It’s that time again!
Time for all fans of Save the Cat! — and movies — to test their creativity and logline-writing skills in our first competition of 2009! We have so many new visitors to our site, thanks to our fantastic international outreach — and Facebook, MySpace, LinkedIn and Twitter — so to those new to us, welcome! And welcome to one of four contests we will be sponsoring this year, as we did last year, to test your screenwriting mettle.
THE CHALLENGE:
Change one letter in the title of a famous movie, and write the logline that might appear in TV Guide that takes this alphabetical substitution into account.
EXAMPLES:
GONE WITH THE WINE — Scarlett “Merlot” O’Hara is a southern belle and lightweight drinker, whose fierce ambition to save her ante-bellum home changes to a mumbled “fiddle-dee-dee” whenever she has more than one glass of “Tara-ble” table wine.
BRAN TORINO — A curmudgeonly, and irregular, former cop constipates the activities of a local gang and solves his other problem at the same time, when he creates a popular — and powerful — health muffin.
DEADLINE AND RULES: Entries will be accepted no later than midnight PST Wedenesday, February 18, 2009 as posted below in the Comments section of this blog. Enter as often as you wish but only one movie title per entry please. Winners will be announced Monday, February 23, 2009. All entries are judged not only on creativity, but in the ability to pen a pithy, well-written, STC!-esque logline!
PRIZES: First Prize: A script read and one-hour consultation with Blake Snyder either in person or by phone. Second Prize: A guest spot at the Beats Weekend Workshop here in Los Angeles any time in 2009. Third Prize: A complete set of Save the Cat! products including both Cat! books, software and the new Save the Cat! Cuts It Short: The Guide to Writing Better YouTube and Short Films e-book (coming soon)! Honorable Mention: The thrill of being noticed!
Good luck to all!
Blake, BRAN TORINO, kills! Wait, you can’t win your own contest. Can you? This is gonna be a blast!
I agree with Bradford – BRAN TORINO – Kills! I’d totally see that movie.
Okay, I’ll take a stab…
RONNIE AND CLYDE
They’re armed, they’re dangerous… They’re fabulous!
A couple of fashionistas-turned-bank robbers ransack San Francisco’s biggest gay neighborhood by disarming the local cops with their fabulous taste in clothing.
“Stop or I’ll shoo — Oh my God, Stop! Where did you get those lime green cords?”
YOU DON’T MESS WITH THE ROHAN – Eomer Jenkins longs for the peaceful life away from endless horse grooming and epic field warfare. After faking his own valiant demise, he relocates to Gondor and tries his hand at hair-braiding. This idyll is soon shattered by a gang of hired orcs sent to cause racial tension between Ents, Men and Wargs — but who didn’t bargain on Eomer — and being Riddermarked for death.
Wow, this is too much fun… Here’s my first go:
SCHINDLER’S FIST – A sheepish, Shaolin-trained Hasid, living in NYC’s Lower East Side, takes the murky world of underground boxing by storm when his name mysteriously turns up in the fight ledger of the city’s preeminent — and most ruthless — league.
Follow a world renowned chef whose violent ways cause him to lose the job of his life, as he becomes intertwined with Americas most dangerous organized food critic ring.
FOODFELLAS – Follow a world renowned chef whose violent ways cause him to lose the job of his life, as he becomes intertwined with Americas most dangerous organized food critic ring.
High Soon: Chinese rice farmers square off against the electric company’s dam builders at the tick of midnight.
Wow. First day and already the entries are brilliant! How can I compete? Hilarious guys!
The Codfather – An elderly Codfather struggles to transfers control of his underwater empire to his laggard son, Rocky Cod.
BIG DIDDY– A rapper notorious for identity crises, changes his name (again!) and adopts a precocious pre-schooler from a Third World country to win the heart of Angelina Jolie.
BATEMAN– A teen TV star untouched by scandal grows up and ‘goes dark’ by keeping it light, prowling the mean streets of Hollywood, protecting his crazy family and crazy-rich father escaped from prison and adopting a troubled-teen’s baby to please Jennifer Garner.
THE CURE– When flights and cruises are grounded due to another terrorist attack, a dedicated and devoted group of scientists use a top secret subterranean laser-drill to literally go through Hell and back to see Robert Smith and his band-mates rock the Eur-Asian tour circuit.
CRASS– a heartlessly realistic portrayal of what really happens when there is a fender-bender in LA as Angelinos protect what is theirs… and what is not their fault! WAH!
A FEW GOLD MEN– Rob Reiner, Ron Howard, Robert Zemeckis, and Steven Speilberg come together with screenwriter crAZRick to create the Academy’s most-winningest motion picture experience ever captured on digital media. Though larger irrelevant, the story involves a slow-but-special boy who becomes a fireman/lawyer then take on the tobacco companies for giving several of his most-special friends– including his mom, his fire chief lieutenant, and his girlfriend– cancer.
THE FLU– an ambitious scientist creates a teleportation device, but– after improperly cleaning the pod– he fuses himself to a rampant and viral influenza germ and struggles to fix the problem before he coughs and sneezes his stuffy head off.
THE GREEN MILK– when a hard-nosed warden forces his charges to ingest spoiled and rotten commissary offerings, the biggest and baddest of the bunch inexplicably develops the power to inflict his indigestion upon others, with gut-wrenching yet heart-warming results. Based on a short by Stephen King.
THE GRUNGE– a disturbed teen and his pals unleash much angst, chaos and anarchy in a small dark garage in Seattle, upsetting any rules and authorities who intervene while cursing generations of music-lovers with their vile filth.
NUMB AND DUMBER– the tragic tale of Olympic champion swimmer Michael Phelps’ fall from grace after allowing himself to be photographed toking on a monster bong.
IT COULD HAPPEN TO YOU 2– Michael Phelps’ timely response to the backlash stirred up by a world-press of critics.
THE SULK– LUCKY YOU star Eric Bana’s swan-song, follows the down-and-out actor as he stalks thru Hollywood after a double-feature matinee of ROUNDERS and THE INCREDIBLE HULK, looking to kick Edward Norton’s ass for twice showing up Bana’s (lack of) talent.
SARS Attacks! – A group of shoddy folks must band together to stop the destruction of earth from the pandemic disease SARS.
E.R. – The Extra Terrestrial
An alien corpse is mysteriously delivered to County General. After strange events occur at the hospital, doctors perform an autopsy and are horrified when they learn a disturbing secret: the cadaver is alive and the incision ignited Armageddon.
KILL WILL – Angry from being left to rot away in the slums of South Boston by former best bud Will Hunting, grudge holding friend Chuckie Sullivan establishes a team of Southie assassin’s to do one thing and one thing only, kill Will.
ALL ABOUT EWE
A narcissistic sheep falls for a suicidal wolf.
PAUL GIAMATTI; MALL COP
Having been sued into oblivion by the Merlot Growers of America former A-list actor Paul finds himself patrolling the halls of the local mall to make ends meet. Caught in the middle of a mall walking gang war and wooing a kiosk girl things quickly escalate when he angers a national fashion empire by exclaiming, “I’m not wearing any [email protected]#king Crocs!”
KISS THE GILLS– watered-down sequel to LITTLE MERMAID finds Ariel in CSI mode tracking the killer of her puffer-fish pals.
ALONG CAME A SLIDER– one-time-fatty child star turned sci-fi geek god (Jerry O’Connell) enters an alternate univers where he steals a super-hot super-model (Rebecca Romijn) away from hunky stud (John Stamos)…
nah! that could never happen in ANY reality! ;)
GET RICE OR DIE TRYING – After the worlds first flood tolerant rice grain is stolen, an ex hip-hop star turned CIA agent goes undercover into the dangerous world of the black market rice trade to stop world hunger by saving the grain from the hands of a rival rap artist who is hellbent on eliminating all of mankind.
TOP GUM In a world of blood where one slip can mean dentures, Maverick’s co-dental assistant dies in a freak flossing accident. Maverick takes his place at Top Gum, the U.S. Navy Dental School where after a deadly outbreak of Russian engineered gingivitis threatens the life of every person on the planet, Maverick, a lowly hygienist, struggles against top Navy dentists to prove HE has the cure to save the world…and become TOP GUM. TOP GUM…the brush is on!
ABOUT A BOT – Carefree bachelor Will Freeman has sudden regretful epiphany — all his London friends have new Roombas and are leaving him in the dust. Without an autonomous vacuum cleaner to call his own, he invents an imaginary 400 Series and trawls iRobot user forums looking for women. That is until he meets a brand new bot called Looj, and together they clean the gutters of Will’s filthy mind.
THE LONGEST TARD– in 2008, a group of men went to Dreamworks with an idea for a spoof of Vietnam war movies. Of these men, 4 of them were kinda famous; of those 4, 3 were not Tom Cruise; of those 3, 2 were not Jack Black; of those 2, one of them was a white man in black-face…
this is the 3-hour tour de force extended-cut of out-takes and all the ad-libs that went into making the most-offensive 2 minutes of TROPIC THUNDER.
BENNY & GOON – An overly protective brother, Benny, must find the right guardian to ‘babysit’ his goon brother, NICKY, who’s on the run from the Mob, but when eccentric FBI agent, SAMMY, comes to town Benny might have the perfect sitter.
LIE HARD – When terrorists seize the building and take everyone hostage, a out-of-town cop evades capture and must save his ex-wife with his fast talking skills, which ironically led to the divorce in the first place.
THE SIXTH SENSEI – A boy who sees dead people learns martial arts to fight them. THE KARATE KID meets GHOST.
Ghostbasters – Three scientists discover that the afterlife is a delicious thing when they create a device that not only solves the cities paranormal problems, but also gives them the ability to make ghosts the new delicacy.
Okay, three out of four of mine today relate to food which means I really need to go an eat something.
STAND BY M.O. – Four young friends undertake a voyage of discovery and companionship as they travel the rails that criss-cross the great state of Missouri in search of the “rich stuff” that will allow them to save the state from defaulting on it’s annual budget. Also, leeches.
Stop or my ROM will shoot – When computer nerd, LINUS, discovers one of his super computers, ROM, has taken control of Homeland Security, FBI, and the Pentagon’s computers, he struggles against time to clear ROM’s memory before ‘it’ lunches a nuclear war-head at Canada.
This is so much fun and what great prizes.
LEGENDS OF THE FULL A wealthy sharped-tongue cattle ranch baron and his three wimpy, dysfunctional sons live off the fat of the land and become so obese they cannot function in old west society or in the wilds of nature. Their care and destiny are left to the Indian family they support and the skeletonly thin deranged woman who loves them all.
WHEN HARRY BET SALLY –
Can a woman ever be anything more to a man than a physical possession? After a hard night of poker, Harry wakes up to realise where the love of his life has gone – to his best friend! Now the chips are down and Harry must play the cards he has been dealt to win the ultimate prize!
TAXI DIVER –
Sickened with the politics of modern America, a war veteran takes on big business by diving under New York taxicabs and suing their asses! It’s the American way! But when a (now unemployed) female cabbie nurses him back to health, he is forced to fight against his guilty conscience in order to keep her affection.
BALDLANDS –
A young couple get whisked away on a shaving spree across the Southern states, leaving a trail of bald-headed victims in their wake. But as Molly starts to notice Vik’s own receding hairline, she grows more and more disenfranchised with his scissor-happy attacks.
ETERNAL SUNSHINE OF THE SPOTLESS MINE –
After battling her rich ex-husband for half of everything he owns, a fashion-obsessed young girl becomes the proud owner of a coal mine, vowing to make it a clean, healthy work-environment for the miners who detest her inadequacies as a forewoman.
WALL-O –
In the distant future, a lonely robot wanders around, allowing himself to stagnate in his own misery for all eternity – but when he is given the chance to return humanity to its former glory, will he stop wall-o-wing in his self-pity and remember why life must be lived?
BIB –
When a depressed young writer wishes to be young again on a magical machine, he finds himself turned overnight into – a baby! Now unable to even speak, he must find a way to make his voice heard and become the child prodigy that he has always wanted to be.
HELL WIFE
When one of their own elopes under suspicious circumstances the Bureau of Paranormal Matrimony and Divorce sends a newlywed Agent to investigate. What he discovers shatters his freshly minted vows and he must stop the consummation before the balance of power in the household is shifted forever.
WHEN HARRY BET SALLY – When he wages his friend on the SUPER BOWL, a guy has to get her back in time for their friends’ wedding. In doing so, they fall in love.
YOU’VE GOT JAIL – Two people fall in love through an anonymous prison pen-pal program, but when the one in jail finds out that the imprisoned lover is the same person who sent him to prison, he must get her to forgive him before revealing his identity.
*one in jail finds out that the one outside…
WHEN HARRY MET SULLY – Two fiercely competitive New York cab drivers must not let their growing friendship destroy the rivalry which has made them living legends.
The rivalry begins years earlier when idealistic college graduates, Harry and Sully, strike-up a conversation on the train to New York and discover they’re vying for the same job. Their competitiveness prevents either one of them from getting the job and they wind up working for opposing cab companies. Over the years their rivalry grows to legendary proportions. When Harry’s son reveals his impending nuptials to Sully’s daughter, these two adversaries have no choice but to attempt to become friends. Nothing works. Not male bonding, anger management or couples therapy. Nothing. Until finally Harry and Sully reveal their mutual respect for one another. But, as friends, they quickly discover it’s their rivalry which makes them great cabbies, so, they agree to let the rivalry continue.
THE CODFATHER – Aging undersea patriarch, “Cod” Vito Corleone reluctantly enlists the help of his hero son, “Mackerel,” to stop a gang of hard-shelled crabs from taking over the Corleone controlled barrier reef.
GOOD WILL HAUNTING
An underachieving, genius Ghost, WILL, refuses to do the one thing he was made to do; haunt. His mentor ghost has to show him the benefits of fear to convey the importance of their job. But with death no longer a threat, the mentor must figure out a way to make Will experience fear, when there’s nothing left to be afraid of.
STAR CARS: A motley crew of Hollywood car-customizers joins forces with a young street racer to take on the chain of Maaco shops that is terrorizing the locally-owned businesses.
TRAINING GAY
A bad-ass, veteran police officer, FRANK, must enter a high risk undercover job in a flamboyant karaoke bar to complete his last case before retirement. Frank must train in the ways of the flamboyant in order to be believable as the “Indian” in a Village People cover band. Frank’s dedication to the job will be put to the test when his ideas of masculinity are flipped upside down.
CARZAN – When an adventure vacation gone wrong strands car mechanic, John Clayton, at an abandoned military air field in Tasmania he astounds the aborigine residents by doing what he does best, assembling a working vehicle from junked parts. Instead of using the vehicle to make his way home, Clayton, stays to help the aborigines defeat a group of poachers.
HUNNY FARM – Retired children’s cartoon star Winne-The-Pooh moves to the country to write a novel about his friends back at Pooh Corner, and detox from his long fight with a honey addiction. Things soon go from great to pooh, er, poor when this lovable bear discovers he has moved to the honey capital of the world! With a special appearance by Barry B. Benson (Jerry Seinfeld) this is sure to be one sticky situation.
OCTOBER STY – A chronic sty infected, MIKEY, goes against his fathers wishes when he chooses to pursues a career in modeling after watching an episode of America’s Next Top Model.
SITH SENSE
A Sith Lord, HARVEY, has reined terror on humans for years with his ability to shoot unspeakable power from his fingertips. But when a local planet realizes they can solve all of their energy-shortage needs by sticking a plug up Harvey’s ass, the tables are turned, and the hunter becomes the hunted.
MR. SEEDS – When small town pizza guy, LONGFELLOW SEEDS, inherits his long lost uncle’s sperm-bank, his life is flipped upside down when he learns that his crazy uncle has been the sole “contributor” to the bank. Now it’s up to SEEDS to keep the family business going.
PIG – when a boy makes a wish to “sow up”, he’s startled to find himself awake the next morning as a pig! Now he must work in the pig world while trying to figure out how to go back to being a boy.
Oh, Crap. Shawn M.L. thought of Codfather first. My bad.
THE SWEAT SMELL OF SUCCESS
The thrilling rags-to-riches story of a shy writer that moves to Los Angeles and discovers what it takes to make it in Hollywood– ten percent inspiration, ninety percent perspiration.
KUNG FU WANDA – After getting fired from her job as a chinese delivery girl, Wanda Fu goes job-hunting in Chinatown and discovers her destiny as the “chosen one”. With the help of her master, General Tso, she vanquishes her venerable foe, Baron von Egg Drop, by unleashing her secret weapon, the Furious Five Snow Peas of Death.
3:10 to Uma – In order to win a billion dollars, a man has only three hours and ten minutes to meet, woo, and marry Uma Thurman.
ALL ABOUT EWE – A narcissistic sheep falls for a suicidal wolf.
THE GERMINATOR – A robot is sent in Winter by the seed controlling global corporations that produce most food resources in their industrialized country-sized farms to hunt down the resistance leader of the animals that must survive in enough numbers to launch the Spring pollination offensive that is their last hope of turning back the shut-down of Nature and save the lives of so many species.
Gary wins.
THE COURT of MONTE CRISTO – When amateur tennis player, EDMOND, is betrayed by his best friend and wrongly accused of cheating at Wimbledon, he transforms himself into a Tennis Pro, and put his killer back-hand in action to wreak vengeance on — The Court of Monte Cristo.
BEAUTY AND THE YEAST — When a gorgeous young peasant races against time to create a perfect loaf of bread in a castle kitchen, she finds herself with growing problems.
LEAVEN CAN WAIT
After rising to the top, a crusty old loaf is pulled out of the oven before it’s time, but is allowed to come back in the body of a cupcake and take first prize at a county fair.
MANILLA SKY
After a disfiguring accident, a wealthy playboy must fight for the woman he loves with a brown paper bag over his head, avoiding papercuts at all costs!
OPEN WAITER
When a customer complains that something is floating in his soup, a fearless young waiter must fight to save himself from an attack of very small sharks.
MARY POOPINS
On the verge of two lovable children being sent for invasive procedures, an English nanny tries to explain that a spoonful of bran helps the medicine come out!
TAY – When the deaf brother of legendary singer Ray Charles, TAY, finds himself struggling to keep his brothers songs alive by singing them himself, he sees how hard it truly is to sing when you can’t hear, so he calls on his brothers “spirit” for guidance to learn how to truly sing from the heart.
THE GREEN MILK
Tom Hanks channels Charlton Heston to warn a condemned prisoner that the corrections-issued milk is “made of people”.
FROZEN LIVER
After a close-call rescuing a baby from the ice, two unlikely friends stop their smuggling business and drink themselves into oblivion.
CLOSE ENCOUNTERS OF THE THIRD KING
A man gets a message in his mashed potatoes that he must stop Jeb Bush from running for office in 2012.
THERE WILL BE FLOOD
An oil baron buys many acres of land sold by a religious man named Noah for a suspiciously cheap price.
“Your straw will do you no good”
Nightmare on Elf Street – A killer is targeting the happy helpers of the North Pole threatening to kill Christmas. Ho, ho horror.
Lentil – A legume, going against the grain of her family, disguises herself as a chickpea in order to study the Talmud.
The Fridges of Madison County – When called to fix an ice maker a Maytag repairman falls in love with a married woman.
SEX DEGREES OF SEPARATION
Desperate and left with the hard choice of having to hot-dock with the mother ship, a young astronaut must persuade his girlfriend and captain to open her airlock, risking both their lives — and very likely her reputation.
Star Bars – A desperate farmboy leaves his home planet to seek fame in Galactic Idol the Empire’s biggest talent show. Struggling through to the finals he faces the competition’s front runner- The Dark Lord of the Sing!
RAGING WULL
Al Paca, an emotionally self-destructive sheep farmer with a violent temper, looks back on his
life and his closet full of sweaters.
LAWRENCE OF AWABIA
A sweeping epic about the real life adventures of British Major E.J. Fudd and his journey through the desert of Awabia to fight the Turks and unite the Awab empire.
THE BAND THAT ROCKS THE CRADLE – A newly formed band, PEYTON’S FLAME, chooses a seemingly cool guy as their new lead singer, only to find out his true intentions – replace the bands hard core sound with children’s lullabies.
Schindler’s Lisp – Imagine having a lisp. Imagine having it in German. Imagine trying to put forth your idea to save your Jewish employees. Sagen, was?
THE PERFECT STORE – Veteran storeowner, BILLY, has had a streak of bad luck in the sales department and is ready to file for bankruptcy. But refusing to throw-in-the-towel he sets out to find a good business goal, one that generates increased exposure and income for the rest of his life.
FUNDING NEMO – Years after their joyful reunion, Marlin the clownfish reluctantly prepares to send his rebellious son Nemo off to college, but during the recession the Sea Bank has gone under, so he’s forced to seek out student-loan sharks to come up with the tuition money.
SLASHDANCE – A welder by day and erotic dancing serial killer by night. This dancing killer threatens nightclub attendees as she performs her killer dance moves on stage.
*We’re allowed one stupid one…right?
THE PURSUIT OF HAPPINESS – A lonely, miserable, cat-loving proofreader sets out to show the world that the Will Smith box-office smash had a misspelled title, only to discover that she completely missed the point of the movie.
IN THE LINT OF FIRE
A grieving owner of a chain of DC laundromats where a dryer explosion took the life of a federal official must delay his retirement when an emergency load of laundry comes in….bearing the Presidential seal. He must then conquer both his fears and BBQ stains on a quest to retrieve his reptuation, and all those missing socks.
CLOCK – On one of his scavenges bumbling trash-collector, EDDY, finds a remote control in his neighbors trash; needing parts for a broken clock he takes the remote home to salvage for parts. But after he repairs his clock he discovers he can speed up, reverse, and pause TIME, only the clock takes on a mind of its own speeding up Eddy’s life to show him how his life will be if he continues down the path of a trash collector.
IT’S A WONDERFUL LIFT
Having run his family business into the ground with careless accounting, hiring drunken relatives and doling out subprime mortgages, George Bailey decides to end it all by faking his suicide, undergoing major plastic surgery and passing himself off as a Calvin Klein underwear model.
BROKEBANK MOUNTAIN – A transexual cleaner at the Whitehouse sparks a manhunt when he writes the solution to the economic crisis on the lunchroom message board.
THE DAYS OF WHINE AND ROSES
To inherit her grandfather’s $100 Million dollar fortune a down on her luck princess bitch must get married before 7.00pm on her 30th birthday, two days after the reading of the will! Struggling against her shrewish nature and fortune hunters she must find and marry Mr. Right in time or face bankruptcy and social humiliation.
Twitlight
When a shy and awkward teen who turns anyone he touches into an idiot moves to a new town and high school, he steers clear of the one girl who takes to him and whom he has a romantic connection with.
Bars
When Miller the 2-4 and his friends at the local tavern begin to be brushed aside for the trendy energy/liqour drink, they come up with a plan to fight the new guy head-on and win back the admiration and cravings of the bar flies.
I LOVE “Close Encounter of the Third King.” Brilliant.
BLADE RUINER
In a post-apocalyptic, flooded & then completely frozen-over world, our hero must find and stop the villain who is disabling commerce & communications by hack-sawing the city’s skate blades.
CARGO
A pregnant cop tries to find a criminal who is transporting shredded-up bodies of his victims by trans-continental railway.
DA CINCI CODE
Italian rapper finds evidence of a centuries old cult in Ohio.
SAY, AFTER TOMORROW?
Although the world is destroyed, can I borrow the car tomorrow?
FRIGHT CLUB
Mild mannered man meets a “bad boy” and together they start a secret club for men, where they meet in secret and tell ghost stories.
THREE ZEN AND A BABY
Three inept but well-intentioned Buddhist monks find their “inner peace” challenged after adopting a would-be successor to the ailing Dalai Lama.
Bach to the future – Rap producer Shorty Macfly is suffering from writer’s block when he gets a time traveling visitor named J.S. Bach.
the Watrix (the Waitress Dominatrix) – Cleo, an overworked diner waitress, tries to repel her rude and demanding customers by belittling and embarrassing them, only to find that they tip better and keep coming back for more.
Moonfaker- A British special agent investigates the theft of a Nasa space shuttle by eccentric film director Stanley Kubrick, who plans to shoot an american moon-landing hoax on the actual moon.
Star Wart – Luke Crywalker is an adventurous pedi-Knight who must deliver the formula R2-D2 to the Fungal Alliance, so they can destroy the Death Plantar before Emperor Papilloma and Lukes estranged father Dr. Scholl can use it against them.
STAR WART
Princess Leia wants to have kids with Han Solo, but after a big night in the cantina, Han doesn’t want Leia going anywhere near his privates.
FEAR WINDOW – A Manhattan artist, confined to her warehouse studio/gallery by a broken leg, completes her new show, Windows To The Soul, featuring windows she’s extracted from several condemned historic brownstone apartment buildings. On opening night she and her influential guests discover these windows resonate with decades of intense emotional energy. When one very old window shows her how each of her friends is going to be murdered, it’s up to her to try and save them.
BATMUN – A laid-back, Rastafarian, crime-fighter by night. A peace, love and understanding Reggae superstar by day.
NEOWORK
A young man is released from The Matrix, only to become a crazed television personality. I’m virtual as hell and I’m not going to fake it any more.
SEVEN YEATS IN TIBET
An arrogant German mountain climber is caught in the middle of global upheaval and meets a British poet caught in the same upheaval. Together, they start a Poetry Slam.
SILKFOOD
A young employee of the mulberry farm exposes corporate corruption and toxic silk worm feeding practices.
P.T.
The famed circus owner PT Barnum is lost in a California town. Surviving on only Reeces Pieces and beer, he yearns to make a phone call home. Are there phones in the Big Top?
Top Bun
Maverick has always done things his own way, never following a recipe. Can this pastry chef stand the heat and become the best of the best?
MULLITT – (Bullitt) – He gets the bad guys ’cause he’s got the guts. He get’s the ladies ’cause he’s got the hair. Before there was Paul Blart, and just a little after there was Steve McQueen, there was a one-of-a-kind cop action hero of the ’80’s, Frank Mullitt.
Cocky
A third rate boxer tries to pick a girl from the pet store by insisting he’s going to fight the world heavy weight champ. After losing his locker, he trains with her brother who then loses his job because the meat was contaminated. She’s thrown out of the house on Thanksgiving only to be hit on by Apollo Creed.
THE C-TEAM – When terrorists holding hottie Megan Fox for ransom assassinate The A-Team sent in to rescue her, then blow away The B-Team who went in to rescue The A-Team, it’s time to send in the best of what’s left, THE C-TEAM, to get the job done. (okay, okay, a teensy-weensy nod goes to Pat Proft for his, HOT SHOTS: PART DEUX storyline)
THE MILD BUNCH
After losing their pensions and 401K balances to recession, a group of retirees plot to rob the local Indian Casino. When betrayal causes their plan to go south, so do they – to Mexico to make a last stand for living a life of leisure, warm weather and cheap prescription drugs.
THREE DAYS OF THE CANDOR
After his amoral actions on behalf of the U.S. government, Robert Redford spends seventy-two hours detailing at length everything he’s ever done. Shown in real time.
WAISTCUTTERS: A LOVE STORY
A young man who has been losing weight lately searches desperately for his ex-girlfriend, who may be too thin to recognize.
ANNIE HILL
A neurotic New Yorker has an ill-fated romance with the daughter of a British comedian. Is their verbose coitus anything more than Yakkity Sex?
HIS GIRL FRIDA
Artist Diego Rivera is jealous that ex-wife Frida Kahlo is marrying milquetoast revolutionary Leon Trotsky. To win her back, Rivera must convince her to join him painting one last mural – and if all else fails, stage a nasty accident with an ice axe.
THE ITCHES OF EASTWICK
After three desperate and lonely women in a charming New England village use the dark arts to summon a mysterious and beautiful creature that grants their hearts desire, they must struggle to save their community when the being also gives the townspeople everything they have ever wanted.
typo in 109, my bad!
THE BITCHES OF EASTWICK
After the mysterious disappearance of the people in a charming village, the female dogs must band together and struggle to locate their owners before the pet population turns feral.
HARRY POTTER AND THE CHAMBER OF SUCRETS – Lord Voldemort decides that the best way to stop a know it all wizard in training is to shut him up by giving him the worst sore throat of his life, and now its up to Harry Potter and the gang to travel to the Chamber Of Sucrets where they must work together to find the lozenge of life that will bring back Harry’s ability to wave his wand, and speak the language of wizardry once again.
Dark M.Night
M. Night Shyamalan turns the tables on his worst film critic, the Riddler, by asking, “Why so serious? They’re just movies.”
APOCALYPSE COW
A burnt-out diary farmer is sent on a mission to assassinate a renegade milkman trying to bring unpasteurized milk to the marketplace from a herd of mad bovines.
JURASSIC PORK
Prehistoric pigs rampage D.C. devouring Republicans who oppose the bloated stimulus package.
GUMBO – Ridiculed because of his Cajun heritage, a young circus elephant is assisted by a rat to achieve a perfect spicy rice dish.
CREASE – Iron-maiden Sandy and anal-retentive creaser Danny fell in love over the summer at a vocational school. But when they unexpectedly discover they’re now in the same dry cleaner, will they be able to stand the heat and keep their pants on the straight and narrow?
LADY AND THE CRAMP – Lady, a melodramatic whiner with PMS, falls in love with Clay Tecks from the other side of the river, who helps her control a devastating and unpredictable flow. Has she found her true love…or will she just toss him aside when she’s done with him?
LOST IN SPICE – In search of the ultimate steak seasoning, the McCormick family travels through space to find the perfect mix of pepper, salt, garlic, and chili powder. When a gigantic shaker hits their ship, they find that they’re stuck in Thyme with no Sage haven.
FETAL ATTRACTION
A personified ovarian egg’s plans of becoming a fetus with her sperm-cell husband are threatened by an insane sperm-cell with whom she had a one-night stand.
WEDDING TRASHERS
They came, they charmed, then destroyed the reception like rock stars in a hotel room.
THE CURIOUS CASE OF BENJAMIN MUTTON
Born an adult and aging backwards, Benjamin, a shy, retiring sheep searches to find his one true love before ending up lamb chops.
BATHS OF GLORY
Barely surviving in the trenches of World War 1, a heroic young officer fights to save the lives of three of his men who retreated from battle to freshen themselves up.
SOME LIKE IT NOT
When a desperate producer puts all his money behind the story of men who cross-dress after witnessing a gangland massacre, he realises that shooting in the Bible belt may have been a bad idea and must win over the local community of Hicksville, USA. (‘But I’m a man!’ ‘Well, nobody’s perfect. In which case you will burn in the eternal flames of damnation.’)
TO KILL A ROCKINGBIRD
Driven to insanity from the amount of MTV they have watched for the past three years, two college students vow to finally put Courtney Love out of her self-obsessed misery, sacrificing their own freedom for the greater good of the world.
SLASHDANCE – A welder by day and erotic dancing serial killer by night. This dancing killer threatens nightclub attendees as she performs her killer dance moves.
RACK TO THE FUTURE
A broke cinematographer/gambling addict builds a movie camera that allows him to rack focus and see what happens in the future.
THE PERFECT STORE – Veteran storeowner, BILLY, has had a streak of bad luck in the sales department and is ready to file bankruptcy. Refusing to throw-in-the-towel he sets up a business goal — make the perfect store that generates increased exposure and income for the rest of his life.
CLOCK – On one of his scavenges bumbling trash-collector, EDDY, finds a remote control in his neighbors trash; needing parts for a broken clock he takes the remote home to salvage for parts. But after he repairs his clock he discovers he can speed up, reverse, and pause TIME, only the clock takes on a mind of its own showing Eddy how his life will be if he continues down the path of a trash collector.
STAR BARS
A headstrong farm-boy must learn to drink in order to join an inter-galactic pub crawl.
The WILD BRUNCH
A ragtag and aging group of a supper club diners go for one last meal before being forced into retiring to the senior’s home.
Awesome, another contest! So many great entries already too!
PULLETS OVER BROADWAY
A young chicken becomes entangled with the mob in order to get across the Great White Way.
Teabiscuit: The true story of an English Cracker who captivates a mouth at tea time when he becomes the first saltine to vie for the Triple Drown.
Girth: Nicole Kidman becomes convinced that a ten year old po-boy is reincarnating inside her belly in the form of her once-dead appetite.
Paranoid Bark: The moralistic tale about a dog who cries wolf.
Maria Full of Grape: To support her family during the Prohibition, a Columbian teenager smuggles alcohol by stuffing herself full of grapes and then rolling on them with her pregnant belly to make wine.
The Great Rebaters:
A drama based on the true story of Mrs. Marla Tolson, a coupon obsessed homemaker who inspires her book club to greatness after becoming the first (and only) person in history to actually receive a rebate in the mail.
This is Spinal Rap: A documentary capturing the first tour of the super rap group made of PDiddy, MCHammer, JayZ and the corpse of Tupac on drum machine. Song highlights include “Smell the Bling”, “Big Booty” and “Lick My Love Pimp”.
CHARLEY WILSON’S WART
Mild-mannered Charlie Wilson is launched into the spotlight when he awakens one morning to find a large wart on his cheek that looks identical to the Mother Mary. His quiet life is uprooted costing him his chances to court the town’s introverted librarian. Charlie Wilson must choose between burning off the wart and losing his new found fame or burning his chances for love forever.
(Instructions, folks! Read the instructions!)
TO WILL A MOCKINGBIRD
Small town lawyer Atticus Flitch is willed a talking Mockingbird, that repeats the secrets of all his clients at the most inopportune moments – and the secrets of the single father’s two children Jem and Scout.
HATCH
New Yorker Will Smith devotes his time trying to hatch hawks and falcons on the roof of his Manhattan apartment building, while courting anti-animal activist Eva Mendes. A lot of eggs get laid.
SPICE COWBOYS
Retired cowboys are pulled together by their former head drover in order to complete a special mission to the planet Arrakis to find and corral the last Sand Worm.
HEAP
Cop Robert DeNiro hunts outrageous bank robber Al Pacino. Informer Val Kilmer is out to escape both the cop and his former robbery partner. The conflicting drives have the trio end up in one mangled heap during a shoot-out.
FAILURE TO LUNCH
A workaholic never takes a break for lunch, and so almost misses meeting the girl of his dreams in the company lunch-room (she works in a different department).
TEX 1138
Set in the 25th century, where a rigidly controlled society dictates that people have to act and dress in total uniformity. A man, TEX, unearths a comic book of “Gunsmoke” and begins to fashion his existence on its tales. As Tex rebels against the government, his ideas begin to spread into the start of the new cowboy rebellion.
MINORITY RESORT– an ethical pre-crime cop (and devout Scientologist) races against pre-time to pre-vent the Pre-sident from unjustly pre-judging and holding all olive-skinned American citizens in a ‘tropical paradise retreat’ called Guantanamo.
TOP GUT
Retired pilots proudly compare chunky physiques while wearing towels. Overheard: “I feel the need… the need for cheese!”
New In Brown – a frustrated businesswoman’s stalled career picks up after she changes her appearance to look Latino so she can benefit from her new company’s equal opportunity program, but things go spectacularly wrong when her romantically-minded Mexican boss takes her home to meet his extended family.
Dolt – the world’s most spectacularly unsuccessful advertising executive is hired by Madison Avenue’s top firm only to find out it’s because they’ve learned that way to success is to do the exact opposite of what he recommends.
TIME TO BILL– an idealistic but greedy lawyer races against time to process taxable receipts and expense reports before a black man who murdered a white supremacist in a court house full of Ku Klux Clan cadre goes to trial in the whitest county in the deepest part of the Deep South.
The Terrence Malick Trilogy
Gays of Heaven-An overly pious Mormon must learn to change his ways before entering the Pearly Gates because upon his arrival he is surprised to learn that homosexuality is not only accepted but expected in Heaven.
The Thin Red Wine-On their honeymoon to Sonoma County excessively passionate newlyweds (Mr. and Mrs. Witt) struggle to escape from a wine cellar after they discover that wine country has been taken over by vampires trying to resurrect an army of the undead by luring in unsuspecting couples into drinking their from tainted red wine.
The Ewe World- John Smith Captain of the starship Discovery crash lands on an uncharted planet ruled by highly intelligent ewes. Problems arise when John and his crew run out of food and there is nothing to…except the ewes.
First, Thank You all for making me laff so freekin’ hard.
In a nod to Blake:
BLANK CHICK
When a teenage super-genius accidentally “reboots” the stuck-up head cheerleader who’s been snubbing him, he finds that she’s now a clean canvas, upon which he can create his masterpiece – the perfect girl – but soon learns too much perfection is not always a good thing.
The Ewe World- John Smith Captain of the starship Discovery crash lands on an uncharted planet ruled by highly intelligent ewes. Problems arise when John and his crew run out of food and there is nothing to eat (sorry I left the word “eat” out)…except the ewes.
12 DONKEYS– in a futuristic world decimated by viral plague, from the safety of an underground bunker, a confined and conflicted cabal plot to send psych patient prisoners back in time to erase the last twelve Democrat presidents in hopes of averting their fate… but the ballsy Bush clan STILL manages to destroy the world!!!
XOX– when an extreme sports enthusiast is sidelined with a killer groin pull, he finds himself catapulted into espionage and intrigue amidst the world of Championship Tic-Tac-Toe…
THE STINK
Con men seek revenge against a criminal banker by creating large amounts of flatulence. When Robert Redford signals his crew by casually rubbing his nose, you know the stink is on!
STAR FARTS – A young boy, Luke Blat-Walker, must airbrush his boxers with a Fart Blaster in order to defeat the Anal Forces of Fart Vader.
THE BEADER: Blinded by regret and far-sightedness, a former WWII shackle welder mass-produces hippie love bracelets, taking in unsuspecting love-children to pilfer their unusual charms.
*Hobo Cop:
A critically injured abusive Hobo is cybernetically implanted as the brain of a police squad car, and reluctantly helps a secretly def cop save his rave party girlfriend.
*Ratman Begins:
A filthy sewer cleaner uses his new rat power of ugly stench to save Gotham city from having their sewage contaminated by the Scare Crow’s fear invoking sewer fumes.
*Fatman Begins:
A vengeful slob uses his new fat power to save Gotham city from having their ice-cream supply turned into fear-cream by the Scare Crow.
*Mystic Diver:
When the daughter of an Ex-con marine diver is eaten by a crocodile, he vows to dive to find her killer before the cops do but his detective friend suspects their other friend who was kidnapped and sexually assaulted as a child.
*Lord of the Wings:
A humble ghost is burdened with the responsibility to destroy the wings of a fallen angel which when worn, control all the fallen angels in hell.
*Lord of the Kings:
A humble peasant is burdened with the responsibility to destroy a king who will enforce any advice given to him, onto all the kings in the world.
*Reservoir Hogs:
After a simple vegetable heist goes terribly wrong, the surviving pigs begin to suspect that one of them is a pig informant.
*Superfan:
An alien orphan raised on earth as the biggest comic book fan, must uses his extensive comic knowledge of hero tricks to stop a mad rich man from using nuclear missiles to create an earthquake that will wipe out the California coastline.
*School of Cock:
When an opportunistic prostitute impersonates her substitute teacher flatmate, she prepares an all girl class for a prom night which the guys will never forget.
*Taxi Drover:
A mentally unstable drover who rounds up cattle used as Taxis, gets fed up with society and decides to take violent action to save a prostitute.
*Dope:
Two stoners murder a guy with a marijuana overdose and stuff him in a trunk before they then proceed to have their mates over to smoke pot around the corpse as a means to challenge the “perfection” of their crime.
*Wife of Brian:
When a baby is born next door to the stable of Jesus, he spends his life being mistaken for a messiah, but all he wants to do is to find a decent wife.
*Paws:
When a gigantic kitten begins to menace the small Australian community, a police chief, a feline scientist and Pound Animal Welfare Scheme officer set out to stop it.
*King Bong:
A group of stoned filmmakers set out to film a mysterious island but end up bringing back a gigantic ape which goes on a rampage due to being deprived of it’s marijuana diet.
CAWS
As Calamity Island’s annual Scarecrow Festival approaches, a frustrated police chief must save the town from a gigantic crow intent on seeking revenge for its ancestors being driven out, and driven mad. “The Future Looks Beak”
THE HEN COMMANDMENTS
A meek Idaho chicken, on the verge of being slaughtered along with the rest of the animals in her barn, must evade an evil rancher and lead her flock to the promised land – an animal sanctuary in California.
LADY AND THE TRUMP
When a high-spirited homeless girl is told by her dying mother that she may be the illegitimate daughter of Donald Trump, she searches for answers in a world of opulent self-indulgence, and in the process teaches everyone what it really means to be rich.
ICE APE – Explorer, LOUIS CHANCE, sets off to the top of the world to find the lost City of Ice, but instead he returns with a living ape made completely of ice. The Ice Ape wreaks havoc on the town and turns Louis’ life ice cold.
SEAL GENIUS – Highly intelligent seals are recruited by the US NAVY for underwater ops, only the Navy didn’t expect lovable troublemaker, SQUEAKER, to splash in on there training.
PILATES OF THE CARIBBEAN – A Roman prefect and his Jamaican brother must master their core muscles in order to wash their hands of the Curse of the Black Vet.
THE LAST STARLIGHTER – After an amazing performance at a high school dance, Marvin Berry and his band are selected by alien rebels as the Milky Way’s last hope in an intergalactic battle of the bands.
EDDIE MURPHY: SAW – The Academy-Award nominated actor locks a group of strangers in his bathroom and forces them to choose between watching “The Adventures of Pluto Nash” and suicide. (Running time 8 mins)
APOLLO 93 – After the last Apollo launch, obsessive-compulsive rocket scientist, BEN “BOOSTER” METZ, refuses to accept NASA’s latest-and-greatest “Space Shuttle”, so he secretly builds Apollo rockets in hopes that one day they’ll soar again.
Bell Boy
By taking a hotel client to floor 666 in his elevator, newly hired bell boy Gern Doplemeyer, inadvertently opened a portal to hell, now he must battle the devil’s fiends and protect the elevator entrance in order to save the world from certain destruction.
Coming soon…
Bell Boy II
The Olden Army
“Were gonna kick your whippersnapper ass! “
History of the World: Part 2
Come on Mel…it’s never too late to make this movie!
THE BEER HUNTER – Beer enthusiast, ANDY BROWN, sets off on a journey to find the world’s greatest beer, from Saigon to Germany, India to Compton, Ca. Along the way he makes friends, changes lives and finds true love… his home brew.
THE DORK KNIGHT
An overweight geek with a heart of gold squeezes into a spandex Batman costume and his dad’s janitor utility belt after deciding that only he can save the students of Gotham High School from a relentless group of bullies led by the football captain (known as “The Jocker”).
PLUSH
Dakota Flannel, a carnie with special powers, travels to Hong Kong to find out why the stuffed animals for the county fairs are being manufactured without any limbs.
WOODFELLAS – A marionette from the old country travels to America and becomes the head of an organized crime ring with it’s eye aimed at whacking anyone who thinks they can pull strings on Broadway without paying up.
“I’m funny how, I mean funny like I’m a Muppet, I amuse you?”
RAD SANTA
Rich boy Lance Allen has money but no luck with the ladies. In an attempt to look cool he pays down and out pro surfer Jason Hill to dress up like Santa and call himself Lance in the next big contest. Problems arise when both Jason and Lance begin to enjoy the stardom of being Rad Santa.
Coach Farter – A flagellant basketball coach leads a team of underachievers to victory both academically, and on the court by gassing them up with knowledge and the will to win.
PRETTY IN OINK – When the DNA experiments of a geeky chemist go awry and changes her into a PIG, LISA RANK, must find a cure or she’ll have to attend her high school prom with Porky Pig.
SWIMMING WITH SNARKS
A hapless assistant to an abusive studio executive finds his career in jeopardy when his boss discovers nasty reviews of the studio’s movies on the assistant’s secret weblog.
SPEND
A police officer must keep the Dow Jones from dropping below 500 points or a disgruntled CEO will blow up the New York Stock Exchange.
THUNDERBAWL
James Bond goes into a crying depression when a sinister plot by a vengeful Pussy Galore causes every woman on Earth to refuse to sleep with him.
THAT THONG YOU DO
When a gorgeous model loses her lucky undies in a laundromat mixup, she finds herself un-dateable until she can find the woman who took her magic thong.
LORD OF THE FLINGS – A young Hobbit named Mojo has been entrusted with an ancient penis ring which transforms prim and proper bachelorettes into sex-crazed floozies. When the ring’s power proves to be too much for one man, Mojo sets out on an epic quest to destroy it, once and for all.
THE RING OF COMEDY
A struggling comedian has only seven days to prevent his death after watching a videotape of a Carrot Top concert.
Binary Instinct
A self-aware cybernetic nympho. A lonely Geek living in the basement. A High speed internet connection… This is going to get messy.
LAST HIGHWAY
A quirky film director finds himself on the Career Road to Nowhere as his films become more and more confusing and unwatchable.
SEX AND THE PITY
Four unsuccessful women in New York City trade stories of mercy dates and forgettable one-night stands while looking for Mr. Right Now.
NEWT IN TOWN
Renee Salamander is sent to a small town in Minnesota to replace the Geiko Gecko who is running the local manufacturing plant. After a frosty reception, the gecko warms to the new lizard in town (and vice versa) and they both decide to get jobs at the Mall of America and winter in Arizona.
BLING BLADE
A dimwitted rapper saves a young friend from an abusive stepfather using the only weapon he has: a gold-plated lawnmower blade he wears around his neck.
DEMENTO
A wacky radio host/doctor makes a movie that ignores the BS2 structure resulting in box-office failure… But that doesn’t stop “demented” cult fans from hounding the brilliant creator of BS2 and demanding that he call the failed movie a “masterpiece”.
LA BOMBA
Set in the 1950’s, a South American revolutionary makes his living as a rock star while plotting the violent overthrow of his country’s government.
NO COUNTRY FOR OLD BEN
Ben, a 73 yr. old illegal immigrant, is convicted of pedophilia, castrated and deported. Unable to return to his homeland, he finds himself adrift on a houseboat with nothing but his charm, wits and the new Moby CD.
Lost in open waters he comes face to face with Dick, a sassy, sexy sperm whale. Minus his manhood, Ben discovers new meaning in life with the help of Moby, Dick and a group of dancing misfit sea men.
THE LITTLE PASCALS
Famed mathematician and physicist Blaise Pascal successfully creates clones of himself, but soon his evil doppelgangers start terrorizing the French countryside.
12 ANGRY YEN
After a man with nothing to lose but 12 Yen tries his luck at a shady Tokyo Casino, and ends up winning a fortune, he is accused of cheating and must convince some angry Yakuza that he’s innocent or he will be killed.
STRANGER THAN DICTION
An IRS agent’s dull life is turned upside-down when he starts hearing voices; unfortunately he can’t understand a word that’s being said.
HORTON HIRES A HO
When good elephants go bad.
THE LITTLE PASCALS
Famed mathematician and physicist Blaise Pascal successfully clones himself, but soon his evil doppelgangers start terrorizing the French countryside.
JURASSIC BARK – In an attempt to develop cuddly dino’ pets, eccentric billionaire John Hammond teams-up with a genetics expert, Wayne Szalinski, to cross dino’-DNA with puppy-DNA. The first result is a 500 pound dino’-pup who just wants to have fun.
BILK – An openly gay politician, who’s secretly crooked, embezzles millions in cash from his constituents then tries to stay one step ahead of the FEDS long enough the reach the Cayman Islands.
FIDDLER ON THE ROOFY
An average JOE, bored in his life, accidentally drinks a cocktail drugged with a roofy. When he wakes up the next day he’s informed that his musical skills on the fiddle are unparalleled, though he remembers nothing. Unable to play a single note sober, Joe dives into the world of roofy’s to gain the acceptance of his peers. But when his alter-drugged-ego starts causing trouble, Joe has to pay the consequences, whether he remembers doing it or not.
STRANGER THAN DICTION
An IRS agent’s dull life is turned upside down when he starts to hear voices; unfortunately, he can’t understand a word that’s being said.
PRANKENSTEIN – In an attempt to reestablish his family’s honor, Doctor Frankenstein IV, recreates his Great, Great, Great, Great Grandfather’s life-restoring experiment. But the genius brain he’s planning to install in his creation is switched with the brain of a murdered comedian, a mob witness, who escapes Frankenstein’s lab to avenge his own murder.
The Deer Punter: Rudy, an undersized white tail, with the heart of a champion, struggles to overcome his wild past by walking on to the Notre Dame football team, and eventually inspiring millions with his uncanny kicking abilities.
IT’S A WONDERFUL WIFE
After an argument with his wife, George wonders if his life would be better had he married someone else. But when an angel shows him how his life would turn out with other women, he realizes that despite increases in money, popularity and respect all his possible mates are missing what truly matters – the ability to love and be loved in return.
DIRTY LANCING – a dance-obsessed but hygienically-challenged dermatologist must win an erotic dance contest in order to pay off the settlement from a malpractice suit won by a former patient who suffered an infected boil.
13 ANGRY MEN – A coven of middle-aged warlocks utilizes sorcery to pick up women.
THE CLUE LAGOON — Shipwrecked and marooned, JASON & MARY, discover a magical lagoon on the deserted island which holds the key to their rescue, only they must put their lives on the line to solve lagoon’s hidden clues.
SIGHT CLUB
This documentary exposes the brutal underground world of staring competitions.
GULP FICTION
After a hit goes wrong, two hitman find themselves having to drink their way out of a situation beyond coincidence while dealing with enemies, aliases and gold watches.
BIGHT CLUB
After breaking the first two rules of Fight Club, Henry Bight forms his own club with only one rule: biting only. Soon he finds the company of other club rejects but in order to keep the peace he might have to break the only rule he set out to keep.
CITIZEN ZANE
Determined to make the A-list, a documentary crew follows actor Billy Zane through his challenge to Hollywood in which he bets fellow actors out of their roles into order to become the superstar he’s supposed to already be.
THE ELEPHANT FAN
A man obsessed with oddities does whatever it takes to gain a glimpse of a new arrival at a Victorian Asylum but he soon gets more than he bargains for as the oddity turns out to be his doppelganger making him question his own exterior beauty.
MOTEL RWANDA
When the Rwanda Genocide hits it’s heights, a Tutsi opens up a small motel to harbor survivors but finds no one’s interested in his accommodations compared to a neighboring hotel with more amenities.
ANNIE TALL
A neurotic man meets the woman of his dreams but his own insecurities make him question if he could really love or be loved by a woman twice his size.
INTO THE MILD
After graduating from college, Christopher takes little or no chances at all and finds happiness in his middle of the road lifestyle despite everyone else’s advice on how to live.
MINDING NEMO
After returning home from their long adventure, Nemo’s dad, MARLIN, grounds NEMO never wanting to go through a similar ordeal again. But before he knows it, Nemo gets loose and this time it will take more than Marlin to find where Nemo’s gone.
THE WILD MUNCH
As time ticks away, a group of aging professional eaters enter the National Hot Dog eating championship looking to leave their mark on the world. But when anxiousness gives way to indigestion, the groups goal seems far off in the realm of impossibility.
Revolutionary Toad.
The story of one little Toad, that decides to leave his pond and find the Princess of his dreams.
SHAVING RYAN’S PRIVATES
A grizzled ex-pornstar goes hunting throughout Europe, for the former Nazi that killed his Grandparents.
BLAME RUNNER
In a perfect but sterile future society a daring and reckless outcast provides the ultimate forbidden thrill: experiencing reponsibility. When four of his cohorts are “retired” by the Serenity Police he struggles to avoid their fate and unleash the taboo emotion to galvanize a dispirited populace into revolution.
ONE FLEW OVER THE CUCKOO’S VEST
A violent haberdasher is transferred to a mental institution where he meets a controlling nurse intent on keeping the other inmates dressed in beige. In a brief and bitter struggle of wits and woolly hats, he opens the eyes of the other patients to the wonder of denim.
DUNCES WITH WOLVES: Underachieving misfits, expelled from school for their wild behavior, stage a hair-raising comeback at the senior prom when the wolf pack they trained in their off-time performs the gut-wrenching ballet “La Boheme.”
DUNCES WITH WOLVES: Underachieving misfits, expelled from school for their wild behavior, stage a hair-raising comeback at the senior prom when the wolf pack they trained in their off-time performs the gut-wrenching ballet “La Boheme.”
LATCH-22
A U.S. Army Air Force airman waiting out the war on an Italian island struggles to understand the point of having so many latches on the door of his B-52 bomber.
CHANGING LAKES– when a smug lawyer makes waves (on a jet-ski) at a troubled business man’s favorite fishing hole, the conflict escalates until both men go overboard and one goes off the deep end…
CHANGING LINES– a straight line of conflict bi-sex when a smug lawyer rubs a troubled business man ‘the wrong way’ while both wait in line at the restroom of a swingers club…
GERMINATOR
A germophobic computer geek with past due gambling debts battles his fear and sibling’s dirty tricks in order to work for six months as a NYC garbage collector and inherit his grandfather’s lucrative sanitation business.
CANTACT– Matthew McConaghey tries once again to not be all red-neck smarm and beatnik charm this time with Jodie Foster, James Woods, David Morse and John Hurt as scientists, critics, aliens and a cancerous crazy man cover for him.
BLAKE– when life-sucking screenwriters vamp up their sub-par works in order to try to pass them off as mythic masterpieces, only one man stands in their way: god-amongst men, screenwriting guru Blake Snyder.
BLAKE II– the feared Screenplay-Talker returns with a new book of tricks to stop living-dead screenplays and heartless screenwriters from sucking the life out of his passion.
BLAKE: TRINITY– Screenplay-Talker Blake Snyder strikes back, with a third installment of his uber-successful series on how not to suck as a screenwriter.
beat that, suckers! :D
CLOVERFIEND
Five heroin-starved New Yorkers with the shakes film an “alien invasion.”
CLOVERFIEND
Five heroin-starved New Yorkers with the shakes film an “alien invasion.”
YOU DON’T MESS WITH THE LOHAN– a repressed, publicity-starved starlet comes out of her shell (and out of her panties) hits all the happening scenes in Hollywood and Las Vegas with Britney and Paris and Samantha (call her Sam, dammit!)… oh my!
THE GREEN SMILE – After a tooth-whitening procedure goes terribly wrong, an insecure, international supermodel whisks her agoraphobic twin sister off to Europe to save her career.
THE ITALIAN HOB
A hotchpotch of bank robbers get misdirected through a Turin traffic jam and have to make do stealing designer kitchen utensils.
THE TERMITE-HATER
A human looking, apparently unstoppable plyboard is sent to the future to kill Sarah Connor, a young termite whose life will have great significance in years to come. Kyle “Buzz Saw” Reese is sent from the future to protect her.
BROTHER BEER – A depressed young man, ANDY PORTER, is transformed into a pint of Brown Ale after a drunk driving accident. Seeing the world through a beer’s eyes, the young man learns valuable lessons about drinking and driving.
A BHORUS LINE – Inmates of a Siberian high-security prison fight for a chance at escape by competing for the principal roles in the traveling production of, A CHORUS LINE.
MOLES – When their home is destroyed by a bunch of hole-digging-delinquent-kids, DIGGER MOLE, leads his family in a revolt against the punks that threaten their underground world.
crAZRick – Your BLAKE Trilogy is terrific!
YOUNG BUNS
A group of whorehouse dancers in the old west hang up their garters for guns to try and bring law to their crime-ridden streets. Using their sexuality and six-shooters they show the bandits some tough love they won’t soon forget.
IT’S A BAD, BAD, BAD, BAD WORLD – A group of desperate auto makers, panicked by slumping sales, race across the country in a mad dash for $14 billion in bailout money from President Obama buried under a great big letter “O”
UN MARSHALS
UN Marshal, SAM LUMP, and his team of UN Marshals are assigned to investigate a global terrorist organization hell-bent on destroying the world. But due to the UN’s policies, they must wait to vote on whether they should have an emergency meeting so they can decide if they should attach an addendum vote to their next summit in six months, assuming it won’t offend any of their current board members. Sam and his team of veteran marshals must fight their toughest battle yet… red tape.
THE ADVENTURES OF ROBYN HOOD – Olivia deHavilland stars as the famed bandit queen of Sherman Oaks Forest who romances Mad Martin (Errol Flynn) and leads her Merry Men in a battle against the corrupt Princess Johnna.
Or how about:
COST IN LA MANCHA – A mockumentary style budget travel show highlighting destination well-known in popular fiction. Hosted by Terry Gilliam.
Or, if al else fails:
SILENT MOXIE – A perpetual bachelor has what every woman wants but lacks the confidence to exploit it.
The Curious Vase of Benjamin Button
A florist discovers some magic flowers.
Jew In Town
Manny Silverman journeys to Great Falls, Montana to open the state’s first Delicatessen.
HOUSE OF FLYING TAGGERS — An acrophobic cop works undercover in South Central L.A. to infiltrate a ruthless gang of gangsta trapeze artists before they can finish their plan to blanket the city with garish cryptic graffiti from top to bottom.
MONSTERS INK
Set in the gritty streets of Monster World, Monsters are flocking to a popular, new tattoo shop to get some scary ink done by MANGY. But when Mangy runs out of ink he accidentally substitutes his supply with disappearing ink. When the monsters begin to see their expensive body-art disappearing before their eyes they come back to hunt one of their own.
I’m confused. Don’t the rules say you can pitch as many times as you want but each pitch is a separate entry?
PIMENTO
A processing-plant worker with short-term memory loss tries to piece together the clues of how all these olives got stuffed.
THE SEVENTH STEAL
A gang of angst-ridden Swedes plot a complicated heist at a chess tournament but are thwarted by a cassock-wearing mob boss known as the Black Plague.
THE 400 BLOWN
A streetwise Parisian kid comes of age as he discovers his mother’s infidelity with an entire French military cohort.
ANGLE HEART
A low-rent private eye hunts for a missing mathematician who sold his soul to the devil in exchange for solving an impossible theorem.
And to follow up on Joe Whyte’s BLANK CHICK…
STOP! OR MY MOM WILL SHOOP
An urban girl’s dreams of popularity at her new school are thwarted by her ex-rapper mom’s new job as the cafeteria lunch lady.
LARD AND THE REAL GIRL
Obese, world-renowned pastry chef, DOOLEY DONNER, has no deep relationships due to his fear of intimacy caused by his weight. Dooley decides to make himself a life-sized girlfriend out of various pastry ingredients. But after an earthquake traps him inside his home, Dooley must decide between eating his one true love to save himself or die of starvation in the arms of his sugary-beloved.
BIG TROUBLE IN LITTLE CHICA – When the shortest girl in the first grade, CHICA LOPEZ, finds a hidden city of little creatures in her grandpas barn, she embarks on a journey to save them from giant supernatural creatures.
BATTLEFIELD GIRTH
When a Hungry Alien Race arrives to harvest the plump earthlings the Owner of a Health Food Store is thrust into action. Together with a Vegan princess and a Bulimic Football Star they must save portly humanity from the Alien smorgasbord.
COCKY
A small time boxer fights the champ and prematurely yells “Adrienne, I’m about to knock out this guy” then BAM! gets punched out himself. Roll credits.
LILO & SNITCH – A drug dealing Hawaiian girl befriends a mysterious creature after he rescues her from a drug deal gone bad only to discover that he’s an undercover narc from another planet. After Snitch gets kidnapped by an intergalactic mobster, Lilo must decide between her freedom and saving the best friend she ever had.
RAGING DULL – The least interesting office worker in history is sent to a special ‘be more interesting’ weekend resort by his work collegues in an effort to cure him of boring them to murder!
SCHLINDLER’S LOST – When a bureaucratic accountant catches the wrong train on his way to a ‘make or break’ meeting at his dream job he must race across the country with the documents that will save the company and his career before the deal is closed.
THE FRENCH CONFECTION – Two bullish Chicago policemen decide to hang up their badges and pursue their dreams of opening a patisserie in Paris.
THE SOLAR EXPRESS – Hyper environmentalist, AL, is determined to produce free solar power for the entire world, but when he finds himself traveling into the far reaches of outer space on rocket-train, he finds reason to believe not only in other alternative sources of power but also the power to be reasonable himself.
BLUES BROTHELS
Believing they’re on a mission from God, a group of Prostitutes repent of their ways and turn their whorehouse into a blues café. But when a rogue Catholic bishop tries to frame them for selling booty with their biscotti, the girls put on a battle of the bands to clear their names and save their business.
The Farm – a hotshot agricultural school graduate accepts a dream job offer with a small but very productive pig farm, only to learn his new employer is makin’ bacon for the mob.
The Gizard of Oz – Dorothy, a Black Sabbath groupie, sets out on a journey to find a kidney donor for her idol, Ozzie Osbourne.
Farley & Me – Richard Shaeffer is a portly and unpopular high school senior whose world is turned upside down when the spirit of comedian Chris Farley visits his body and transforms Richard from the butt of all his classmates jokes, to the hippest kid in school.
Glumdog Millionaire – A pampered and beloved beagle named Molly is the sole heir to her owner’s bequeathed fortunes and the cute canine fights to overcome her sadness and doggedly embarks on the task of financing a sanctuary for lost and disadvantaged animals.
Footsie – A talented but high-maintenance student drops out of podiatry school and masquerades as a bunion specialist in Las Vegas for showgirls and receives wide acclaim for his toe-tal dedication, which sets afoot unwanted scrutiny.
FORREST HUMP
FORREST HUMP
When a slow-witted porn star falls for a nun he gives up the porn star life and sets about to win over the nun with his good deeds and chaste lifestyle.
THE GERMINATOR
THE GERMINATOR
When a cyborg is sent back from the future to save mankind, he must first overcome his fear of germs while working undercover as a Latina housekeeper.
HEIGHT CLUB
A young businessman learns to cope with his growing pains, by forming an underground movement where men gather to see if they can measure up. Soon, he gets a little too big for his britches, and that’s when the high flying antics begin.
CAR WARS An evil force led by the dreaded Darth Vapor threatens to destroy the universe with their evil world oil dominating scheme. But they didn’t bet on a young farm boy and his gift . Can Luke Windwalker save the planet and save the princess?
The Farm – a hotshot agricultural school graduate accepts a dream job offer with a small but very productive pig farm, only to learn his new employer is makin’ bacon for the mob.
GLADE – Half-Candle, half-human, SHEA BUTTER, seeks revenge on the evil FLAME, who murdered his mother by melting her away. But before he can blowout the Flame, he must turn on the heat within himself.
THE PERFECT STORK
All babies are brought to their parents by storks. And every parent’s dream is that they’ll be blessed by a prized baby from the perfect stork, WILBUR. But when Wilbur delivers one of his “Perfect” babies to a wrong, evil family, he has to fight to get the baby back before it’s too late.
RUDE – A scraggy high schooler dreams of playing football at Notre Dame, but his rude behavior lands him on a flag football team at Jr. College. But again his rudeness gets him kicked off the team and on the streets; to reach his dream he must dig deep inside himself to learn how to be nice.
MAN WITHOUT A RACE
Orphan, TOMMY HEART, was born with tweed skin pigment. Baffled Doctors agree he is the first of his race. Tommy grows up as a freak, never being accepted by any ethnic group. Crushed when his t-shirt biz “Always bet on Tweed” sends him into bankruptcy, Tommy must first learn to accept himself before others can follow suit.
The Gizard of Oz – Dorothy, a Black Sabbath groupie, sets out on a journey to find a kidney donor for her idol, Ozzie Osbourne.
Farley & Me – Richard Shaeffer is a portly and unpopular high school senior whose world is turned upside down when the spirit of comedian Chris Farley visits his body and transforms Richard from the butt of all his classmates jokes, to the hippest kid in school.
Glumdog Millionaire – A pampered and beloved beagle named Molly is the sole heir to her owner’s bequeathed fortunes and the cute canine fights to overcome her sadness and doggedly embarks on the task of financing a sanctuary for lost and disadvantaged animals.
Footsie – A talented but high-maintenance student drops out of podiatry school and masquerades as a bunion specialist in Las Vegas for showgirls and receives wide acclaim for his toe-tal dedication, which sets afoot unwanted scrutiny.
Sex, Pies, and Videotape
A young girl’s adolescent journey blossoms in this sweet coming of age tale set in an Italian Bakery in Brooklyn. When a shy but cute health inspector installs mandatory cameras to monitor the filthy bakery, Tia’s father will come home to find more than just a bun in the oven! In English with New York dialects.
THE ART BULLY – When school bully, left-brained, number-crunching, not-a-drop-of-art-talent-in-his-bones, DUNCAN DOODLE, focuses his abuse on a pretentious art class, but when his father learns of his bullying he forces him to take art as an elective. Surrounded by those he’s been abusing he learns to accept those that are good at art even though he is not.
ENEMA OF THE STATE
Colin Powell races against time to save American soldiers from a new torture technique, mysteriously referred to as “reverse waterboarding.”
LAST AND FURIOUS
NASCAR racer and good ol’ boy Earl Winston has set a new record for the most consecutive last place finishes in racing history, after being fired from his team” Pabst-Blue Ribbon” the red neck racer gets one last opportunity to prove himself worthy. He must participate in the dangerous and alluring underground race “Agamemnon’s Loop”, where first place gets you a million dollars and last place gets you death.
AKEELAH AND THE BEES
Akeelah returns but this time she is armed with a Doctoral Degree in entomology as the leading expert in the field of bees. When she is sent to Africa to study a mutated hive of bees living in the jungle she discovers that this hive is not only deadly but spreading like wild fire. To Akeelah this spells T-R-O-U-B-L-E.
GRIZZLY TAN
Depleted ozone has enriched Grizzly National Park with conditions suitable for world-class sunbathing. Once famous for Timothy Treadwell’s fatal bear-mauling, the area has since become a hot-spot destination for the Spring Break Set (beer bongs in tow), who flock in for binge drinking, one-night stands, and wet t-shirt contests. As “girls gone wild” in these lively salmon-spawning grounds, enormous blood-thirsty bears awaken from winter’s long hibernation.
THE HOUND OF MUSIC – A motherly Dalmation with an incredible gift of singing takes top honors at American Idol, must find a way to slip out of town before she and her adorable pups are captured by fiendish music producers and turned into soulless hacks.
COOL HAND CUKE: A saucy young tomato, overripe for his age, gets tossed around the salad bar until he meets a cool old cucumber who teaches him the true meaning of spicy dressing.
COLDFINGER – Britain’s top secret agent faces his biggest challenge when he penetrates a ring of Siberian proctologists to thwart their plans of world domination by transmitting a mass anal/cranial inversion on the entire human race. (some observers have staunchly claimed this has already taken place!)
FOUR WEEDINGS AND A FUNERAL
Gerald, a troubled cemetery worker and hopeless romantic is forced to go ‘underground’ to stop a ‘plot’ by the local townspeople to dig up the bodies of former lovers that had wronged them.
BEAUTY AND THE YEAST – REDUX – A hopelessly cheerful French provincial milkmaid must find the magic spell that will transform her boorish boyfriend into a concerned, caring gynecologist who will give her the cure for her…um, rather unpleasant…persistent…female problem.
Y-MEN
The JV Team battles the crowds at Wal-Mart on Black Friday and their crippling nemesis Door-Buster.
Z-MEN
When rival urinal cake manufacturers catch wind of Squirt, a mutant who glows when he pees, the race is on to see who can catch him first and how long Squirt can hold it.
Horton Hears a Whoa!
After an elephant named Horton hears a scheme to resurrect the career of former childstar Joey Lawrence, he’s determined to find Blossom to stop Joey from screening his film “Tequila Body Shots” in the tiny town of Whoville.
Mamma M.I.A. – Donna Sheridan’s children read the four-page note she left taped to the big screen TV, and for the first time, understand the depth of how unloved and unappreciated she feels. The children hope it is not too late to undo the damage they’ve caused as they go in search of their Missing In Action Mamma.
Tim,
Momma M.I.A, good call!
MAD HOG AND GLORY
Nebbishy motorcycle biker loans his blonde girlfriend to a desk-bound cop, and then gets really upset when the girlfriend and cop fall for each other. He gets his biker friends (big scarry dudes) to start threatening the cop.
LAKE FLACID
A straight laced couple win a trip to a Hedonistic Resort only to have it turn deadly when something in the water causes the members to malfunction.
Analyze Chat
Mobster Paul Vitti is at it again when he steals Dr. Sobol’s chat room handle and treats the unstable patients with his new Crime Wave Therapy.
TRASH
This Mockumentary follows David Cronenberg and Paul Haggis in a quest to keep their movies straight.
ALLEN vs. PREDATOR – When bad-ass NBA superstar, ALLEN IVERSON, goes on vacation with his family to a remote island, his peaceful vacation turns short when he’s forced to battle an almost invisible creature deep in the forest.
GONE WITH THE KIND – A philanthropist wakes up to find the world has been overtaken by a-holes.
See, that’s what happens when I come late to the party… how can I top these? You’re all killin’ me here! Big grins to Gary!
I have no idea how Blake is going to pick a winner. Good luck!
NEVER BEEN PISSED – Happy-go lucky family man Tom Flanagan has never been angry a day of his life, but when his ex-jock brother in law, Stew “The Wrecking Ball” Rivers moves in, Tom’s family starts falling apart. The only way for Tom to restore order to the house is to get pissed!
HOW TO JOSE A GUY IN 10 DAYS – While on a business trip in Mexico, ladies man, BEN GOOD, meets and falls in love with his clients daughter, but when get can’t see her because he’s not Mexican, he enlists the help of local machismo, Jose Bravo, to change him into a Mexican in 10 days.
Charlie Wilson’s Warm – Ruth Harper had come to accept the leading cause of death for her love life was the demands of her job as the coroner for Camden County. Romance that was always dead on arrival, until the day Ruth prepared to cut into the chest of a handsome man toe-tagged as Charlie Wilson and he suddenly opened his eyes and it was love at first sight.
STAR WART – an evil lord who misses him mum attempts to frighten the galaxy into submission with a monstrous growth on his face.
My Best Friend’s Girly – Leslie Frazier, an all-state quarterback at Anita Bryant High School, is admired and respected by his gridiron teammates for his generous spirit and his athletic prowess. However, Leslie’s decision to Bedazzle his uniform and blast Barry Manilow ballads during pre-game warm-ups, does confound this band of brothers.
JURASSIC NARK
Coming upon the fallout, dead dinosaurs, shotgun blasted pick-up trucks, a missing satchel of cash, and a truckbed stacked to the brim with Mexican black tar heroin, Dinosaur Park Entrepreneur John Hammond knows something’s amiss. Enter the likes of Golden Globe nominee, Ray Liotta, a disgraced plainclothes cop whose one shot at redemption calls for donning a Velociraptor disguise, jumping on the scene to punch some faces, ask a few questions, and get to the bottom of this debacle before the place falls into complete bedlam, going all ghetto like Land Before Time 3-D.
FACK
A documentary on the past participle’s origin, why it offends grammar-use enthusiasts so deeply, and what can be gained from its use.
Oof, sorry, late, reaching, out of control.
ROMANCING THE SCONE – Joan Wilder and Jack Colton find themselves in Cartagena -again- in a wild race to reach the only Starbucks in Colombia before closing time.
GLADE RUNNER
The replicants have passed their sell-by dates and are stinkin up the joint. Will private dick, Rick Deckard be able to hunt them down and freshen them up before they reek their maker?
Pilates of the Carribean.
A pair of fitness-obsessed Jamaican fitness gyms battle it out over who can develop their strength but their fitness is hindered when they start taking steroids to win.
Thelma & Louse
Thelma, a fussy, single parent lawyer finds out her children have lice, when trying to remove the lice she realizes the parallels between her messy divorce and her removal of the lice, prompting her to try and remove head-lice medicine from local schools.
Cocky
An overdog story of a cocky boxer forced to fight an eager journeyman by his opportunity-seeking manager. As he neglects his training and gets divorced from a pet shop worker he is forced to lose his title and undefeated streak in the 12th round so that a possible rematch in Las Vegas can garner major publicity and, more importantly, money.
FUEL
A man on a business trip stops at his brother’s gas station to call his unfaithful wife to say he is leaving her, but witnesses her having sex with the brother in the station. Full of anguish, he runs away in his car, but without gas he stops after a mile. The brother chases after him with his fuel truck and gives him a drop of fuel for the next mile, where the man has to stop again. A story of two men, who mile after mile resolve their differences over one woman and becoming best buddies again before the welcome sign of the city the businessman was supposed to reach for his meeting.
THE DEEP HUNTER
A callous headhunter can’t solve a case of one female head, which doesn’t feel like being game, but when he is captured by the Iraqi army in the Gulf War and his head is covered for three months in a prison, he has time to rethink his hunting stategy and returns home capturing his female head on just one date.
THE DEEP HUNTER
A vain headhunter can’t solve a case of one female head, which doesn’t feel like being game, but when he is captured by the Iraqi army in the Gulf War and his head is covered for three months in a prison, he has time to rethink his hunting stategy and returns home capturing his female head on just one date.
BARFEY
A barfly goes “projectile” on all his friends when he takes in too much fuel. “Some people never barf. What truly horrible lives they must lead… it’s the only thing that lasts.”
CHILDREN OF JEN
Not to be outdone by the woman who destroyed her marriage, a hot actress performs an irreversible vasectomy on her ex-husband then adopts every orphaned child on the planet.
HOME CLONE
A young boy is left behind when his clone takes his place on a family trip. Home alone, he battles his insecurities, wondering who his parents like better.
THE CURIOUS CASE OF BENJAMIN’S BUTTON
In the sequel to CHILDREN OF JEN a Hollywood hunk brings to life the curious story of a man painfully mutilated by his ex-wife’s surgical revenge.
J/K
Warren Commission comedy: “I suggest there were multiple shooters in the JFK assassination – just kidding!!”
SOY STORY
When a new soy product replaces him on the refrigerator shelf, a carton of milk must learn the meaning of friendship and lactose intolerance before he reaches his expiration date.
THE INEDIBLES
A young family must keep their true identity secret, as they work tirelessly to invent fast food that will save their family’s dying name, McDonald’s.
THE LORD OF THE DINGS
A shady auto body repairman who dents parked vehicles when business is slow must fight for his life when a pack of pre-menstrual soccer moms drive up in damaged mini vans ready to settle the score.
The Hose Whisper – Carl Pine’s Hardware Store and the sleepy town of Lawnside, NJ are suddenly ground zero for world leaders, U.N. officials and top executives in the lawn and garden industry. Carl’s ability to communicate with sprinkler systems and his “Can’t We All Get A Lawn” program has created a harmonic convergence between man and earth that may just save the world.
BEDDING CRASHERS
Two women afraid of washing machines become fast friends after meeting in therapy and launch a cross country, after hours, linen department crime spree to satisfy their high thread count Egyptian cotton habit.
FORREST DUMP — Four college students take a fraternity pledge of being blindfolded and led into the georgia mountains when one relieves himself on a dormant genome of a carnivorous alien species, bringing it back into existence.
GROUNDHOG GAY
Much to his father’s dismay, groundhog weather forecaster Punxsutawney Phil is coming out of his burrow this year with a different announcement that’s going to ease groundhog overpopulation.
LORENZO’S OWL – After falling deathly ill caused from toxic-pollution, a young boy’s parents turn to the United States Forest Service and enlist the help of Woodsy Owl (“Give a hoot – don’t pollute!”), but when they find out Woodsy is retired, they must trek though an uncharted land of the Black Forest to find him.
PIE HARD — It’s flour power to the max and a recipe for disaster when a baker attending a pastry convention locks horns with a gang of renegade chefs intent on creaming anyone whose crust doesn’t meet their obsessively high whole wheat standards.
THE MILLS HAVE EYES
Revenge is sweet as the Windmills of La Mancha turn the blades on Don Quixote and his sadistic sidekick Sancho.
HAVING PRIVATE RYAN
When the lone son returns home he’s in for a treat as he comforts all four grieving girlfriends.
TO BILL A MOCKINGBIRD — There’s no free lunch when it comes to a waiter determined to make a mockingbird pay for the dinner roll it flew off with during an outdoor catered wedding reception.
LEAD POETS SOCIETY
50 Cent rocks the screen in this tour de force as a Rapper by day and Gunfighter by night keeping the streets free of pedestrians.
DOE HARD – After armed hunters take over the forest, a wounded deer, a female deer, begins a desperate guerilla campaign to stop them before they execute her estranged son, Bambi.
2013 – A group of doomsday believers are left disappointed on New Years Day 2013, and must get second jobs to pay for maxed out credit cards, spent on surplus gear, and bomb shelters.
VLADIATOR — A Roman soldier confronts an undead nightmare when a voracious vampire begins attacking prominent citizens loyal to Julius Caesar.
RICKY
When an agoraphobic bongo drummer accidentally insults a world-famous salsa bandleader in group therapy, it leads to an unlikely friendship and a once-in-a-lifetime shot at music immortality. But to become a star, he must first conquer his primal fear of crowds with the help of a ditzy redhead who views him as her last chance entree into show business.
REQUIEM FOR A DREAD
After he reluctantly enters – and wins – a local “craziest hair” contest, a lovelorn, wannabe Reggae star dreams of taking his award-winning dreadlocks to Hollywood. But his dreams may crash and burn when he falls for a mystical young runaway who believes his dreads speak to her and must be destroyed before they work their black magic on her.
LITTLE SHIP OF HORRORS — Five hundred passengers. One working toilet. A thousand miles from land. It’s going to get messy.
LOVE FREE OR DIE HARD – In a game of cat and mouse an ugly, poor, man kidnapped by terrorists is forced to overdose on Viagra, and is given 4 hours to find the antidote, which is the one prostitute who is willing to sleep with him for free.
THE BEER HUNTER
When three, down-on-their-luck childhood friends enlist together for a dry “Up With People” tour, they think they’re finally free of their drunken, townie pasts. But when one of them descends into the Schenectady sober underground, the others must call upon their shared beer drinking past and brotherly bonds to find him and rehydrate him before they lose him forever.
PAWS
When a mutant, killer kitten terrorizes a small, Cape Cod resort, the town is forced to hire an eccentric, tattooed dog catcher who claims he can hunt it down and kill it. But before long, he finds himself in a fight for his life, as the killer kitten draws him deeper and deeper into the woods and the cause of its mutation is revealed.
SMOKIN’ APES – A portrayal of evolution gone wrong in this documentary showing the endangered, and lovable Silverback Gorillas struggling with an addiction to cigarettes.
HOMEY ALONE
When an overly aggressive rapper gets rejected yet again by the opposite sex, he must overcome his aggressive tendencies with the help of his overly sensitive gay homey or be sentenced to a life of solitude and celibacy.
MEAT THE PARENTS — A young woman discovers too late that her fiancé is really a cannibal determined to have her overweight Mom and Dad for dinner.
THE SHAQSHANK REDEMPTION – After a false accusation of being over the hill, The Diesel must prove he still “got game” while attempting to force a trade to a championship contender.
FULL METAL RACKET – When a young crime boss and his two brothers are drafted to fight in the Vietnam war, they quickly turn to old street ways, demanding money from locals in exchange for protection, threaten other soldiers if they ‘rat out’; but all this changes when one brother murdered in the line of duty.
TRON MAN – After five million hits on You Tube, 47-year-old Tron enthusiast, JAY MAYNARD, becomes a pop culture phenomenon for his home made Tron costume, but when his suit accidentally gets plugged into a super computer Jay gets digitized into the pixel world he always knew existed.
NOTHING HILL – When cocky, hot shot, Skeet Dupree, loses everything in a poker game, he’s forced to live on the streets of Vegas’s “Nothing Hill.” But when Skeet manages to alienate himself from the other residents and Kate Ross, a free-spirited volunteer at the local shelter, he soon learns that the value of a dollar has nothing on the value of a friend.
THE UMPIRE STRIKES BACK
After arguing with the umpire over a strike call and threatening to write a tell-all book, Manager Joe Torre is surprised when the umpire removes his helmet and says, “But Joe, I AM your father!”
THE MOUSE BUNNY – After being separated from his creator, fate -and intellectual property law- propel former Walt Disney character Oswald the Lucky Rabbit on a journey through semi-obscurity until a quirky encounter with sportscaster Al Michaels puts the harried hare on the path back to the House of Mouse.
Monster-On-Law
It took more than nine years, and over 3,300 alkaline batteries, but Frankenstein is officially a Rutgers University Law School graduate. The pain of Frank’s personal experience with medical malpractice – and his Duracell “D’s” – will provide enough spark to make insurance company executives run for their lives!
Miami Voice
Crockett and Tubbs hang up their badges and host a radio show for residents of MIAMI to VOICE their opinions. When listeners continue to complain about a local gang the pair administer some vigilante justice!
GLADE RUNNER
The replicants have passed their sell-by dates and are stinkin up the joint. Will private dick, Rick Deckard be able to hunt them down and scent them up before they reek their maker?
40 YEAR OLD VIRGINS
A 40 year old virgin starts a support group for 40 year old virgins but when a porn boss threatens his group’s survival, the virgin’s only hope of appeasing the boss is to succumb to his 400 pound daughter’s sexual advances.
P.P.S I Love You
Gerard Butler is still dead and Hilary Swank is getting annoyed with the letters she keeps finding around the house. “Let me live my bloody life!” she cries into her cereal.
If there were only a three letter option, I could have done Hispanic Room. So how about Panic Groom!
A nervous and bankrupt groom panics at the altar and runs away from the wedding he paid for and now he has to pawn off the gifts and fly with his honeymoon tickets before the bride catches him.
Petty Woman
Julia Roberts dumps Richard Gere because he said she looked fat in a dress. Sure, he made a mistake, but that dress was totally wrong for her.
OBAMBI
A babe-in-the-woods from Chicago’s South Side aspires to become the new King of Forest when Gipper Man slays his Mother Russia. With help from the Flower Underground and his trusty side-kick, Rev. Podium-Thumper, our hero must prance unscathed through the Economic Inferno and not get caught in the headlights.
THE BLOKE STALLION
An unemployed London factory worker enters the highest echelons of British society as an male escort and must beat a murder charge when a wager to bed a blueblood goes terribly wrong.
Lord of The Pings
A world champion ping-pong player accused of doping must replay all 193 opponents in 10 days to reclaim his title or risk losing everything.
WHERE THE BUYS ARE — Over spring break, four coeds in Fort Lauderdale race to find sun, fun, and houses that will not further devaluate.
ASSABLANCA
A sin-ical American ex-pat in mocha-booty Morocco chooses to stick his ____ out for his old lily-white Swedish flame.
THE PERFECT SORE
A teenager with a huge pimple on his nose surprisingly gets an offer to become the national spokesman for a huge pimple cream company and becomes hugely popular as a result but when the pimple subsides, he must devise ways to stay popular without the pimple.
AMERICAN PIG
Four young hogs make a pact to sew their wild oats before they become breakfast sausages.
(Enema of the State! LOL!)
Groundhog Gay: Bill Murray is forced to re-live the same day until he realizes his lust for his female co-worker is actually a deep passion for Larry the cameraman.
Cocky: An egotistical over the hill actor/writer keeps rehashing his old characters destroying any semblance of cool they once had.
NO COUNTRY FOR OLD YEN
A hunter is pursued by Yakuza after he stumbles across a pile of heroin and Japanese cash.
BALE – After being on the receiving end of a movie star’s tirade, a young Director of Photography’s life spirals out of control.
UNCLE TUCK – Following a dreadful day at the track, Buck Russell (John Candy) disguises himself as a woman to foil pursuing loan sharks.
Vanilla Ska: No Doubt band members cryogenically freeze themselves in the hopes of being awoken when Gwen is ready to give them careers again.
FAST AWAY – With her husband missing for nearly a full day, Kelly Noland (Helen Hunt) can no longer subdue the ‘tick tock’ of her biological clock and decides it’s time to find a new man.
Planes, Brains and Automobiles: Del Griffith (John Candy) is forced to devour the brain of Neal Page (Steve Martin) when he refuses to take his hand out from between his “pillows”.
Caddysnack: When the worlds of adult entertainment and golf collide please remember this: When stimulating the clitoris be sure to make the sound nanananananananananana.
T. – Oliver Stone pulls back the layers of gold chains to reveal the life of Laurence Tureaud (better known as Mr. T) – his struggles, triumphs and the origin of his best-known catch phrase.
Vegan Vacation: A family’s vacation goes off track when a wrong turn and blown engine forces them to take jobs in a rural slaughter house. Tensions rise when the oldest son embraces his job and wins 14 lbs of ground beef as employee of the month.
A.A. STORY
Straight-laced HARRIS SHAW joins an AA group to get close to the girl of his dreams. But when his fake alcoholic story doesn’t work, Harris has to convincingly “fall off the wagon” to win her attention. His new love for the bottle rivals his love for his girl causing his plan to backfire. Harris must quickly sober up before his relationship takes 13 steps off a 12 step bridge.
A.A. STORY
Straight-laced HARRIS SHAW joins an AA group to get close the girl of his dreams. But when his fake alcoholic story doesn’t work, Harris has to convincingly “fall off the wagon” to win her attention. His new love for the bottle rivals his love for his girl causing his plan to backfire. Harris must quickly sober up before his relationship takes 13 steps off a 12 step bridge.
SMOKIN’ APES – When word of the head zookeepers location spreads from cage to cage, several teams of primates form with a single purpose: eliminate the zookeeper, collect his keys.
A LEAGUE OF THEIR PWN – A worldwide network of hackers form a ‘fantasy league’ where they compete for control of the world’s computers and, ultimately, control of the CIA mainframe.
Crack: A Washington mayor is forced to sleep with hookers and smoke crack to keep his heart rate from falling after being poisoned with the belief that no one will find out. Based on a true story.
Mystic Liver: During a summer in 1975, Dave Boyle and two friends, Jimmy and Sean, are playing on a sidewalk in Boston when Dave is abducted by two men and subjected to alcohol abuse over a period of several days. Eventually escaping, but haunted into adulthood by his trauma, Dave becomes a primary suspect when Jimmy’s daughter, Katie, is found drinking, underage.
Mr. Weeds: When a toy factory owner from Rhode Island inherits 40 billion dollars he begins a worldwide crusade to plate every statues male genitalia in gold. Ultimately he meets a sculpture named Edwardo who he falls madly in love with putting his fortune at risk.
Sliver Twist
Twist is an orphan and data-jacker in London, 2075. Taken in by hacker-king, Fagan, he moves into luxury apartment, Sliver Heights, and becomes entangled in a bizarre relationship with the building’s voyeuristic landlord AI, Brownlow. When Fagan tries to hack Brownlow, Twist puts his body on the line.
Dude, Where’s My War?
Troy and Swoff, two bumbling marines, wake up one morning in the middle of the desert with no memory of how they came to be there. Attempting to find their way back to their station, they encounter everyone from angry Iraqi’s who say they blew up their school last night, furious aid workers, a transsexual journalist, and a cult of fundamentalists who want their doomsday device back. Sardonic hilarity ensues.
Smokin’ Apes
In the war between humans and talking apes, the apes have taken the upper hand. General Sparazza puts out a $1 million contract on the heads of five top apes and an array of the best assassins mankind has to offer are unleashed in a comic race of monkey murdering mayhem
(damn, just noticed someone else did smokin apes too!)
Cinderella Pan
Hollywood, 1949. When Peter Pan falls for Cinderella at one of Donald Duck’s hedonistic parties the face of children’s fantasy takes a beating! Cinderella’s enraged fiance, Prince Charming, chases them to Neverland and tricks Pan into a boxing duel to satisfy his honour. Betrayed by a heartbroken Wendy, it takes some fancy footwork in crystal slippers by Cinders to save the day.
Hassel
After winning the Nobel prize for chemistry in 1969, quirky Norwegian chemist, Odd Hassel, takes a break from his lab to travel across Eastern Europe. A celibate academic, Hassel is drawn by tales of promiscuous women to a hostel in Bratislava. Captured by sadistic communists, it takes all of Hassel’s brainpower to foil their murderous scheme.
ROLL-E
A robot is the sole inhabitant of planet earth when he comes across a roll of Ecstasy. Upon taking the roll, he is visited by another female robot from outerspace. When she discovers he’s rolling, she takes him back to her spaceship where they rockout. When he wakes up back on his own planet, he figures it was just a dream, but why is he now missing his robot kidney?
The Omega Fan: The Detroit Lions are still in the NFL, and one man refuses to give up on them.
Sighs: An evil, super villain dead-person leads an army of alien mermaids who can cause humans to commit suicide just by breathing on them.
THE LARD OF THE RINGS
A fellowship of morbidly obese hobbits embark on a quest to destroy a mythical ring of power — the Krispy Kreme doughnut that could tear them apart and rule them all.
Uncle Duck: In this little known sequel, Howard the Duck continues his quest to return home, only to find his long lost human family and nephews Huey, Duey and Louie.
The Wedding Finger: After living in the shadows of his violent and outspoken neighbor, and being dismissed at every rock show as unnecessary when the devil horns go up, the Wedding Finger finally meets his destiny. Naked no longer, he stands boldly in the spotlight…but not at bars, and certainly not during business trips.
Muran: Kim Jong Il’s take on the timeress tare of a ronery gir and her rove of her fawder as she saves her countryrand.
Casablanco
The white house gets a spicy makeover. When the United States faces a labor shortage an illegal alien is offered amnesty and in the middle of a political turmoil is elected president. A former house painter and construction worker by trade he decides to run when his coworkers tell him the white house needs repainting and structuring. After being elected he moves his whole extended in to the white house and they set to the task of rebuilding Washington.
FURIOUS GEORGE – Tired of being made to look like a monkey by the media, a former president beats the Bush in search of a simian look-alike willing to take the heat from now on.
Unforgiving
Can the nicest guy in the world change his luck with one word?
A guy challenges himself to say “no” to everything for an entire year. Dave, A guy whose romance and job life is going nowhere is considered by others to be the nicest guy in the world and a doormat by others until he signs up for a self-help program on assertiveness based on one simple covenant: say no because it’s because it empowers you. Unleashing the power of “No” begins to transfer Carl’s life in amazing and unexpected ways, his girlfriend and boss doesn’t walk all over him anymore, he gets promoted and he begins a new romance. But Dave’s new life style makes him enemies and isolated those who like the old nice guy Dave and Dave soon learns that a little assertiveness can be too much of a good thing.
STAR BARS – A futuristic lothario leads his alien wingman on a bar hop through the stars to look for love and find a way to pay the price on both of his own heads.
A Talk to Remember
While giving a speech on peace, a fundamentals speaker is assassinated and as the police try to solve his murder, audience members in attendance and those watching on TV ponder what his words meant to them. Ten years later when the accused assassin is released on a technicality, the assassin is murdered and those who remember the speaker’s speech ponder how his message of peace could be lost on his assassin’s murderer.
JACK TO THE FUTURE – When the absentminded McDonald stuffs fast food icon, JACK, in his future-box and sends him back to 1951, he puts the entire time-space continuum in jeopardy, now it’s time for Jack to get Jack to the future.
I Now Pronounce You Chunk & Larry: After overcoming a childhood of obesity jokes and false friends, Chunk finally finds love and security with Larry, a man who has fought to overcome his own hurdles. Together they discover the full richness of life and bear witness as the Truffle Shuffle evolves from cruel exploitation into sexual empowerment.
MILF – A hottie ex-Alaskan Mayor arouses national fantasies as she goes rogue to champion gay rights.
Reservoir Docs: After a country club party turns violent and a party-goers ear is removed and reattached by the same surgeon it becomes painfully clear. A dentist has infiltrated the group. Armed only with floss, Mr. Mint will stop at nothing until they give him the respect he desperately craves.
CYSTIC RIVER
Three childhood friends, having followed separate paths in life, are reunited when they must shrink to microscopic size and pilot a tiny submarine up a urethra to find one’s missing daughter.
.
BARLEY AND ME – A man trades his family dog for a case of beer.
Fatwoman: When Patience inadvertently happens upon a dark secret her employer is hiding, she finds herself in the middle of a fast food corporate conspiracy. What happens next changes Patience forever. In a mystical twist of fate, she is transformed into an even larger woman with diabetes, high blood pressure, and the life expectancy of a cat. Let the wheezing begin.
Fatgirl: A superhero in two area codes at once.
FLAGS OF OUR BATHERS
Talk about D-Day! On dad’s one day off of the year, an unlucky odd-ball family hits the beach for a fun-day picnic, jollies in the sun, bologna sandwiches, and boogie boarding galore. Little do they know, this just so happens to mark the historic date of the bloodiest assault in the History of Warfare.
Bullets wiz by as if blown by hurricane winds, and body parts rain onto the sands, as US Forces storm the beaches of Normandy. On a day when heroes are made, our unsuspecting family will stop at nothing to get back to the mini-van while parking meter expiration lies in the balance.
Match Joint: Working together, Match and Joint, bring peace and creativity to the world. From parent’s basement to parent’s basement they seek to expand minds and appetites, grateful to be alive and not dead.
A Love Song for Bobby Bong: Returning the most decorated Olympian the pool has ever seen, Mr. Phelps finds that his competitive fire can be used to light up other things. It is this realization that leads him to attempt to write his first musical number.
Jeremy chased me up to point out that my entry, Hassel, was actually two letters changed. My bad. Thanks Jeremy. As such, here’s a quick replacement entry.
Roy
Biography of musician Roy Orbison. The real story behind the ballads of lost love for which Roy will always be remembered, from growing up as a child prodigy in early fifties Texas, the death of his wife in a motorcycle accident, the loss of two children to a house fire, his resurgent career in the eighties and his own much mourned demise.
L.V. Confidential
Three Detectives, from the 1950’s Las Vegas Police Force. Must uncover the truth of multiple murders that were made in a Casino ran by the Mob. As the Detectives get closer to the truth, the Mob gets closer to there holsters. What happens in Vegas, stays confidential.
CHI – A guerrilla designer revolutionizes South American interiors by unblocking their energy flows.
Stir Wars: Set in a technically advanced future, this film pits celebrity chef Julia Child against a malevolent alien bent on reducing the entire universe to a bowl of lumpy gravy.
Annie Hell: A young woman lures a series of unsuspecting boyfriends to her Manhattan penthouse only to douse them gasoline, set them afire, and push them out the window.
Easy Riser: A misfit motorcyclist is raped and bludgeoned to death by fellow gang members who finally tire of his incessant early morning singing.
Valley of the Dills: A talented up-and-coming cucumber becomes distraught when she finds out that she will be excluded from the pickling vat. Sinking into alcohol and pills, she is thrown out of the canning factory.
The Pimp son’s movie
A confident and smooth 5th grader who comes from a long line of pimps in his family decides to take on the family business in his middle school. With a stable of classmates, he trades their lunch-hours to nerds for new toys, candy and video games, leaving the cool crowd jealous and eager to be popular again.
The Empire of the Bun
When Bradley Johnson’s parents die after eating stale hamburger buns, he sets out on a journey across the world to create a bun that always stays fresh. Along the way, he’s taken in by two former McDonald’s employees who have big plans of their own; to open a fast-food chain that doesn’t cause sickness after eating.
THE DICKER MAN
A stranded used car salesman talks his way out being sacrificed to the weird townie’s god. Almost.
Sheepless In Seattle
An unemployed messiah travels to the Pacific Northwest in search of a new flock, but finds his arch nemesis has beaten him to it. Now he must battle for their lives.
McBath
Two entrepreneurial young women find success when their drive-in car wash commercial ditty gains them notoriety.
“Two girls named Patty, special sauce, let us please your pickle with our open-sesame buns”.
As You Hike It
Two NFL cheerleaders banished by their former team find love on Arden Field.
“All the world’s a stadium,
And all the men and, well just the men, merely players;
They have their field exits and their entrances;
And one man in his time plays many positions.”
ONCE UPON A MIME IN AMERICA – A former Prohibition-era mime falls off the wagon and returns to the streets where he must confront the box that he has yet to escape from.
Moose Change
Startling new evidence shows that Rocky and Bullwinkle crashed into the Twin Towers and Pentagon on 9/11.
MEAT THE PARENTS
After spending a disastrous, faux pas-laden weekend with his girlfriend’s parents, a cannibal decides he must eat them so they won’t thwart his desire to marry their daughter.
GOOD NIGHT, and GOOD LUCY – When a fledgling stand-up comedian, BRIAN NIGHT, is blacklisted for stealing jokes, he sinks into a depression, drinking himself nearly to death, when one night he’s visited by the ghost of Lucille Ball. Could Lucy be Brian’s last hope for change?
Don’t know why this was removed days ago…. but again…
A PUG’S LIFE – The long awaited and god-awful sequel to CHAWAWA… Is the tale of a dog that can’t breath without hyperventilating who is sent to the doggie salon and, when inadvertently set loose, becomes tangled in a mess with a pack of stray dogs who force him to replace their hoard of food they believe the pug accidently destroyed.
COOL BAND, LUKE – A man with bigger fists than brains, Luke grows tired of the modern, kitschy, no talent music and brings back a sensual, soulful sound of southern rock that causes mothers everywhere to ban his sound as their daughters throw themselves into the music – and at Luke himself!
THE MUSK – Jim Carey stars in this outrageous comedy about a down and out looser who discovers an antique bottle containing perfume of the gods that, when opened, causes women everywhere to fall crazy, head-over-heels for the wearer!
The Devil hears Prada: After strategically releasing a new corduroy bag to the female elite around the globe a sound more powerful than any pant legs could generate is evoked. You’ve asked who the hell would pay so much for a bag. Well, hell’s rising up to answer you.
INSPECTOR GIDGET – The spunky beach girl, GIDGET, is back in California — knee-deep in a homicide. To solve the mystery she quickly waxes up her surfboard which leads her to an underwater labyrinth, there she faces her worst fear:
The CLAW-DOGGIE.
LAWRENCE OF ARABICA – Tired and weary from crossing the desert, a British barista perks up when he a inspires a mom & pop coffe house to battle the oppression of the evil Starbucks Empire.
JOINT BREAK – Rookie FBI agent, JOHNNY DENVER, goes undercover to investigating the flow of a powerful hybrid form of marijuana. Only when he gets addicted to the drug himself, he finds himself on the wrong side of the law.
Joint Break: During the filming of a documentary focusing on the human drama behind the scenes of the stock market. An unscripted event was caught on tape… to the untrained eye it appeared to be thousands of traders all smoking marijuana during their lunch. We were informed that this phenomenon is also referred to as Tuesday.
TITNESS
On the run from an evil corporation after discovering carcinogens in silicon, a stripper hides out on an Amish farm and is taught to value herself by a flat-chested milk girl.
Whoops, sorry Shawn. Back to back, my bad.
It’s all good — Game on!
OFFICE SPICE – Nebbish Milton Waddams (Stephen Root) gets a new collating job on Arrakis, but his own name becomes a killing word as he burns down the planet after the Harkonnens steal his beloved red Swingline stapler.
The Deported
Martin Sheen tossed off a building? Jack Nicholson gut-shot and left in a bucket? Leonardo DiCaprio and Matt Damon waxed? See the movie the Bush Administration calls “The best film of 2006”.
The Bitches of Eastwick: Three bored Long Beach women left to live without their husbands conjure up a mystery potion forever to be known as Gin & Juice. A big dog moves into town. Cordozar Calvin Broadus Jr. (aka Snoop Dogg) is filthy rich and wild eyed, and within days the three women have all discovered almighty power within his beats. Will whore triumph over pimp, or will Snoop continue to have his “make money money” way with his bitches?
Watch me if you can: An independent feature film about an ex-Chippendale dancer forced to con his way to the top of a Las Vegas show. Marketed as Leonardo DiCaprio’s most revealing performance, controversy has arisen. Many women and a few men claim a bait and switch occurred when Robin Williams starred.
I think half of you are entering the “Name the next Leisure Suit Larry Game” contest. :p
The Curious Case Of Benjamin Mutton
When Dolly, the world’s first cloned sheep, gives birth to a peculiar little ram, she is ostracized by the flock and now must travel to London to find a cure for his condition before the circus comes to town.
I’M NOT WHERE – Hallucinations on the life of Bob Dylan, as six different drug addictions embody a different aspect of the musician’s life and work. Spoiler alert; Marijuana Bob and LCD Bob don’t get along too well.
Since I jumped the gun and lumped these into a single entry before, please forgive the repetition as I single them out…
PIMENTO
A processing-plant worker with short-term memory loss tries to piece together the clues of how all these olives got stuffed.
THE SEVENTH STEAL
A gang of angst-ridden Swedes plot a complicated heist at a chess tournament but are thwarted by a cassock-wearing mob boss known as the Black Plague.
THE 400 BLOWN
A streetwise Parisian kid comes of age as he discovers his mother’s infidelity with an entire French military cohort.
ANGLE HEART
A low-rent private eye hunts for a missing mathematician who sold his soul to the devil in exchange for solving an impossible theorem.
STOP! OR MY MOM WILL SHOOP
An urban girl’s dreams of popularity at her new school are thwarted by her ex-rapper mom’s new job as the cafeteria lunch lady.
KNOCKED OP
A top spy’s mission to infiltrate a terrorist cell is compromised when she finds herself pregnant after a drunken encounter with a curly-haired sadsack.
WARFAMES
A teenaged hacker inadvertently reboots a top-secret computer simulation that causes mass hysteria as untold numbers of sweatband-and-leg-warmer-wearing students do interpretive dance routines in the streets.
FULL DURHAM – A competitive eater gorges his way through the Carolina minor leagues in hopes of being called up to the show, the Coney Island Hotdog Eating Contest.
PEGGY SUE GOT MARCIED: After years of therapy and countless plastic surgeries, an identity-challenged double agent finally realizes that happily-ever-after is possible only if she changes her name from Peggy Sue to Marci.
301 – Johnny-come-lately Spartan, Shepicus, arises from a leisurely nap, only to realize that he’s late for the big “picnic” with the Persians. By the time he gets to Thermopylae, everyone’s dead, and poor Shep has to return and explain the whole thing to Queen Gorgo, who plants a foot in his chest knocking him into a well.
The Codfather
There’s mystery on the high seas as fishes are being pulled right out of the ocean. The only clue one strange rubber shrimp that fell to the ocean floor as a cod was snatch right in front of his family. One outcast clown fish who was laughed out of sea patrol,takes it upon himself to solve the mystery when he discovers strange trash marked “Codfather,” a local fast food restaurant on land.
GORE IN SIXTY SECONDS – A former U.S. Vice-President must steal 100 SUVs by midnight to prevent a global warming catastrophe.
Denace II Society
Denise thinks he is offering a service to his country by operating a conspiracy website and sharing his conspiracy thoughts to everyone he meets. Yet others feel that Denise is actual nothing more than a menace and joke that his website is a Deance II Society. However, when Denise stumbles into a actual conspiracy, he struggles to find anyone who will believe him as the people behind the conspiracy come after him.
NATIONAL LAMPOON’S VOCATION – Budget cutbacks eliminate Clark Griswold’s vacation pay, forcing him to spend the holidays fuming at the office.
Ferminator.
When some people are wiling to go to extremes to look and feel hot, they call in the Ferminator. In Hollywood’s Underground, people trying to make it big will do anything to look like movie stars. Movie stars will do anything to keep their Hollywood looks as others try to enter Hollywood.
A FIGHT AT THE ROXBURY – A night of club-hopping brings brothers Steve and Doug Butabi to the Roxbury nightclub where they practice their particular brand of sexually-aggressive courtship one too many times. Is this movie worth your time? No……YES!!
LOL. Soy Story…I should have thought of that. I’m still thinking!
Vocal Color: The story of a couple who met and fell in love online when they realized they both live with Synesthesia. What colors do you hear?
CITI SLICKERS – After reluctantly taking jobs as security guards for a local Citibank, half-brothers (and half-wits) Joel and Jason hatch a comically ill-fated scheme to rob the bank and begin life anew in the country.
Turn after Reading: A story about the written word and the man who struggled so mightily to unlock the complexities of the page. Lick your thumb it makes it easier.
SEMI-BRO – A crassly titled, yet deeply moving look at the life of Barack Obama – from humble beginnings to Presidential victory, the basketball court has always paved the way.
THICAGO – The heartrending, deeply inspirational tale of one man’s tireless fight to overcome his lisp and land a lead role in the Broadway hit, Chicago.
That’s eating Gilbert Grape? After an x-ray revealed an anomaly in his lower intestine, doctors take turns guessing what parasite has taken up residence in Gilbert Grape.
THE SCHOOL OF ROOK – Out of work and in need of cash, chess-obsessed Dewey Fine poses as a substitute teacher at an elite prep school. What began as a simple cash-con soon changes when he realizes what gifted minds he has to work with.
APOCALYPSE DOW – As the NYSE plunges, burnt-out Treasury Secretary Tim Geithner travels up the Potomac by boat on a dangerous mission to into the heart of darkness (The US Senate) and risks the abyss of insanity to deal with rogue Senators waging their own private war on the economic stimulus package.
“I love the smell of bailouts in the morning. It smells like recovery.”
WALT-E – After humanity has abandoned the planet Earth, the cryogenically frozen body of Walt Disney is left to clean up the mess.
MOUSTERS VS ALIENS Earth’s last defense against alien invasion is its own worst nightmare–a band of former Mousketeers. (Starring Justin Timberlake and Britney Spears!)
COLD FOUNTAIN – A civil war deserter begins a long trek home to his beloved, not realizing that his journey will bridge time, space, and three parallel storylines.
PRETTY ROMAN – A French film director hires a 13-year-old to be his girlfriend for the weekend.
The Last Piss: A short film that focuses on a skydiver’s last dive and the realization that his ex-wife had packed his chute.
DON’T TELL MOM THE BABYSITTER’S DEAF
Three TEENS plan a party for the night their deaf babysitter comes to watch them. The kids tempt the babysitter into entering a Blake Snyder blog contest to keep her occupied while they go downstairs to party. But when the Babysitter realizes she’s been spending all day trying to win instead of spending time with family or doing actual screenwriting, she shuts off the computer and that’s when this quiet night gets crazy.
PARENTHOOK
The Buckwald parents are so tired of being taken advantage of by their three bratty kids that they hire a local, one-handed homeless man to scare their kids straight. But after the kids realize they were on the hook, they use the one-handed man to teach their parents a lesson, one that they won’t soon forget the point.
TOP PUN – While students in an elite School of Advertising compete for the right to be named ‘Top Pun’, one student finds himself playing the part of teacher’s pet.
From the Missed-it-by-that-much Dept.:
LOCK STOCK AND TWO SMOKING FERRELLS – Will Ferrell and Will Ferrell star in a raucous action-comedy about four Cockneys (the other two are both played by John C. Reilly) who owe half-a-million to the local gang boss.
HE’S JUST NOT THAT THIN TO YOU – A series of interconnecting stories dealing with the challenges of relationships, communication, and body image.
THE 40-YEAR-OLD VEGAN – 40-year-old Andy is happy with his life-affirming, high-fiber dietary habits until his friends find out and convince him to eat meat for the first time.
Shred: The powerful and heartbreaking tale of a great metal guitarist who was taken from us far too soon. He had perfected the art of …
Any Piven Sunday: When his love for raw red snapper comes back to bite him, a talented actor is forced to leave his Broadway show, battle the effects of mercury poisoning and deal with the nickname “thermometer”.
HACK TO THE FUTURE:
An adventurous hacker avoids being caught in a terrorists server, when he hacks a program that sends him back into the past. Knowing the first internet virus will strike in a few days, he must find his hacking mentor and hack his way back to the future.
JURASSIC MARK
A scatterbrained janitor working at a science lab accidentally travels back in time, only to befriend a downtrodden group of cavemen. He gives them the courage and self-confidence to become the Alpha Males of their tribe by hunting the dreaded T-REX.
DEMENTO
A desperate screenwriter and his brother director attempt to make major blockbuster hit, which places all of its scenes from ending to beginning. They learn the importance of basic screen structure when their film makes very little money, and end up adapting a successful comic franchise into a movie, which generates hundreds of millions for them.
FITNESS
After a health-nut detective finds out that a greedy McDonald’s executive has opened up a fast food joint in an Amish community, he goes undercover to start a fitness gym, in order to prevent the rising heart attack rates effecting the elders. He must overcome temptation, when the executives offer him a lifetime eat-free membership to Subway, in exchange for leaving the community.
11 – Bo Derek and Nigel Tufnel star in one man’s quest for the perfect woman – one who’s just “one prettier”.
JEWS – The beaches of Amity will never be the same when the great white Rabinowitz takes to the water. “We’re gonna need a bigger menorah”.
IRON CAN – After signing a lucrative, iron-industry endorsement deal, uber-celebrity Robert “Iron Man” Downy, Jr. takes on his toughest foe yet: the League of Brewery Bureaucracies, in a daunting quest to promote his latest invention – an innovative beverage container.
CRACULA – A vampire settles in sunny San Diego and deals drugs in exchange for bloody favors.
ROCK-E
In the distant future, a washed-up prizefighter-bot “goes the distance” to rescue 83N – a mousy explorer-bot sent to Earth looking for signs of turtle food.
Moose Change: Second Edition
Watch Bullwinkle pull a conspiracy theory out of his hat – Again! – when Mister Peabody takes the Wayback machine to the morning of September 11th.
Schindler’s Lisp – True thtory of a buthnith man who thaveth Jewth by mithdirecting the Natthis to “Authwith”.
Folks, pay close attention to THE RULES. You can only CHANGE one letter in the title, not add letters, or change entire words, etc. Your entries, no matter how good, might get disqualified.
:)
jw
HARD TO KILT– after bad-ass LAPD detective Mason Storm becomes coma-cop only to awaken after 7 years with amnesia, he is reminded of his Scottish heritage then goes about brutally killing everyone who tries to get him into proper Scottish ‘dress’ code.
MEAT– after escaping her doomed marriage heist-loving husband Chris, Charlene Shiherlis becomes a vegetarian and flies to Alaska to stop hunters from shooting at wolves and bears from helicopters, drawing fire from the governor, the NRA and caribou-lovers across the state and around the world.
oops! should read ‘caribou haters’…
MEAT– after escaping her doomed marriage to heist-loving husband Chris, Charlene Shiherlis becomes a vegetarian and flies to Alaska to stop hunters from shooting at wolves and bears from helicopters, drawing fire from the governor, the NRA and caribou-haters across the state and around the world.
The Park Knight – A capped crusader deals with litter bugs and teenage Jokers.
The Modfather – The aging owner of a bell-bottom factory transfers control to his leisure suit loving son played by John Travolta.
Gulp Fiction- The lives of two soft drink salesman and a pair of parched 7/11 customers intertwine in a tale of violence when the largest cups are stolen from their boss.
I hope the hyphen in ROCK-E doesn’t disqualify it :(
The PARK KNIGHT – A homeless man wanders the city park in search of life’s meaning and true love, while defending the less capable from evil forces. He meets the woman of his dreams, until her true identity is revealed as his arch nemesis — the Fiddler.
SCHINDLER’S LISP (resubmitted)
A German businessman ends up rescuing over 1000 Polish Jews when he mistakenly has them sent to “Authwitth”.
WILL-E
In the distant future, robot President Bill “WILL-E” Clinton falls for intern-bot LWNSK-E.
KING DONG – A porn star hopeful rockets to stardom when a genie grants him the endowment of a lifetime. And he must now meet her parents.
BEDMIME STORIES
A mute American foreign exchange student haunted by the ghost of a famous dead French mime is committed to a psych ward and becomes a literary sensation after penning the story to prove his sanity.
Tough to beat Bran Torino. Here’s a fun one:
FOODFELLAS – Epicurean drama of a half-Irish, half-Sicilian Brooklyn baker’s boy initiated into a culinary cult in his youth by his high school Home Economic teacher, and the struggles he encounters through the next 25 years seeking refined palettes to convert to the cause of superior taste in a blue-collar ‘hood over-run by lowbrow diners. When an invasion of fast food emporiums threatens his plans, he must take platters into his own hands.
Tough to beat Bran Torino. Here’s a fun one:
FOODFELLAS – Epicurean drama of a half-Irish, half-Sicilian Brooklyn baker’s boy initiated into a culinary cult in his youth by his high school Home Economic teacher, and the struggles he encounters through the next 25 years seeking refined palettes to convert to the cause of superior taste in a blue-collar ‘hood over-run by lowbrow diners. When an invasion of fast food emporiums threatens his plans, he must take platters into his own hands.
THE DRAPES OF WRATH
A disgruntled seamstress axed from a reality show for interior designers violates parole to seek revenge on her competition and America’s domestic diva after being humiliated on prime time television.
PRETTY IN MINK
An rabid animal rights activist, pondering her convictions after falling for the handsome heir to Canada’s top furrier, discovers that their romance may not have happened by chance.
A MASSAGE TO INDIA
An unlikely romance develops on a flight to Madras between a hedonistic masseuse on a culinary vacation and an Americanized Indian on a spiritual pilgrimage contemplating life as a Hindu monk.
A RUG’S LIFE
A lowly carpet sample recruits a roll of astroturf to save his fellow samples from the evil Red Carpet, only to discover that it’s just cheap canvas from a circus tent.
SCARFFACE
Days after 9/11, a small town minister’s wife dons a burka risking her life and marriage to take on a racist community after a Muslim woman left badly scarred by the Taliban is forced to remove her veil while applying for a driver’s license.
AMBéLIE, or Le Fabuleux Destin d’Ambélie Poulin: A young naive woman with bulging eyes ambles the streets of Paris, decides to change the lives of those around her and ends up sleeping with the famous director of Babylon A.D.
THERE WILL BE FUDD
A turn-of-the-century cartoon hunter buys the wildlife rights to a family’s ranch, and then hits a major pocket of carrots,leading to a life or death showdown with a wascally rabbit.
Gee, guess I didn’t read the rules close enough with my last one. How about:
THERE WILL BE FLOOD
A turn-of-the century beaver buys the dam rights to a family’s river, and then hits a major pocket of termites.
A Few Food Men — When a marine cook is found dead in the Guantanamo Bay galley with unusual amounts of heavy cream flowing from his nose and mouth, three health-conscious naval lawyers step in to investigate, suspicious that his demise was the direct result of a secretive Marine Corp punishment technique known as “Code Fed.” Starring Tom Crouton, Pepper-Jack Nicholson, and, Kevin Bacon.
28 GAYS LATER
A Kansas farm boy tries to get hired at Disney.
APOCALYPSE COW
An HR employee must navigate the horrifying backwaters of ABC to nix Rosie O’Donnell from The View.
DAS BOOTY
JLo heads an all-girl nuclear submarine crew.
Boyz N the Mood
A cynical, single father struggles to create a romantic atmosphere in a home polluted by his drug addicted, violent son.
STEPFORD WIRES: In a terrifying high-tech town, everyday housewives struggle for normalcy when trapped with BlackBerry-using husbands.
HEX AND THE CITY — Four beautiful witches, cursed with the inability to marry one of their own magical kind, descend on New York disguised as mortals in order to find the perfect husband — and a nice pair of shoes.
TRANSFARMERS – A city boy, new to the farm, holds the only secret to stopping a barrage of alien rednecks who have the ability to turn themselves into farm equipment.
ALVIN AND THE CRIPMUNKS – A struggling rapper named Snoop Seville finds success when he comes across a trio of singing gangland chipmunks.
THERE WILL BE BLOND – After taking a nasty fall from a double back flip, college cheerleader Trixie Plainview develops a sixth sense for finding oil and strikes out with her sorority to make it rich.
HEN OF HONOR – A chicken raised by a family of ducks, rises above the prejudice of his new-found peers to become the best swimmer in the pond.
THE BAKEHOUSE – A lonely Pastry Chef discovers that his oven is a portal to the future and he finds himself falling in love with a frustrated cooking student who keeps sending him bad Tiramisu through the magical oven.
THE BAKE HOUSE – A lonely Pastry Chef discovers that his oven is a portal to the future and he finds himself falling in love with a frustrated cooking student who keeps sending him bad Tiramisu through the magical oven.
ONE FLEA OVER THE CUCKOO’S NEST
Randle McMurphy really “bugs” the head nurse of a mental institution. When she “Ratched”s up the tension, McMurphy plans a daring RAID to break his fellow patients out, only to get zapped at the end.
BUSH HOUR – The Fastest Thinker in the North relentlessly pursues the Biggest Mouth from the South. There is hope.
Dirty Fork: After a successful entrepreneurial venture in which his t-shirt “spooning leads to forking” made him a millionaire Salid Fork Jr. has tarnished his clean record. A Chinese waiter realizing his error when placing a dirty utensil before Salid’s girlfriend attempts to apologize stating “I give your girlfriend Dirty fu#k”. That pronunciation led to the stabbing and an attempted murder charge. Will the charge stick or can Salid’s lawyer Mr. Cascade turn up the heat and give his client a fresh start?
THE HOUND OF MUSIC
How do you solve a problem with Malteses? It’s as easy as Do-ber-man when Maria Von Trapp refuses to let a German Pinscher. Taking inspiration from Sister Mahratta, Maria and the Captain plot a daring escape from Austria during a bravo performance of “The Von Trapp Family Springers”.
Nick and Norah’s Infinite Laylist
Two teenagers looking for the attention of the other hook up with other people in hopes to make the other jealous. But when the teens take it personal and try to one up each other, they end up sleeping with everyone in their high school before they finally end up with no left to seduce but themselves.
Chris, The Hound of Music was doggone funny
The Devil Tears Prada — Follow Meryl Streep on this powerful yet poignant two-hour, Prada-tearing temper tantrum after she loses yet another Best Actress Oscar to Hilary Swank.
Lord of the Rinks – Sad that their mystical quest has come to an end, friends Frodo, Samwise, Merry, and Pippin join forces with Gandalf and set out on a new epic journey: to find ice skates that fit their freakishly large feet and a promoter crazy enough to bankroll their dream show, Hobbits on Ice.
Top Bun – After premier sticky bun chef Bill “Sugar” Cortell suffers a nervous breakdown on the heels of a shaky grease fire incident, Pete “Pecan Maverick” Mitchell and his sidekick “Lemon Juice” are sent to Top Bun School where they’ll learn with the “Best of the Best” and duke it out with nemesis Tom “Icing Man” Kazansky for the ultimate prize – Top Bun.
YOUNG NUNS — A group of nuns-in-training led by Sister “Jesse” James takes revenge on the wild west town that burned down their church.
Beach Blanket Dingo – Trouble arises for a young couple when a beach party is invaded by a motorcycle gang and a pack of wild dogs.
Germs of Endearment – Two lovable germs search for meaning in their short lives and are brought together when they infect the same host.
WALK-E – When WALK-E, a dated walkie-talkie living in the future, overhears a plan to overthrow the government, he suddenly holds the world in the palm of his, well, in his earpiece…too bad he can’t actually talk.
The Puns of Navarone – A British team competes on a Greek television gameshow where the object is to outwit the opposing team.
The Toys from Brazil – A down-on-his luck toymaker creates a worldwide fad with toys made in the likeness of dictators from history.
Pineapple Excess – “Dole” Denton and Saul Silver, a 30-something clerk and a grocer, find themselves on the run from a drug cartel when they steal a crate of pineapple to impress Dole’s girlfriend, only to find out that those pineapple were used to smuggle in drugs from Brazil.
Wasablanca – A woman searches for the one pack of crackers that will ensure her safe passage out of the country and discovers that it is in the possession of her former lover.
Righteous Bill – Third installment in the Kill Bill series is a prequel where we find Bill bringing together a band of assassins in order to kill the most hated criminals in America…until the power goes to his head and he becomes of one the men that he hates so much.
HOUNDDOG
Dakota Fanning is raped after dancing naked for Elvis Presley tickets.
Wait…that’s a real movie???
IT’S A WONDERFUL WIFE
A desperate George Baily pushes his spouse off a bridge. She falls on, and for, an apprentice angel.
Toyz N the Hood
Etch E Sketch tries to erase his habit, but his crooked lines need a fix. After Etch’s directions send Mr. Potato Head and the gang into a rough section of town, Woody and Buzz must work together to save their friends in a world where toy guns are simply child’s play.
2001: A SPADE ODYSSEY
A washed-up SNL comic goes to Jupiter in search of his ratings.
Y TU LAMA TAMBIEN – When lonely, LUISA LAMA, meets two rambunctious monkeys, she finds herself on an adventure of a life time, only she learns she’s been seduced and sold to a factory to become lama fleece.
THE BREAKFAST CLUE – A group of high schoolers find themselves having to band together when the school principal takes detention to the next level, locked in the school basement forced to solve his demented puzzles that leaves clues to their escape.
THE BUDDY JOLLY STORY – Legendary Christmas songwriter, BUD JOLLY, finds himself with a bit of writers-block due to his dying faith in Christmas, a trip across country with his unsympathetic daughter maybe the thing he needs to bring back his faith and crush his doubts forever.
ALL QUILT ON THE WESTERN FRONT – Three very different brothers: A special ed teacher, a film editor, and a sous-chef come home for the first time in long time to attend their late mothers funeral, only can they keep the peace when they’re snowed in and forced to finish a quilt their mother had started.
SAVING PRIMATE RYAN
When the government’s time-travelling chimp — code name “RYAN” (Recon Yielding Ape Ninja) — gets captured by some carnies in the Dust Bowl of 1935, it’s up to an elite band of damn dirty apes to save him and stop an environmental catastrophe.
SATURDAY NIGHT SEVER – Super slick disco dancer, TONY LIGHT, severs his left foot after a freak dancing accident, with only one foot Tony struggles to reclaim his title: King of the Dance Floor.
OH, SHE’S ELEVEN
Criminal mastermind Danny finds himself in an Ocean of trouble when Terry Benedict has his saucy E-mails to Tess re-routed to the room of a family with a preteen daughter. Chris Hanson guest stars.
How to Lose a Guy in 10 Ways
After a dating service glitch sets her up with a horror date a stewardess goes to extremes to get rid of him when he stalks her from coast to coast.
Spice Cowboys
Three old codgers try dirty trick in the book to outdo each other in the extreme in a county bake off without getting their aprons in a bunch.
BITANIC
Leonardo DiCaprio’s love life hits the rocks when he finds himself strangely attracted to the fiance of the woman he loves. Long repressed feelings rush in as the inner conflict rips open a hole in his formerly carefree shell. Will he stay afloat in this sea of love, or will his desire for both split him in two?
THE PUNK PANTHER – Inspector Clouseau seeks a cat with a bad attitude and bad taste in clothing and music, then stumbles on the clue to solve the case.
THE PUNK PANTHER – Inspector Clouseau seeks a cat with a bad attitude and bad taste in clothing and music, then stumbles on the clue to solve the case.
THE DUMMY
All hell breaks loose when the mummified body of an ancient and “completely clueless” Court Jester is mistakenly raised to lead the remains of Agamemnon’s Army. Once again Rick O’Connell is called upon to stop the menace and hilarity ensues as Rick struggles to stop an undead army that has no clue as to what it is doing; the army is being led by a complete Dummy.
YOU’VE GOT BAIL
A bored and lonely night security guard for an international investment firm meets the FBI’s most wanted Mob Boss in a prison online chat room.
DONE IN 60 SECONDS – Newlyweds, JACOB and NOELLE, embark on the crazy journey that is marriage, only the honeymoon is a flub when Jacob suffers from premature ejaculation, tired of worrying about satisfying Noelle he tries an old Japanese remedy that works like a charm, but the side effects are too much for Jacob to handle… and Noelle is really tired.
YOU’VE GOT BAIL – That’s great!
LICENSE TO BED – An uptight and old-fashioned couple must attend a Kama Sutra boot camp before their pastor, who believes sexual compatibility is the key to a good marriage, will marry them.
DITCH – A die-hard Romeo, “Ditch”, skilled in the art of romantic reduction, has a successful practice helping guys get their girlfriends to dump them until his worst nightmare comes true and he meets the love of his life.
HANNAH AND HER SITTERS – Hannah, a loquacious overly-sensitive Manhattan tween, must atone for her snide one-liners by spending Thanksgiving weekend with her Hasidic nannies, who believe the holiday is actually Yom Kippur.
SAVE THE FAT! – In this adaptation of the international best-seller, a dashingly handsome WGA agent embarks on a desperate mission to rescue a beautiful writer’s woefully underplotted screenplay, bravely overcoming a lack of obstacles, an absence of dramatic conflict, and a lowering of the stakes.
ALUMDOG MILLIONAIRE
A once wealthy business exec becomes a contestant on the corporate version of “Who Wants To Be A Millionaire?” He is arrested under suspicion of cheating on his college finals and while being interrogated, events from his frat life history are shown which explain why he knows the answers.
CRASS – In this multi-character, multi-story LA drama, racial strife and class hatreds are subsumed by pushy salad bar behavior.
GOAD! – A Mexican American soccer player, played by Kuno Becker, has a shot at playing in the professional Newcastle team, but first he must qualify by poking an electrically charged rod in first team players’ buttocks.
THE DEFARTED – When his true identity is on the verge of being discovered, a violently flatulent undercover cop must use his irritable bowels to blast his way out of a deadly underworld crime syndicate.
SRAVEHEART
A ronery North Korean dicatator finds ruv on Jdate but if he thought dearing with Tokyo was a pain, wait untir he meets this JAP.
GASTIGHT — A naïve newlywed struggles to maintain her sanity when her husband insists she’s imagining that he traded the Prius for a Hummer.
Jew in Town – An ambitious Manhattan banking executive finds life challenging when she goes to Saudi Arabia to takeover a local bank and falls in love with a Bedouin nomad.
YES MA’M
An arrogant soccer star is taught a lesson when loses a bet and must spend a year working at a woman’s college run by a feminist tyrant.
THE WAY THE EARTH STOOD STILL –
A lonely alien crashes on Earth and is mistaken for a hostile invader. He falls madly in love with with a US scientist and together they fight the government to have him released so they can marry.
HO’S JUST NOT THAT INTO YOU
A lonely John is shattered to learn the prostitute he’s fallen for is just in it for the cash.
Peter Pun — A fun-loving boy refusing to grow up struggles offhandedly with Captain Hook.
The Days of Wine and Moses – Trapped on the banks of the Red Sea by marauding Egyptians, the Israelites scream when the sea turns blood-red. From the hilltop, Moses with his wand and outstretched arms performs a miracle, causing the General to issue a command, “we make love, not war” as he falls off his horse into the sea of wine for the third time.
War of the Poses – No boob job or liposuction is private when two competing washed up supermodels go to war in a scandalous media battle to reign diva supreme.
Pimp Up The Volume: In a small Christian community an enterprising pimp takes his salacious advertising to the airwaves on a pirated radio station, and causes an uproar.
Sex, Ties and Videotapes – 48 hours before the president-elect’s inaugural speech a documentary falls into a reporter’s hands that links the president-elect to the snuff film industry. His prudish campaign manager has 48 hours to uncover the truth before the reporter goes public.
Bunny Games: After their fall from grace, two over the hill Playboy bunnies hold their replacements hostage and terrorize Hugh Hefner.
hmmm that Bars movie is my kinda thing, that thar’s a drinkin’ movie! and we all know how well drinking movies do! theeeeyyyre GREAT! :P
WAGING BULL
True story of Mike Tyson – the baddest man ever with a speech impediment.
THE DUMBER 23 – Jim Carrey stars as a simple-minded dog catcher/limo driver trying to return a mysterious novel about numerology to a beautiful woman in Aspen, California. Together with best pal Jeff Daniels and 21 other soft-headed would-be heroes, he sets off on the short-bus roadtrip of a lifetime.
THE GIRTH OF A NATION
Horrified by the growing waistlines of those who consume his delicious fried chicken, Ben “The Little Colonel Sanders” Cameron begins covering the obese diners in white sheets, inspiring the rise of the Clu “Clucks” Clan.
IRONY MAN – Robert Downey Jr stars as a once unemployable recovering addict forced to take a part in a lesser-known comic book franchise, who transforms himself into tne new bullet-proof superhero of the box office.
BILK – The heartwarming story of Bernie Madoff’s quest to be America’s first openly corrupt investment advisor.
ROOTSIE
Over-employed slave Tootsie Kinte puts on a red sequined dress to get a part on a sloop opera.
Thanks Adam for the support!
001: A Space Oddessy
A group of loyal brothers are deeply affected by Jesus dying and after holding a year long vigil for him decide to make a space machine to rescue him from the stars. One problem; it’s 01 A.D and technology isn’t exactly booming.
JUDO
Whip-smart teenage girl Judo MacGuff wrestles over an unplanned pregnancy with her classmate Paulie Bleeker. Together the hip couple shoulder the responsibility, grappling with the moral issues and the striking realities of adulthood. After much sparring, Judo chooses the gentle path toward enlightenment which leads her to a front stoop where she and Paulie sit with guitars and sing a song.
G-Men
A young J Edgar Hoover assembles a secret team of agents with supernatural abilities to uncover and stop a paranormal communist plot that threatens the nation.
Good one RJ :)
WHAT ABOUT BOOB?
A virgin Seminary student, SHAWN WILSON, falls for a girl who plays second base on their city softball team. Torn between his commitment to remain abstinent until marriage and his girlfriend’s strapping sexual drive, Shawn has to uncover the line of how far he can “go” before it’s a sin.
NOW IN TOWN
Wild-eyed ringmaster JORAT Frost brings his circus to town featuring PAWS, the IRON MAW lion act and the fearless DAN ON WIRE. A FIGHT AT THE MUSEUM breaks out as museum ticket sales plummet. Jorat’s estranged brother DIXON, who runs the museum, breaks into the circus and makes off with THE LION, THE HITCH AND THE WARDROBE. Furious, Jorat challenges Dixon to a duel. Who will prevail in FROST VS DIXON?
DIE HERD
Two easygoing cowpokes face hard questions when they are unexpectedly set upon in the open range by murderous forerunners of the Russian mob.
THE DAD AFTER
Poignant drama about the adjustments a Kansas farm family must make after their father doesn’t quite make it to the bomb shelter in time.
SPLENDOR IN THE GLASS
Gorgeous costumes and hard bodies are on display as mannequins in a department store window must cope with unfamiliar emotions after an earthquake throws them together, and rescue workers rip them asunder.