after the markets learn of Goldfinger’s scheme, superspy 007 discovers that life after death has its perks when he cashes in his own million-dollar life insurance policy. Unfortunately, Moneypenny demands that he return the windfall, along with interest accrued. Back in London, M admonishes him with his own investment advice, “Bonds, James. Bonds.”
THE UNINDITED
An ousted President returns home to his ranch after a stint in a mental hospital and his recovery is jeopardized by his cruel ex-Vice President, aloof wife, and the presence of the ghost of accountability in their home
PLUMDOG MILLIONAIRE:
An illiterate ex-California raisin looks to become a contestant on the Fruit version of Who Wants to be A Millionaire in order to re-establish contact with the grape he loves, who is an ardent fan of the show.
(apologies for the language if offense is taken)
BROKEBACH MOUNTAIN
An epic tale depicting the unique 20 year love between two composers and their pianos, and the Matterhorn that almost came between.
RESERVOIR DOES
Vengeful woodland creatures take up arms to avenge their fallen comrades, but excitement turns to paranoia when they discover one of them is a plant from the NRA.
COLD CREAK MANOR
A suburban family buys an McMansion dirt cheap, only to find it’s haunted by the ghosts of evil mortgage brokers who want to lower the resale value by driving the new residents insane.
ON GOLDEN PONG
Lamenting what modern society has become, an aging former Atari employee wishes he could go back in time to prevent himself from inventing the first-ever video game.
SAME TIME, NEXT LEAR
An college theatre major grudgingly plays understudy to a pompous Shakespearean who just also happens to be a major donor to the campuses’ Drama Department.
AYES OF LAURA MARS
After voting yes on a controversial stimulus bill, an idealistic first-year congresswoman discovers she can see through the eyes of a corrupt colleague taking corporate money. Can she and a cynical journalist stop him before he secretly kills the bill?
THE BREAKFAST FLUB
Five high schoolers from different backgrounds discover they have something in common: their bad attitudes are the result of not eating a healthy, balanced breakfast. Fortunately, a cartoon tiger sets them on the path of the straight and narrow.
HOPE GLOATS – A “sportsmanship-impaired” center leads her High School basketball team to victory, but isn’t very nice about it!
BEERFAST
A dimbulb frat boy unwittingly starts a nationwide movement, convincing everyone to substitute beer for milk in their breakfast cereal.
ON THE TATERFRONT
Upon returning home to Ireland, and witnessing a brutal act of greed, a disgraced prize-fighter begins the greatest bought of his life when he struggles to convince the rural potato farmers to stand up to the powerful CEO of the company that holds the exclusive rights to ship the nations major export.
BATMAN BAGINS – A rich hobbit becomes a masked vigilante and with the help of his butler Gandalfred sets out to capture the dragon that ate his parents.
SIGHT CLUB
After fraudulently joining a support group for the blind and discovering he is not alone in his deceit, an emotionally weak retail clerk must stop a sinister plot he uncovers to wreak havoc on the city he loves.
DIAL N FOR MURDER – A dyslexic telephone engineer suspects his wife is plotting to bill him.
ANGLER MANAGEMENT
A hate-filled champion fisherman must endure 90 days of therapy in order to regain eligibility in the sport-fishing tour and compete in the Bass Master Championship.
I’m now told by my wife that a frat boy actually DID come up with something called “beerfast”, so let’s just skip that one.
When I first read your Beerfast title, I thought it was going to be about a beer diet ala slimfast…
A MIGHTY WINO
A Mockumentary about three estranged wine making partners who reunite to uncork a 1960’s bottle of Pinot and honor the death of a famous oenologist.
MIAMI LICE
Crockett and Tubbs, two Miami cops, fight the toughest infection in town yet, their own lice, when a drug lord destroys their favorite shampoo maker but when they go bald from scratching their hair out, they must convince the arms dealer on their current assignment that they’re “cool bald guys.”
SCHOOL OF COCK
Two roosters leave the farm for the first time to attend a prestigious music school. Why, what did you think I was going to say?
THE PERFECT SORE (my 2nd version)
Six high school students try to steal SAT answers but a huge pimple breaks out on one of their noses while he’s disguised as an executive, threatening to reveal his identity as a teenager so the six must all take turns popping the pimple, or be busted.
That’s the one thing Jack Black DIDN’T teach those kids about the music business…
NEMENTO – A fish with no memory tries to find the shark that ate his son.
MALICE IN WONDERLAND
Thinking she is dreaming, a young tomboy follows a talking rabbit down a mysterious tunnel, and soon realizes that this dream is actually her worst nightmare come true. She then gathers a ragtag team of bizarre misfits to lead her through this frightfully fantastic new world and forcefully help her find her way home.
Natural Born Fillers is pretty awesome…..
ROSEMARY’S BABE
A young woman’s pregnancy goes horribly wrong when she gives birth to a human/pig hybrid; the community learns acceptance, however, when she discovers her squealer is an expert sheep herder. (Originally released as LITTLE PIG MAN)
THE SILENCE OF THE LIMBS
FBI agent Clarice Starling enlists the help of convicted killer Hannibal Lector and, through an elaborate series of mimes, he is able to help her with the case without ever saying a word.
BURP AFTER READING
Desperately seeking money for gastric bypass surgery, an employee at a fitness club becomes embroiled in a high stakes meal of sex and violence when she believes the disk she has found contains secret recipes and tries to sell it to the Russian Board of Cuisine.
50 FIRST MATES
Hilarity ensues when Adam Sandler revives the classic role of Gilligan as the Professor’s experimentation with genetically modified coconut milk results in some accidental cloning.
MELT THE PARENTS
When arsonist Greg Focker meets his girlfriend’s angry father, he (and his trusty flamethrower) decide to fight ire with fire.
HONEY, I SHRUNK THE KIMS
Sci-fi comedy meets musical biography in the story of how rapper Kim became “Li’l Kim”
THE ELEPHANT CAN – An unemployed man, desperate to prove himself a wage earner, takes the only job left on earth, as an Andy Gump sanitation attendant in Botswana.
NICE 1/2 WEEKS
The economic recession leaves Wall Street investor John Grey only working half time, the silver lining – more time for erotic food play.
BLAZING PADDLES
Mel Brooks finally gives in to fan requests and sends up the wacky world of Olympic sculling.
THERE’S SOMETHING ABOUT MARK
Awkward bookworm Ted tries to win the love of modern literary critic Mary, but he just can’t stop reading Tom Sawyer.
THE OVEN
American ambassador Robert Thorn buys a new appliance, but when people close to him start to experience a series of bizarre, stove-related deaths, he begins to suspect that his oven may be the antichrist.
LEGENDS OF THE MALL – An epic tale of three teenagers who compete for status amongst shoppers at the 506,000 square foot, brick-and-mortar goodness that is Laurel Park Mall.
BLAZING PADDLES
Bedley Lamarr attempts to steal the land from a town out West by sending in Sheriff Fart, a paddle carrying sadist, to drive out the townspeople, only to be challenged by the sadist joining forces with a washed up ex porn star named Rim, and their counter stereotype efforts to save the town full of Johnsons.
Tagline: Gives new meaning to the concept, movie beats…..
The Mommy Returns
Joan Crawford awakens from the dead to terrorize little children with her hands of wire hangers.
Forrest Gumb
It places the remote in the basket when the addled brother of serial killer Jaime “Buffalo Bill” Gumb sees his beloved Jenny in FBI Agent Clarice M. Starling. Forrest’s quest to find new legs for Lieutenant Dan turns macabre after his mother tells him, “Life is like a cistern in the basement – you never know when you’ll find Grandma in the tub.”
Laws
A young paralegal must use the law to take down a blood thirsty legal shark who overcharges unsuspecting clients in a small beachside town.
Stop! Or My Tom Will Shoot
A heartfelt drama about a woman who goes on a 50 search to find help for her husbands chronic pre-mature ejaculation condition.
Gumb and Dumber
In which Forrest tells Bubba about his secret past.
“A census taker wunce tried ta test mee. Ah ate his livuh with some favuh beans, and some peeled shrimp, an’ some broiled shrimp, and some…”
INDIANA BONES AND THE KINGDOM OF THE CRYSTAL SKULL
In this installment our favorite skeleton archeologist learns he’s royal heir to a kingdom of skeleton people. While deciding if he wants to claim the throne or stay with the “fleshies”; his long lost grandmother grooms him from a misfit into a king worthy of the crown.
THE PARK KNIGHT
An eccentric bum operating out of his secret cardboard box lair uses his homemade weapons out of trash to stink up the pan handling escalation in the neighborhood park lead by a performing clown named Giggles.
AS WOOD AS IT GETS
An old millionaire stiffens up the competition in his lumber business and learns to over come “another problem” when he romances a young single mother lumberjack.
PIG
A disaffected tween wishes his life was as easy as the family pets’,
only to wake up the next morning as a pig. To avoid being sold off
as a holiday ham, he must rally the other animals into trapping
a ring of high-tech dog thieves. Capturing the thieves saves his bacon,
but his selflessness towards his fellow creatures is what brings him
back home.
FORREST BUMP–The story of a simple man who discovers he is a fertile hermaphrodite.
FORREST BUMP–The story of a simple man who discovers he is a fertile hermaphrodite.
FORREST BUMP–The story of a simple man who discovers he is a fertile hermaphrodite.
REGALLY BLONDE
After embarrassing photos of a troublesome princess appear in every major tabloid around the world, the Royal Family sends her off to one of Europe’s toughest finishing schools to be made over from head to toe. “She’s Dying to Change”
THE GREATEST CHOW ON EARTH – P.T. Barnum risks losing his beloved circus in a quest to found the IN-N-Out Burger chain.
REGALLY BLONDE
“She’s Dying For A Change”
ABORT A BOY – A touching friendship between a feckless but street-smart thirtysomething and a troubled eleven-year-old mature beyond his years–that never was.
FROST/DIXON – Revisionist biopic where Frost takes the place of Mason in a performance of “The Line.”
CARNIE – Teen ostracized at school for her “special talents” finds a home on the road, until she learns she’s been taken advantage of yet again when continually asked to move everyone’s luggage with her mind.
KINDERGARTEN CON
In this prequel to THE STING, two toddler grifters use nap time to pull the con of their lives.
THE LADY AND THE CRAMP – Speed dating results in gastic misery for a comely woman who shares spaghetti with one too many suitors.
THE ATTACK OF THE FIFTY FONT WOMAN
When author Nancy Archer is exposed to an alien being, she and her manuscripts mutate and wreak havoc on an unsuspecting small town.
THANK YOU FOR SMOTING
High-paid lobbyist to God convinces DC to recognize the political importance of the religious right.
THE COLOR OF MONET
Veteran art forger tries to train a cocky newcomer with a brash brush.
NOBODY’S FOAL – Paul Newman finds deer newborn in the woods and asks, “Does this not belong to anyone?” Sequel to “NOBODY’S TOOL” where he asked the same of a hammer.
A.A. CONFIDENTIAL
When a corruption scandal hits the L.A. police department, detectives, concerned about their anonymity, decide to make their A.A. meetings secret, covert, undisclosed, and very hush hush.
E.G. – With a titular self-conscious wink at his own talent, Spielberg gives us a literal example of his cinematic brilliance.
MUST MOVE DOGS – Pet store overrun with canines forced to get proactive.
ROCKY IIL – Rocky Balboa is left out-for-the count after being floored by a bad batch of potato salad.
THE TRUTH ABOUT CARS AND DOGS – Series of alternating shorts depicts truth that cars are bigger, heavier and more dangerous to dogs than vice versa.
STRANGERS ON A BRAIN
A mild-mannered librarian’s world is turned upside down when he begins to hear strange voices, urging him to murder.
ROTTING HILL
A bookshop owner’s dreams come true when a world famous actress walks in, but little does he know that West London is being taken over by flesh-eating zombies – and he’s going to have to save her from being devoured by reporters!
BECOMING SANE
When the Prime Minister suffers a nervous breakdown during a global economic crisis, he decides to give up politics and become a romantic novelist.
L.P. CONFIDENTIAL – Three auspicious detectives are embroiled in a sordid tale of corruption, high-end prostitution and gangsters who smuggle vinyl records.
SNOWGIRLS
One girl’s journey from the skate parks of Detroit to the back bowls of Aspen, landing a spot on the 2010 Winter Olympics Women’s Snowboard team.
Titonic – An iceberg in the Atlantic is no match for a huge freighter loaded with gin and mixers and headed for a collision.
Footsie – A struggling actor will do almost anything for his big break, but he begins to have second thoughts when confronted with a director’s fetish.
The Miracle Wonker – A behind-the-scenes public policy maker in the State Department actually figures out how to get peace in the Middle East.
Bangs of New York – Bill “The Butcher” Cutting can’t stand long hair and insists everyone have bowl cuts. Amsterdam Vallon is adamant about growing his hair long. A gritty look at 1850s New York where men were men and you knew it by their haircuts.
Funding Neverland – The descendents of J.M. Barrie bail out Michael Jackson just as is about to lose his ranch.
Dead Man Talking – A death-row inmate is executed but doesn’t realize it and keeps pleading he’s innocent to a stunned warden.
The Sixth Tense – A deceased English teacher haunts his former students with new grammar parts.
As Good as It Sets – A misanthropic hairdresser learns about life and wash-and-cuts from a hard-bitten single mother.
Bride Cars – They’re best friends, getting married on the same day. One is going to get the Rolls and the other will get the shaft.
Nobody’s Pool –Hobbled by a bad knee and trying to avoid the return of his long-forgotten son, a man hides and rehabs his knee in the pool of a nearby vacant house.
Ghostbutters – They’re on the breakfast table one minute and gone the next. Who you gonna call when your dry toast is begging for a slather?
HOSTEL FOR DOGS
Three lovable mutts prowling the city streets are lured by the promise of food and fun at an abandoned hostel only to be taken prisoner and tortured by a ragtag gang of demented children using jury-rigged devices they’ve built from junk.
MY BEST FRIEND’S WELDING
Best buds since meeting in vocational school, a couple from the sticks must confront their true feelings for each other when a welding job on NYC’s Freedom Tower and a prissy woman threaten to split them apart.
LAKE FLACID
A popular fishing spot for seniors becomes the scene of nightmares after an elderly trawler drops his Viagra prescription into the lake, causing an alligator to become engorged and horny for several hours.
SE6EN
In this prequel to SE7EN, Detective Somerset (Morgan Freeman) tracks a nefarious criminal screenwriter who plots to corrupt unsuspecting movie titles by inserting numbers as letters inside them.
PIE HARD
Bruce Willis stars as a burned-out cop forced into action when terrorists take over a coffee shop after complaining about the toughness of the crust on their favorite dessert.
I HAM LEGEND
To defend his title and save mankind from poisoned pork, a champion hog farmer must track down and destroy his competitor’s genetically enhanced sow carrying a deadly mutated swine flu virus and a litter of piglets before the Iowa State Fair closes.
HASTE
When a fast track NYC detective races after a crack thief rushing to rob Citibank before it goes under, he discovers that haste makes waste.
SOMETHING’S GOTTA JIVE
When a head injury turns his ghetto slang into British accented English, a once famous black American comedian reconsiders the fight to save his old career after his new act becomes a hit across the pond.
#827 above – Bangs of New York – That logline is hilarious…..
WHAT’S UP, DOG?
A nerdy paleomusicologist studying early forms of rap music crosses paths with a streetwise pixie, triggering a battle between gangsters and G-men over mixed-up Sean John-knockoff backpacks.
DIDDLER ON THE ROOF
An exhibitionist sex addict openly defies the puritanical traditions of his peasant village by engaging in shocking public displays of pornographic sex on his housetop, but then experiences a rapid descent to the gutter after falling victim to a bad case of shingles.
POOL HAND LUKE
A past his prime pool boy working at a posh Miami resort creates a chlorine explosion in order to win a huge financial settlement and must choose between a life of leisure and the beautiful hard working front desk clerk who’s father is the hotel’s owner.
The man who shat Liberty Valance
Unable to forgive himself for taking “the log” into his own hands, Ransom Stoddard is surprised to learn that Tom Donofan had served up his own steaming pile of revenge after Liberty Valance refused to pick up his steak.
DRAGNUT
Five criminals serving time in a mental institution on bogus insanity pleas are prescribed a round of falsies, cosmetics and wigs and sent to the Miss Queen of the Universe Pageant for female impersonators by an unorthodox psychiatrist and a crafty DA out to prove their competence.
THE COLOR OF HONEY
A dedicated geneticist figures out how to save the world’s honeybees, but a corporate food conglomerate is determined to stop her before she can make the research public.
REVOLUTIONARY TOAD
In 18th Century France, one gallant frog leaps from his water-lily to the rescue to save a noblewoman from the guillotine, and his own hind legs from a knife-wielding Cordon Bleu chef.
SAVE THE LAST DANTE
A clumsy but sweet young woman enters a dance contest, only to find her assigned partner is none other than the Devil himself! He promises she can be the greatest dancer ever, but is the price too high…?
DEAD ZINGERS
Twin comedians split time going onstage so that they can keep from burning out too soon; problem is, one of the twins keeps changing the material without telling the other.
DAYS OF WINE AND NOSES
A snobbish wine-taster finds career in jeopardy when he suddenly loses his senses of taste and smell. Will his abrasive personality drive away the one doctor who can help him?
BARLEY AND ME
A hard-bitten big-city reporter inherits a Podunk microbrewery and discovers a grain of truth.
SNACKS ON A PLANE
This time, they’ll make you PAY….
VALLEY OF THE POLLS
Directionless without an election, three unmeployed pollsters team up form their own compay. But once the firm takes off, one of them is determined to get rid of his partners… by any means necessary.
QUEST FOR SIRE
The hapless diplomat of a miniscule European country is sent on a mission to find the next heir to the throne. Only problem is, absolutely no one wants the job.
The Hound of Music (rewrite)
It’s easy as Do-Ber-Man when Maria Von Trapp refuses to let a German Pinscher and plots a daring escape to Austria during a bravura performance of “The Von Trapp Family Springers”.
BROKEN PLOWERS
A middle-aged farmer finds out he may have fathered a son in his youth. But if his current wife and family find out, the consequences will be worse than just having to sleep in the barn.
The Deported
Martin Sheen gets tossed off a building, and three other Hollywood muckrakers get waxed, in the movie the Bush Administration called “The Best Film of 2006”.
THE OLD MAN AND THE SPA
A harried spa director has his hands full when a feisty retired Army Colonel turns his once-peaceful day spa into a de facto retirement center.
ONE FLEA OVER THE CUCKOO’S NEST
Randle McMurphy really “bugs” the head nurse of a mental institution, and when she “Ratched”s up the tension he plans a daring RAID to break his fellow patients out, only to get zapped at the end.
THE LAST SCARFIGHTER
A nebbishy dermatologist is kidnapped by aliens with serious skin problems. The invaders insist he clear up the Grand Leader’s ungodly complexion, or Earth will be destroyed.
Dang it, Chris! You beat me to it! “One Flea Over the Cuckoo’s Nest”… oh well, back to the drawing board.
MAD FAX
When computer techie and angry misogynist, ERIC STUMP, gets a new boss– who happens to be a die-hard feminist, he chooses to communicate with her only through the fax machine, but when pride boils over on both sides the faxes get meaner and meaner, which sets off an all out fax war!
NASAblanca (rewrite)
It’s the beginning of a beautiful Friendship 7 for nightclub owner, and Gemini, Rick Blaine when voyagers Ilsa Lund and husband, Lunar Prospector Victor Lazlo, splash down before shuttling off to the International Space Station.
HEAVEN KELP US
A non-conformist priest who dabbles in oceanography discovers a strain of seaweed that can magically heal wounds. However, the disturbed bishop of his diocese declares it Satanistic, and moves to have the priest’s discovery squelched.
American Beatty (rewrite)
Lester Burnham tries to Shampoo the carpet with his daughter’s best friend Angela, while neighbor USMC Colonel Frank Fitts, who hates Reds, plays Dick Tracy one night and catches Lester exchanging money with his son for some Splendor in the Grass.
Forrest Gumb (rewrite)
It places the remote in the basket when FBI Trainee Jenny tries to stop Buffalo Bill’s younger, dimmer, brother Forrest from finding new legs for Lieutenant Dan.
Gumb and Dumber (rewrite)
A census taker once tried to test him; He ate his liver with some shrimp, and some fava beans with some shrimp, and a nice Chianti with some shrimp.
Farty – A lonely, homely butcher with flatulence problems lives with his mother, who can’t figure out why he can’t get a date.
The Painmaker – A con man falls in love with a spinster, who convinces him to change his ways and become a dentist.
Lost for Life – Van Gogh can’t find his paint or brushes and is the Pope going to raise hell.
The Old Man and the See – He’s an old Cuban fisherman with poor eyesight. Without much-needed glasses it’s hard to catch anything, much less a marlin.
Elmer Pantry – A fraudulent evangelist hoards canned goods while traveling the South.
West Hide Story – The Jets want no part of Bernardo and his Sharks, so they duck out in Doc’s basement.
The Sixth Mense — Growing up with the hormonal mood swings of a mother and five sisters, Max Paddington has developed the unique, but troubling, ability to spot a woman and her “friend.” Max’s college days are a difficult period in his life as he roams aimlessly through campus parties mumbling, “I see red people.”
The Greatest Story Ever Sold – Studios try to outbid each other, reaching the tens of millions of dollars, to purchase the script of an unknown writer. A fantasy film.
The Lawnbroker – There’s a drought going on and sod is hard to come by – unless you’re willing to deal with the Lawnbroker.
Dog Say Afternoon — Nearly everyone who has met Sonny Worzik’s lovable basset hound, Leon, agrees the cute canine’s unique bark sounds remotely like a friendly mid-day greeting. Sonny is convinced that man’s best friend has vocal potential, and robs a bank to underwrite his dream of franchising “The Ruff Talk Academy for Dogs.”
Cool Land Luke – An escaped prisoner from a Georgia chain gang buys property with stolen money and find he can’t stop from shaking the bushes.
They Shoot Houses, Don’t They? – A marathon six-day real estate seminar turns several of the attendees postal.
The Great White Pope – The untold story of the first black pontiff whose election was stolen when the winner was accidentally signaled using white smoke.
The Hun’s Story – Washington’s crossing as told from the other side of the Delaware. Subtitle: “Why You Shouldn’t Drink While on Guard Duty Christmas Day.”
To Bill A Mockingbird — High stakes drama takes place in small claims court as Levi Kingston squares off against Rudy Begoneya, manager of the doo-wop group, The Mockingbirds, for his royalty share of their only song, “I Would Pecker You!”
Mashville – The 4077th reunites after 20 years, deciding to turn in their stethoscopes and lab coats for steel guitars and twangy songs.
The Fast Detail –Two MPs hustle a sailor, convicted for petty theft, to the brig in record time despite pleas from their bumbling prisoner for a few short side trips.
The Buddy Dolly Story – He falls in love with Barbie, only to lose her to best friend Ken, so Buddy embarks on a rock-and-roll career that is short-lived when he is killed in a Lionel Train crash.
STARLING OVER
Something Hinkley’s going on one freaky friday when a maverick taxi driver tries to make contact with Nell, the little girl who lives down the lane, and Little Man Tate, the accused inside man of a very long engagement.
HONKEY, I SHRUNK THE KIDS
When a plan to keep her three grandchildren out of a gang backfires, a mad black woman living in public housing struggles to outwit a meddlesome child welfare worker bent on proving her unfit.
The Ox-Cow Incident — The annual Christmas Party at Old McDonald’s Farm is notorious for its “animal house” antics, but the indiscretions of Bull and Elsie at this year’s gala, sets off a deadly chain of events that has farm hands and animals shouting, “E-I-E-I-OH-NO!!
Pour Christmases – a greedy bank CEO gets a chance to redeem himself on Christmas Eve by helping four families his bank foreclosed on.
SUDDENLY, LAST SIMMER
On holiday in Spain, Catherine witnesses street urchins preparing to devour her cousin Sebastian and she goes insane while waiting for the pot to boil.
PILATES OF THE CARIBBEAN
Looking for adventure, a group of bored suburban milfs charter a cruise ship and vie for the attention of the sexy yet androgenous fitness instructor.
FOR LOVE OF THE GAGE
An over-the-hill race car driver yearns for one last chance to win a race, but his pit crew abandons him in his time of need.
BLACK WAFER
A young couple’s idyllic European vacation hits disaster when they make the mistake of eating British Pub food. Can they negotiate the UK’s treacherous National Health Service to find an antidote in time?
CALL-E – After the success of Entourage, Eric gets a chance to host a call-in TV show with an environmentally conscious robot.
THE LAND BEFORE LIME
In the 18th Century, an intrepid Captain of Her Majesty’s Navy must fight both pirates and poor weather to make it to Australia, where he can get the lime necessary to save his crew from Rickets.
JOYEUX JOEL
A happy-go-lucky 10-year old boy refuses to let one disaster after another ruin his Christmas. But the neighborhood bullies are determined to destroy his holiday just the same.
(if the title’s a tad obscure to anyone… it’s from Joyeux Noel)
MUCH ODO ABOUT NOTHING
A big screen treatment of “Star Trek: Deep Space Nine”, showcasing the curmudgonly constable. He’s out to stop a smuggling ring while fighting a genetic disorder that’s slowly rendering him invisible.
Fast & Curious – A geriatric street racer discovers his new hot rod makes him grow younger.
THE 400 BLOBS
A kindhearted Fat Farm counselor finds herself terrorized by the Camp inmates, who are determined to raid the storage lockers. Only by reasoning with the insurgent’s troubled leader can she stop the uprising.
Ride Alone – A shy teacher with a split personality moonlights as a police officer and tries to woo a pretty woman of the night.
THE PRUDE OF THE YANKEES
After taunting their star player for not taking showers, a baseball team is contrite after learning he didn’t want to spread Lou Gehrig’s Disease.
WATERSHIP DAWN
A dissatisfied wildlife researcher wants to be a rabbit more than anything in the world. When her wish is granted, she finds living a life as constant prey has made her situation unhappier than ever before.
RAMBI
Distraught over the death of her mother, an adorable deer enacts revenge by journeying to Southeast Asia and killing a lot of Vietnamese people.
RIKKI-TIKKI-TAXI
An impoverished Indian ferries around an upper-class English family in his dilapidated taxi. After he saves their son from two cobras, his world is turned upside-down as the family “adopts” him.
LAST ACTION NERO
A bumbling Emperor fancies himself a super hero, but his efforts at “saving” the citizenry end up in one disaster after another, culminating in setting fire to Rome.
DOUR WEDDINGS AND A FUNERAL
Four horribly mismatched couples have back-to-back weddings, each more disastrous than the first. When one of the new grooms dies “unexpectedly”, the remaining wives begin plotting in secret while the other husbands can only look on in envy.
MA VIE EN HOSE
A French businessman finds his true calling, secretly moonlighting as an Edith Piaf impersonator. Meanwhile, his wife struggles to find out why her mascara keeps disappearing.
GOSFORD PERK
Set in the 1920’s, a newly-knighted English Lord is introduced to a secret perk of aristocracy: the poor and desitute are released into the wild, where they can be hunted for sport.
Red Liver – A cattle drive goes bad when the cook serves a meal none of the cowhands is willing to try.
The Bed Shoes – After waiting all her life for a chance to dance on the big stage, a ballerina realizes she has on the wrong slippers as the curtain goes up.
White Meat – A violent, dark meat-fixated gangster goes ballistic in the prison cafeteria when he’s served turkey breast.
Candhi – An Indian pacifist tries to accomplish peace through chocolates and breath mints.
Mogumbo – After killing a prized elephant, a safari hunter stumbles upon the perfect recipe.
The Rube – A Roman solider trades the robe of Jesus for a handful of magic beans.
The Prisoner of Zelda – A realistic look at what really drove F. Scott Fitzgerald to drink.
NOBODY’S COOL
A fun-loving Los Angeles theatre troupe winds up in Maine, where they quickly discover the grumpy residents don’t take kindly to Mojitos instead of Molson’s.
TO KILL A MOCKING BARD
The town of Nantucket hires a hit man to kill a poet suspected of writing insulting limericks.
MY OWN PRIMATE IDAHO
Kidnapped by a mad scientist, a drug-addled gigolo has his brain transferred into the body of a 750-lb. gorilla. Will his narcissistic mother even notice he’s put on weight?
BODZILLA — The girl can’t help it: The life and legend of Jayne Mansfield.
BAT MAN AND LITTLE BOY
In a struggle to keep the Nazis from stealing the first atom bomb The Dark Knight enlists the help of Little Boy, a superhero who can incapacitate his enemies simply by pulling down his pants. With this dynamic duo in action the Nazis won’t even see what’s coming.
HOMEY ALONE (my 2nd version)
An eight year-old, who is accidentally left behind while his family flies to Europe for Christmas, has to defend his home against burglars from the hood by pretending to be a child rap star.
X — A musical review of W’s early years as he tackles remedial writing.
BORN TREE — The uplifting story of a young Ent who triumphs as a screenwriter even though he has no fingers for typing.
A PRAIRIE HOMO COMPANION — A gripping story of love and the quest for civil rights in the great American Midwest.
CAGING BULL — Ex-boxer Jake Lamotta comes out of retirement to try his hand on the grueling rodeo circuit and finds himself battling personal demons, ex-wives and Nicholas Cage as he vies for the coveted Angus Cup.
RAGING NULL — As the Czarist era nears its bloody end in early 20th century Russia, a hotheaded young revolutionary finds he has nothing at all to say.
… sorry Todd, that was a total coincidence
MIDNIGHT FUN
An accountant is chased by bounty hunters, the FBI, and the Mafia after jumping bail but finds it so exhilarating that he films it all and wins an Oscar by doing so.
BACK HO SCHOOL
To help his discouraged son get through college, a funloving and obnoxious rich businessman decides to enter the school as a tutor by teaching the coeds how to gold dig from rich businessmen like himself.
TUMMY
Freedom may taste of reality, but this deaf, dumb, and blind kid sure eats a big meatball.
TOM STORY
After a sad, all night movie-fest alone with a bottle of bourbon, a man wakes up the next day believing that he is Tom Hanks. Convinced he’s preparing for the role of Forrest Gump, “Tom” is taken by his co-workers to therapy, where he discovers he’s not the only “Tom” out there.
Primate Benjamin
A pampered Ape learns the meaning of “keep my mouth shut” when U.S. Army researchers discover it can communicate.
Primate Benjamin
A pampered Ape learns the meaning of “keep my mouth shut” when U.S. Army researchers discover it can communicate in languages the enemy can’t decode.
LIFE AS A MOUSE – The gritty, tell-all biography of rodent superstar Stuart Little, as told by 316 of his estranged sons.
Cast a Gay – A documentary covering Hollywood’s latest, most dramatic, and best-dressed civil rights movement.
THE DRAPES OF WRATH – Things get ugly when a fictional reality show offers surprise home makeovers – by people who hate each other.
Foster, Pussycat! Kill! Kill!
Actress Jodie Foster finds something Hinkley going on one freaky friday when a maverick taxi driver tries to make contact with Nell, the little girl who lives down the lane, and Little Man Tate, the accused inside man of a very long engagement.
(It needed a better title.)
HONKY, I SHRUNK THE KIDS made me laugh out loud.
IDLE BANDS
Unable to book a gig, the drummer for the band Lazy Anton concocts a scheme that gets the band back on stage but leads to an FBI investigation into the slew of assaults forcing high profile bands to cancel their gigs and forcing the venues to find last minute replacement acts.
MIME BANDITS
An adventurous runaway is taken in by a band of renegade dwarves who travel the country victimizing those who will never testify against them.
SENSEI & SENSIBILITY
A kind, old landlord is hired by a recently widowed tenant and her two daughters to teach them to master the art of kung-fu in order to extract revenge on those responsible for her husband’s untimely death.
BUTCH CASSIDY AND THE SUNDANCE BID
Two filmmakers failing to find a new distribution deal for their latest project after the sudden bankruptcy of their distributors set their sights on Park City, Utah.
SO, I MARRIED A TAX MURDERER
A San Francisco poet, who hasn’t filed a tax return in a decade, begins to suspect his fiancé of being the IRS Hitman, a serial killer who targets tax evaders.
A STREETBAR NAMED DESIRE
The friendly owner of a small New Orleans tavern attempts to keep her doors open despite the fiendish plot of her brother-in-law, a city health inspector, to shut her down.
BETTERS FROM IWO JIMA
The brilliant children of a World War II casualty aim to cripple Las Vegas, the home of the man who killed their father, with the biggest con the city has ever seen.
THE GREEN PILE
A group of disgusted prison guards set out to solve a mystery and rid their block of the Phantom Pooper.
STREEP FIGHTER
Four ambitious starlets have their sights set on de-throning the Greatest Film Actress Alive, but do they really have the chops to take the two-time champ on?
THE SOURS
Three generations of unhappy women spend every waking moment ruminating on the topics of love, death and latent lesbianism. By the end, there’s not an awake eye in the house.
THE QUEER — The story of a screenplay about an interesting revelation concerning the next King of England, written by an author whose compulsion to use highly charged words in movie titles is driving him over the edge.
CHILDREN OF WEN
Set in the future; with the world’s population on the verge of 10 billion, a chinese planned parenthood archeologist goes on a quest for a mythological birth control device called a “condom”.
TAPE FEAR – An ex-president, haunted by reality, frantically overcomes his crippling fear of modern technology in order spend his retirement years editing videotapes of his administration.
OR
TAPE FEAR – A two-bit attorney is viciously attacked by a tape worm that has already devoured everyone else in his small, New England town.
FATMAN BEGINS
An overweight superhero attempts to rid the city of diets and gyms and must face off with the evil Dr. Atkins. But when Atkins explains Fatman can enjoy many of the foods he loves: steak, bacon and chicken and Atkins even has a line of delicious yet figure slimming bars and shakes. They team up to force feed a city filled with anorexic models and actresses.
RIGHT CLUB
A teachers pet and a school jock form clandestine debate club for teenagers. Things soon get hairy as the jock begins doing random anonymous acts of charity around the city.
DIE LARD. When radio talk show host Rush Limbaugh has his bonehead assistant book him a last minute trip to Hawaii he inadvertently finds himself trapped on an overbooked cruise ship hosting a Democratic fundraising marathon for Barrack Obama’s reelection.
DONE IN 60 SECONDS
Master car thief Memphis Raines leaves 50 frustrated women in his wake when he can’t stop thinking about “Eleanor”.
CITIZEN KINE
The life and times of Mrs. O’Leary’s cow, Rosebud.
Only Angels Save Wings – Feathers are in short supply, so even Heaven gets into the recycling act.
Cow, Voyager – An ugly duckling is transformed into a beautiful bovine.
Witch on the Rhine – As if fighting the Nazis wasn’t enough, resistance fighters must deal with the black magic of a local broomstick- bearing hag.
Murder, My Tweet – At last, Sylvester finally finds his canary nemesis alone in his cage while Granny is fast asleep.
A Star is Corn – Rich farmers agree to back a bankrupt Broadway producer on one condition – their cash crop has one of the leading roles.
Duet in the Sun – Two brothers in love with a half-breed woman decide to settle their dispute like real men – with a singing competition.
XTERMINATOR
A mild-mannered entomologist is the butt of all the local jokes until a plague of carnivorous beetles invades the town, devouring every living thing in their path, and his ingenious invention is their only hope of survival.
SINGING IN THE TRAIN
A down-on-their-luck musical troupe gets a week-long gig aboard an eccentric billionaire’s Vampire Express, only to discover that the body count rises faster than their tempo. To stay alive and thwart the bloody killer at his macabre game, they can’t miss a beat in the deadly battle of wits that threatens to exhaust their repertoir.
A high-ranking White House operative senses that his plans for world domination are in peril after being spotted with a black transvestite in his sleepy Arkansas hometown. Controversial pick of the 2004 Wotad WeJusdo awards, most viewers will be glad to see this one end.
One False Rove
A high-ranking White House operative senses that his plans for world domination are in peril after being spotted with a black transvestite in his sleepy Arkansas hometown. Controversial pick of the 2004 Wotad WeJusdo awards, most viewers will be glad to see this one end.
BLING JOHN MALKOVICH
Hilarity ensues when a secret passage is found leading into the veteran actor’s jewelry box.
WHITE PALATE
A young widower tries to fill his loneliness with Slyder burgers, but it takes an wiser, older woman to remind him that love can be discovered again… preferably with a side order of onion rings.
The Constant Hardener
Documentary following the patients who visit the emergency room after having erections that last more than 4 hours.
THE NINNY DIARIES
Jobless in spite of having a Harvard MBA, a money-strapped woman poses as a scatterbrained au pair in order to infiltrate the homes of New York’s wealthiest families. But one little boy in particular catches on to her scheme – and wants in.
A SIMPLE TWIST OF FATS
A misanthropic Diet Guru’s life is changed forever when she finds a fresh basket of muffins on her doorstep every morning. 20,000 baskets and three heart attacks later, she discovers it was a plot by a disgruntled baker who went out of business thanks to the no-carb craze.
BLAKES OF GLORY
After a highly-publicized incident with Britney Spears, screenwriting rivals Blake Snyder and Blake Edwards are blacklisted and must work together under pseudonyms to get their films green-lit.
VANITY PAIR
Two clueless celebutards reunite on a television reality show after a ten-year absence from the public eye. They discover getting a sixteenth minute of fame is difficult when no one remembers why they ever famous in the first place.
THE CHIPPING NEWS
A disgraced reporter is reduced to working for a tiny Canadian newspaper. While on assignment, an unpolished female lumberjack takes a fancy to him — much to his dismay.
IF THESE BALLS COULD TALK
An extreme bachelor and womanizer, LUKE REEVES, has more one-night-stands than an NBA player on vacation, but when Luke is hit with a lightning bolt his gonads get the power of speech. Can Luke keep em’ quiet long enough to show the one girl he truly loves how much he really wants to be a family man.
THE BROTHERS GRIME
Two brothers, both hack writers, make a splash for themselves by writing the filthiest children’s books imaginable. The money rolls in almost as fast as the complaints, but things get really complicated when one of the brothers falls for a fundamentalist spokeswoman trying to shut them down.
SHE DEVIL WEARS PRADA — The story of a young woman who, freshly departed from life, is recruited as a personal assistant to the actual devil, lured away from the pearly gates with promises of benefits including first dibs on first looks at new fashion and most importantly unlimited designer clothes.
IN THE MOUTH OF FADNESS
The editor of the New York Times Style Section begins to question her own sanity when everyone begins to wear the same clothes she does. Everyday, no matter how outlandish her outfit, there’s a hundred thousand women dressed identically.
THE PUNNING MAN
A wiseacre office worker finds himself running for his life when an off-color joke about the CEO’s daughter is overheard by the wrong person. Incredibly, he thinks the hitmen chasing him are part of a company “teamwork building” exercise.
HIGH NOUN
Set in the Old West, a former lawman-turned-schoolteacher is challenged to a grammar bee by a murderous former student. The townsfolk refuse to help, as they resent anyone with too much “fancy book-learnin’.”
THE WING AND I
After the death of her husband a woman is forced to take a job waiting tables at Hooters, After a rocky start and despite their cultural differences she finds herself falling in love with the Siamese fry cook and together they fight his deportation.
BEATLEJUICE
A love-sick genetic scientist unlocks the code to the Beatles musical genius so he can win the girl of his dreams with the songs he’ll write. But his potion works only too well, turning him into all four of the Beatles, and his girl falls for the wrong guys when she meets George and Paul. Through soul-searching and happenstance he discovers the only way to return to normalcy is by digging deep into his own musical talents, and in so doing wins his girl.
CHEAPER BY THE COZEN
A university professor goes to Mississippi to find his long lost relatives. When he gets there he finds is estranged family wants to give him a little more than a warm welcome.
TO LIVE AND LIE IN L.A.
Reckless Secret Service agent in LA crosses the line in pursuit of a counterfeiter, and goes into partnership with the crook. But he has to keep it secret from his by-the-book partner.
THE OTTER SISTER
A mentally challenged woman believes in two things: One, she’s just as good as her big sister, and two, she thinks she’s a river otter. A young man woos her, but does he love her kind soul… or her pelt?
2 FAST 2 CURIOUS
A young looking teacher is assigned to go undercover as a student to teach the kids sex-ed.
DRAINSTORM
In an exclusive community of scientists, all the drains start inexplicably backing up. And contact with the crud from the drains starts sapping away people’s memories. Wearing fishing waders, the hero and heroine race to find the source of this mysterious assault on the scientific community.
COST IN TRANSLATION
The daughter of a famous director finds it rough going when she shoots her first film on location in Japan, but doesn’t think to hire anyone who knows the language.
FOOTSIE
A man’s man with a passion for pedicures poses as woman to get his toes done. But he finds himself in a smelly situation when he falls for his polished nail tech.
THE THIN RED LINT
An army dry cleaner loses his mind when he cannot remove one tiny piece of red thread from a Marine’s dress blues.
PRIMARY COLONS
A presidential candidate gets unwanted media attention when it’s discovered his eating fatty food on the campaign trail has caused major blockage.
PORN ON THE FOURTH OF JULY
On the verge of a of winning the golden rod award, a cocky porn star is paralyzed while shooting a adult film and sets out to fight for porn star rights after feeling screwed by the industry he came to love.
PORN ON THE FOURTH OF JULY
On the verge of a of winning the golden rod award, a cocky porn star is paralyzed while shooting a adult film and sets out to fight for porn star rights after feeling screwed by the industry he came to love.
FACE/OAF
An FBI agent undergoes a controversial transplant, switching his face with a prisoner. But he doesn’t specify which prisoner, and he winds up looking like Joey Buttafuoco.
THE IKE STORM
Jaded 1970’s suburbanites wistfully remember the Eisenhower years in-between bouts of cocaine and group sex.
TRUCE ALMIGHTY
The year before the Apocalypse, God and Satan decide to team up and hit the road to complete a list of all the things they would do if they were human.
A MOP OF THE WORLD
A janitor’s life falls apart after he’s blamed for not properly mopping up vomit in a school hallway.
LOWS OF ATTRACTION
A shallow lawyer discovers physical looks get you only so far in a relationship. Luckily for her, they go very far in a courtroom.
A Few Hood Men — Polly Gammeez, a perky and beautiful young woman turns the quiet suburban community of Hood, NJ on its ear when Polly announces she will pastor a new local branch of the Church of Brigham Hung. This little known religious sect, whose mousy and subservient founder believes women must take many husbands so they might be freed from the mundane tasks of the world to concentrate on nurturing the planet, will change the residents of Hood in ways they could never imagine.
THE THIRD VAN
An American writer travels to post war Europe to discover his friend that invited him died by a van accident, and he must discover the true reason he died before he becomes the next victim or gets arrested on a trumped up charge of black marketing.
IT’S A WONDERFUL WIFE
When his wife walks out on him days before his family arrive for Christmas, a small-town banker buys a robot from the internet to take over from her – and falls in love with it!
YOU ONLY JIVE TWICE
When a disgraced celebrity gets the chance to take part in ‘Dancing with the Stars’ he decides he has to win whatever it takes – including eliminating his fellow competitors.
Umpire Falls – In a decaying New England town, an arbiter learns that in life, as in baseball, three strikes and you’re out.
The Bride of the Yankees
To cheer up her scandalized beau A-Rod, Madonna throws a clubhouse party for the entire team, prompting ex-husband Guy Ritchie to proclaim himself “The luckiest man on the face of the Earth”.
Mission In Possible — A mysterious hospital janitor takes a sad terminally ill boy on a laundry chute ride to the land of Ucando, a magical place where there are no limits to what a person can achieve.
Raving Private Ryan
A shy recluse unleashes the party animal inside during a wild weekend of hedonism.
Apollo 93
Four terrorists get a lesson in karma when the spacecraft they’ve threatened to blow up actually does.
Wetters From Iwo Jima — Tom Murphy sits alone in his plastic covered recliner wearing nothing but a diaper watching a late night infomercial about a radically new Japanese therapy for the cure of bed wetting. It involves moving the toilet up to the attic and installing the company’s Ninja home obstacle course, but Tom is caught between a rock and a wet place…
The Sew World
Cedar Fall’s 88th annual Quilting Convention erupts into controversy when an upstart quilter wins top prize using a controversial weaving technique. After she turns up dead, it’s up to her ex-quilting partner unravel the mystery and come to terms with her relationship with this shooting star of the quilting world.
All That Jizz
Giving new meaning to the phrase “Box Office Gross”, dance rehearsals for Joe Gideon’s final Broadway production go over budget in the worst way.
THE AFRICAN QUEEG
A naval crew mutinies after their unstable captain repeatedly takes them off course toward Africa.
CONFESSIONS OF A CHOPAHOLIC
An auto body repairman running a chop shop on the side finds religion and battles to go straight, but when one last vintage car lands him in the middle of a police sting he must strike a deal with an car collecting lawyer to stay out of jail.
MISSION IMPASSABLE
Existential and intestinal angst as a selection of improbably good-looking spies stumble on French post-structural theory textbooks and a pile of pastries while holed up in Parisian apartment, waiting for a connection who never comes.
GUESS HO’S COMING TO DINNER
The no nonsense wife of a black preacher fights to keep her family in check and oldest son single when her husband invites a colorful new church member and her three young children to share their Sunday dinner.
Return of the Diller Tomatoes – Phyllis Diller won’t stay retired and an angry audience launches reminders why she should.
FROSH/NIXON
A chance encounter with a first year college student changes the course of the history.
FROSH/NIXON
A chance encounter with a first year college student changes the course of the history.
BAREFOOT IN THE ARK
A ship captain looses his religion after his wife, a pet care worker, slips and falls on the job and spends the next forty days milking her injury for all its worth, making his life a living hell.
FROSH/NIXON
When an ugly duckling sorority pledge volunteers for the Democratic National Committee and works late one fateful night at the Watergate, she learns how glamorous Washington life can be when the President is at your disposal, but things turn ugly fast when she runs afoul of G. Gordon Liddy.
CORALITE
A little girl with buttons for eyes discovers that it takes half as long to make a stop-motion feature when you skip every other frame.
THE UMPIRE STRIKES BACK: This is not cricket. It’s war.
JARS – A small town cop must stop a twisted killer who collects his victims in enormous jars of formaldehyde like lab specimens.
APOCALYPSE – NOT: When con-artists convince Jack “H” Penny that a plague is about to wipe out the human race, he is glad to spend his inherited fortune on making people’s last days happy – starting with the scammers themselves. But when H falls in love with one of the con-men’s sisters, they must try to stop H’s spending before he ruins a perfectly good future for himself and the new love of his life.
Annie, I see your “FROSH” and raise you:
FROSTY NIXON – The disgraced former president is reincarnated as Santa Claus.
CORALONE
A little girl is accidentally left behind when her family goes to Paris for Christmas, leaving her with nothing but her wits and a legion of perfectly handcrafted miniature gadgets to defend her home from two bumbling thieves.
CROUCHING TIGGER, HIDDEN DRAGON: The one where the bouncy, flouncy stripey one finally meets his match – unless Pooh and Piglet can persuade Eyore to swallow his pride, accept the martial arts destiny he set aside when one of rabbits many friends and relations died in a training accident – and teach Tigger to become the disciple he always wished he’d had.
LORD OF THE RINGS: THE TWO TOWELS: When Olympic gymnast Rick Barclay is found dead beneath the equipment that gave him the title “Lord of the Rings”, the police think it was a tragic accident. But when his lover discovers that the towel that was draped round his neck could not possibly be his, she must fight tooth and nail to prove that Rick was murdered – and confront a ghost from her own distant past that simply won’t go away.
Josh, I see your frosty nixon and raise you…
FRIST/NIXON
After a ghostly encounter in the presidential library, Bill Frist runs in 2012 on the “I did not save those cats, but I am not a crook.” platform.
Gulp Fiction: Failed nom de plume screenwriter murders producers by choking them on copies of his manuscript/s. A trap is set when a suable version of his worst ever screenplay goes into production. But will the trap go to plan?
BILK
A homophobic politician has to examine his identity when he attempts to swindle money from an aids walk event.
Or, in hopes of an honorable mention…
FRIST/NIXON
A ghostly encounter in the Yorba Linda presidential library forces 2012 Republican front runner Bill Frist to confront his conscience and abandon his campaign, tearfully admitting, “I should have saved the cats.”
PATRIOT DAMES
In the midst of WWII, a patriotic madam coerces a Navy admiral patron to retrofit a battleship into a brothel and risks her life setting out with her girls across the Atlantic to lend aid and comfort to America’s fighting boys.
PATRIOT DAMES
In the middle of WWII, a patriotic madam coerces a Navy admiral patron to retrofit a battleship into a brothel and risks her life setting out with her girls across the Atlantic to lend aid and comfort to America’s fighting boys.
WITH SEX YOU GET EGGROLL
A desperate man tries to persuade his plump asian mail-order bride to consummate their marriage.
SEARGENT PORK
When the ex-wife’s fit new husband is transferred to his National Guard unit, an out of shape sergeant reluctantly separates from his young pastry chef girl friend, in order to loose enough weight keeping rank and pride intact before shipping out to Iraq.
The Defarted
A team of cops go undercover at a health farm for flatulence cures to track Mac the Ripper and his windfalls of crime; but when Mac traps all of them in the gas chamber, have they bitten off more than they can poo?
THE JOY BUCK CLUB
East meets West when a cowboy obsessed Japanese anima artist and his young sister journey to Wyoming to meet a washed up rodeo star he briefly met in an internet chat room. Now he must return to Tokyo to explain how his sister ended up pregnant and married to a broken down bronco rider.
INHERIT THE WINE
After reports surface that a terminally ill janitor with no family spent his life’s savings to purchase the most expensive bottle of wine ever sold at auction, a sickly prep school custodian with a drinking problem must go on the run to escape a international mob of wine connoisseurs looking to adopt.
SAPS
A Vermont maple syrup producer in a sticky situation fights to prove his innocence when a bottle of his product finds its way to the President’s breakfast table and an FBI investigation reveals that undocumented farm workers he hired where Al Qaeda operatives.
BORALINE
When a shy stop-motion animator falls for an adrenaline junkie stuntwoman who only dates guys with exciting jobs, he must find a way to show her that life’s greatest thrill is capturing four seconds of film in one day.
PERMS OF ENDEARMENT
A bitter cosmetology student flirting with disaster is sentenced to three hundred hours of community service providing hair care for senior citizens at an inner city community center and is transformed by their wisdom, humor and friendship.
BESWITCHED
When a geeky mortal sophomore trying to blend in at Hex High discovers he was switched at birth with the son of a witch he must fight to save the souls of the family he’s never known after turning to principal Lou Cipher for help finding his birth mother.
THE OLD MAN AND THE SEAL
An ancient circus clown preparing to die escapes from a nursing home with a simple-minded orderly and an AWOL garbage truck driver and journeys to the Florida aquarium where he once worked to abduct a performing seal and return it to its home in the Alaska wild.
DOWN BY LAV
3 unlucky guys get caught short after too much dodgy prawn salad.
BESWITCHED
An awkward mortal sophomore trying to fit in at Hex High discovers he was switched at birth with the son of a witch and must fight to save the souls of the family he’s never known after turning to principal Lou Cipher for help finding his birth mother.
SPARTAPUS
Animatronic adventure about a cat who leads a doomed rebellion in Ancient Rome.
The Great Waldo Peeper – The escapades of a 1920s daredevil pilot, who also happens to be a voyeur.
Sex, Ties and Videotape – A documentary maker finds himself in knots when he unwittingly becomes the subject of his latest film.
Bitch Cassidy and the Sundance Kid – Sundance survives the Bolivian ambush and returns alone to the U.S, where he teams with Butch’s sister, and soon wishes he was back in South America.
Elfie – A philandering Santa’s helper gets his comeuppance when he falls for a woman who doesn’t love him, but wants to meet the jolly old man.
The Food German – A journalist in post-war Berlin is drawn into a murder mystery while simultaneously trying to cope to with heartburn from a regular diet of bratwurst and sauerkraut.
Featherheads – After failing to start a pro football league, a group of young men in the 1920s move to New York to become Rockettes.
The Peacefaker – A frank biopic of the late Yassar Arafat.
Maggot at the Wedding – A woman and son visit her sister, who is getting married to a neer-do-well. Problems ensue when the little boy adds a more than a little spice to the wedding feast.
THE PIG LEBOWSKI
A bowling hog is mistaken as a high roller and asked to bring home the bacon or a sow gets the chops.
The Molar Express – On Halloween night a magical train appears with a free trip to the dentist for all those boys and girls with aching teeth.
Worn Curtain – An American working for the government tries to smuggle a scientist out of East Berlin, but his plan fails when they are discovered hiding behind tattered drapes.
The Life and Times of Judge Soy Bean – A tough, ornery judge in the Old West meters justice and makes a mean milk-based coffee.
21 PRAMS
Non-linear drama about babies all caught up in the same terrible accident.
Steepless in Seattle – A boy longs for his widowed father to date, but dad has bigger problems when a developer threatens to level the entire city.
ON THE WAITERFRONT
A former waiter at Manhattan’s poshest eatery pens an unappetizing tell-all musical that takes Broadway by storm but strikes a sour note with the restaurant’s celebrity chef and his mafia backers not to mention every badly tipped server in the city all of whom are out for blood.
Mrs. Doubtfile – To spend more time with his kids, a divorced man dresses as a woman and goes to work for his ex-wife as a home secretary, only he can’t remember where he puts things.
To Lie For – A teenager seducers three of his high school teachers and blackmails them so they will cover up for his missed days in class.
MUST LOVE LOGS
Lonely, hyper tree-hugger, LISA VINE, struggles to find a mate that shares her love for fallen trees and the dying rain forest, so when she signs up for an online dating service and puts in the ad “Must Love Logs” she finally meets the guy of her dreams, only he’s a big grizzly lumberjack who loves his job.
THE NIGHT POTTER
A man with a dark secret, who now makes vases for a living, revisits his sick past…
A ROVER RUNS THROUGH IT
Pedestrians run for cover when Mister Magoo gets behind the wheel of a Range Rover.
NATURAL BORN KILTERS
A Scots couple go on a shopping spree for tartan.
SATURDAY NIGHT SEVER – “Stayin’ Alive” takes on a whole new meaning when a homicidal maniac terrorizes a Brooklyn disco by decapitating anyone doing the “Street Hustle” or wearing a leisure suit.
SATURDAY NIGHT SEVER – “Stayin’ Alive” takes on a whole new meaning when a homicidal maniac terrorizes a Brooklyn disco by decapitating anyone doing the “Street Hustle” or wearing a leisure suit.
SockNRolla – a sock puppet starts a rock band and goes on tour with his puppet companions.
THE NAKED NUN
A priest with no funds for his crumbling church receives divine inspiration when a school boy leaves the confessional booth, solving the mystery of Sister Bernadette’s missing attire and the lad’s cross dressing habit. Now father must find a way to convince the nun to smile for the camera in the most tasteful of ways.
PRANK-a group of high school kids take a prank too far starting an international incident.
HOWL’S MOVING CATTLE
Japanese anime about a surreal cowboy.
RESOLUTIONARY ROAD
A husband and wife struggle to break free of smothering suburban boredom by upgrading to Blu-Ray, but find that a clearer picture only serves to bring the fault lines within their marriage into sharper focus.
BAKEVIEW TERRACE-a group of stoners move into a quiet suburban neighbourhood. It’s not long before their presence annoys the neighbours who rally to get them kicked out of the neighbourhood.
THE DANK KNIGHT – A marijuana dealer becomes a hero when he singlehandedly takes up the fight against a ruthless gang moving into his neighborhood turf. “Smoke ’em out…”
BOOGIE KNIGHTS
A confused wannabe porn actress is saved from herself by three noble knights of the round table who are exiled to the present by a scorned sorceress to 1976 LA where they find themselves embarrassingly cast in an adult film version of Camelot.
TO SHAVE AND HAVE NOT
A circle of strong willed women tired of chaffed cheeks make a pact to withhold sex from their men until they shave the beards they grew for the Bi-Centennial celebration. But when a pack of hirsute loving biker chicks roll into town, the men suddenly find they have the upper hand or so they think.
“In” Bruces
Two slobby Australian hitmen (both named Bruce), tour Europe to learn dress sense and etiquette so they can blend into Venice high society for the next hit.
THE KUTCHER’S WIFE
A biopic of actress Demi Moore and her rise from Mrs. Bruce Willis to one of the most envied and desired cougars in America.
SHAKIEST RUN IN THE WEST
Recently graduated, city-bred, Dr. Jesse W. Heydance develops a potion for stamina to sell to the prospectors in the “stake your claim” race. But when the potion starts causing prolonged seizures, the Doc has to flee the safety of the caravan and venture into the wild west with nothing but his stethoscope and steady hand to protect him.
The Third Nan
A paternal grandmother arrives in post war Vienna at the beck of maternal Nan, Henrietta Lime, hoping to see her new grandchild, but is instead lured to a macabre hospital wing, where Henrietta has cloned a new grandmother with the best of both their genes – the unbeatable Third Nan.
RESOLUTIONARY ROAD
An unhappily married couple struggles to throw off the bonds of smothering suburban boredom by upgrading to blu-ray, but the picture they thought they wanted only brings the fault lines in their relationship into sharper focus.
A LEAGUE OF THEIR OWL
Chronically drunk, JIMMY “Don’t give a hoot” DUGAN, gets an idea of how to turn his fortune around… Owl fighting. Jimmy starts the first underground owl fighting league. But when Jimmy chastises a rogue cop for mistreating his bird, he finds he’s ruffled more than just a few feathers. Jimmy will have to finally find the “straight and narrow” branch to perch before he discovers there IS crying in this league.
THE BAD NEWS BEANS
An underdog little league team makes it to the national playoffs only to fall victim to a salmonella outbreak from a tainted batch of baked beans in this film that’s good for everyone’s hearts.
Raging Gull
When a seagull called Jonathon uses new age philosophy and steroids to rise up from mediocrity and become a flight ace, he doesn’t bank on the recurring paranoia and jealousy that will destroy his family, his title and detonate every cloud’s silver lining.
YO, JIMBO! – In a remote Appalachian holler, a crafy redneck alternately sides with two feuding families until he is the only one left standing.
CAST A BLANCA – A Mexican film production is thrown into chaos when the director decides to bring a white actress from the US in for the leading role.
GODKILLA – Yeah he’s big. Yeah he’s bad. But can our pimped out Monsta take on his biggest challenge… God. Damn Straight.
PLANET OF THE ACES
An astronaut unwittingly lands on a planet where Vegas casino owners evolved from men. Our hero escapes capture, only to discover he’s been on Earth all along… and what happens on Earth, stays on Earth.
HIGHLENDER
A Scottish loan shark discovers he is an immortal, destined to fight thugs and goons across the centuries until there can be only one.
SEEDFUL THINGS
A mysterious stranger sets up a flower shop in a small town, where the residents can’t help but buy his magic seeds. Hundreds of beanstalks soon pop up overnight, allowing evil giants to climb down and enslave the earth.
THE GRAFTERS
Posing as plastic surgeons, a mother and son team up to con poor burn victims out of their money. Ironically, they have to undergo their own face lifts in order to escape; unfortunately, the doctor in charge is a close friend of one of their victims.
DEATH WASH
The mild-mannered owner of a Laundromat seeks revenge when young punks come in to his store and “martinize” his employees. By night, he dry-cleans the streets of crime, but loses his button-down mind in the process.
THE FIRST HIVES CLUB
Three divorced women get revenge on their exes by infesting their individual homes with deadly killer bees. But a detective who dabbles as a beekeeper is on to their wicked plan.
FOR A WISTFUL OF DOLLARS
The Man With No Name is also The Man With No Cash. Work for a gunfighter is scarce in his peaceful town, so he and a greedy undertaker spread rumors between two rival families in order to drum up business.
FRAGS OF OUR FATHERS
Four elderly heroes of Iwo Jima fondly reminisce about seeing their grandchildren grow, enjoying their medals and basking in the adulation of an grateful nation… all four agree none of these things would have happened if they hadn’t killed their insanely suicidal commanding officer.
DIE ANOTHER MAY
Agent 007 faces a dilemma when none of his nemeses can fit him into their busy schedules. It’s up to Q to provide Bond with his most powerful gadget yet — a functioning Blackberry.
Lambo
Rogue bulls drive Lambo and his flock into a barn where slaughter is rife and silence is not an option, so Lambo fights by hoof and by song to get Mary and the Baarbershop Quartet safely home.
Tagline: “I love my countryside”
THE LIST SEDUCTION
A canny grifter devises her greatest scheme: she’ll keep posting movie titles and loglines in order to win a screenwriter’s online contest…
Nah. Been done.
I like Big Diddy. :)
The Prostige
In Victorian London, The Prostige Academy trains young women in sexual magic, until one girl is hexed to fall for an evil sorcerer who will destroy them all – unless she can pull off her greatest bedtime trick.
PAWS – A New England summer resort comes under attack from an evil, blood-driven stray cat and the only person who can save them all is the feline-allergic Chief of Police.
Quote: “We’re gonna need a bigger ball’a yahn, Chief.”
Finding Emo – When his depressed teen son, with a flare for self-cutting, swims away from home, Marlin must brave the world beyond the reef to get him back, and to therapy on time.
The Green Mime – Plagued by his job as a death row prison guard, Tom heads out to find his place in the world of the silently annoying.
The Sly Who Loved Me
Expect Roger Moore to Lock Up an Oscar nod for this Over the Top Cliffhanger, in which James Bond’s relationship with Soviet agent Triple-X turns Rocky when she vows to draw First Blood after learning Bond killed her husband amongst a group of Assassins.
Live and Let Dye
David Caruso plots to spike Daniel Craig’s swimming pool with excessive chlorine in an effort to become the world’s first red-headed James Bond,
Dirty Hairy
Harry’s not even around to take control when a deranged hippie sneaks into houses leaving hairballs, skid marks, and foot fluff wherever he treads – but Azmina the cleaner and her bleach blaster will take this slob out, and Harry too if he leaves the toilet seat up.
Kramer is. Kramer
The documentary of New York’s infamous hipster playboy dufus Cosmo Kramer.
QUEST FOR FORE
A father changes his mind right after his infant son’s circumcision but his quest to reattach is complicated when a trio of crow-magpies make off with the tiny calamari.
TAMMY
The Who’s rock opera about Acid Queen Tammy Faye Baker who breaks mirrors when she looks into them.
Ironpan: Poor Man Sony Tark leads a double life as a chef and often fights off the rats of the street with his clean crime fighting ironpan.
Bulk: this is the 1935 story of Porky Big, who seeks to find a cure for his desire to eat everything in sight, especially when under emotional stress. Whilst on the run from the staff of the Biggest Loser which seeks his capture, Porky comes close to a cure. But all is lost when a new creation emerges: The All You Can Eat Buffet.
Bambo: After dealing with the death of his mother, Bambo leaves the forest to lead a mission into Suburbia to face the large metal machines trying to wipe out the rest of the family.
SLUM’D DOG MILLIONAIRE – After being secretly recorded during a racial tirade famous reality show bounty hunter Dwayne “Dog” Chapman is forced to go “kiwi” and hide his face with shoe polish for the 2009 season of his TV series as he hunts for 7-Eleven shoplifters, and take-one penny thieves in urban Detroit.
BONGO:
A group of super-intelligent white gorillas take their drum quartet to the Las Vegas strip, but their quick rise is threated by a cabal of established performers led by Celene Dion.
THE BODFATHER
A young chess player tries to escape the machinations of his overbearing father, a washed up body builder who wants his son to follow in his footsteps.
WALL-ET
Following the economic collapse of 2008, robots are used by the ultra-rich to carry their heaps of cash, until one such bot develops a conscience and steals from the rich and give to the poor.
THE DEPORTED
An illegal Canadian immigrant infiltrates the INS in hopes of escaping deportation, only to find a mysterious Canadian asking too many questions about his past.
RAGING BILL
After losing his composure on national television and becoming an internet phenomenon, a simple man becomes the most watched personality on cable news, but fame gives him more to be angry about than he expected.
NO COUNTY FOR OLD MEN
The residents of an assisted living community are forced to band together when the county commissioner tries to level their homes to build a singles condo to boost tax income.
THE GREEN MILD
An aspiring chef must answer a series of riddles left by his grandfather in order to inherit the family hot sauce recipe, or he will be forever doomed to flavorless dishes.
LARGO
One of the beach boys is inadvertently caught up in a kidnapping and extortion scheme on the beautiful beaches of Key Largo. He just wanted to take it slow, but now he has nowhere to go.
DINE HARD
A food critic, visiting his estranged wife for the holidays, gets more than he bargained for at a romantic dinner where the head chef sets out on an elaborate game of revenge against him.
PAWS
A dogcatcher struggles to catch his most dangerous prey yet: a mutated hound who has decided humans make the squishiest of chew toys.
MINDING NEMO
The crew of the Nautilus must humor their aging and now-senile Captain Nemo as he takes them on one final quest against giant squids and evil marine creatures that exist only in his head.
THE WILD BRUNCH
The long awaited sequel to DINE HARD. The food critic John McClain thought he could relax and enjoy some pancakes at his local IHOP. Little did he know short order cooks have long memories.
O FOR VENDETTA
Oprah let them talk about her weight, her clothes and her endless audience gifts. But when they trashed talked her gal pal Gail, they went to far. O: Revenge just became her new favorite thing.
FROSTY NIXON
After his disgraced departure from the White House, Richard Nixon concocts a publicity stunt to win back the peoples love: he will brave the elements to compete in the Iditarod.
SMARTACUS
A slave leads a revolt against his cruel Roman masters, creating crude mechanical copies of himself to fight the emperors legions. His greatest stroke of genius will be knowing when to stay quiet.
I just saw that I had forgotten it was only one entry per post. What a tool am I.
MATRIX DELOADED
When Neo inadvertently discovers the entire universe is being controlled by a scratched DVD with a crappy algorithm in a shot-up Cadillac he is forced to slam his fist into his girlfriend’s chest to see if she swallowed the remote so he can hit the eject button to save the world from another crappy sequel.
STOP OR MY MOMS WILL SHOOT – Hell has no fury like Rookie Officer Heather’s two mommies, as they return from Special Forces duty in Iraq and take on ruthless mobsters trying to kill their adopted daughter.
BLOOD SAMPLE
This will get under your skin! A cheating wife, a jealous husband, a double-crossing private eye – three characters in a noir centrifuge of pierced dreams and needle-sharp repartee. Part of you won’t get out of this one.
THE WRISTLER
when a biohazard sterilizes the male population, a lone remaining astronaut is recalled from space to become the earth’s only sperm donor.
THE FRIDGE ON THE RIVER KWAI
A Polish adventurer attempts to shoot the white water rapids in a unique boat to win a bet, the classic man verses nature, and discovers that he should have paid more attention in physics class.
CONFESSIONS OF A DANGEROUS MINK
An ambitious TV showman and his lovable pet mink are recruited by the CIA for clandestine operations, but after outraged animal activists publicize the duo’s identities, the showman and his furry friend find themselves the targets of foreign intelligence assassins.
THE PUNK PANTHER
Inspector Clouseau tries to track down a cat burgler who is leaving a string of murders at the scene of each crime. The prime suspect is female punk rocker Gams Brelli, who proves to be a major distraction for the Inspector.
FIFTY FIRST MATES – It is not smooth sailing when Captain Ahab gets anterograde amnesia and hires fifty helpers who all show up to set sail. Conflict abounds as the ship turns one way, then another, as no one can agree on whether to hunt a white whale, throw Kurt Russell Overboard, find Davey Jones’ locker, domesticate Jack Sparrow, save Cary Grant and Leslie Caron and seven schoolgirls from an island, side with Denzel Washington over Gene Hackman, find the “Heart of the Ocean” necklace, send Queeg into therapy, listen to Paul Robeson’s stunning rendition of “Old Man River,” gamble away Gaylord and Magnolia’s fortune, blow up a Great White since they have a bigger boat, study snakes with Charles Pike, haul in Hitchcock’s bickering but fascinating characters on a drifting Lifeboat, intercept a wide-eyed Martin Sheen, flip up an overturned SS Poseidon, elude a *near*-perfect storm, flog Captain Bligh and give Gable his mustache back, ask Bogart why he keeps showing up in different costumes….
BAKING NED DEVINE
When a pot farmer dies from over eating, his fellow growers fight over his crop.
THE SEVEN YEAR INCH
A balding Hollywood actor travels to a mysterious Transylvanian clinic after reading about a miracle hair restoring treatment – but what he finds is more hair raising than hair growing.
THE PURPLE NOSE OF CAIRO
A wine-collecting archaeologist travels to Egypt to discover the tomb of a legendary aloholic Pharoah, said to have been buried with a thousand of bottles of red.
STOP OR MY MOM WILL SHOUT
A middle-aged policeman hides a dark secret – he still lives with his controlling mother and although she’s only 4 foot high, he’s terrified of her. When he arrests a beautiful shoplifter he’s desperate to get to know her better – but only if his Mom doesn’t find out!
RAIDERS OF THE LOST ART
A popular lecturer in film studies leads a secret double life as a treasure hunter and goes in search of the original negatives of Lucas and Spielberg films before they’re lost to man forever.
BACK TO THE SUTURE
A mad surgeon enlists the help of a suburban, American teenager to go back in time to prevent a botched frontal lobotomy.
FROM DELL
A private investigator hired by executives of a computer company tries to track down an insane CEO to stop him from selling his company’s assets and giving the proceeds back to his shareholders.
FROM DELL
A private investigator hired by executives of a computer company tries to track down an insane CEO to stop him from selling his company’s assets and giving the proceeds back to his shareholders.
THE ELEPHANT MON
An impoverished Jamaican song-writer with out-of-control dreadlocks, exploited by big American music labels, is rescued by a compassionate English doctor. Taken to London, he becomes a distinguished member of high society and learns how to write proper lyrics.
EMPIRE OF THE SAN
A middle class American boy caught up in a global war becomes a disciple of a wise martial arts expert and Kamikaze pilot.
HOWARD THE DUCE
The forgettable story of a promising Italian dictator in a duck suit whose fascist government eventually becomes a miserable flop.
Pump Fiction: Headed on vacation to recover from a heart transplant, chief of police gets caught in a metal detector at the airport. Turns out his new heart is fiction and he’s been given a pump device instead which is slowly inflating him. As he balloons to bursting point, he embarks on a race against time to nail the criminal who fitted him up and to find himself a new donor.
PULP FACTION:
Middle-aged, overweight ex-gangsters put their knowledge of drug trafficking to use in a semi-redundant paper mill. They produce pages impregnated with liquid cocaine and give a whole new meaning to doing a line.
MILD — The story of a gay San Francisco pacifist and his quiet quest for political power.
THE EGG AND W — Ex-president George W. Bush returns to his Crawford, Texas ranch to enjoy a much anticipated retirement, only to find his once thriving dude ‘n bike trail enterprise converted to a chicken farm and himself up to his wingtips in ovarian hilarity.
No Country for Old Ben
When Llewlyn Skywalker stumbles upon the Empire’s plans for a Death Star, Jedi Sheriff Ben Kenobi tries to stop the murderous Anakin Shagur from using the force to track him down.
SNOWGIRLS — When Jackie’s family moves from the Bronx to Colorado for a better life, Jackie and her sister enter a local snowboarding contest that turns their lives around, landing them on the short list of the 2010 Womens Olympic Snowboard Team, despite a kidnapping attempt by their ghetto boyfriends to bring them back home.
BEN-HER
To evade capture, a runaway slave disguises himself as a woman in an all-girl chariot race. But when Caesar declares his intention of making the winner his queen, his quest for freedom soon turns into a real drag race.
TURBAN COWBOY
Faced with loosing his business, an immigrant from India risks his life’s savings to sponsor a charity rodeo for the resentful Texas town that has ostracized his family after buying a chain of convenience stores from a bankrupt football legend.
WOMAN HOLIDAY
Turn around is fair play for a group of neglected wives banished from their husband’s fishing trips who discover there are more fish in the sea and in port after setting sail on a cruise for women only.
WELF
After a stroke leaves him with a speech impediment, a financial expert fighting to save his syndicated radio show finds romance with a speech pathologist and the up side of his situation launching a new career as a pointy ear stand up comedian.
WOMAN OF THE GEAR
A grandmother who’s always taken the back seat gets a taste of adrenalin behind the wheel during a race car experience at a theme park, files for divorce and risks everything to build a car and pursue her dream to become the oldest woman in NASCAR.
THE MUSK OF ZORRO
A young French perfumer and his screenwriting girlfriend team up to get her script into the hands of Hollywood’s hottest star hoping to release his new fragrance with the film. But things don’t go as planed when she is seduced by the sweet smell of success and the irresistible scent of a man.
Little Pig Man
A 100-year-old codger recounts his amazing life being raised by a band of wild boars, his struggle to survive an unseemly stint in the pen, and his ultimate bravery fighting the battle of Pork Chop Hill.
FIST FULL OF COLLARS
A Halloween costume snafu changes the life of a submissive school librarian who discovers the power, excitement and extra income that a whip, gag and a pair of thigh high black leather boots can provide; that is until a school board investigation and a client’s near fatal heart attack leave her tied up in knots.
Dial M for Mulder – Aliens posing as Jehovah’s Witnesses are outside their door, a panicked family tries reaching the X Files agent after getting a busy signal dialing S for Scully. They’re out there someone, but not answering their phones.
Dasputin – This Russian is even crazier than his Mad Monk brother, arguing about everything with everyone, driving Lenin and the other Communists nuts.
Brand Hotel – Advertisers and marketers go overboard when a high-end Berlin hotel, losing money, agrees to display sponsor logos in the building
True Colons – A lifelong friendship is threatened during a presidential election when the campaign of one friend leaks the medical tests of the other.
Pay Anything – An underachieving guy meets a brilliant, beautiful girl who will go out with him, but only if he meets her price.
STRIPE UP THE BAND
An unemployed piano teacher in Depression era Alabama finds romance with a publicity seeking prison warden who persuades her to pull together a band of musicians from a chain gang to play for FDR when he visit’s the state.
The Hanger – A hip blood-thirsty couple prey on unsuspecting New Yorkers until they are thwarted by Joan Crawford’s grandchildren, baring metal hangers in the form of a cross and a stake.
Zerro – A swashbuckler in early 1800s Spanish California tries to avenge the poor, but only makes matters worse every time he whips out his sword.
My Big Fat Creek Wedding – It’s a wedding between a Heather Hatfield and Matt McCoy, but after a century’s old feud neither family can agree where to hold the festivities until they reach a compromise.
Absence of Palice – A dethroned monarch finds you can’t go home again.
Tumor Has It – A woman in a dysfunctional family learns that she might actually be related to a famous doctor on CNN who can cure her.
The Best Tears of Our Lives – Three returning World World II vets reunite to take their wives to a series of four-hankie movies.
The Wild Punch – An aging group of outlaws pursued by authorities decide there’s an easier way to exit than a shootout – Jim Jones Kool-Aid.
GLUM DOG MILLIONARIE
A Doberman and his playboy owner, depressed after the death of their provider find little solace in the fact they’ve inherited the master’s entire estate. It seems the only thing that can lift their spirits is the hot young cleaning lady and her pampered pooch and neither of them are biting.
THE LIZARD OF OZ
Mayhem erupts as a young tourist from Kansas and her avant-garde gang find themselves fighting for their lives against a gargantuan reptilian monster sent to destroy a major metropolis by an unstable witch. Can courage, brains and heart defeat this evil beast?
MILDRED PIERCED
A dilettante artist trades her brushes for a tattoo needle and becomes obsessed with body art and modification until a badly infected piercing threatens to end the life of an under aged client.
CITIZEN SANE
A man wrongly committed into a psychiatric hospital connects with a young patient, that everyone thought was a lost cause through the many hours spent tending their rose garden
GASSIE GO HOME
Three one time childhood friends struggling with survivor’s guilt meet to commiserate years after their ridiculing caused the death of a flatulent playmate as she ran to escape their taunting.
DEAD MAN TALKING
A cadaver that communicates telepathically has the county morgue in an uproar until one forensic specialist really listens to what he has to say and finds the key to the dead man’s unsolved murder.
DIRTY LANCING
America’s Olympic fencing champion foils his opponent’s move with a perfectly placed lunge to the beautiful Parisian model sent as a distraction. Now to prove himself the better swordsman he must fight to win back his confidence and his fiance.
Downhill Pacer – A cross-country skier can’t quite figure out how to master the slaloms at the U.S. Olympic trials.
DEET THE PARENTS
Male nurse GREG FOCKER takes his fiance and her Christian Scientist parents camping, and must trick them into being protected from killer mosquitoes before it’s too late.
? (Rho)
A paranoid lower-case Greek letter searches nature’s patterns for his partner, ‘H’, so that they can restore balance to the World’s skin.
FOOTSIE
A scorned woman unable to find a man, creates a website to expose her former philandering fiance’s sick foot fetish and ruin his podiatry practice. But when the site becomes hugely popular she discovers that revenge is a two way street after pictures of her feet are posted drawing an odd assortment of gentleman to her door.
DEAD MAN BALKING
A funeral home becomes a court of law with the Grim Reaper presiding as a deceased mouthy lawyer, refusing to give it a rest, cites a loophole in the contract outlining a deal he once made with the devil and the distribution of his assets in the afterlife.
LIE ANOTHER DAY
In the sequel to DEAD MAN BALKING a bloated barrister seeks a change of venue as he fights to carry his case to the high court and struggles to find any character witnesses who will testify on his behalf.
SUMMER OF HAM
In the summer of ’77 residents of the Bronx live in fear as a series of courting couples are found bludgeoned to death in their cars – with a bloodstained joint of cured pork left at the scene.
That was meant to be a small Greek letter r that looks like a p…
p (Rho)
A paranoid lower-case Greek letter searches nature’s patterns for his partner, ‘H’, so that they can restore balance to the World’s skin.
Paper Moog – Frustrated at his inability to learn the lead air guitar and anxious to join the band, a man sets out to design the first fake synthesizer.
Adam’s Bib –Husband and wife attorneys, on opposite sites of an attempted murder case, place a side beton the trial – loser eats Gerber’s for a month.
The Fig Country – Tired of the feuding between two warring ranchers, a man buys the valuable property between the two properties and diverts all its river water to start a fig farm.
The Defective Story – Hard-boiled NYC cops in the 1950s hone in on a shoplift suspect whose alibi has more holes than a golf course.
My Carling Clementine – The tale of a scientist’s failed attempt of ingesting malt and hops into an orange to find the perfect fruit on which to get drunk,
BARE WELL, MY LOVELY
An ancient stripper on her death bed bequeaths her large pastie collection to her flat chested grand daughter who struggles at various jobs to earn enough money for breast implants and carry on her Big Mama’s legacy.
How Green Was My Salley – She didn’t want to take a cruise for her honeymoon and boy was she right. The ups and downs, and ups and downs, of newlyweds on the highs seas.
Port Apache –The Indians change attack tactics and head for the canoes, only they can’t find any water around the desolate fort.
Stop! Or My Mum Will Shoot
Set in London, an almost identical version of the American movie except the chase scenes take place on the left side of side of the road and the “Mum” character is played by a Monty Python alum in drag.
The Adventures of Marco Solo – An Italian explorer travels alone to the Far East where he discovers spaghetti, but there’s no one to brag to about his discovery.
DAS BOOTY
A band of pirates raping and pillaging on the Baltic Sea discover a trunk of what they think is junk, but upon closer inspection contains a statue of a Germanic fertility goddess imbued with supernatural powers for attracting women that when abused result in death.
STOP! OR MY TOM WILL SHOOT
Set in the 1800s, Ms Bigotowski, a racist, rich, widow, hires her house slave as a bodyguard after she discovers a group of bandits want to rob her. But when Ms Bigotowski begins to fall in love with her “Tom”, she starts to see life isn’t as black and white as she once thought.
WOLF GREEK
A particularly hirsute Greek man mauls vulnerable backpackers in the depths of the Australian outback.
TOYS DON’T CRY
Stuffing flies as a Mickey Mouse plush toy struggles to keep his place the toy chest, after the other, more macho toys, discover his secret marriage to Mr. Potato Head.
9 to 9
Three kids, who are forced to work in a Chinese sweatshop twelve grueling hours every day, plot their escape by hiding in Kathy Lee’s extraneously, large coach luggage when she comes to check on her business. But while hiding in the luggage and being forced to listen to her “witty banter”, they decide the sweatshop was not that bad after all and return to work.
GONE WITH THE MIND
A heroic orderly fights to save a group of seniors living in a Florida retirement community from an unethical doctor and an abominable pharmaceutical company searching for an Alzheimer’s cure before he becomes their next guinea pig.
LEGENDS OF THE TALL – A two-hour montage of ordinary guys reminiscing about basketball’s best players. Endlessly. Like they have nothing better to do. Ever.
SUPER SIZE YE
A documentarian time-travels back to the middle ages, where he convinces the local peasantry to consume nothing but low-quality mutton for 30 days straight.
NORMAL RAE
A mildly mentally challenged girl negotiating the minefield called high school teaches her peers and a community that normal is a relative term as she fights stereotypes to be elected homecoming queen.
A WANK TO REMEMBER
A popular yet unruly kid is forced to participate in the school play, causing the town minister’s daughter to fall for him and give him the best hand-job of his life.
MIME BANDITS
An organized crime mob is kidnapping mimes, and it is up to one stalwart investigator to bring these criminals to justice by thinking outside of the box.
THE LOONIES
A group of mentally unstable kids find a treasure map which leads them on a crazy adventure where they find hidden caves, a pirate ship and Sloth, the biggest Loon of them all.
ADAM’S CRIB
A college freshman pits his two interior designing dads against each other in hopes of getting the ultimate dorm room, but instead of attracting the chicks his crib is attracting a lot a attention. Now he’s gotta work to rehab his reputation and love life without ruffling his dad’s feathers.
JURRASIC PORK
When reports of larger than normal sows roaming the woods surface, an Arkansas hog farmer must take the law into his own hands after government agents attempt to commandeer the family business built over a former WWII munitions burial site.
THE STINK
In 1930s Chicago, a young scam artist desperately seeking help for offensive B.O. teams up with a master of the big con to pinch a years supply of deodorant from Proctor and Gamble.
DULL
A businessman commuting through the States without breaking the speed limit is pursued by a man in a truck, who follows him for many, many miles … without breaking the speed limit.
RAIN TAN – A mentally challenged man proves to be a business savant when he opens a chain of tanning salons deep in the Amazon.
SPEEL
A young educationally-challenged police man must ensure that his girlfriend’s third grade class makes no mistakes at the spelling bee, otherwise a mad ex-principal will blow-up the entire auditorium.
The African Queer
A Political Correctness Unit storms the re-named riverboat to mediate how Charlie Allnut dumps Rose for deckhand Kwame, but Kwame says it was just a one nighter and he won’t sue anyone – the fever onboard has spurned more than homophobia – it’s got racist, classist and sexist as well.
The Gay After Tomorrow
When a scientist predicts that a virus will wipe out every heterosexual urge on the planet in 24 hours, a group of non-sceptics hole themselves up in a library to read the books that will help them reproduce.
(From the highly acclaimed director of The African Queer)
I know Khat You Did Last Summer
Four Afghani farmers compete to produce the strongest form of khat, a natural herbal high that will only prove a winner if it can actually start a party.
Cresh
Two childminders who can’t spell rescue the toddlers who mauled each other in a bouncy castle, and teach them about bigotry and karma.
American Beasty
An ugly suburbite in a mid-life crisis knows that to get the juiciest date with his daughter’s best friend, he must change into a werewolf and show her London.
SUDDENLY LAST BUMMER
A stoner neurosurgeon is offered a million dollars, which he desperately needs, to preform a lobotomy. When the patient turns out to be his long lost love, he has a decision to make. If he could only remember her name.
DUNCES WITH WOLVES
Two brainless soldiers, who nearly get their regiment killed, are cast into the desert, and befriended by a band of Indians. When their idiotic bungling nearly wipes out the tribe, the two losers are thrown to the wolves and then thrown back as they are deemed too stupid to eat by the discerning canines.
FOOTSIE
An aspiring actress tries to make it big by following in the exact footsteps of her soap opera idol, Erica Kane.
A HARD HAY’S NIGHT
A fascinating behind the scenes look at a Beatles cover band as they tour from county fair to county fair. When the Lennon impersonator insists his girlfriend travel with the band it threatens to tear the group apart before their big gig, The Fauxchella Music Festival.
BACK TO THE SUTURE
While undergoing surgery for a brain tumor, an underachieving skateboarder travels back in time and must help a college stoner finish medical school, otherwise the surgical genius that’s saving his life will never exist.
REVOLUTIONARY TOAD
How do you break free without breaking apart when you’re just one spawn in an ocean of jello?
TRIGADOON—Fiona Cosine, a high school senior facing her SATs, encounters another senior rising from a mysterious mist during a late night study session at the library—the legendary Tommy Angle, destined to relive each day of his life taking the SATs until he can find somebody to score 800 on the math and break his curse.
PRIME AND PREJUDICE—a high school girl tries to get her sister to join the math club in order to get a date to the prom with the star quarterback, but while orchestrating their courtship, ends up falling for the Goth loner who’s already been accepted to MIT
ROMANCING THE STOLE—to save her sister, a romance novelist is thrust into a world of illegal mink farming, and her only hope of escaping without being skinned herself is the ruggedly handsome, exiled fashion designer for Vogue who needs the minks to regain his former life
PILATES OF THE CARRIBEAN. When Captain Windsor Sparrow embarks on a quest to find the best sushi bar South of Boca Raton he inadvertently discovers the treasure of Contrology and is forced to return his illegitimate father Jack to life to combat paying the East India Trading Company a cut of the residuals for the popular self-help DVD.
DORKMAN.
After failing to score some Viagra an aging porn star is forced to use an unstable synthetic that can only last for 99 minutes, when the director’s cat chews through a power cord and blows the lights he inadvertently discovers that he’s not as prone to explosive outbursts in the dark.
THE REMAINS OF THE DIY
A butler sifts through a pile of scraps and reminisces about his life spent doing home improvements, arts & crafts, and woodworking for an aristocratic English family.
ADADEUS
Amadeus Mozart gets endorsed by Adidas and deals with his number one hater Antonio Salieri.
AFK
Filmmaker Oliver Stone misses a crucial message from an assassination witness while using the bathroom.
ON GOLDEN PONE
The battle between Jane Fonda’s love for her parents and her frustration with their impending deaths is put to the test when Henry Fonda and Katherine Hepburn repeatedly sit on several stacks of cornbread near a small lake.
NORMA RAY
Despite being blind, legendary soul singer and pianist Ray Charles agrees to help mill-workers start a union, but is instead brought to tears when he stands on a table and holds up a sign that says “Onion”.
RETS
Radical American journalist Warren Beatty, who has Tourrette Syndrome, becomes part of the Communist revolution in Russia when his tics are perceived to be impassioned shouts of support.
TRAITORS. When an out of work real estate speculator is forced to stay home to await foreclosure papers he discovers on TV that all the politicians are hell-bent on ruining him, when he changes channels he inadvertently realizes that he is not alone, and defies critics launching a successful pay-per-view channel documenting government waste before his untimely death in a freak Ferris wheel accident.
“TRAITORS”… I don’t get it? What original movie title is that from?
CUBARET
In Cuba, Kit Kat Club entertainer Marilyn Monroe entertains John F. Kennedy and Robert F. Kennedy while the threat of Communism rises all around them, led by creepy Master of Ceremonies Fidel Castro.
MARTA
A lonely young man who still lives with his mother and a homely young woman make their way awkwardly through a Metropolitan Atlanta Rapid Transit Authority bus station and fall in love.
SHONE
A weary Japanese gunfighter named Shane attempts to settle down with a homestead family, but a talented pianist living there drives him crazy with his incessant playing. The pianist himself has a breakdown due to his overbearing father and piano teacher. Shane kills the piano teacher and leaves. Years later, the pianist triumphs by playing the piano again, but always a critic, Shane returns and kills the piano player.
This is for Alex Tucker – Traitor, add an “S”
A BEAUTIFUL RIND
A math prodigy overcomes his obsession with the skins of cheese, pork, and watermelon to win the Nobel Prize. Based on a fruit story.
THE FUEL MONTY
Six unemployed auto workers form a male striptease act to pay for the gas in their cars.
Oh, that’s what confused me. The rules say to change one letter of a word. I don’t know if adding one counts, but maybe?
The idea is to be creative and have fun bending a few brain cels, and maybe the rules, along the way…
Yes, the typo was intentional.
THE GREEN MALE
The Incredible Hulk assumes the green stereotype of gentle giant and simpleton as he sits on death row. There, he befriends Tom Hanks, grabs him where it hurts, and stops the green pee.
THE GREEN MALE
The Incredible Hulk assumes the green stereotype of gentle giant and simpleton as he sits on death row. There, he befriends Tom Hanks, grabs him where it hurts, and stops the green goo.
Rain Max
Raymond Babbit breaks out of an institution and hops a Qantas airliner to Australia, only to be chased by renegades while driving his father’s Buick Roadmaster to a special taping of “Jeopardy!”.
BOMBSTONE
Set in the Old West, a retired lawman enlists the help of some old army buddies to get rid invading outlaws. They use too much ammo, however, and leave a smoking crater where their little town used to be.
Home Atone
A pious young boy, accidentally left behind by his family at Christmas, must protect his home from blasphemous intruders.
FIGHTY JOE YOUNG
A cantankerous 2,000 lb, gorilla escapes from the set of an Oliver Stone movie, where he wreaks havoc, causes property damage and makes innocent people cry. Eventually he’s found sleeping in Stone’s director chair. Nobody notices the difference.
TWO DAYS IN THE GALLEY
A debt-ridden L.A. film director on a vacation cruise must hide from two hitmen sent to kill him. His nagging wife, a blackmailing mistress and an eager-to-please ship’s captain don’t make it any easier.
MY SINNER WITH ANDRE
An insecure Broadway actor is stunned when he walks into his apartment and sees his mistress having sex with his best friend. What happens when the cheater gets cheated on?
THE PRINCESS BRIBE
A poor farm boy’s fairy tale goes awry when he comes back from sea, only to find his true love has been offered a kingdom to marry a slimy Prince… and she’s totally happy with the arrangement.
JEWS
A sleepy seaside community faces a confrontation with that which it fears most, when a Hasidic family moves in, unsettling centuries of unquestioned Protestantism. Things come to a head one weekend, which the locals have designated a public holiday but for the Jews would mean compromising the Sabbath. In this clash of cultures, is there a winner, or is the solution in putting old beliefs to one side and letting underlying humanity show through?
THE TROUBLE WITH HAIRY
Three residents of a small Vermont town find a dead Sasquatch in the woods, and no one can agree what to do with it. A local doctor wants to examine it, a hunter wants to stuff and mount it, and a hitchhiker wants to forget the whole thing ever happened.
REAL WOMEN HAVE CARVES
An overweight Latina teen with a hair-trigger temper takes matters into her own hands after hearing one “fat joke” too many. It’s only a matter of time before she realizes knives can be used outside the kitchen, as well.
THE SISTERHOOD OF THE TRAVELLING PINTS
Four teenage girls spend a magical summer bonding together over boys and beers… lots and lots of beers. When they each wake up in strange places, they realize maybe their summer wasn’t so “magical” after all.
HOLE FOR THE HOLIDAYS
A petulant art dealer decides she would literally rather spend Thanksgiving in a hole in the ground than with her family. Her mom and dad call her bluff, however, and the battle of wills is on.
HOW TO MAKE AN AMERICAN QUIET
A blowhard radio host discovers “silence is golden” when he’s kidnapped by members of a quilting bee, who then sew him inside a gigantic cocoon made from pages from his best-selling books.
LIVE NUKE GIRLS
Four female nuclear techs at NORAD go for a “Girls Night Out”, but things go wrong when they sneak back on base and drunkenly release the launch codes that start World War Three.
THE PELICAN GRIEF
A law school student in New Orleans accidentally uncovers the murder of two Supreme Court Justices, but who needs the extra hassle when the only bar she wants to pass is on Bourbon Street?
THE WHOLE NINE TARDS
A mousy dentist finds out his new neighbor’s a hitman. Which wouldn’t be so bad if his incredibly stupid, trigger-happy in-laws weren’t moving in as well.
52 Angry Men
The true story of the 2007 New England Patriots loss in Super Bowl 42.
GRAN TOTINO
A cranky old Korean War vet and a tough gang of thugs almost come to blows — until they discover their shared loved of frozen pizza rolls.
The 36 Steps
An actor “successfully” completes a 12-step program for the third time.
THE LORD OF THE RINDS – After picking a strange black lemon, a stupid farmer, Daft Foolishious, makes humanity last mistakes and pare it, unleashing a mysterious brain-affecter virus. For Daft’s brain was too small to be affected, it’s up to him now to stop this plague before boredom causes humanity to extinct.
LES QUATRE CENTS COOPS – A young Parisian boy spends his days sneaking into movies and stealing things. When McDonald’s try to launch a ‘restaurant’ in the city, the boy opens the doors to 400 of their chicken coops, causing the people to hate him at first, but grow to love him.
Children of the Porn-
An unflinching look into what happens when pornstars become pregnant… whilst on set.
Gleaming the Pube-
When his brother is murdered by the infamous Pubic Hair Killer, Brian uses his skills learnt in ‘Nam to seek vengeance, and ensure no-one else’s pubes are ever stolen.
THE DINK PANTHER 2. When a computer glitch assigns a bumbling French Inspector to run an international team hunting for an infamous terrorist in Pakistan, the wayward detective finds himself under arrest by unsympathetic Constables in Piccadilly Circus after driving aimlessly around Europe in a Smart car with a defective Le-Tom-Tom.
SUICIDE KINKS
Four hapless college boys kidnap a Mafia boss in return for a big payday. The Capo di Tutti Capi outsmarts them however, convincing the boys that autoerotic asphyxiation is the only way REAL criminal masterminds get off.
GOOD LUCK CHICK
A pretty young woman has a strange curse – each time she sleeps with a man, the next girl he dates is a sports-loving, commitment-phobic hottie. Every single woman in the city then hunts down our heroine before she wipes out the entire bachelor pool.
HAPPY FILMORE
He may be an awful commander-in-chief, but our 13th President couldn’t care less as he spends his days lounging around the White House. The Congress offers an ultimatum: finish grades K-12 all over again or he’ll be impeached.
FULL METAL JACKIE
Jacqueline Kennedy goes ballistic as she sets her sights on taking down America’s most notorious snipers while wearing bulletproof yet elegant couture.
ANY PIVEN SUNDAY
A football coach draws the ire of his team and fans when he claims exposure to mercury in the Gatorade prevents him from doing his coaching duties.
GLENGARRY GLEN BOSS
A bullying real estate manager gets his when the employees in his office tell him where he can shove those second-place steak knives. Coffee’s for closers, but revenge is for everyone.
LAST & FURIOUS
After the Tortoise wins the race, the Hare vows to have his revenge, no matter how many muscle, tuner and exotic cars it takes to run that turtle down in a hail of bullets and Watership drift.
FOODLOOSE – A city boy uses the power of his dance and Pepto Bismal to shake up a small town unable to dance due to its religious beliefs and severe dysentery.
NO COUNTRY FOR OLD BEN – After finding the money and remains from a fur trade gone wrong, an ordinary man finds himself being hunted by a psychopathic bear from a William Faulkner story.
THE BARDS
The residents of a sleepy coastal town are thrown into terror when they are savagely attacked by a group of lyre-wielding poets dressed in pastel-colored tights and stupid hats.
THE THREE FECES OF EVE – A quiet housewife discovers additional personalities while under hypnosis, none of which are potty-trained.
SHE’S HAVING A BABE
A young couple tackles the pressures of getting pregnant and giving birth to a talking pig in the suburbs.
BIO LOBO.
When an inept film crew attempts to chronicle the life of a transplanted wolf living in Central Park they inadvertently force the alien masquerading as Canis lupus familiaris to morph back into a mercenary after one of the biographers accidentally steps in an abandoned bear trap during a coffee break.
GONE IN 61 SECONDS
Former car thief Randall “Memphis” Raines (Nicolas Cage) must come out of retirement to steal 50 cars in one night or his brother Kip (Giovanni Ribisi) will die. They only have a minute and one second to steal each car, or all hell will break loose.
GONE IN 62 SECONDS
Former car thief Randall “Memphis” Raines (Nicolas Cage) must come out of retirement to steal 50 cars in one night or his brother Kip (Giovanni Ribisi) will die. They only have a minute and two seconds to steal each car, or all hell will break loose.
GONE IN 63 SECONDS
Former car thief Randall “Memphis” Raines (Nicolas Cage) must come out of retirement to steal 50 cars in one night or his brother Kip (Giovanni Ribisi) will die. They only have a minute and three seconds to steal each car, or all hell will break loose.
MR. AND MR. SMITH
Marriage has gotten stale for John and Jake Smith, a husband and husband who don’t yet know that they share the same undercover line of work: They’re both guns for hire. Hiding their occupations has never been a hardship for either of them … until they discover that their next assignment involves them targeting each other! Can they go through with their respective missions, or will love prevail?
3:18 TO YUMA
Rancher Dan Evans (Christian Bale) agrees to transport the captured outlaw Ben Wade (Russell Crowe) to the nearest town with a rail station, where they’ll wait for the 3:18pm train to court in Yuma.
MOBSTERS, INC.
A cutthroat captain in the Italian Mafia, on the brink of breaking the all-time racketeering record in his family’s history, has to protect a civilian child who is the key ingredient in his opportunistic rival’s ransom plot against a powerful CEO.
I Now Pronounce You Chuck and Barry
Firefighters Chuck Ford (Adam Sandler) and Barry Allensworth (Kevin James) are guy’s guys, loyal to the core — which is why when widower Larry asks Chuck to pose as his gay lover so that he can get domestic partner benefits for his kids, his buddy agrees.
THE LONGEST YAAD
Unnecessary roughness reigns when Boston’s toughest inmates are pitted against their meanest guards in a chawity football game.
MY BIG FAT GREEN WEDDING
Sally Gore, a single environmentalist who falls in love with a neo-con Jorge Bush, which is a no-no to her strict blue-blood liberal family — especially her commanding mother, Hillary, and her traditional father, Al. Think of it as a cross between An Inconvenient Truth and Fahrenheit 9/11 … with a flavoring on the recycling side.
MAMMA CIA!
A young woman about to be married discovers that any one of three CIA spies could be her father, so she invites all three to the wedding without telling her mother.
Jen in Black
A mysterious, and comically gifted, blond MiB agent returns Angelina Jolie to her alien world and zaps Brad Pitt back to 2004.
You can’t fake it with you
A married couple experiences difficulties when the husband, who’s never watched film or television, doesn’t quite know what to make of his wife’s screaming and moaning.
MR. STRANGELOVE OR: HOW I LEARNED TO STOP WORRYING AND LOVE THE BOMB
Director Ripper of the Uncle Sam Studios is delusional and initiates a plan to purposefully film a bomb movie disguised as an independent, hoping to thwart a Indie conspiracy to “drain the precious box office receipts” of the American public with bottled water, but once the Studio President finds out the plot, attempts to stop the remote crew from filming before it is too late, with disastrous results.
Famous line: Gentlemen, you can’t shoot in here! This is the Cutting Room.
Poonraker
United Artists gives up and just has Bond paw at women for 2 hours.
Lean Girls – Bitchy high school girls are addicted to frozen diet dinners and it’s beginning to show.
Six Days, Seven Fights – A young couple runs into reality the first week after their honeymoon ends.
Friday Night Tights – There’s not enough money for football and the arts, so high school jocks join the school ballet.
Alvin and the Shipmunks – Dave Seville has had enough and he sends his singing rodents to work on the high seas until they behave.
The Naked Nun – A convent sister has a bad habit when she goes to church that has everyone talking.
Male Rider – A land baron trying to swindle gold prospectors is undermined by their lack of respect when he shows up at their mine riding side saddle.
Can’t Buy Me Dove – A germ phobic frantically searches the city for supplies of his favorite soap when the company goes out of business.
Sixteen Handles – A girl turning 16 thinks her parents have forgotten her birthday and then wishes they had when she receives their present – a set of pots and pans.
Hex and the Single Girl – A confirmed 1960s bachelorette, who is also a witch, decides she’s had enough with women’s lib and whips up a special brew that soon has the guys going ga-ga.
Enema of the People – When a congregation turns on its minister, he gets back at them in the end.
A Pay at the Races – A man has 24 hours to pay off $100,000 to a loan shark. His only hope is betting his paycheck and winning nine straight trifectas.
The Jungle Boob
A boy gets his wish to be transported into the pages of National Geographic where he discovers that breasts really aren’t that interesting.
Rachel Getting Harried – Her younger sister’s getting married and Rachel’s parents want the same for her, so they line up a series of blind dates that all go wrong.
Kelp! – The planet’s environmentally doomed and only the Beatles know how to work it out.
Ditty Dancing – It’s the early 1960s in the Catskills and rock and roll hasn’t made it there, so the kids dance to whatever rhymes.
Bong of the South
That Uncle Remus sho’ tell some crazy story when he git baked.
Northwest Massage – The travails of the French and Indian wars are forgotten for two Rangers whenever they stop at a certain parlor.
Full Petal Jacket
You garden long time.
Love Me Lender
Not getting “top billing” turns out to be a blessing for Elvis Presley when his film’s financiers go bankrupt.
YANKEE DOODLE CANDY
Just before confection King Cohan is going to accept the Candy Maker of the Year award and roll out a new line of treats, terrorist sneak attack America, and Cohan begins really emphasizing his patriotic message in candy shapes, red white blue colors and themes in order to lift American spirits during the dark and challenging times, unabashedly bringing hope and love of country front and center, with sweet results.
LEAKING LAS VEGAS- Ben, an alcoholic screenwriter, moves to Las Vegas once his talent dries up. After he drunkenly urinates in the Bellagio fountain, a mermaid prostitute named Sera emerges from the waters, scorning him. He is tainting her magic mermaid water! They strike up a friendship, and he discovers that the pool in which she dwells is actually draining to an unknown source, but slowly. Can Ben collect his wits and stop the leak? Or will Sera’s jealous lover—no, her father—get away with his magic mermaid water pillaging? Or is Ben just… really drunk?
ONG FLEW OVER THE CUCKOO’S NEST- The underworld was no match for our warrior hero as he fights his way out of an insane asylum in a straight jackets—his obstacles include group therapy, shock therapy, and a villainous head nurse, in the sequel to 2003’s ONG BAK: THAI WARRIOR.
FIGHT CRUB.
In this Japanese remake, an out of work assembly line worker must combat his insomnia, and his soap salesman alter ego, in a no-holds-barred steam bath wrestling match, but soon after leaving pseudo victorious he learns the real truth about his humiliating loss when he sees it on You Tube and demands a rematch with himself.
GAZLIGHT
During Grammy week a record producer invites Dr. Dre to stay at his beach house where he tries to slowly drive the Dre insane to find out where the original tracks to the Chronic are hidden.
GAZLIGHT
During Grammy week a record producer invites Dr. Dre to stay at his beach house where he tries to slowly drive Dre insane to find out where the original tracks to The Chronic are hidden.
GAZLIGHT
During Grammy week a record producer invites Dr. Dre to stay at his beach house where he tries to drive Dre insane to find out where the original tracks to The Chronic are hidden.
BILK.
When the openly gay head of Maddoff investments accidentally gets caught trying to hide some Twinkies belonging to his donors, he is forced to disclose the cream filling is not as sweet as advertised, and must ultimately participate in a humiliating house arrest at the Manhattan bath house he co-owns with a wealthy transvestite.
BILK. When the openly gay head of Maddoff investments accidentally gets caught trying to hide some Twinkies belonging to his donors, he is forced to disclose the cream filling is not as sweet as advertised, and must ultimately participate in a humiliating house arrest at the Manhattan bath house he co-owns with a wealthy transvestite.
LIE HARD.
When openly gay stock advisor Bernie “Skidmark” Maddoff accidentally gets caught trying to hide some Twinkies belonging to his donors, he is forced to disclose the cream filling is not as sweet as advertised, and must ultimately participate in a humiliating house arrest at the Manhattan bath house he co-owns with a wealthy transvestite.
LENDER MERCIES
Disgraced Bank of America CEO Robert Duvall screws America, then screws naive young widow Tess Harper, whose faith, love, and compassion don’t add up to a hill of beans when she forecloses on her small Texas motel and is forced to pay for his room at another hotel.
GOSFORD PERK
Joey, Rachel, Monica, and Chandler play housemaids and butlers with bad English accents who gossip over coffee about who murdered Dr. Ross Gellar, who we’d all forgotten was a doctor, in this fascinatingly boring look at the hierarchy downstairs at the mansion where they work for Ross.
SLAY IT AGAIN SAM
Woody Allen plays a nebbish whose pratfalls turn deadly after getting romantic advice from serial killer Son of Sam.
THE COLON PURPLE
Steven Spielberg takes us on an epic journey through Whoopie Goldberg’s colon with the help of Oprah, who’s famous “All my Life I had to fight” scene relates Oprah’s own struggles receiving a colonoscopy after eating too much Life cereal, the whole grain oats breakfast cereal brought to you by Quaker.
WHATEVER HAPPENED TO BABY KANE?
A coming-of-age prequel that shows young Charles Foster Kane’s difficult family life, and the events leading up to the moment he acquires his fortune.
MUST LOVE DIGS
In order to cut costs, a newly single middle-aged woman is forced to take on a roommate, but finds the internet isn’t the best place to find someone to split an 800 square foot broom closet.
MORTAL WOMBAT
A documentary about the mating habits of the Most Dangerous Marsupials on Earth, whose males must fight to death in an ancient ritual so that one may declared Emperor Wombat.
THE ANDROMEDA TRAIN
An Amtrak train infected with a deadly virus thwarts plans to blow it up when it unexpectedly reaches Boston on schedule.
“The Rink Panther”
Detective Speedo finds himself on thin ice as he attempts to recover the stolen golden skates while slip sliding away into danger to find the chilling truth!
“The Curious Case of Benjamin Mutton”
A young man has the wool pulled over his eyes as he searches for a lost flock of sheep in the Himalayas.
“The Germinator”
A sanitation robot cleans up its act while on a search and destroy mission against evil microbes attempting to take over the world’s toilet bowls.
“Cattlestar Galactica”
A mooooving story of cattle transporter drives, where cownauts and rustlers in outer-space beef it up for control over the last great herd of hamburger on the hoof.
NEOWULF
A legendary warrior is summoned by a king to destroy an ancient monster, only to discover an even greater threat; he’s part of something called a “video game” and is doomed to repeat the same quest for all eternity.
BORAT!ORA! TORA!
A bumbling Kazakh journalist accidently sinks a naval vessel while searching for BAYWATCH star Pamela Anderson.
(a slight cheat )
NO COUNTRY FOR OLD MET
Josh Brolin buys a beautiful and expensive Louis Vitton Alligator Suitcase and goes on the run across Texas chased by New York Met old-timer Yogi Berra who, famous for his malapropisms, asks himself “Why buy good luggage? You only use it when you travel.” The end of the film finds Yogi back home at the breakfast table, bewildered by his inability to get by in a world he doesn’t understand anymore. A world full of the music he most despises, Country music.
COWARDS END
A British proctologist treats doughboys shot while running from enemy fire.
LITTLE MISS GUNSHINE
A roving family of criminals pulls off one daring con after another, tricking charities into believing their adorable seven-year old girl needs the money to enter a beauty contest.
FAST FOOD NOTION
Animal rights activists take their fight to a new level; Posing as U.S.D.A. inspectors, they infiltrate meat packing plants to taint as much beef as possible in hopes that more dead people means less dead cows.
AUTO FICUS
Docudrama of a beloved 60’s sitcom star who hides a dark secret from the public: he videotapes himself having sex with houseplants.
DUDE WHERE’S MY CAT
Two stoners are in debt up to their eyeballs with a drug dealer and are forced to write a screenplay in 6 weeks as payback, however as things start to take off they lose their only help in writing a quality script, the last Save The Cat book ever made. Will they find their cat before it’s too late?
THE REDUCTION OF JOE TYNAN
A U.S. Senator from Wisconsin inspires the public when he loses over a hundred pounds in unwanted fat. But when he declares a “War on Saturated Fats”, the powerful dairy lobby begins a smear campaign against him.
LITTLE MAN HATE
A single mom is thrilled to find out her six-year old son is a certified genius. Less thrilling is the fact he’s also a complete bigot, calling his classmates every obscenity in the book.
DAN IN SEAL LIFE
A depressed widower’s life heads in a new direction when he takes a job at Busch Gardens, but things get complicated when he falls for a sultry sea lion that reminds him of his late wife.
THE QUACK AND THE DEAD
A boozy frontier doctor, whose patients have an alarmingly high mortality rate, is “recruited” by a gang of desperadoes to save their gut-shot leader. Needless to say, the doc’s fate and the gunslinger’s are entwined.
WALK THE LANE
A sobering account of a substance-abusing country singer’s constant bouts with the law, and his inability to pass even one DWI test. He hits rock bottom when his license is taken away and he’s forced to drive a John Deere mower to the liquor store.
THE KONG OF COMEDY
After years of trying to make it as a comedy star, Rupert Pupkin is still as determined as ever. He re-invents himself as a giant, wisecracking gorilla and finally gets his big break on the Jerry Langford show. But when his dire performance ends in humiliation and the studio audience boo and jeer him off the stage, he loses his mind completely and carries Jerry off on a murderous rampage through New York.
PEEPING MOM
An elderly crime fiction addict, whose son is the local Chief of Police, causes mayhem when she suspects her neighbour of being a serial killer and sets out to bring him to justice.
CANADU
A Greek muse incarnates herself on Earth to provide inspiration to a map maker with a spelling problem.
PUNCH DRINK LOVE
The life and times of pugilist, oenophile, and lady’s man Barry Egan.
BUFFY THE VAMPIRE SPAYER
Under the tutelage of Bob Barker, popular cheerleader Buffy must give up her carefree high school life to fulfill her destiny by spaying and neutering vampires.
THE GREATEST SHOE ON EARTH
The inspirational story of a really, really, really great shoe.
THE JINGLE BOOK
Musically adept bear, Baloo, and street-smart Mowgli leave the tiger eat boy jungle for the dog eat dog world of advertising.
JAWS MD
Inspired by his own dental mishap, the two-time Bond bad guy leaves his villainous ways for a career as an orthodontist.
BASIL INSTINCT
When recovering alcoholic chef Nick Curry meets food critic Catherine Trameal, it’s love at first bite, but when his patrons start dying he has to figure out if it’s food poisoning, or if it’s his new girlfriend “pick”ing them off one by one.
A BARD DAY’S NIGHT
Young Shakespeare catches the oxen cart north for a recital of his poems pursued by a swarm of Gwyneth Paltrow lookalikes. Their efforts only serve to distract him from completing his unfinished masterpiece: ‘He’s very clean’.
DICK SOUP
Former US Vice President Dick Chaney and his brothers George and Donald’s hilarious attempts to prevent themselves from landing in it!
THE THIRD MEN
The tragic story of a man’s inability to overcome the crippling effects of pluralsy.
THE CODFATHER
Mobster Lobsters challenge the authority of an ageing aquatic crime lord. A vicious battle to reassert his authority ensues, and finally the upstarts are put back in their plaice.
SCUMDOG MILLIONAIRE.
When a Hollywood producer suddenly realizes that he lost enough money for an Indiana Jones sequel to a Manhattan swindler he hires Marsellus Wallace to get medieval with the human skidmark, but they are forced to revise their plans for revenge when the hit team arrives at the townhouse and discovers they aren’t the only brutha’s with a blow torch and a pair of pliers waiting for a crack at Maddoff.
THE SECRET LIFE OF BEER
Lonnie Owens a 14 year-old boy who is haunted by the memory of his late father escapes his lonely life and troubled relationship with his mother and flees with Jennifer Sudson, the caregiver and only friend, to a Wisconsin town that holds the secret to his father’s past. Taken in by the intelligent and independent Budweiser sisters, Lonnie finds solace in their mesmerizing world of brewing beer.
PAUL BLART: MALL FOP
Kevin James patrols a New Jersey mall dressed as a vain turn of the century dandy and gets his butt kicked not so much for dressing in a foppish manner as for simply being Kevin James.
HOTEL FOR DAGS
When a 16 year old girl and her brother aren’t allowed to keep a dog at home, they use their teen smarts and find Irish gypsy Brad Pitt who asks them “D’ya like dags?”, which they do, so he allows them to start a hotel among the caravans in the halting site where Brad’s merry band of Irish itinerants live.
ELK
Buddy, an orphan raised as a reindeer at the North Pole, grows to manhood and asks Santa why he is so much smaller than the other reindeer and unable to fly. When he discovers he is really a Tule Elk from California, he goes in search of his birth parents and ends up bringing the true spirit of Christmas back to a state which had long since forgotten it.
INTO THE MILD – Disillusioned with his life and his materialistic parents, a young man runs away to live in the city park down the road.
THE WING – A reporter investigates a deadly curse tied to a sports bar’s drumstick special.
CHEST SIDE STORY – Rival plastic surgeons from opposite sides of the tracks (silicone versus saline) fall in love.
REMAINS OF THE KAY – Low-end jewelry store clerk realizes too late that his life – devoted to selling shlocky trinkets – REALLY sucks.
BOY STORY
A playful, inventive child who enjoys building toys and launching rockets is terrorized by his playthings when they come to life.
HIDEWAYS
Two ranch hands lament their lost youth on one last cattle drive across the plains.
When Harry Pet Sally
When neat freak and pet averse Harry inherits a great dane puppy named Sally in his fathers will, Harry (and his apartment) have no idea what they are in for.
Even After
The story after Cinderella wins her prince.
One Sour Photo
A sneering grin in a family portrait becomes a source of tension.
SHALLOT GRAVE
Three friends wind up with a huge amount of money when their drug-running roommate dies unexpectedly. They bury the body in their garden, but are betrayed by Mother Nature when fragrant shallots give away the corpse’s location.
THE GREATEST GAME EVER PLOYED
An amateur golfer makes it to the U.S. Open, only to realize his competition is far superior. He manages to sabotage his way into the lead, but a wily old veteran is onto his tricks.
Enemy Wine
Two terraforming winemakers battle each other for control of a planets exceptional grape vineyard to make the greatest Pinot in the galaxy.
NAKED LURCH
Famed beat writer William S. Burroughs penned this bizarre, never-used treatment of “The Addams Family”. Gomez finally loses it and accidentally kills Morticia in a game of ‘William Tell’, while Uncle Fester becomes convinced giant cockroaches are listening in on his conversations.
THE LASS OF SEXUAL INNOCENCE
A Lolitaesque young girl causes mayhem wherever she goes, yet remains sweetly oblivious to the advances of every man, woman, and occasional farm animal she meets.
THE TANK JOB
Five amateur thieves knock over a bank by very direct means – by using a retired M-1 tank to knock the walls down. The robbery is a success, but they wind up causing the slowest car chase in police history.
TWILIGHT ZUNE: THE MOVIE
An anthology of horror stories involving a haunted MP3 player that passes hands from person to person, causing virus-infested Microsoft technology to download directly into the victims’ brains.
OUT OF SIGHS
A hardened FBI agent and a wily bank robber lock horns and hearts, trying to outwit the other while devolving into moony-eyed teenagers. The agent finally snaps out of it when she realizes $300,000 have been stolen under her watch.
PUSHING TIX
A high strung traffic cop develops an instant dislike for a laidback rookie, and they wind up making a bet: last one to nail 100 speeders by the end of the month has to leave the force. Unfortunately, their overzealousness causes a backlash in the community and a bottleneck in the courts.
ONE FLAW OVER THE CUCKOO’S NEST
Now, told for the first time, the real reason why cuckoos do not build their own nests.
THEY SHOUT HORSES DON’T THEY?
A neighbourhood revolts over plans to hold an equine dressage marathon in a residential area.
QUANTUM OF SOX ACE
Determined to get to the bottom of the performance enhancement conspiracy, legendary Boston pitcher Curt Schilling teams up with feistier than she is busty Jillian Barberie to scour the the world for answers, staying bare steps ahead of the CIA, MI-5 and Mark McGwire’s brother, who track Schilling by the microscopic trail of hemoglobin leaking from his ankle.
DR. SO
Only James Bond can stop a mad scientist who plans to take over the world by infecting teenagers with exaggerated indifference.
YOU ONLY GIVE TWICE
A wave of re-gifting threatens the world consumer economy and James Bond joins forces with his Japanese counterpart to get to the bottom of the conspiracy.
LIVE AND LET DYE
James Bond is sent to New Orleans to investigate the disappearance of a British agent and uncovers a wave of beauty shop takeovers by a worldwide conglomerate.
A VIEW TO A PILL
Pulled out of semi-retirement, an aging James Bond agrees, for reasons personal and professional, to fly to San Francisco to investigate an apparent plot to control the world market of the little blue pill.
THE LOVE TUG
A down on his luck harbor pilot is suddenly the toast of the bay when he inherits a quirky boat that seems to have a mind of its own.
THE POUND OF MUSIC
When she leaves her convent to become their nanny, infuriatingly sweet, skinny Maria discovers her inner glutton while teaching the overweight children of an Austrian Navel officer about music and love.
MIME BANDITS
A boy must overcome his fear of clowns when he is inadvertently kidnapped by a group of silent criminals in white face traveling through time seeking treasure.
PAR OF THE WORLDS
Scientists are on the run with the rest of humanity and the Earth becomes collateral damage when a group of galactic golfers ‘play through’ our solar system.
LOLisa
A girl’s annoying tendency to laugh in chat makes her desirable only to one crusty old lit professor.
What about BRB?
An online courtship struggles to progress when one person is constantly doing other stuff.
ATONEMELT
A tragic miscommunication sends Inspector Clouseau to prison and on the death at Dunkirk when an impressionable young waitress mistakes his attempts to order the classic diner sandwich as a perverted sexual advance.
(sorry, typo in previous post)
ATONEMELT
A tragic miscommunication sends Inspector Clouseau to prison and on to death at Dunkirk when an impressionable young waitress mistakes his attempts to order the classic diner sandwich as a perverted sexual advance.
THE FLAIR WITCH PROJECT
An experimental film where a group of kindergartners follow a trail of candy and get lost in the woods only to be stalked by witches who need artwork for their refrigerators. The witches capture the children and demand they draw pictures with their colorful Flair markers.
VOTES ON A SCANDAL
Fired for having sex with one of her students, a former high school teacher discovers an internet site that takes online polls to see which vigilante punishment she’ll suffer next. Shunned by her ex-husband and ignored by the police, it’s up to her to find the culprits.
DOZED AND CONFUSED
A high school somnambulist literally snoozes his way through senior year. But thanks to a revolutionary sleep-learning technique, he manages to graduate at the top of his class without even knowing it.
Laid in Manhatten
A politician at a Manhattan hotel has abandoned sex with the lady over the hall every morning – but when he finds out she’s a maid who’ll sell his story to the press, he proposes marriage while plotting to bump her off.
The Pink Pantier
A lady jewel thief leaves signature pink knickers at every crime, so while bumbling Clousseau is following female suspects, Mrs Clousseau gets a pretty pink makeover to lure him into a trap.
The Thomas Clown Affair
Thomas is bored by being a clown, so he decides to steal a priceless art work in the circus interval – but can he trust a trapeze artist to help him, or will she and the clown shoes trip him up?
QUARANTINO
Okay, so I’m Quentin Tarantino, okay? Okay. And I wanted to write something like Pulp Fiction, right? Cause that’s what I do. So here’s the deal, okay? John Travolta and Sam Jackson play these two firefighters and they’re eating pancakes at this uber hip retro diner in L.A., okay? And then we see them driving along in their firetruck, okay? And they’re having this totally quirky conversation about how Japanese people always wear facemasks, right? Like to protect against germs, ya know? Then we fucking flash forward and there’s this bloody woman and it’s Uma, and she’s in this apartment building, okay? And Uma’s all freakin’ out covered in blood because she’s got this mysterious virus which is played by freakin’ Ving Rhames, ya dig? But ya see I’m not done flashing forward, right? So I flash forward again! Cause I’m Quentin Tarantino and yay, though I talk through the valley of the shadow of this logline, I fear no evil, for thou art my rod and my pencil and I’ll fucking write a seven hundred word logline if I want to, okay? So then we flashback from the flash forward again and meet Bruce Willis and that cute little Spanish or French chick or whatever and she’s chirping on about her little poochie belly and how Madonna has one and she thinks it’s sexy and anyway, so Bruce and the Franco-Spanish chick play the crew of this reality t.v. show. Are ya with me? Okay? So we flash forward AGAIN, okay? And now we meet Harvey Keitel who works at the CDC as a “cleaner” and he quarantines all these motherfuckers and now we see how everyone of these random characters are tied together and they’re in the building together and they’re like freaking out. And the movie ends where it began, in the diner, where we learn that the virus came from this Mexican busboy who is played by the brilliant Christopher Walken, and Chris does this brilliant four minute monologue, right? Which he did in one take. And in it, he describes how he smuggled his grandpa’s watch over from Mexico in his ass, but ya see, Christopher forgets to wash his hands after he removes the watch from his ass, and subsequently, the virus is spread onto John Travolta’s pancakes. So it’s like this whole commentary, okay? Right? Okay? So, that’s it in a nutshell. End of story and roll credits while we all do the twist to my favorite Dick Dale surf rock track, okay?
RAMBE
Vietnam vet Sylvester Stallone wants to flambe his Bananas Fosters in peace, but a lunatic sheriff confiscates Sylvester’s oven and pan, which makes Sylvester really angry, driving him to drink, and what happens when you add alcohol to a hot man? RAMBE.
ZACK AND MIRI MAKE A HORNO
Zack and Miri hunger for something more so they move to Mexico, where they satisfy their appetite by making an oven.
THE CURIOUS TASE OF BENJAMIN BUTTON
“I was burned under unusual circumstances”, says Brad Pitt as a University of Florida student whose fifteen minutes of fame are stretched into a three hour movie during which we meet the people he bumps into while causing a disturbance at a John Kerry Speech, including the police who drive stun him with a taser, giving birth to the other famous quote from this movie: “Don’t tase me, bro! Don’t tase me!”
HAIRY POTTER: Die hard hippy lives on a commune where he makes and sells clay pots for a living while secretly practicing a half-assed form of white magic. He couldn’t be happier when he suddenly and miraculously cures his own baldness with a spell that soon, unfortunately, turns him into the hairiest knuckle-scraper this side of the Zambezi. Turns out that the antidote to his predicament is a substance found deep inside the ass of a rare gorilla held in extreme protective captivity in a Dutch zoo. In order to breach the zoo’s security our protagonist has also to pass himself off as rare gorilla.
HEATHERHEADS
Set in 1925, George Clooney dreams of turning his rag-tag football team into a winner, but snobby high-school girl Wynona Ryder, driven by her obsession with antique sports headgear, murders George’s teammates, covers them up as suicides, and shoplifts all of their old-timey leather football helmets.
JEWS
A kosher man-eating shark “Chomps Jews” opens up a hotdog stand outside a school for fish undersea and is accused of murder after a gefilte fish student ends up dead in one of his hotdogs. Animated.
MOE VERSUS THE VOLCANO
After Curly loses his” nyuk nyuk”, Moe Howard meets a mysterious Hawaiian businessman who claims to be able reclaim Curly’s gift, but it involves a volcano, a sacrifice and Shemp. Why I oughtta!
STAR WART
A eager young Jedi trainee must prove to his master and himself that he has what it takes to overcome the mental stresses of training while overcoming the physical torment of a wart-ridden lightsaber hand.
REQUIEM FOR A CREAM
A driven young drug dealer from the Bronx decides to give up the hard knock life for the simple pleasures of dairy farming in rural Nebraska.
THE GREEN BILE
An insecure death row guard befriends a kindly death row inmate when the guard’s friends find his chronic bulimia too much to shallow.
THE SEVENTH MEAL
A crusading knight must rise to the ultimate challenge when Death challenges him to a winner take all hotdog eating contest! He was starving…to Death!
ON A CLEAR DAY YOU CAN PEE FOREVER
A quirky young girl discovers that she has the amazing ability to help plants grow…by peeing on them. Her nebbish hypnotist investigates and uncovers her past life…as a Ficus. Musical.
THE WILD BRUNCH
(Modern update) A band of aging outlaws decide to pull off one final heist by robbing the local IHOP.
HE’S JUST NOT THAT INTO LOU
Lou is a loner twenty-something fashion consultant looking for love in West Hollywood. A gay man’s guide to navigating the world of same-sex dating.
PRE-DATER
A misunderstood alien looking for love befriends the soldier sent to kill him and solicits his help in finding him a mate. The soldier dates a slew of women looking for the perfect match for his otherworldly ally.
AUSTRELIA
20 year old billionaire entrepreneur gambles on outwitting Google as the richest company in the world and succeeds by establishing a toy manufacturing company in Pennsylvania. The company sells toys named Google to millions of children all over the world and becomes the richest company in the world.
MAD TAX BEYOND THUNDERDOME
An IRS agent is abducted by Auntie (Tina Turner) and put into Thunderdome to combat tax evaders utilizing weapons of tax returns, pens, calculators, the economic stimulus package, and boring tax lingo to win his freedom.
THE DANK KNIGHT
To curb drug abuse, Batman uses his wealth to purchase Gotham City’s supply of weed and stockpile it in Wayne Manor, but when Alfred gets hooked on hash and starts throwing wild parties, the police begin surveilling the mansion.
ENEMY MINK
The sole survivors of a catastrophic plane crash – a vehement animal activist and a mink-wearing fashion designer – find themselves stranded on a perilous island and must unite in order to achieve deliverance.
SLOP AROUND THE CORNER
While love simmers between two cooks at a local diner, they unwittingly swap searing critiques on each other’s anonymous food review blogs.
KIND ARTHUR – In the last outpost of the Roman Empire, a roman general attempts to stop an invasion of barbarians using conflict resolution skills and opening a dialogue to “hug it out”.
Hanjock – A man with super powers, out of favor with the public, falls further out of favor when he joins the Yankees and hits 100 home runs while winning 50 games pitching.
From Hare to Eternity – An erotic tale of rabbits who love and fight each other while stationed at Pearl Harbor just prior to World War II.
Yield of Dreams – A struggling farmer ticks off dead, old-time ballplayers when he sells the farm – and their ballfield – for development and makes a ton of money investing in high-yield bonds.
Atlantic Pity – As if her life wasn’t bad enough, a buffet worker who squeezes lemons to get the smell of fish off her body, can’t figure out what to use to get rid of a leering old gangster who watches her nightly ritual.
Meet the Rockers – The life of a male nurse, harangued by his future father-in-law, becomes much easier when his soon-to-be in-laws meet his parents – Chrissie Hynde and Ray Davies.
The Wedding Clashers – Two uninvited wedding guests on the prowl are easily spotted by security guards when they wear brown shoes with black tuxedoes.
Supermad Returns – When his replacement super uniform arrives by mail two sizes too small, Superman flies off the handle and to the catalog headquarters in writhing pain for vent his complaints in person.
Frozen Rivet – An Indian border crossing between New York and Quebec, compromised by shoddy welding work done in freezing weather, puts two women smugglers at risk.
Pitch Adams – A doctor tires of helping the poor and decides to strike it rich as a Hollywood screenwriter.
Adventures in Babytitting – A lactating young, single woman suddenly becomes a much in-demand sitter for frazzled parents with newborns.
THE POTTIE AND THE NOTTIE
The Nottie gets her revenge on Paris Hilton for putting her in her really stupid movie and wrecking her career by kidnapping and gagging her then tossing her down an outhouse hole to vegetate into her real Hollywood scum.
BAR OF THE WORLDS
Peaceful alien lawyers come to earth with a secret message to fix the economy and forget what they came for after reading the economic stimulus package.
DEFINITELY, MAYLE
A British expat in the dying light of a divorce moves to Provence with his young daughter, but when she angles to patch up the split by asking for all the details of his romance with her mother, he bends the truth by changing the circumstances of her conception into breezy, backhandedly complimentary stories of pastis, the village Communist Party and French hypochondria.
AMERICAN LIE
Four teenage boys enter a pact to remain virgins until marriage.
PULP DICTION
An illiterate orange farmer tries to woo a sophisticated librarian.
FORREST HUMP
A young Mormon girl takes in a forest dwelling hunchback after he saves her from a group of Gothic kids.
ETERNAL SUNSHINE OF THE SPOTLESS KIND
A group of secret-service astronauts battle aliens from the Sun who are trying to eradicate the Earth’s population of Dalmatians in order to use their hides as clothing.
MYSTIC GIVER
A psychic gypsy reads too far into her own future and tries to find a way to change it.
REBEL WITHOUT A PAUSE – An lighthearted look at activist Jerry Rubin, who has been standing proudly, and loudly, against one thing or another, for over forty years.
RESERVOIR DOCS
A group of wealthy surgeons looking for adventure more than money get together and pull off the perfect crime – Replace the white balls in Tiger Woods’ golf cart with multicolored golf balls. But their plan explodes into a bloody mess of split heads, bloody golf clubs, and a few dead ducks. Now the ruthless doctors are all tee-d off and they won’t leave the 18th hole at the clown’s nose not until each of them knows who the informer is.
RAGING BILL
Trouble in the Whitehouse, when aides finally pluck up the courage to inform a president, rocked by scandal, what actually constitutes a sexual relationship.
THE HIVES OF OTHERS
A professional honey thief hangs up his mask and suit for retirement, but is tempted back to do one last job by a mysterious lady known as the ‘Queen’. Could this be the one big pay off he never managed before, or will he end up getting stung?
TWELVE ANGRY MAN
Sequel to the ‘The Third Men’ where the suffering man is now cured of his pluralsy, but has the treatment gone too far?
Vhe China Syndrome
Future machines send a Terminator back through time to kill John Conner’s mother, and her mother, and her mother’s mother, and….
(Pretend you’re Ah-nold, and say the title fast…)
SOME LIKE IT HOW
For a documentary, an aging groupie tells of her wild sexual exploits traveling with bands in the sixties, after filming she is hit by a Chevy van, with KEEP ON TRUCKING written on the side and is transported back in time and into the arms of her true love, the guitar tech for Steppenwolf. Will it work this time?
Dirty Larry
Peter Fonda puts his own spin on the Clint Eastwood franchise, bringing justice to loose cannon cops with his old “Crazy Larry” character.
Dead Man Talking
Sister Helen Prejean is drawn to counsel rapist and murderer Matthew Poncelet before he faces the executioner in the Lethal Injection Happy state of Texas. She prays hard and listens well until Poncelet starts talking. And talking. And talking!! Finally Sister Helen BEGS the executioner to give her the Lethal Injection, Just so she can stop the Dead Man TALKING!!
LAST TIMES AT RIDGEMONT HIGH
Jeff Spicoli returns as front-man for the rock group “Mr. Band” at his 40-year high school reunion, only to find out that the state budget crisis will force the closing of his beloved alma mater. In the first ambitious move of his life, he enlists the help of 7-11 CEO Brad Hamilton to organize a charity surfing event to save the school.
Mo Mentos
A Spike Lee Joint. After a near-fatal car accident, jazz pianist Willy “The Freshmaker” James harnesses the power of a certain minty candy to remember the tunes to his old hits. But in the process, he recalls something about his accident…something about a diet cola?
Twelve Honkeys
A Spike Lee Joint. In 1978, President Tom Willis — a white man — is assassinated, and Vice President George Jefferson — a black man — steps into power. But as he’s “movin’ on up,” he must deal with the prejudices and racism that exist with his all-white Presidential Cabinet.
Arsenic and Old Spice
Will a poisonous batch of the famed aftershave finally spell and end to the noxious fragrance? Please? Pretty please?
The Hallz
Paris Hilton stars in this sequel to 2004’s The Hillz. For the sake of your mental health, we ask you to please not watch this movie and consider a boycott of the channel showing this dreck. A message from your friends at TV Guide.
Howard the Dick
In her first starring role, Heidi Montag falls for a giant talking penis from Laguna Beach. Together, they must fend off the evil Rabbi Walter Jenningstein, who is hell-bent on circumcising – and thus killing – Howard.
SUDDEN IMPART – Frustrated Dirty Harry can’t shut off his vast knowledge of police procedure and the human criminal mind long enough to avoid offering advice about how bad guys can better “get lucky” next time.
SUDDEN IMPART – Frustrated Dirty Harry can’t shut off his vast knowledge of police procedure and the human criminal mind long enough to avoid offering advice about how bad guys can better “get lucky” next time.
THE HILLS HAVE EWES
An American family, on a camping holiday in the UK, are stalked by a flock of psychotic sheep while driving through the Lake District
BROKERACK MOUNTAIN
A botched boob job leads an exotic dancer to love with an attack dog lawyer and a higher calling when she opens a mountain retreat for other women maimed by cosmetic procedures on the ranch once owned by her former surgeon boyfriend.
A TIME TO WILL
The matriarch of a thoroughly dysfunctional Southern family turns her last days into a circus act sending potential heirs jumping through hoops in hopes of inheriting a fortune already bestowed upon her secret lover, the butler.
CHARLOTTE’S DEB
With a ten thousand dollar bet at stake, three female impersonator’s set out to gain entry into the Charlotte North Carolina Cotillion Club, but when all three are successful it’s a battle royal to see which queen will reign over the ball.
GONE WITH THE RIND
A fourth generation dairy farmer takes desperate measures to recover her champion cheddar after it’s stolen from the Wisconsin State Fair in order to win the first prize purse, pay her back taxes and save the homestead from a greedy strip mall developer.
Runaway Bribe –A commitment-phobic woman detours from the altar again and moves to Washington to work for lobbyist Jack Abramoff.
The Fridges of Madison County – A photographer with a passion for life and a hunger for food, captures portraits of old Frigidaires, Whirlpools and Kelvinators and falls in love with a younger woman whose hot in the kitchen.
Barton Sink – A New York playwright moves into to a Hollywood hotel to write a screenplay and encounters a reformed pyromaniac, who is now into flooding floors.
I Think I Love My Life – A woman with low self-esteem pays big money to go to a self-help seminar hoping to feel better about herself.
Tango and Sash – Two L.A. detectives go undercover – way undercover – as contestants in a beauty contest to investigate a murder.
ATUNEMENT
A blind piano student is placed under police protection after witnessing the murder of a virtuoso in a practice room at the Juilliard school of music. Now he must fight to save his life when the cop protecting him turns out to be the killer’s brother.
The Good Darth – This prequel to Star Wars looks at Lord Vader in his formative years, growing up the son of poor Chinese farmers, before he left the good Earth to do bad things in galaxies far, far away.
I Am a Fugitive from a Chain Sang – Working 12 hours a day in the hot sun was brutal enough, but when a wrongly accused man is forced to listen to dozens of tone-deaf, off-key convicts singing while they work, it becomes too much for him and he flees.
The Life of Emile Hola – A famous French author looking for a new challenge decides to write books in Spanish, a language he neither speaks nor understands.
Commandos Strike at Fawn – Norwegian fishermen, angry at the Nazis but too afraid to fight them, take their aggressions out on defenseless young deer in the nearby woods.
ABSENCE OF ALICE
In order to graduate, an absentee high school wallflower, required to attend summer school, hires and makes over a seasoned drop out to take her place. But when her proxy gets involved with the gym teacher, rumors fly and she becomes the most popular girl in school, at least with the boys.
PETER PUN
Wannabe English scriptwriter is finally tracked down by US agents for jamming a respected Screenwriter’s website competition with outrageously bad one-liners.
LE CONFIDENTIAL
French remake of American classic lacks substance despite greater masculine references.
BEAN GIRLS
A hefty meat eating coed stumbles upon a quick weight loss product securing her financial future while still in high school after members of the skinny rich vegan clique that ostracized her are sickened by salmonella tainted horse meat dog food packaged as vegetarian snacks.
FATTER, PUSSYCAT, KILL! KILL!
An evil master criminal, plans to take over the world by breeding a strain of giant overweight super cats designed to squash all who attempt to defy his rule.
BROKEHACK MOUNTAIN
With the proceeds from a novel he stole from a former student, a out of work English professor opens a writers colony in a broken down hunting lodge in the Pocono’s and is conned by a lovely tabloid writer out to expose his ruse and prove that she is the novel’s legitimate author.
Jerusalet
Gertrude leaves husband Ingmar for a charismatic property tycoon who promises amazing buy-to-let deals in the holy land and the whole village emigrates, only to discover that life isn’t worth an olive without pine trees, woollens and snow.
PULP FRICTION
After his son’s suicide, a Florida orange grower risks his livelihood and reputation by helping launch a boycott of the state’s citrus association, and their anti-gay spokeswoman former Miss America Anita Bryant.
DAYS OF THUNDAR– Thundarr the Barbarian and Ookla race to recover abducted Princess Ariel, whose been offered as a prize in a super-car race in Daytona. With the help of new pals– racecar drivers Cole Trickle, Speed Racer and Trixie– Thundarr and Ookla rescue Ariel from diabolical team owner Tim Daland and his team of drivers Rowdy Burns and Russ Wheeler. Featuring new music from Elton John ‘Don’t Let the Sun-Sword (Go Up Against Me)’
THE CURIOUS CASE OF BENJAMIN MUTTON
An epic love story about a man who slowly turns into a sheep and the woman who isn’t afraid to tell him, “I love ewe”, despite her debilitating wool allergy.
12 DONKEYS
A herd of donkeys must overcome their own stubbornness to try to save themselves and the world from a virulent strain of mad mule disease.
ALONE CAME POLLY
An uninhibited woman has always chosen freedom over commitment, but she’s met her match when a staid-but-hot old crush asks her to their 20th class reunion.
THE SHANE OF THINGS
A lonely, retired gunslinger thinks he’s finally found the woman of dreams. His oldest friends aren’t so sure they like the makeover she’s given him, nor do they trust her motives.
THE WIDER HOUSE RULES
A dedicated young doctor provides care for an orphanage, but clashes with a controlling director who overfeeds the kids in order to keep them docile.
CRUEL INDENTIONS
An over-privileged teen makes a bet with her stepbrother that he can’t win the heart of one of their classmates. When he does, she purposely smashes his prized Jaguar into a lamp post.
PHEASANTVILLE
A nerdy teen is given a magic TV remote that allows to be part of any show. He accidentally transports himself and his abrasive sister in the middle of PBS nature special, where they find they’re now the main course.
CRISES AND MISDEMEANORS
A neurotic writer mistakenly thinks he’s killed his girlfriend’s rival suitor. Matters are made worse as the more he obsesses over the existential meaning of life, the guiltier he looks to the police.
THE MAN WHO LOVED BAT DANCING
Professional dancer by day, costumed crimefighter by night; a man seeks revenge on the criminal element that killed his parents, but instead becomes a pop sensation when he inadvertently invents a dance craze.
HACKDRAFT
A disgraced firefighter-turned-screenwriter pens a slanderous work based on his old teammates’ exploits. A producer, who happened to lose a dear friend on 9/11, knows a hit when he sees it, but he’s determined to punish the scribe at the same time.
RAIDERS OF THE LOST IRK
An intrepid, and hyper-competitive, archaeologist is furious when the Nazis beat him to the punch in finding a mystical object that could win the war. He must stop them from using it while working through anger management issues at the same time.
LOOT BACK IN ANGER
A resentful convict remembers how his buddies set him up during a botched robbery, but he has an ace: only he knows where their stolen money is hidden. Once he’s out, there’s only one decision on his mind — run off with a ton of cash, or go for a pound of flesh.
ON, GOD!
A grocery store manager challenges a frail old man to a swordfight.
W. AM LEGEND
President Bush barricades himself in the White House while hordes of Democrats try to end his term early.
BEVERLY KILLS COP
Pop princess Beverly Hills becomes a tabloid sensation when a hit-and-run driver kills the officer who pulled her over.
CASH AWAY
Greedy investors make it possible for Bernie Madoff to write all the checks he wants.
THE FILM
An actor’s promotion to studio head takes a bizarre turn when the Church of Scientology demands that James Bond undergo an audit.
The Fan Who Would Be King – Rupert Pupkin is paroled, but his ambitions haven’t changed as he kidnaps a famed CNN talk show host.
Fraud – A famous psychoanalyst is exposed as foisting his own mother issues on millions of otherwise normal patients.
Red Barge of Courage – A Union soldier, struggling to find the courage to fight in the Civil War, finally gives in and paddles a quick retreat north on the Mississippi.
The Kilters – An insurance investigator is on the trail of a gang of Scottish murderers who carry out their crimes in small towns wearing their trademark pleated skirts.
Death Makes a Holiday – Threatening to kill everyone in the U.S. unless he’s honored, Death receives his own holiday, April 15th, a day people associate with life’s only two true certainties – death and taxes.
Maths of Glory – Soldiers who refuse to fight in a World War I battle entertain themselves with algebraic and geometric problems until their commanding officers decide on a different game – hangman.
The Blue Tax – Being a World War I flying ace isn’t enough to prevent a decorated flier from getting flagged by German constables with a fine for drinking on Sunday.
From Russia with Lobe –James Bond is dispatched to Moscow after MI 5 receives the ear of Agent 005 – a message from the Kremlin about its growing annoyance at British eavesdropping.
Punfight at the OK Corral – Doc Holiday likes one comic and Wyatt Earp likes another, so they decide to make the two funnymen face off, quick-drawing on their wits to determine which one truly has the fastest pun in the west.
EnterMezzo – A famed pianist is struck and killed by a car moments before a concert and the only one who can fill in on short notice is Mezzo, his former protégé, who became a circus clown and is performing across the street.
THE DATRIX
After a lonely computer hacker joins an online dating site (whatisthedatrix.com) in search of “the one,” and discovers that his cyber-love is really an enslaved sex trade worker, he must team up with “More-fee-us” (a fellow hacker irritated by the high membership costs) to bring down the agents of this evil prostitution machine.
GHOST LUSTERS
It’s an ectoplasmic romp when three slimy college guys find a portal to the other side and create a series of hugely popular Ghosts Gone Wild DVDs. However, things go awry when they learn that the ghosts really want to “make a killing.”
DIE CARD
A New York cop, victim to his own paranoia set loose from a misinterpreted tarot card reading, terrorizes hapless civilians at IKEA while searching for
his predicted German nemesis.
DEAF POETS SOCIETY
An uppity English professor, whose teaching method relies solely on verbal expression, struggles to keep his job when a rival professor sets him up with a class full of deaf students.
FRIDAY THE 15TH
Amid a deep economic recession and rampant layoffs, IRS officials wearing hockey masks invade the homes of innocent US citizens to enforce surprise tax increases.
MEAT
Through the tough streets and drive-thrus of LA, a world-weary vegetarian cop chases a hungry master ciminal who is about to pull off the biggest burger heist of the century.
LOVERFIELD
An underwater creature who has never experienced love attacks New York City on Valentine’s Day.
BITCH
A loveless loser becomes the Casanova he’s always wanted to be aided by New York City’s greatest matchmaker, only to be stalked by his jealous and only ex-girlfriend, who wants him back at all costs.
BRIDE OF CHUNKY – And you thought a doll that kills people was scary. Two hours of being bitched at to “get off the couch and kill someone” will make your skin crawl.
A unemployed single mother brings down a sleazy corporation after proving they contaminated soil and drinking water. The bad news is the small growths she notices after handling the tainted samples turn out to be testicles: DERIN BROCKOVICH
A severely dyslexic woman unsuccessfully thwarts her husband’s plot to kill her: DIAL G FOR MURDER
Kim Basinger is tormented by visions of Mickey Rourke after each of his plastic surgeries: 9 ½ GEEKS
PLANET OF THE AXES
Hurtling through space and time, a stubborn explorer lands in a strange, new world ruled by highly intelligent tools. Determined to return home, he must first escape from the scientific proddings of the damndest, dirtiest tool of all, the Axe!
THE DARK G’NIGHT.
An Aussie Story about a blackout.
A mysterious Blackout sets out to make sure the joker husbands stop watching TV and give their wives, a really good night.
THE WRENCH CONNECTION
Two New York City plumbers attempt to intercept an illegal shipment of French pipe joints smuggled in by a EU wine boss code named GROG1, but the ensuing investigation turns deadly and dirty when the rivals open the valve supply of suspect parts and turn the city into a cesspool of faulty plumbing.
Ticker: The Man and His Dream
A spunky, grassroots engineer creates an artificial heart in his garage, but a greedy competitor and the AMA conspire to shut him down at the moment his brilliant prototype is successfully implanted.
BAD DAY AT BLACK SOCK
An ordinary laundry delivery man tries to hand over a cleaning award to a deserving party in a small remote town, but then has to fight for his life when his visit triggers fear and hatred, having unknowingly stumbled upon a conspiracy to keep white socks separate from colored ones, after a laundry load creates yellow socks. The delivery man’s struggle to show the town that all laundry can coexist brings out deep seated hatred directed at him instead of the people addressing the issue, but he succeeds in getting his message across, like it or not, mostly not.
NORTH BY NORTHPEST
A classic mistaken identity story, where a dapper exterminator is mistaken for a famous Hollywood agent that might stop a film from being delivered, so he is kidnapped by a Producer and the kidnapped guy must unravel the mystery, and he gets more than he bargained for, including a lesson in crop dusting and a cliffhanger of an ending.
SOME LIKE IT BOT
Hilarity ensues when two computer programmers develop an automation BOT program to make nonstop popup ads and the hardware guys believe that their killing of locked computer processes was witnessed, so the programmers have to go into hiding, disguised as support technicians, and they travel to IBM’s office in Boca Raton Florida, only to attract a uninvited investor whose interest is rising in their creation, creating havoc and laughs as the programmers both woo a pretty analyst while still disguised.
Toulouse-Lautrec, Gaugin and Cezanne take Vincent Van Gogh on a trip to the Himalayas to help mend his self-mutilating ways: SEVEN EARS IN TIBET
Celtic kilt-wearing firefighters deal with the unpleasant side effects of their uniform in SACKDRAFT
BRINGING DOWN THE LOUSE
After scratching his head for weeks, an overworked lawyer sets out to win back his family with the help of an ex-con who introduces him to dandruff shampoo and a whole new set of scalp-clear friends.
LORD OF THE DINGS
An epic tale of unlikely heroes who try to save the world by signaling each other with a complex set of bicycle bells.
THE DORK KNIGHT
In a battle over the world’s fate, a literal-minded hero dares to face The Joker and challenges him to a game of the sillies.
REVOLUTIONARY TOAD
An unhappy suburban wife kisses every toad in the backyard, hoping he’ll turn into the bohemian prince of her dreams, after which they’ll move to Paris to live happily ever after.
FROZEN LIVER
A desperate, impoverished single mother of two enters the black market of involuntary organ donors, though she intends to get out after earning enough money to save the family home.
RACHEL GETTING CARRIED
After completing a drug rehab program and discovering significant inner and outer strength, a rebellious woman attends her sister’s wedding with only one goal: Heaving the bride over a shoulder to bring her down the aisle.
Ringo – A Japanese student discovers an old video of the film “Caveman” that kills anyone who views it. Now she must race against time to discover the secret behind the deaths — Is it something supernatural, or just Ringo Starr’s horrific acting?
Top Nun – Sister Catrina is a talented, but unmotivated nun who gets assigned to the most competitive convent in the world. After a crisis of faith, she changes her habits, but will she still have time to make the pray-offs?
Field of Dreads – An Iowa farmer must protect his farm and his family from an army of baseball bat wielding ghosts, one of whom resembles his boyhood idol, Shoeless Joe Jackson.
VANTAGE PAINT
An erratic South American dictator hires four different artists to paint his official portrait simultaneously, but from different corners of the room. The winner will get a lifetime grant from the government; the losers will be executed.
POET A PORTER
At Rotterdam’s prestigious Poetry International Festival, an esteemed American poet laureate has promised to unveil a stunning new work after ten years of writer’s block. But things fall apart when his grad student drunkenly admits it’s plagiarized from an old copy of Reader’s Digest.
DIARY OF A MAD FLACK WOMAN
A White House press secretary’s misguided loyalty is betrayed, resulting in her purposely spilling dirty laundry on live television. Fired and discredited, she must fight P.R. with P.R. with a corporate media that’s in bed with the administration.
THE WENCHWARMERS
Three college geeks play a fun but dangerous cat-and-mouse game when they scheme to seduce a trio of popular girls who feel neglected while their jock boyfriends are away on road games.
BOTTLE DOCKET
An unscrupulous associate lawyer is on the fast track, winning one case after another for his dirty corporate clients, until an idealistic Justice Department official and a cagey federal judge team up to take him down.
FEIGN OVER ME
A kind-hearted salesman runs into an old college roommate who’s despondent over the death of his family from the 9/11 attacks. The salesman and his own kin take the poor buddy in, but something about his story doesn’t add up…
DOMINE
A mousy nun’s quiet life is shattered when ‘shoot-first’ bounty hunters invade her church, begging for sanctuary. She comes to believe in the rightness of their cause (as well as their zealousness) and joins up, helping them dispense heavy ordnance and holy retribution across the country.
3:10 TO UMA.
A brilliant but quirky filmmaker loses his muse and must catch the 3:10 flight from Thailand back to Los Angeles. A-Muse-ing set pieces and B-acting ensue.
DADDYSHACK
When a local judge cracks down on a group of deadbeat dads that have been “putting” off their child support, they take jobs at the local golfcourse as caddies and ‘drive’ the club owner insane.
DINE HARD
When he buys a cheap microwavable dinner at the grocery store, NYC hard-ass detective John McClane is forced to deal with the toughest challenge of his life: IBS (Irritable Bowel Syndrome)…Now he knows what a tv-dinner tastes like!
SUPERMAD – The nerdy teenage man of steel must overcome a crazy night of Kryptonite binge parties thrown by bully Lex Luthor in order to get laid with the girl they both lust for.
STAKEOPT – Two aging cops stake out the wife of a runaway Ponzi schemer in a battle against time to catch him before their pension fund runs dry.
STEED – After an accident which made him vow never to ride again, a sheriff must reunite with his estranged horse to save a passenger carriage on which a satchel of gunpowder has been hidden, made to blow up if the carriage speed drops below 25mph.
MEN IN SLACK – Two stoner buddies must struggle to get off their asses and convince the world, and themselves, that stumbling upon an intergalactic conspiracy to destroy the world was not another drug induced hallucination.
ETERNAL SUNSHINE OF THE SPOTLESS MING
When a merciless despot falls for an alien called Dale, he breaks every rule! Can their love conquer social taboos, inter-species sexual dysfunction and the space/time continuum? Or will Dale be erased, along with the rest of Earth?
CATMAN – Script writer by day, script fighter by night, screenwriting guru Blake Snyder must read through and fix an excruciatingly bad draft by a careless rookie scribe in order to save a fictional cat from being killed off.
DIE ANOTHER WAY
When all of MI6 is killed, a 80 year old British spy comes to her majesty’s service one more time, but when his years of injuries, aliments and STD’s act up on him he must learn to shed the decades chauvinism, nationalism sexism, bad pick up lines, thinking every woman wants to sleep him, finally learn how to use a computer and a cell phone, to save Queen and Country.
THE SIXTH TENSE
An English teacher whose wife doesn’t speak to him anymore attempts to help a student who cannot communicate. The teacher gets a startling revelation about himself when he learns the boy only speaks in dead languages.
THE DUM OF ALL FEARS
George W Bush is called upon for a third term as President.
MACK TO THE FUTURE
A pimp accidentally goes back to the beginning of time and must get the wheel invented to put on his time traveling Cadillac with the help Roc Brown; but when the learns his presence in the past will effect the future he must teach the cave people the worlds oldest profession so he can have a job when he gets back.
GET SPORTY – John Travolta, reprising his role as Chili Palmer, chucks both the movie and music businesses to try his hand at the sports drink advertising tagline trade, concluding “There is no made man like a Gatorade man.”
PERMINATOR
In the 1920’s beauty school student finds herself in a hairy situation as she runs from a hair styling cyborg from the 70’s.
ENEMY TINE – The dangerous ordinary of Hitchcock’s “The Birds” meets the creeping paranoia of John Carpenter’s “The Thing” when one fourth of *each* of the world’s forks turns feral.
ACE VENTURA: PEN DETECTIVE – A quirky stationery private eye gets hired by a high class socialite to track down a priceless antique stylus, only to realize that’s not all she wrote.
EDWARD SCISSORHINDS – Touching fairy tale of a man with scissors for heinies, compounding the problem of his having two heinies.
Gahnbi – The stretchy Indian sage ties self in knot to quit eating in the hopes of inspiring warring nations to be more flexible in resolving their disputes.
See 1558, I’m an idiot! Spelled wrong! Should be:
Ganbhi – The stretchy Indian sage ties self in knot to quit eating in the hopes of inspiring warring nations to be more flexible in resolving their disputes.
ERECTION – Invigorating tale of an old folks’ home that “leaves their hats on” but drops trou for heartwarming contest celebrating the resilience of septuagenarian vitality.
JURRASIC PARK becomes ZURASSIC PARK
William Hess, President American Zionist Movement establishes a Holiday Park on Long Island, NY in this epic documentary drama tracing the evolution of the american Zionist Movement.
Citizen Kane becomes Citizen Jane
Jane is the very epitome of sainthood as she struggles to re-establish ethics, values and morals in a degenerating America. She is the lone voice to be able to communicate to the New American Leadership the principles of Quality Management and ways to revive the collapsing economy in this masterpiece combining sordid facts, human endurance and cinematic rigour.
CYSTIC PIZZA
Coming of age story set in a family restaurant that is being shut down by the health inspector because the sauce is a little bit too “all natural.”
48 DRS
Documentary about Eddie Murphy’s failed attempt to hire a crack medical team to revive his flailing career.
EASY CIDER
Cross-country motorcyclists decide to give up the hard drugs, settle down on an orchard and produce apple cider.
BUICK CHANGE
Bill Murray stars in this comic caper about the perfect plan to steal all of the loose change out of a parking garage full of cars; the plan goes awry, however, when Murray and his cohorts are unable to find their way out of the parking structure.
HE’S JUST NOT THAT INTO LOU
The inspirational, true story of a casting director who fought to recast the original TV show The Incredible Hulk.
BUG – Straight-A student Franz Kafka has the hots for a girl who only dates creeps, so when he wakes up one morning transformed into a giant cockroach he couldn’t be happier! His exterminator father, however, is not so happy.
CITIZEN LANE
When the inhabitants of a lively city street discover their neighborhood is to be bulldozed to make way for a freeway they decide to re-build an exact replica of their street in the suburbs. Cracks soon appear when local man Bud Rose reveals a 40 year old secret that will tear the community apart.
CITIZEN LANE
When the inhabitants of a lively city street discover their neighborhood is to be bulldozed to make way for a freeway they decide to re-build an exact replica of their street in the suburbs. Cracks soon appear however when local man Bud Rose reveals a 40 year old secret that threatens to tear the community apart.
THE USUAL PUSPECTS
After someone’s lunch money goes missing, five acne-riddled suspects are rounded up by a school’s Headmaster, unwittingly leading to their plotting a huge heist on a tuck-shop delivery.
ETERNAL SUNSHINE OF THE POTLESS MIND
When a newly-sober addict moves in to a converted halfway house, he finds a portal and must navigate a 4th dimension of existence to find the woman he lost.
HANNA AND HER SCISSORS
Hannah, famous hairdresser, beautiful, intelligent, good wife, good sister, in short perfect, the pivot of her Hair Salon. The balance begins to break up, when Hannah’s husband, Elliot, gets a bad haircut from Lee, Hanna’s young sister who is getting trained to became a hairdresser.
HANNA AND HER SCISSORS
Hannah, famous hairdresser, beautiful, intelligent, good wife, good sister, in short perfect, the pivot of her Hair Salon. The balance begins to break up, when Hannah’s husband, Elliot, gets a bad haircut from Lee, Hanna’s young sister who is getting trained to became a hairdresser.
FLIGHT CLUB
When a nerdy group of aviation enthusiasts plan to win five million dollars by building a revolutionary aircraft in five days, they enlist a crotchety WWII pilot to train them to defend the hangar from their ruthless competition.
Spader-Man
A misfit high school student in the 80’s hopes to win the heart of the girl he loves by transforming into James Spader.
THE WILD LUNCH
After a robbery goes wrong, an aging band of outlaws take cover by working as waiters at an “Old West” theme restaurant for General “Guacamole” Juerta. Things go well until their reformed ex-associate drops in for lunch and uncovers a rat – and a cache of stolen guns – in the kitchen…
THE SODFATHER
The aging patriarch of a lawn care business, Vito “Fescue” Corleone fights a violent turf war to defend his family’s legacy and honor against those threatening to bring bluegrass to the streets, while planting the seeds to pass his beloved sprouts to his reluctant son.
A restless heiress breaks loose from her pampered aristocratic life to venture into the most remote and desolate places on Earth in search of their most prized possessions: their children – Lara Croft: Womb Raider
A destitute ex-longshoreman seeking a new beginning reluctantly turns to his wise-cracking uncle, a potato farmer who is struggling to keep his principles, and his sense of humor, while doing battle in the notorious underworld of agrarian organized crime. – On the Taterfront
A Fight at the Roxbury
Steve and Doug Butabi get in a fight at the biggest nightclub in Hollywood over who gets to take home a woman who they both fail to realize is a transvestite. After the whole embarrassing incident is caught by the paparazzi, the men are sprung into the “Loser” spotlight and are blacklisted from all the cool clubs in Hollywood, leaving them to use the Internet to pick up women.
Ghoulies XIV
In this 14th installment of the Ghoulies franchise, Gary Garbage, the spawn of the original Ghoulie characters, runs for the mayor of the small town he grew up in. His competition, a straight-laced conservative not only wants Gary and his fellow species gone from earth, but to win the election, leaving the Ghoulie family to act on their best behaviour and actually listen to their human counterparts.
In the Waterfront
Terry Malloy, a once prominent swimmer and now a waterfront cleaner, witnesses several bodies being dumped into the ocean while doing his daily tin can roundup. When the mob approaches Terry to swim the bodies deeper into the body of water, he must choose to follow the law, or get a second chance at using his God-given talents as an aquatic superstar.
Cargo
When a financially strapped Jerry Lundegaard comes up with an intricate plan to steal cargo from a shipping yard at the airport and return it for a ransom, his plan is foiled when it turns out to be items from the Michael Jackson auction. Now with crates full of junk from Neverland Ranch, Jerry and his loser partners must come up with a way to get some sort of dollar value for the items without being caught and having Jack-O and his army reclaim the stuff.
The Beer Hunter
Three friends enter the Army in hopes of having a life-time bonding experience and head off to the war together, only to be separated when one of them abandons his post to find a Budweiser. The result leads to a journey of the two remaining friends worrying sick about their friend, and their friend, with no money or resources, doing everything he can to get his hands on the next brewsky and forgetting the horrors he saw in the battlefield.
Casio
The story of Sam ‘Ace’ Rothstein, who took his mob earnings as a bookie and gambler, and started one of the biggest and most successful digital wrist-watch empires of the 1980’s.
Ted Wood
Unknown story of Ed Wood Jr’s brother, who through his aspirin empire, helped his brother finance the films that ultimately would leave the family with a terrible reputation. Watch as the brother’s fight every step of the way, over the scripts, to the costumes to the special effects, and learn how they learned to overcome their differences and put their art first.
The Loss Weekend
Follow the lives of those affected by the Bernie Madoff scandal from when he was arrested on a Friday, to the Monday when all of them realize their money is not coming back.
Dope
Two young drug cultivators come up with a perfect combination of chemicals to create a potent and very strong new drug, all the while having to deal with Thanksgiving dinner at their house, where they must keep their home-made brew under wraps in the closet while grandma does an inspection of the cleanliness level of the apartment.
Ricky
Rocky’s co-worker from the meat packing plant, has a dream of his own. He wants to ride a 14 foot high unicycle. Watch as he continues to add height to his dreams until he can ultimately be named “The highest unicycle rider of all-time” once and for all.
THE WILD BRUNCH
A soon to be bride reconsiders marriage on the eve of her wedding when an old flame working with a group of male dancers scheduled for the bachelorette party show up at the ladies club in the middle of the bridesmaid luncheon.
HE’S JUST NOT THAT INTO IOU
A undersexed convenience store clerk tries to work off her brother’s gambling debt, but when the bookie’s not interested in her mode of payment she sets out to prove she can get what she wants one way or another.
FROM HARE TO ETERNITY
A Di Vinci sketch of a hare and a cryptic formula for the elixir of youth found in an monastery send a medical anthropologist in search of the fountain of youth and a warren of rabbits genetically altered during the Renaissance presently living in the Italian countryside.
THE WEDDING CRUSHERS
Two women set out to rehab their reputations after they are jailed, bailed and become famous for making a big impression behind the wheel of a monster truck on the outdoor wedding of the guy who dumped them both. But when their stunt sets off a string of copy cat reprisals across the nation, they fight to find a man brave enough to ask them out.
SOME LIKE IT SHOT
An avid deer hunter thinks he’s met the woman of his dreams until he sees her eat a bloody raw piece of meat. Now unable to kiss his girl, eat meat or shoot a deer, he becomes a vegetarian and the butt of his hunting gang’s jokes and searches for a way to get beyond his repulsion
GOOD LUCK CLUCK
A chicken with an amazing ability to pick winning lottery numbers for other people almost becomes a frustrated farmer’s Sunday dinner until the chick picks the winning phone number of hot woman who’s come to town to open a bed and breakfast.
HAPPY DILL MORE
In the sequel to Good Dill Hunting the newly crowned pickle king and his queen welcome their son to the world. But when the lad develops a green cast they fight unsuccessfully to find a cure for his pigmentary problem and must teach him how to live green.
CAST AND FURIOUS
A pro bass fisherman with anger issues is sentenced to therapy with a psychiatrist allergic to anything connected to nature who is soon to marry into a family of outdoorsmen. But their roles are reversed when the shrink is dumped and the angler is nominated to become the newest member of the family.
When a humble English peasant girl wins Britain’s royal spelling-bee, she finds herself a Tudor’s tutor to the dashing, carefree, and dyslexic heir to the throne. – Kigns (subtract the S, add the K)
Three Aminos –Three silent-movie actors in Mexico for some action get more than they can handle with the Mexican food.
Cheater by the Dozen – Congress calls on the hundreds of steroid-using baseball players to appear before their hearing 12 at a time.
The Kink of California – It’s the land of opportunity and sunshine, but the governor discovers one flaw in his budget plan – not enough money.
War of the Moses – He parts the Red Sea for his friends, but he won’t take out the trash at home. Moses will need more than his rod and staff to ward off what his wife has in store for him.
YOU CAN’T BAKE IT WITH YOU
The mother of a contestant in the Pillsbury Bake Off, desperate to get her grown son out of the house and in the running kidnaps the contest’s five-time winner. Now she must battle a domestically impaired police detective hot on the case until the timer goes off on this year’s competition.
The Jewel of the Tile – Jack and Joan tire of globetrotting and go into bathroom remodeling unaware that pursued by police, Ralph has hidden a precious stone among their supplies.
Como – Patients at a Boston hospital go in for routine plastic surgery, but something’s amiss with the music-loving surgeon as they all exit looking like a late famous crooner.
The Eagle Has Banded – German paratroopers land in England during World War II, but decide their mission is too dangerous, so they form a jazz quartet and get a steady gig at a local pub.
Educating Pita – A married woman decides to go back to school to get her degree, but her teacher has other ideas and steers her to work for his baker friend.
Dirty Rotted Scoundrels – Even in death, two con men can’t stop hustling and dig themselves out for one final job.
Mona Pisa – More than the famed dame’s smile is crooked when the painting is secretly relocated to an Italian museum.
SIXTEEN HANDLES
The CB conversations of a long haul trucker with multiple personality disorder prove to be the perfect source of material for a highway patrolman trying to launch a second career as a comedy writer. But when the driver gets treatment and the airwaves go silent the trooper must locate his muse and get him off his meds in time for a comedy writers convention.
To think like their enemy, a special forces unit is given an experimental empathy serum before their mission to infiltrate and exterminate an army of martyrs. When the team is reduced to morose, brooding malcontents the serum’s inventor must teach the team the power of positive thinking, and positive killing. – The Incredible Sulk
“Killin’ is good in da hood” for a poet gangsta until his niece sees off a rival gang’s community liaison. – Bitness
It’s Oskar against Otis when the unlikely humanitarian becomes an unlikely inventor. Oskar Schindler find’s himself in another epic struggle, this time against the callous Otis Elevator Corporation when they attempt to steal the patent rights to his new invention: the escalator. – Schindler’s Lift
(watch for it, underfoot, at a mall, airport, or office near you)
i really needed this excellent laugh today. you are all brilliant. here’s my two cents.
BEST SIDE STORY
An aging actress, increasingly obsessed with her waning good looks, falls madly in love with a young camera man who finds a way to shoot her only from her good side. Their love is at risk, however, from the tyrannical director on one side and the crew threatening to strike on the other. Can true love cross the line, and stand the test of time?
MILF
The Founder of MILF (Mothers for Independence, Liberty, and Freedom) must stop a draconian and controversial bill introduced into Congress by her nemesis Senator Phil A Buster, an old school legislator still living in the 50’s, with her only ally her Father, until recently, he was missing in the Brazilian rain forest in search of headhunter tribes, in an attempt to teach them the proper rules to lawn croquet, she turns Washington DC upside down and shakes up the sheeple into committing dramatic acts of civic protests.
High Concept: Gandhi meets Norma Rae
INVASION OF THE BODE SNATCHERS — When a small-town employee finds his co-workers systematically missing, he battles his emotionless boss to stop distributing “You’re next!” pink slips.
Homo Alone
When his beefy partner accidentally leaves for a holiday without him, wily gay activist Kevin McCalister must use all his wits to defend his bungalow from two wise cracking gay-bashing burglars.
Scabface
Follows a Cuban refugee’s rise to the top of the meth rackets in Florida, and his eventual demise when his vices take over.
E.P.
A group of Earth children help a stranded alien recording engineer return home, and he teaches them that records that aren’t long enough to be albums can still “be Good”.
PUFFY THE VAMPIRE SLAYER
Sunnydale Teen with PMS slays vampires, demons, the undead, her teachers, her high school classmates, her mother (“why can’t I go to the mall! It’s so unfair!”) her long lost sister and pretty much everyone else…
Welding Crashers
After a team of prankster scientists build a robot, that runs amok and destroys the local mechanic’s garage, the town sentences them to spend a month fixing cars.
THINGS TO DO IN DENVER WHEN YOU’RE DEAF
Five hearing-impaired criminals ruin a perfectly good movie by repeatedly saying “Can you speak up a bit?”
PULP DICTION
Five vocally-impaired criminals ruin a perfectly good movie by speaking incomprehensively.
LEGALLY BLIND
Five visually-impaired criminals… (“Okay! Enough already!”)
CLEAR AND PRESENT HANGER – CIA Agent Jack Ryan is caught in a game of conspiracy, and espionage when he must debrief the President while a trail of lies, and secrets keeps him in the dark about whats really at stake, a huge booger hanging out of his nose, and none of his CIA colleagues are talking.
BONE IN 60 SECONDS – A group of hedonist thrill seekers decide to take 7 minutes in heaven to a whole new level.
Wild Hags – Feeling useless in the modern scientific world, a quartet of witches embark on a motorcycle trip to Stonehenge in an attempt to put the magic back in their lives.
Hatch Me If You Can – After a half dozen young girls are hurled to their deaths from atop the Great Wall, Beijing profiler Sam Li pursues the serial murderer known only as Humpty Dumpty.
The Right Stiff – After an accident at the International Space Station leaves four astronauts with only hours to live, NASA writes off all rescue attempts as too dangerous. Since no human can save them, disgraced test pilot Chuck Morton takes the job. Morton has the skill, he has the courage, and he’s a zombie.
PEE WEE’S PIG ADVENTURE
Overly motivated ex-child star Wilbur the Pig needs a new life to save. He meets his match when he stumbles upon down and out ex-children’s entertainer Pee Wee Herman, whose bike has been stolen. Determined to bring the bike snatcher to justice on Pee Wee’s behalf, Wilbur forces Pee Wee to embark on a wacky adventure in search of hope, Pee Wee’s dignity, and the meaning of life after mega stardom.
NATURAL BORN TILLERS – A farmer discovers that his hired hands are not only illegal immigrants, but quite possibly the best he has ever seen when it comes to breaking up soil.
CATS
An ultra-proud, prize-winning pedigreed cat escapes his carrier case during transport and finds himself stranded among a colony of strays–a collection of oddball felines who help him discover there’s more to life than trophies and fame.
RAD MAX – The only guy in a post-apocalyptic world proclaims himself as the coolest guy in the post-apocalyptic world, that is until he meets a group of mutants that used to bully him in high school.
tried to join but didn’t get an email back.
I wanted to enter a logline…noticed today was your dead line.
Can I enter any other way?
cheers,
Elisabeth
The Modfather
Don Vital Corduroy is as clumsy as they get; he takes on a night time designer course, in hope to cut the costs of his two teenage daughters appetite of modern and expensive fashions.
Herpico – One of the few good cops on the force attempting to tackle the city’s raging STD problem discovers a corrupt organization created by a health clinic, and a major pharmaceutical company that is infecting the citizens he has longed to protect.
TRONSSIBERIAN
A Russian programmer is trapped in a first-shooter computer game where the characters have a dangerously short life span. Meanwhile in reality, his Girl Friday is trying to find the one designer who can get him out, unaware he trapped her boyfriend in the first place.
WHITE FUNG
A woman heavily into New Age decides to start her own Fung Shui business, but her arrangements have murderous effects on otherwise peaceful folks. The police are stumped as a murderess is about to meet her next unintentional victims.
SEE MOVIE
The highest-earning comedian in history is beside himself when he feels a movie studio isn’t spending nearly enough to promote his newest film. Wringing every dime from the producers, he manages to score a $50 mil weekend… but he bankrupts the studio in the process.
THE POSTMAN ALWAYS ZINGS TWICE
A lousy stand-up comic is propositioned by a casino owner’s wife – kill her loathsome spouse and he can be the headliner. The comic is doubly trapped when the owner offers him the same deal.
WHAT BREAMS MAY COME
A recently deceased widower discovers souls in the afterlife are transformed into fish. But a peaceful eternity swimming in the ocean isn’t truly paradise unless he can hold his wife’s hand, or fin, once more.
THE WRIGHTENERS
A young man can see Flying People: the ghosts of Wilbur and Orville Wright pester the poor psychic until he promises to find long-lost blueprints proving the brothers, and not the ancestor of an old rival, are the true claimants to the first airplane.
GLUE VELVET
A atmospheric film revealing the seedy underbelly of a suburban scrapbook club.
HORSE OF USHER
An R&B singer’s squeaky clean image is about to take a major hit when a blogger infiltrates his entourage and uncovers bizarre sex acts, only to find they’ve been staged in order to revive the performer’s career.
THE QUIET FAN
John Payne blows it big time with Maureen O’Hair-a in The Quiet Fan. The winds of love sweep across the Irish highlands in this roughneck romance. The Quiet Fan, shows that even big tough guys can get swept off their feet, even if they are full of hot air. The Quiet Fan will keep audiences oscillating with suspense as the on again, off again romance throws caution into the wind. As the winds of time silently move this film along, the couple finds true love and not financial gain when the they decide to throw caution into the wind to be together in order to stand up to the tough Irish town of Innisfree.
KREMLINS – A family visits Moscow only to have a furry little creature named Capitalism hitch a a ride in their luggage back to America. Once the creature steps on US soil it quickly multiplies and turns into an army of little green monsters destined to spread socialism across the country.
THE KARATE KIP – Kip Dynamite comes out swinging when his wife Lafawnduh is kidnapped, as he becomes a martial arts master to save her from group of Lia Sophia representatives who are threatened by her successful tupperware parties.
A CLUCKWORK ORANGE – An ultra-violent chicken who is arrested and under goes a voluntary rehabilitation program is released back into the coop to face his victims and old mates who are ready to peck away at him.
Witless For The Prosecution — Joe Donnelly was absent from law school the day they taught law, but Joe’s charm and good looks paid for his degree. After Daddy’s influence and money buys Joe a seat in the District Attorney’s, a series of events has Joe sitting first chair in a landmark case against his Dad’s company.
Born After Reading — First time author Eileen “Perky” Roberts’ critically acclaimed self-help book “Dig Yourself Out Of Your Hole!” has smashed every sales records in the literary industry and made Eileen the toast of corporate executives and world leaders. While Eileen’s written words may be transforming the human race; Rick, Steve and Tony – three out of work self help gurus – plot to plant Perky in her hole, and fill it in!
The Mild Bunch — Lorraine, Cass and Sarah, new residents at the Sunnyvale Nursing Home, become aquainted and learn they were all at the Ed Sullivan Show on February 9, 1964 for The Beatles historic appearance. The girls stay at Sunnyvale is short-lived as they hatch a plan to travel across country to see Paul McCartney perform in concert.
The Perminator- A Blue-haired perming cyborg is sent back in time to give Sarah Conner a Permenant hair style to stop John Paul Mitchell Conner from ever being born. Only John Paul Mitchell Conner’s hair products would bring and end to HAIRNET’s nightmare future regime.
DUNK – Paul, a nerdy heir to the Atreides royal dynasty who just settled on the planet of Arrakis, must learn the secrets of basketball from the native Fremen in order to beat rival family Harkonnen in a match that will determine who rules the planet
RUN COLA RUN
A peacenik FBI agent and a dairy-allergic food scientist race to foil a criminal plot that will bring America to its knees by spiking the nation’s favorite soft drink with a laxative
ALL THE PRESIDENT’S ZEN
Two yoga masters assisted by a mysterious yogi named Deep Thoughts investigate why the President’s advisers authorized a break in to the Democratic Temple, and they find themselves in deep karma, and stretching their concentration to maintain their mantra.
THE DA VINCI CONE – A Harvard historian brings home a traffic cone whilst wasted one night, and realises that the V-shaped object could be the answer to one of the World’s great religious mysteries.
28 RAYS LATER – Danny Boyle returns with a thriller about a killer virus that can only be destroyed by flying it into the sun.
NO COUNTRY FOR OLD BEN – When Old Ben Kenobi discovers the aftermath of a drug-oriented shoot-out in the desert and steals a suitcase full of a new designer drug called The Force, he is chased by a serial killer with a deep voice and dodgy head-dress.
P.W., the contest ended at midnight Wednesday night… sorry about that…
Your blog is interesting. You are also getting good responses about your contest. Great going! Good luck.
THE MULES OF ATTRACTION
A story of Drugs, Sex, and Farming. A bad-boy horse loves a pretty little donkey, but the donkey loves a flamboyant mule. However the mule longs only for the horse. This love triangle stirs up some friction in the barnyard.